It Breaks My Heart To Be In Here Again
After 7 months of TTC we found out on Friday morning (12/9/08) that I was UTD with #3 (Dh`s #5), I have to admit we were both shocked at first as my only syptoms were a very bloated tummy (I felt like a pregnant elephant LOL) and slightly tender BB`s and nipples, I didn`t have the dozen other syptoms I normally get so I was worried straight away and just couldn`t believe I was in fact UTD so I had to keep looking at my +HPT.
Off course I was also reliving my last pregnancy and loosing one of our twin babies at 6 weeks, I knew it wouldn`t be easy and just wanted to get through the next few weeks till I had my 9 week ultrasound.
On Sunday morning when I woke, I had that dreaded feeling that something was wrong I wasn`t pregnant, it was exactly the same feeling I had the morning I started bleeding last pregnancy, I tried to shrug it off, when Mark woke we started talking about the baby and wondering how are we going to hide the pregnancy when we go away in 3 weeks with MIL, SIL, nephews, neices, DSS`s, I then went on to say that some people buy a I`m going to be a big brother/sister t shirt for their little ones to wear, I was thinking I`d do that and Adrian can announce it to everyone.
So I got up and had to go into town with my Dad for some reason I put a pad on, got into town and I needed to use the toilet, my fears were answered, I found the first sightings of blood, now all I wanted to do was go home, I couldn`t tell Dad and I`m sure he must have known something was wrong, went into Woolies in a daze, thinking I want to go home to Mark.
Finally got home and my bleeding got heavier just like a normal period, Mark came home and found me sobbing my heart out, poor Matthew who`s 3 had a very concerned look on his face, for his sake I stopped and told him Mummy`s okay just feeing sad.
We only knew for 2 days darling that you had picked us to be your Mummy and Daddy, I had so many hopes and dreams for you, I couldn`t wait for Adrian to be your big Brother, I knew how much Matthew and Adrian would have loved you and probably would have been fighting with each other as to who wanted to help Mummy.
You`ll always be in our hearts, I hope you have found your big brother/sister and your both looking after each other.
I would have been 4 weeks, 5 days when our baby decided to go, even though it was an early miscarriage I still had hopes and dreams for my baby.
