new and sad

I have been reading your threads for a few months now which have helped me get through some very sad days and decided it was time to join and hear from others that may have had a similar experience and gain some inspiration for the future.

In July, I lost my beautiful son at 21 weeks due to an incompetent cervix... here is my story.

From about week 15, I was having very bad lower abdominal pains and a feeling of extreme pressure in my pelvic area. Each visit, I kept telling my OB about it which he kept dismissing as "normal" pregnancy pains... and of course I believed and trusted in him. He was the expert afterall.

The pain persisted and at my 19 week scan I asked the radiographer if she could see anything that would indicate why I was having these pains and if infact this pain was "normal". The first thing she said was that it sounded like a problem with my cervix and it was. I was funnelling and slightly dilated.

She sent me straight to my OB who ordered a week of bed rest with a follow-up at the end of the week. When I went back it had gotten worse so he ordered me to go home, pack a bag and come straight back to hospital for an emergency cerlage in the morning.

During my procedure my membranes ruptured. My OB suggested I induce labour as the risk of infection was very high but after having spoken to some of the midwives, I was told there was a very slight chance the baby could produce more fluid and I could continue on with the pregnancy. I think they said 2% chance but I was willing to take it! So we waited and prayed to no avail. I went into labour 5 days later and our son was born at 21 weeks. He lived for 25 minutes and was perfect.

After the labour, I had an acute infection and had to have 2 curettes in 2 weeks due to retained placenta products. For the past 2 months I have been seeing another OB/Gyno as I have no faith in my previous. I am so sad and disappointed that I gave him the warning signs and he didn?t even think to check my cervix when I had one of the classic symptoms of IC.

I am so sad all the time. I feel defeated and that life has gotten the better of me as I lost my mum just over a year ago as well. I can?t remember the last time I smiled and life just seems so hopeless.

It has been 2.5 months since my loss and I finally got the all clear from my new OB/Gyno that I can start trying again. I have had 2 periods and my lining at last check was 9mm. Is this good? Has anyone experienced a similar situation and if so, how long did it take you to get pregnant again?

I just wanted to say good luck in the future & your ttc journey.
I'm sorry for your loss & hope you have a happier outcome next time.
:hug:

thank you for sharing your story I am so sorry for your loss.

Oh you poor darling having to go through all this. I lost my mum 6 years ago and I have found that every pain seems worse without her.
I hope that with a new obs you can have another bub who you will get to take home with you and love as much as its older sibling in heaven.

Thanks for your kind words and encourgement ladies

im very sorry for your loss, its very understandable that you would have lost all faith in your ob, esp when u had been telling hm of these pains and it fogged off.
i hope you can fall pg soon when the time is right and with extra can can carry bub to term.
i know some woman with IC have a cervical stitch early in their pregnancy to help them through

Thanks nickers. Yes it is so unfair when you pay high prices to get top care and he still cost me the life of my son because he didn't take my concerns seriously. He probably thought I was some neurotic first time mum to be (as this was my first pregnancy). It really saddens me because he was so highly recommended and is a very popular OB in Western Sydney - but it goes to show that all the initials at the end of a name means nothing. The new OB I have been seeing said he would put a stitch in at around 14 weeks but the first challenge is to get pregnant again soon!

What a heartbreaking loss! I am so sorry you have had to endure such trauma especially when the medical profession should have been there to help you.
Did your old OB have much to say on the whole matter? Like an apology!?
I pray you fall again very soon and can have the care you deserve with your new OB.

Hi. I don't have any personal experience to share, but just wanted to welcome you here and tell you that I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that you will find others who can relate and share some hope with you here. Take care.

They never seem to admit when they're wrong do they but he did say "in hindsight I should not have sent you home for the week of bed rest and should have put the stitch in straight away" I guess he was saying that he misjudged the severity and if he put the stitch in it would have probably saved my sons life. It maddens me so much! I did lecture him on the importance of taking every woman's concerns seriously and taking the extra time to investigate even if it does sound like a "normal" pregnancy symptom to him. I really hope he does this with his future patients to save someone else going through what I went through.
I just can't thank you enough ladies for all your prayers and encourgement.

Thank you for sharing your story with us! Im very sorry for your loss I know how your feeling as i loss my son Cooper at 21 wks about a month ago. Im new on here aswell and I know that it has helped me just writing my story down and its so lovly getting kind msg's from other woman.
It makes me so angry that your ob has let you down!
Maybe our sons are playing in heaven together =)
And one day we will both have a brother or sister for our sons to watch over.
My thoughts are with you!:hug:

:(i went through exactly what you did, i was pregnant with twins and at 21 weeks i lost them, i had the abdomenal pains like you said and i was dismissed saying it was probably just the babies moving or the uterus stretching, the next morning (which was fathers day) about 2am i had to go to the bathroom and was undecided if i really wanted to get out of bed to go, hehehe, i finally decided i really had to go, when i went i noticed a little blood, i went running into bedroom screaming for hubby to wake up and told him about the blood, so he tried calling the dr and while he was trying to get ahold of the dr for some reason i went back in bathroom and there was even more blood then first time, so hubby hung up phone and called 911, i was rushed up to the maternal ward and hooked up to fetal monitors, and the nurse had trouble finding both heartbeats cause babies were moving all around, finally she got them and said they sound good, so hubby went home to get some sleep and i stayed at hospital, well about 45 minutes later nurse checked me and said things weren't looking good and the dr had to examine me further, so i told the nurse to call my husband and tell him to come back to hospital, he said when he answered phone he knew it wasn't going to be good, he flew back to hospital and dr examined me and said these babies are coming, that my son had dropped into birth canal, some time later i started having contractions and nurses trying giving medicine through iv but nothing was working, i finally gave birth to my son at 9:41am and my daughter at 9:53am, they both passed away in hubbies arms, they lived for about 5 minutes give or take, so by the time i got to see them and hold them they had already passed away, we had them baptised, and dr told us that i was able to stay in hospital for the 3 days cause i had vaginal births, so we had babies stay with us the whole time in room with us, held them as much as possible, took pics, hospital told us about a professional picture guy that takes pictures for couples that loose there babies, so we had them contact him for us and he came in and took a bunch of different pictures and he put them on cd and has music playing in background, we had them cremated and now they are both in our bedrooms in there erns, we're doing a march of dimes walk september 27th in there memory, and october 4th we're releasing balloons as a memorial to them, everyone will be getting 2 balloons each, blue for matthew my son and purple for ashley my daughter, like you i switched obgyns for same reason as you, i meet with her next month, we'll also be seeing a maternal fetal medicine dr next week, we got pregnant by ivf, only had to do it once, they put 2 embryos in hoping 1 of the 2 would stay and both ended up staying, i had an appointment with my obgyn the monday before fathers day and she had told us after we lost them that it's common if a cervix is going to go that it goes at that time, well if that was the case why isn't she checked my cervix at the appointment that monday, especially since i was carrying twins and carrying low and have had complications in past with pregnancies. well i hope to hear back from you, it's nice to see that there's someone else who went what we did.

brtcttabitha

I cant beleive your OB dismissed your concerns and all the warning signs.

To think your DS probably would have been fine if the OB had stopped and decided to investigate things proparly. You can never be too cautious i think.

I dont blame you for changing OB's.

I am so sorry for the loss you have experienced and what you have been through.

I suffered a similar thing with not being listened to, though i didnt have an incompetant cervix, my baby just passed away. With my angel, i woke up one morning at 18wks and just knew something wasnt right. I tried telling people over the next week and eventually they got out the doppler to look for the heartbeat, which they couldnt find. But i was told its hard to find them at that gestation and the mw could hear the baby kicking so it was all ok, i scored 10 out of 10, now go home and stop stressing. Which i did. Only to go to my 19 wk scan a week later at 19 wks 5 days, to be told the baby had passed away and had been gone for over a week. So she wasnt alive when the mw told me i scored 10 out of 10.

So often mothers concerns are overlooked when they should be listened too. I think the mothers instinct is the best guide and should always be investigated. If it turns out to be ok then thats excellent, its better to be safe than sorry.

I hope that you get the best of care the next time around and that you have a special little miracle soon. I got the best of care with my next pregnancy after i lost my angel, and they took every little anxiety i had seriously and checked and double checked to reassure me.

Wishing you all the best :hug:

i know i am not happy at all that they dismissed me like that, a mothers instinct is a very strong thing and shouldn't be taken lightly, even though it was my first pregnancy that went that far along i should of been taken seriously especially with my history, i am so sorry for your loss also, i don't know how i could of handled that, i don't know how i even handled having to give birth to my 2 lil ones knowing they weren't going to make it, but some how i did it, also congrats on your new addition, very cute.

brtcttabitha

Wow it's just overwhelming how many women have been through late losses. It's just not something you expect or hear about until you read these sad stories. This forum is a wonderful place and you discover that you are not alone.

Lauraemma I am so sorry about your loss and my thoughts are with you too. What a lovely thought that our boys are playing together in heaven, it really touched my heart.

brcttabitha & kristi, I am so sorry for your losses and your tragic experiences. I can't believe these doctors put every pain down as "normal". I wonder how many of our angels would have survived if only they took more care. It's so upsetting and unfair. Krsti I'm so glad you got extra special care with your next pregnancy. I will be insisting to be checked at least once a week with my next and will be as neurotic as I please!!

brcttabitha I am so glad that you are seeing another OB. There are NO 2ND CHANCES in my book. Keep us posted after your appt with her.The memorials you are doing for your 2 little angels is just beautiful. My DH and I got our son baptised as well and we buried him with my mum who passed away just over a year ago. Seeing his coffin placed next to hers was the 2nd saddest moment of my life but it brings me some comfort that they are together.

brcttabitha- I agree, first pregnancy or 10th pregnancy, a mother should be treated with care and respect at all times and not brushed aside. Its amazing how before you are in the situation, you always think you wouldnt be able to cope with things like you did, like having to give birth knowing your little ones wouldnt make it. But when you are there, you seem to get through it. I was the same. After i found out our little one had passed, i shocked myself that i wasnt in a hurry to get her out. I really feel for you with your precious twins, Im so sorry that by the time you got to hold them or see them they had already passed. Sending you all the strength you need right now. Thanks for the congrats, she is the result of one extremely stressed out, worrysome pregnancy but all worth it. I hope you are holding one or two healthy babies very soon.

dd0207-

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Krsti I'm so glad you got extra special care with your next pregnancy. I will be insisting to be checked at least once a week with my next and will be as neurotic as I please!!

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ABSOLUTELY!! You make sure you do. I did. I saw my OB weekly around the time i lost my baby (so from 14 to 21wks) and any other time i said to her i was stressed and needed to come in a week instead of a fortnight. I saw her fortnightly if i didnt see her weekly. She was fantastic and extremely patient and kind. She had gone through the loss with me (she wasnt at fault so i stayed with her) and delivered her, so she did everything in her power to help keep me calm and happy. I found the mw's to be fantastic too and anytime i saw any of them for monitoring or something they would tell me if i was worried about anything, no matter how trivial, to make sure i ring and they would be more than happy to check me over. It was nice to be made to feel my anxiety was warranted and not just "silly and over reactive". Sending you lots of strength. I hope you are holding a happy healthy little bundle soon.

dd0207-ty, yes i also wonder how many of our angels would of survived is dr's would of just taken up seriously, i will also be making sure dr's see me more often an demand to be seen when something seems out of the norm, hubby didn't want me switching OB's but i insisted, i wasn't going to go back to mine knowing i wasn't taken care of the way i should of been, there's no way i would of felt comfortable seeing her, yeah since we didn't have a funeral for our babies i was trying to figure out a way to honor there memory, so that's when i came up with the releasing of balloons, sorry to hear bout your loss of your mother, but she's taking care of your lil one until it comes time for you to join him.

Kristi14-yes no matter what number pregnancy dr's should take every one seriously, i had to switch OB's there was no way i could feel safe seeing her after what we went thru, yes it is sad that my babies had already passed away by the time i was able to see and hold them but i was happy that they were alive when hubby seen and held them, everytime they wold move inside me and i would call him over to come and feel they would stop moving, so in a way it was a good thing that he was able to hold them and feel them move after they were born even though it was for only a few minutes or so.

i will definitely keep you guys updated on how it goes when i meet with new OB next month and let you guys know when plan on trying to get preggo again.

brtcttabitha

I too am so so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you lots of :hugs: hugs:

We also lost our first child, our daughter Ava, at 18 weeks 4 days. None of the drs I have spoken with will say if it was IC or not and are not willing to put in the stitch either. I had very painful cramps for a week before my waters broke. Noone at the hospital checked to see if I was dialating or an ultrasound, nothing. Was sent home to wait and go into labour. 11 day later still nothing, was induced after u/s confirmed not a drop of fluid.

I also think that putting in the stitch and not needing it is better than them saying again, oops, we should have put the stitch in for you this time.

We have been trying for 2 months but it took us 14 months to fall with Ava anyway. My new Ob wants to see me weekly. And yes I will be one of those crazy pregnant ladies if any of the same signs start next time.

Hope you get what you need from your Dr. If you have more quieries I'm here anytime.
Take care and happy baby dancing!

Ava Lesley 18 weeks 4 days :angel:
Stanas

brcttabitha, thanks I too like to think of my boy in my mum's arms.
krisit, how long after your loss did you fall pregnant?

Stanas, thanks for the hugs, I certainly need them. I am so sorry for your loss too. What a beautiful name, if I had had a girl that is the name I chose. How long ago did you lose her?
Can't believe the hospital sent you home without doing any tests! How awful for you. From what I know, doctors won't put a stitch in until they are certain you have IC and IC can only really be diagnosed if they see your cervix funnelling or dilating on ultrasound during pregnancy (which was the case with me) but since they didn't bother to check yours beforehand (still can't believe that!), you can't confirm that you have it. You are in such a bad situation trying to convince your new OB to put a stitch in but like you, I believe it is better to be safe than sorry. I think you're going to have to really insist and do what you feel is right with your next pregnancy. OBs try to avoid it because of the potential risks but without it, the risk of losing another baby is just not something I'm prepared to take. My prayers and thoughts are with you and I hope you get to share some great news with us soon!

sorry, i somehow posted the above twice so i deleted the text but don't know how to delete the whole entry?

Stanas- Sorry to hear of your loss. Sending you lots of strength. I hope you are blessed with another miracle soon.

dd0207- We lost Rubee mid september, i wanted to start trying straight away, so a week later we started trying :redface:. October and November didnt work. December i started bleeding but it wasnt normal, it was sort of lighter than normal and it wouldnt stop. Something made me test about 3 wks into the bleeding, i dont know what, because i was bleeding, but i tested and it came up positive. Because of the bleeding they checked my hcg levels and after a few days they were lowering but very slowly. In mid January i underwent surgery because it was ectopic. It didnt stop me though, i got straight back up and tried again. I waited one normal cycle after the surgery and then we tried again and i fell straight away in the March. I went on to have a healthy little girl. So it was 5 to 6 mths from when i lost Rubee, with an ectopic in the middle of that. My OB said i wouldnt have even ovulated in the first 2 mths after the loss.

You have been through so much and i'm terribly sorry about your loss after Rubee. I'm so glad that you were able to fall relatively quickly after that tragedy and have a beautiful little girl. Wish me luck, DH and I are going to start trying tonight!!:redface:

Thanks :hug:

Starting tonight? Thats good, i really hope it goes well :) Wishing you the best of luck and hoping you get a bfp very soon.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.

Thanks:crossfingers:!! I really appreciate your support

I am so sorry to read your story and had to respond as I can definitely identify with the journey you are now on. I am sorry to hear the other ladies stories in this thread also.

I lost my son Luke in November last year at 21 weeks due to what my ob thinks was IC. I had had a few weeks of gassy crampy feelings but being my first pg I assumed this was normal and due to my bowel getting squished around. I had my 19 week scan 13 days before Luke was born and all was normal ? my cervix measured normal, somewhere between 3.5 - 4cm, (can?t remember exact measurement). I then saw my ob for a routine appt and all was good then too. 5 days later, I woke up feeling the usual crampy feeling and had a bit of blood when I went to the toilet. I went to the hospital and they put the monitor on me and Luke was active and happy. Nobody examined me internally but I was given some pain relief as I was having quite bad tightenings across my stomach and then my waters broke about an hour later. After a couple of hours of no more pain I was sent for an u/s to check my cervix but they saw Luke had passed away and was on his way out of me. The u/s was at 11.15am, he was born at 11.43am.

After a false start in May with a m/c and D&C due to a blighted ovum, I am now just over 10 weeks pg and my ob has been fantastic. He is seeing me every week for peace of mind and did not hesitate to recommend that I have the stitch put in at 14 weeks which I will be doing. Due to the quick labour I had and how quickly my cervix changed between my 19 wk u/s and the day of Luke?s birth, my ob is of the opinion that a ?wait and see? monitoring approach would not be the best option and I trust his judgement. When he told me that if I was his wife, this is what he would be recommending, I was more than happy to go along with his suggestion! My ob is in the Hills area in Sydney.

As for how long it took us to fall pg again ? with the m/c it happened on our 3rd cycle of trying and with this current pg, I fell pg the 1st proper cycle after the D&C (had 1 period then fell).

Good luck with your journey ahead and look after yourself. Sids & Kids have been fantastic support for me and I can?t recommend them highly enough if you need to talk to others who have been through something similar. I hope you have some very good news to share with everyone soon.

I'm so sorry for your losses and congratulations on your new pregnancy. You have been through such a rough time and I pray that all goes well and you get through this pregnancy safe and sound with a beautiful bub to take home at the end.

Sounds like your OB is keeping a very close eye on you which is great. My old OB was on holidays when I went into labour so his partner from the Hills District delivered my son. Wonder if it's the same OB you're seeing? Are we at liberty to say? Wow you went into labour very quickly and I thought I was quick - 2 hours for me. It must have been so shocking for you and my heart goes out to you (infact I'm in tears right now). My old OB said the same - the fact that my labour was so short means it will probably be the same for every pregnancy so I will definitely need a stitch too.

Did your cycle get out of whack after losing Luke? I have had 2 normal periods since losing my angel and DH and I want to TTC this month but I think my cycle is totally off the planet this month. I think I may have ovulated last weekend which is a week earlier than expected (I haven't been using OPKs, I only noticed EWCM). So we jumped right in :redface: but I bled very heavily afterwards and am still spotting since. I made an appt to see my OB tomorrow to make sure nothing is wrong. I'm so concerned there may be some underlying damage from the infection I had or the 2 curettes I had to have.

As for Sids & Kids - I called them the week I lost my angel and "no-one experienced enough" was there to talk to me. So I left my details and didn't get a call back for over a week! They were very apologetic but I was still very disappointed. I may still consider going to a group sessions to meet others that have experienced this unbelievable tragedy.

I'm so happy you responded to me and shared your story. I give you the warmest hugs :hug: and please keep me posted on your pregnancy and how you go with the stitch. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Thanks for your message dd.

Oh my gosh I am so so surprised at your bad experience with sids & kids. For what it is worth, I have been attending the monthly stillbirth meetings and they have been great. The lady who runs it is lovely and the women are all great. I have made some very good friends from that group. I have decided to stop attending for now though as I think I need some happy stories around me and will go to their subsequent pg after loss group and see what that is like.

My cycles were not too bad after losing Luke. I think I got my first period 6 weeks after his birth and then they were a bit all over the place in terms of length - anything from 23 days to about 35 days. I started taking a pre-conception vitamin & found that good as before I had Luke my cycles could be as long as 41 days. In fact when I fell pg with him I hadn't had a period for 3 months :o
Unlike you though I didn't need 2 curettes - that must have been terrible just to add on top of the already awful situation. I think I was about to be taken to theatre for my placenta but my ob turned up and decided to save me a trip and removed it manually. Let me tell you, that was more painful than anything! I don't know if we are allowed to say names, I guess they will remove it if we aren't, but my ob is Dr Bell from Castle Hill.

Good luck tomorrow with your doc appt and hope everything is okay. I would be worried too with the bleeding. Maybe your cervix is still recovering from the shock of birth, surgery, infection etc and needs some very tender loving care for a while :redface:

My stitch will be put in at the end of the month and I will def keep you posted on how that goes. Let me know how you go at the doc tomorrow too.
Sending you a big :hug:

I don't know why they were so slack in getting back to me but I am sure they are very supportive. I think it's a great idea to switch to the other group and share this new journey with other women who are in the same situation as you. Good luck and I hope you find lovely friends there too.

The OB that delivered my son wasn't Dr Bell but I have heard great things about him. How awful for you to have to have your placenta taken out manually without any pain relief... but I guess after giving birth, nothing really compares does it??

It is so hard to keep track of your fertile times when your cycles get so out of whack. I was like clock-work before so it's very frustrating. I'm hoping its nothing serious but I'm so paranoid these days!

Thanks for your good wishes, I will let you know what the OB says. BIG BIG HUGS

Hi ladies, hope you're enjoying your weekend and are all well.

AngelLukesmum, I saw my OB on Friday and you were right - just some inflammation of the cervix but everything else looks good. He took some bloods to see where my cycle is at and the results came back normal and I'm approaching LH surge. I got to see my maturing follicle on u/s as well and I measured 15mm. Said I should be ovulating in the next 36 hours or so... Ah the technicalities of it all. Don't forget to keep me posted on how things go for you. Thinking of you :hug:

Wow that is pretty cool to see your follicle and know exactly where you are up to in terms of your cycle. Guess you and DH are busy about now hey? :lol:
I found using OPKs pretty useful when trying to pinpoint my ovulation but a scan sure beats that!
All still good with me - saw my ob on Friday and baby is doing well. I have my NT scan next Wed and then stitch will be put in on the 28 Oct. I'll keep you posted.
Take care, hope you have had a good long weekend x

I'm so pleased everything went well at your appointment and your baby is doing well. It is so refreshing to hear good news. Yep, we sure are busy these last few days :redface: Thank goodness for the long weekend!! Hopefully I will be in your position by the end of the month :pray:

Wanted to share something funny with you - my DH thinks that when I use the term DH, I'm calling him a di*k head !! Should have seen the look on his face, didn't think I'd be getting any tonight until I told him it means Dear Husband and it's a term we all use - don't think he's convinced though. I'm sure he thinks I'm a mad woman.

Hope you enjoyed your long weekend and let me know how your NT scan goes. Lots of love

:ROFL:

You just cracked me up - I ended up having to tell my DH that story!! :lol:
Talk to you later x

Hi
Hope you are staying sane in your 2ww :)
Just wanted to let you know that my NT scan went excellent yesterday - bubs was wriggling away in there and all looks great at the moment. Our risks for downs and the other trisomies are 1 in 10000+ so that was great news and my cervix for now is measuring so long the sonographer said nobody would believe her if she did an actual measurement :lol:
I see my ob again at the end of next week and then the stitch op is scheduled for the Tuesday after. I really hope we aren't risking this stitch for nothing, but I just can't take the gamble...
Hoping to hear some good news from you soon!
Jo x

Hi there Jo. Great news on your NT scan! Am so very happy for you. I understand your concerns about having the procedure since your cervix is measuring so long, but like you, I probably wouldn't take the risk as we just CANNOT suffer another loss. See what your OB says but follow your own instinct in the end as we know they don't always know what is right for our body and only measure their opinions on past patients.
The 2WW is the hardest most frustrating wait EVER! I am driving myself absolutely crazy reading into every little feeling wondering could it be...? Our lives are lived in 2 week increments when TTC aren't they??? I'm due for AF this weekend so hopefully will have some wonderful news next week. Let me know how you get on with OB. I will be thinking of you. Diana x

DD0207,

I too have been reading everyone's threads and for some reason, didn't want to post anything. But after reading your post, I felt chills as I noticed how similar our stories were.

I lost my daughter at 23 weeks only 3 weeks ago (also to an incompetent cervix). Like you, I had asked my doctor about it, actually asking "how do I know if I have an incompetent cervix because no one has tested me for it" - he also replied with, "don't worry, you would know if you had one". I knew of another girl who had a similar experience so I was wondering when we get tested for that... but we don't.

I started to have a little water leakage and thought that it was normal - you always hear of pregnant women who complain of leakage so I just ignored it. Then, one morning I went to the toilet and found blood - I remembered feeling absolute disarray and shock at the prospect that I was losing my baby. I couldn't believe it - everything had felt so fine. I was referred to a specialist who admitted me straight away - they immediately scheduled me in to have the stitch put in (the cerclage). They said it was a 50/50 chance that it would even help, but they would still give it a go. But, after five days, my waters ruptured also and I had the stitch removed (my new doctor insisted because of the chance of infection). My little girl was born at 23 weeks, my husband and I held her for around 30 mins. She was perfect.

I know that if there is anything we can share, it is the hoping, the praying to whoever you look to for help (mine was my late parents), the going up and down, feeling like you have no chance, then feeling like for some reason, everything is going to be ok. And when its not, it is easy to think that everything always ends in ruin. But it doesn't...

I have also lost both of my parents to cancer - I am only 27. I understand your hurt because at a time like this you really need the love and comfort of a mum - but you and I have done this without them. But, I'm sure both our mums were by our side when we needed it most. Don't feel beaten, if there is anything you and I should both know after losing a parent is that life is just too short. before you know it, you are 75 and sitting on a rocking chair in your lounge room. So I know for me, I have to pick myself up. Its want everyone would want, my parents, and my little girl. We gave her the most precious send off, releasing balloons, playing sweet music and spending quality time with our loving families. We also planted a little garden to make sure we remember her and honour her every day. That was one promise I made to myself.

I am going to try again as soon as we are able and hopefully by then, you'll be able to share your good news with me and tell me what I'm in for :) I will make sure that my next baby they will know all about their older sister. We will celebrate her birthday every year with a little cake and party hats etc... She's in our hearts forever.

Good luck with everything DD0207, I hope our little angels are playing together as we speak.

Your story is so sad :( I wish you heaps of luck with your future bubbas.

Thanks for the good wishes, much appreciated (and much needed!). I see you're new to BB. Have you also had a loss?

hello it's me brcttabitha, sorry haven't been around, been trying to deal with crazy drama from family members, so how have you been.

brtcttabitha

Hi there. I have actually been thinking of you and tried to PM you the other day but I don't have access to that function. Not really sure how that all works, do you? Sorry you have been going through some drama - just to add on top of everything else you've been through. Do you want to talk about it? How are you feeling?

Things with me are still up and down... more down than up actually now that his EDD is coming up (13 November). We have started the TTC journey again but it's so hard and emotional. I just can't relax and enjoy "it" these days as I keep thinking that we are going through these motions to have another baby when all I want is Sebastian back. I know I shouldn't think like that but it's so hard not to.

What have you been up to?
Big big hugs xxx

yeah i had tried to PM you also and don't have access, strange, you do have any messengers such as yahoo, aim, msn or myspace, then we can probably talk better about things, let me know, yeah i know what you mean about the due date coming, mine original due date was oct 22nd that was before we found out i was carrying twins, then dr's moved it to anywhere between 36-38 wks, so that would of made it anywhere between the last wk of sept or first two wks of oct and believe me i've been going up and down like a roller coaster, specially when family decided to cause drama and start to make things about themselves.

brtcttabitha