Argh! Help! What is wrong with her???

There must be something seriously wrong with DD. She is driving me INSANE!

Honestly, if she was like this all the time, you'd swear she was ADHD. She is acting like a nut case. First off she would not leave the cat alone. Always picking it up etc and you could tell the cat didnt like it. Sowe told herto stop god knows how many times. Then she started pretending to step on the cat. Telling her god knows how many times to stop. Then she kept annoying DH like full on jumping on him, hiting him, hurting him, covering his nose and mouth(which she has been doing to DS lately). So we tell her it's time for bed. She goes even crazier. Finally get her into her room. She is in fits of laughter and unresponsive. You call her name, she will not answer, even smacking had absolutely no response. She just continued to laugh and thrash about. This goes on for about an hour. I just walked out of there and she comes out again. Now she is ****ing DH off again by doing the same as before. I told her, if she did not stop i would take her to the hospital(which she hates) as only sick people act liek this. She said she is only playing. I ask her to stop,she needs to sleep. Nope. Then strts rattling off about what she wants for her birthday/xmas etc. Says who she wants come. etc. Saying this while jumping on her bed still laughing!! I told her,she wont have a birthday/xmas if she keeps this up. No response, total ignorance.

I have NFI! what to do with her. It is like this most nights. Like i said she acts like she has ADHD, but it's only after dinner. Even before bed time. What hell am i to do?:cry:

:hug: You poor thing! My DS1 (who must be a similar age to your DD) went through a similar stage recently. He just went NUTS after dinner. He was completely out of control. I'm not 100% sure what it was, but I cut out any sugar after dinner (he was getting rewarded with a square of chocolate for finishing his dinner so I stopped that) and it seemed to make a difference.

Another theory was that he may have been overtired. He cut out day naps 6 months ago and I'm not sure if it was the transitional stage?

Do you have a nighttime ritual that you follow every night? Sometimes having a routine can help things run more smoothly, but sometimes it's just the child too!

I hope it is just a phase that passes soon for you all!

Hun I think she just wants attention. Try ignoring her when she acts like this, and only talk to her when she is behaving herself. Try to take the things she acts up with the most away, and if she annoys the cat too much, the cat will teach her a lesson. hang in there hun, this too shall pass.

The thing i hate the most is her not listening. Most of the day she will not listen to me. I ask her to pick up her toys, or stop hurting her brother or stop hurting the cat or stoping messying this or that. She will just stick her tounge out at me, hit me, ignore me, or copy what i say(GOD that irritates me!) The craziness is just at night, but the rudness and back chatting and ignoring is all day long. You'd swear she was a damn teenager!! God help me when she is!

She doesnt eat sweets, we cut them out a while ago. Doesnt have dessert of any kind. She hasnt had a nap since she about 18 months i think, she is almost 4 now, so idont think she is overtired.

I just wanna scream from the roof tops. GRR GRR GRR! How can it be so hard? I did not raise her like this, i am not a bad mum. So why do i have such a naughty child?

You really could be writing my own story! It must be an age thing, my DS1 is nearly 4 too. He has always been a really good, easy-going boy, but over the last few months he has become naughty, short tempered and rude to DH and I. Like you, we haven't raised him that way! I have been feeling so upset about it, wondering where I have gone wrong.

This is what I'm currently doing with my DS, don't think I'm suggesting you do it, i just wanted to share! When DS speaks rudely to me I pull him up on it straight away and make him apologise. If he has demanded something rudely (for example "Get me a drink!") I will tell him that I won't help him while he speaks that way and I make him ask me nicely. I started up a points chart - when he says or does something good (eg. helps me clean up or asks politely for something without prompting) he gets a point. When he gets 5 points he gets a special treat. I have a container full of balloons, stickers, glitter pens, etc. I refuse to reward him with anything sweet anymore! If DS has been naughty or rude, he loses a point. This has really made a big difference in his behaviour. I think the rewards chart has made me focus more on his positives instead of always telling him off. We still have our days though! But I think those days are when I don't implement the chart as much.

If you find a magic solution, please let me know!

I like the sound of your reward system. DD loves things like stickers balloons etc. So that might be a great way to get over this hurdle.

Hopfully it is just an age thing. I mean they warn you about the terrible 2's(which is what i am currently going through with DS, so double trouble for me right now!), but they never tell you it gets worse at 3 cause they know which buttons to push and at 4 when they know how to interacte more and know exactly what gets you mad etc. I am so so glad DS can't talk yet!

I know exactly what you mean! We sailed through the 2's, why does no one warn you it gets worse?! I'm glad to know it's not just me!

Good luck with the rewards system. I went to the Reject Shop and bought a whole heap of stuff there, it is so cheap! DS absolutely loves things like balloons and stickers too. He has just learned to blow up a balloon so he is super-excited about them LOL!

Hun, is it every night? I know that can be a bad time for DS1 too, being tired certainly brings out his worst behaviour. But I know that some foods can make him worse too. He's very susceptible to sugar, and I think some preservatives also cause us grief.

So a couple of suggestions: If this is only happening some nights, or is worse some nights, it might be worth keeping a food diary to see if there is a pattern between certain foods and this behaviour. And it also might be worth a try to see if you can do dinner earlier and then make bed time earlier. Does she still have a day sleep? Or a rest? If not, maybe try some quite time in the afternoon. Or maybe change your routine so the bath is at a different point - either before eating or after - and see if that helps.

Best of luck hun. It is not easy behaviour to deal with. :hug:

Yeah its not every night, just some nights. About half hour after i posted, she went to bed without trouble! Typical.

I'll try keep a food diary and see what is happening there.

No she doesnt have a nap or a rest, i do try to give one but she just goes psycho if i try. I turn the telly off in the arvo but she doesnt quiet down at all. Doesn't help that DS also doesnt like having a nap so they round each other up.

She said she doesnt like her curtains anymore, even though she begged me for them lol. So we need to change them too cause 'she doesnt like sleeping with the mermaids anymore' :rolleyes:

Hi there,
It might be worth having a look at Sue Dengate's website - if you google 'fed up with food additives' you should be able to find it. My DD2 often presents me with challenging behaviours to deal with, and i can usually blame it on the food she has eaten. Even foods which we think are healthy and nutritious, like fruit and vegies, can affect behaviour. Her behaviour may not be related to this, but it's interesting reading anyway. Worth a try if it helps in any way . Good luck :)

It sounds to me like she is in desperate need of attention. Maybe she is feeling left out? Perhaps some one-on-one time with her during the day will help. Maybe spend an hour painting, drawing, cut and pasting or take her to the park.
Kids usually act up when they want attention - any kind of attention is better than none. When i was little I was such a terror, my mother told me i used to tell her i liked to make her mad. I remember acting up as a child and i clearly remember it was because I felt like I wasnt getting enough positive attention.
The reward system is great, but threatening to "take her to hospital" isn't such a great idea. I'm no psychologist but it's not a great thing to encourage a fear of hospitals/dentists/doctors etc...
Smacking only encourages violence and make sure you don't yell at her or call her a "naughty girl". Encourage positive behaviour.
I have always found self-education to be the best solution, so perhaps go and have a look at your local book store for some decent literature on child behaviour.

Very best of luck. I know how frustrating it can be, but take some time to try to understand her and why she is behaving the way she is.

I honestly think it is more boredom than anything else (just to confuse you even more LOL). What sort of structure does she have to her day? Does she attend pre-school or daycare at all? If she does what is she like when she is there? does she show the same behaviours or is she happy? Some kids just need things to do and have trouble 'amusing' themselves, so they need to be given direction. When you're at home, do you do any structured play with them? Like craft or play dough etc. If you don't, you could try setting up a timetable, like from 9am to 10 it's playdough, then have a break for morning tea, and then something else till lunchtime, then after lunch it's quiet time (not necessarily sleep time, but just reading or another quiet activity) and then something else etc.


Another thing too, does she eat a lot of fruit? My nephew was bordering on uncontrollable a few months ago and all he ate was fruit for snacks because his Mum never gave him anything else because fruit is good right? Wrong in this instance. The IL"s look after him a fair bit and while he was with them they never gave him any fruit and his behaviour changed literally overnight. Fruit is naturally high in sugar - certainly not the same sugar as in processed foods, but it is still sugar and some kids do react like that to too much of it.

But most of all, it's really important that you 'choose your battles' with her. I have learnt with my own DD (who had different issues to your DD - mine is stubborn as a mule LOL) that I just have to choose what's more important to 'fight' over. Unless she is annoying the other people in the house, hurting them etc or hurting the cat, then just leave her - don't ignore her as such, but just don't get into a fight with her over it. What you could do is when she starts to do what she's doing, go and pull out some 'special' colouring in books and pencils etc - ones that are only kept for special kwim? She might see what you're doing and stop or you could tell her that you and Charlie are going to colour in and she can only join in if she stops what she's doing.

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It sounds to me like she is in desperate need of attention. Maybe she is feeling left out? Perhaps some one-on-one time with her during the day will help. Maybe spend an hour painting, drawing, cut and pasting or take her to the park.
Kids usually act up when they want attention - any kind of attention is better than none. When i was little I was such a terror, my mother told me i used to tell her i liked to make her mad. I remember acting up as a child and i clearly remember it was because I felt like I wasnt getting enough positive attention.
The reward system is great, but threatening to "take her to hospital" isn't such a great idea. I'm no psychologist but it's not a great thing to encourage a fear of hospitals/dentists/doctors etc...
Smacking only encourages violence and make sure you don't yell at her or call her a "naughty girl". Encourage positive behaviour.
I have always found self-education to be the best solution, so perhaps go and have a look at your local book store for some decent literature on child behaviour.

Very best of luck. I know how frustrating it can be, but take some time to try to understand her and why she is behaving the way she is.

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Sorry, but i didn't come in here to be reviewed at how i parent. I don't appreciate at being told what not to do. Especially when told i am encouraging violance in my children. Thanks!

Trillian, yes she actually does eat a lot of fruit. She doesn't eat much else during the day. I even have to put banana on her sandwish. She has always been a fussy eater and if it's not fruit she just will not eat it. So i'm not sure what to do there, i would rather her be eating.

She doesn't go to preschool anymore(just got way too expensive) but most of the day is spent reading books(she loves this), playing with toys, drawing and a bit of fun outside. We had to stop painting and playdoh because DS would just eat it and i didn't think it was fair that DD could and he couldn't play with it. Maybe after christmas we could try it again. But like i said, she is craziest at night after dinner. DS is already in bed. It's like the sun goes dwona nd she turns into a beast lol.

Today they both have colds, so i reckon she won't be putting up much of a fight tonight. Poor thing just wants cuddles.

T, with the preschool, ours does a subsidy thing where if you earn under a certain amount (the top limit is $44,999 I think) you are entitled to a subsidy on your fees. It's a sliding scale too, so the less you earn the less you have to pay. Not sure if you would be eligible for that, but it's worth looking into as she would really benefit from going.

But I hope both of them get well soon for you though :hug:

I'm really sorry if you took offense to my post, but please read it again. I was only suggesting things by using words like "maybe" and "make sure".

Personally I do have a very strong belief about not smacking children, but i was in no way trying to put you down.

I still hope things are going well with you and you found some things that are helping with your problem. I agree with the pre-school/daycare idea, that's something to power her out everyday. DS loves going to Kinder and is always too tired when he gets home to argue ;)

Antheia, It is so normal what you are going through. Dont worry mate, she's just ready for Kinder. DD just loves so drag things out and make a mess, and I almost loose my mind too. My nextdoor neighbour has 4 kids, and I told her pritty much the same story as you. She said that once they get to kinder you will start to enjoy DD all over again.


Im glad you reached out and asked what was going on with her. It takes gut's to put yourself out there. I hope I have helped.

Yesterday was ok. But today, omg they are both terrors! DS is just following on from DD and has noidea but DD is just being rude and horrible. She has started calling everyone a loser an keeps sticking her tounge out(i so hate this!) and making nar nar singsong noises. I know she doesnt know what it means as such but she does know its wrong. I have noticed most of it is when she doesnt get her own way and then it just esculates(sp?). Like today she wanted more of DS's birthday cake, i said no more, you have to wait until after dinner now. She cracked this ****s and starts being naughty. Asking for things she knows 1) we dont have and 2) she knows she isnt allowed to have. She is breaking things, throwing things, hitting, ripping up books. Only in the last couple of hours too.

DH just sent her to bed because she almost pulled down DH's computer onto the floor. She went into her room for 2secs. Has jsut come out now and is asked to go back, she says no no no, blows a raspberry and asks all smart. How can i disapline her when she wont stay in her room?

Sorry, i really am just venting in here. It's so frustrating!!

:hug: It sounds like you are having a very trying day. I wonder if you started a food diary? It could be something in the birthday cake causing the behaviour (or making it worse), maybe the sugar, or coloring from icing. I know birthday cake can be a trigger for my boys too. It's a hard one to avoid though, but at least they each only have one birthday a year.

I hope the birthday has gone well anyway today. Has the little man had a good time?

Yeah i think he did. He keeps showing his presents to us sohe must like them. Loved his cake anyhow.

Arrgh! Antheia, I feel your pain! DD has been doing this recently after her dinner and bath when it is time to get ready for bed. She refuses to get her pyjamas on and jumps around like a nutcase on the couch while I try to control her. She has started back chatting and being rude. It happens every night and always at the same time. She has had the same bedtime routine for over 18 months so there hasn't been a change there at all.

I thought it might have had something to do with the pregnancy and seeing how far she could push me. The reward chart sounds like a good idea but at 2.5 I'm not sure that will will fully understand. I haven't noticed any difference from days when she is at CC or home with me. She has just started dropping her daytime sleep so I also thought that it could be due to that and being overtired.

I hope you find something that works as I know how tiring their behaviour can be especially when you are pregnant. :hug:

Perhaps she is feeling a bit anxious about the bub and any attention is good attention in her eyes so could be part of the reason she is acting up.
I have noticed increased whining and demands for my attention from my 5 and 2yo's. Usually when I try to grab a bit of a rest but more often if I'm on the phone or in the kitchen cooking.

One thing that I can say that could help is to totally change your evening routine. Mason used to go on the rampage and demolish his bedroom every evening. Sometimes before dinner, while I was cooking, other times after but it would happen every night. The way we got around this was to have dinner prepared earlier in the day. After dinner instead of doing the dishes we would do the bath and PJ routine, then go play all together with his toys for a while, then it was story time and bed. During summer we would all go for a family walk to the park then when we got home it was bath, PJ's, story & bed.
During this time the TV and the PC was off and it was all attention on the kids. And yes it helped!

I think you need to adjust your own habits to create better behaviour in your children. Having a child with Aspergers Disorder I know full well the type of havoc destructive habits or routines can cause and if she is doing the same thing every night then you need to get serious. I'm not saying that your DD has the same issues as Mason does but kids can be complex little beings and habits can be hard to break, especially if she thinks the only way she can get your attention is to act in a certain way.

I actually agree with what Kaydee says too. I don't think it's a good idea to threaten to take her to the hospital. She has probably worked out by now that you won't follow through with it which is why she still acts up.
Why don't you try taking away a favourite toy or DVD instead.

You know, i didnt even think it could have anything to do with me being pregnant. Come to think of it, she has started this about the same time my belly started getting noticably big. Also the fact she knows its a boy and really wanted a girl.

Tonight she actually asked to go to bed. Woohoo! Some progress at last.

I'll start the food diary on Monday and see how that pans out. If its a trigger i'll take her to a naturopath so we can work out a plan. And over the coming weeks i'll start on the rewards system.

It seems to get a bit confusing with all the posible things that could be causing this behaviour. Its probably a mix if things. Tara is starving for attention all the time since DS was born. I feel at time she's slipping backwards with her manners etc. Maybe it's because of jelousy. I have never thought of changing diets, but I do know sticking to a routine at nights does help. They test the boundries, but you just have to stand your ground. Kids also after awhile find a week point in our pairenting, so they know how to act to get what they want. Its hard when Tara was listening and responding to my mum , but not me.

I recon the reward system would work. It works for the super nanny.

Im glad you had a good night last night.

I have tried all suggestions here and nothing is working. She is getting worse.

No matter who i talkto about this,no one believe me how bad it is. They say its just aphase, she is just being a 4 year old etc etc. Well im sorry but i have never seen a 4 year old act like she is. This is not normal!

It's now starting from when DH gets home until he goes to bed. And all day on the weekends. Today she is really bad.

She has been doing things she knows are naughty and syaing 'look what i just did' acting all proud. If i tell her to stop or i say no,she will repeat what i say.

DH is to the point of giving up and just ignoring her because he gives her huge amount of attention and she still acts like this. She actually worse when he does give her attention.

We figure it is probably because of the new baby. But we cannot put up with this behavour until February! I am to the point of tears most days because she will not listen. She will not take any form of punishment. She will not stay in time out. She sees no consiquence. She will not stop this. We give her attention she keeps it up, we ignore her she is hardly any different. What are we to do?

How has your DD been going recently Antheia? I hope things have been a bit easier lately.

Well i have worked out that its definatly because of the baby. I am thinking because she is DH's favourite and Charlie seems to be mine shes probably thinking well whose is going to be the baby's (even though thats not how it works obviously but it seems that is how she is thhinking it) and its like she is being naughty to DH so that he leaves the room i'm in (cause it always ends up that way) and so she thinks its a way tog et him away from the baby so that he doesnt love it or something. Does that make sense? I know she loves bub i just think she is scared for losing her daddy to this other child in her mind.

Anyway now that i have kinds worked out the why i have stopped punishing her for it because its like to her its not being naughty and shes getting confused. So now i mostly just give her a big talk every day before and after DH gets home. We reasure her all the time etc about it all. She has always been very insecure and jealous and very much a daddy's girl. She tells me she isnt going it to hurt him. And the other day when we were laying down in bed she kept pushing DH and my belly away from each other.

It's still really hard on DH though as we still can't stop her behaviour no matter what we do. She's on a waiting list to see a child psychologist but i dont see how it'll help because we knmow her problem and i have done everything that they'll tell me to do anyway. I think we are just going to have to wait it out until bub is here and she can see that nothing will change. It'll be even better for her cause i have told DH that he's just going to have to spend one on one time with her at like a park or a play centre away from everyone else just so she realises that he's still her daddy.

I'm glad you've found the reason, it makes it much easier to deal with when you understand why they are behaving that way. Does your DH spend lots of time doing things with your DD now? I wonder if she would benefit from special "dates" with him, like trips to the park etc. before the baby is here? He probably already does that, but maybe if it was something like a regular scheduled "date" that continues on when the baby is here, she will soon work out that things will stay the same with her daddy?

Hopefully you get to see a child psycologist, they may give you some strategies that you hadn't thought of that could help too.

Best of luck :hug:

wow Antheia, I just read all of the posts here! You poor thing, isn't it frustrating when you tell people how helpless you feel and that you think their behaviour isn't normal and they don't believe you.

I think Trish's suggestions of a weekly date with daddy is an excellent idea. Even if it is to go for a walk or drive on his day off to get the paper or something else.

Our DD was 8 when we told her I was pregnant, and even though she was old enough for us to communicate that things wouldn't change, she was still a little apprehensive. We tried to include her as much as possible with all things baby related (Not saying that you're not) we got a copy of up the duff, mainly for the measurements along the side of the book so she could see how long the baby was each week. One week we even gave her a bag of microwave popcorn and said this is how heavy the baby is this week.

We subscribed to emails with details of what the baby was growing this week.

She also was moved to the bigger spare room, and got a makeover. Instead of a makeover, maybe a new lamp or something else inexpensive?

She came shopping with us when we looked at change tables as well, and she bought a special outfit from target for the baby to wear home from hospital. Problem was that she got a bigger than needed size, but it was still her choice.

We got her a digital camera and wrapped it up, and when she arrived at the hospital for the first time, we gave it to her and told her it was from her baby brother. She absolutely loves the camera, and takes so many photo's it's not funny!

Maybe a lot of daddy daugther one on one time, then slowly start talking about the baby, how she will have to show the baby how to hold a fork, while you guys are eating. Does she think the baby will like banana as much as she does, when he is old enough to eat?

Just had another thought about the reward chart, what if you let her pick the items that go in the box for her to choose from? Don't know if that will help any?

Hope things get better for you soon

Nic

Yeah i think we'll start the special 'dates' this weekend. I do know she is excited about the baby coming. She wants to see him being born(one great thing about homebirth!) and she wants to teach him how to walk and talk and she helps me pick out cloth nappies lol. So it is a little confusing to me that she loves bub but still feels threatened but i guess thats just how her mind works!

Just wanted to recommend a great picture book your DD might like titled 'Hello Baby'. It is a beautiful book about a home birth in a family were there are other children present. It has a really simple story line with great pictures. It sounds like she is really interested in the up coming birth so it might be of some benefit in terms of preparing her. The lady down the road from me gave it to her DS (5) and DD (7). They loved it.

Also some of the behaviors you mentioned your DD displaying are almost identical to those these kids started showing about a month out from their sisters birth.
Good luck for your home birth, every home needs one.

I was thinking about that book lately actually. I might give it to her for christmas and it can be a special reading time book we can do together at bed time.

Antheia, Just wondering how things are going?

Nic

Antheia, I have just read through all the posts....You poor thing dealing with that and being pregnant! I'm so glad you have worked out the reason and have things in place to make it easier for you all!
Although I am sorry you had to go through that, I am glad you started the thread! DS is being so difficult lately and some of the replies may be useful for us. I'm definitely not pregnant so thats not the cause of his issues but could be diet related. We also started a rewards chart but although he loved getting the stickers and putting it up, I think he is too young to understand why he's getting the stickers...anyway won't hijack your thread just wanted to say thanks for starting the thread and glad things are looking up for you! :)

GL with your HB in Feb!!

Well it may not be all about the baby now. She shows signs of ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). So she's getting reviewed on this and other such things.

Overall i feel like i have let her down somehow, like i caused this. This is not how i imagined life would be like..

T, huge big hugs hun. I have just sat here and read through all the posts and can see you crying out for help. It's sooooo bloody frustrating isn't it.

I wish I could offer you a magic solution, but I just don't have one. I wish that I could make it all better for you, and for I.

All of my kids are very over active - and that's being nice about it. I have been through so much crap with them from all different angles and sadly at all different age groups.

Your right ppl do tell you abou thte terrible 2's, but personally I think it's the 2's,3's,4's up to the damn teens, cos I am still dealing with it. Throw in a good dose of hormones and it's a bloody ****tail.

I am glad that you are seeing someone with DD and that you are receiving some help. Be sure that you are also referred to someone that can teach you ways to manage her behaviour better. It's one thing to have a "name" to your childs problem, that's all well and good, but to walk out and still not have any real help is another thing.

You know where I am hun if you ever want to chat or vent.

Oh and in NO WAY have you let her down huni. Please never think that. I know as their parents we feel totally responsible for everything that happens with them, but something like this you cannot take the blame for.

More hugs for you :hug: