only want one...is there something wrong with me?

is there something wrong with me? i don't want another child. my DD is absolutely beautiful, just gorgeous and i love her soooooo much, every day is so special with her. i am a SAHM and DP is home alot as he works shift work. he is so helpful, i couldn't ask for more support! everyone talks of more babies and all my friends ask "so when are you going again?"

sleep has been a big issue for us as a family, she's never been a good sleeper but recently has gone into a toddler bed and sleeping much better (never went in a cot, co-slept until a few weeks ago).

am i selfish? or is there other people out there that actually feel the same way as me? when i hear about others having heaps of kids, i wonder if something is wrong with me!

DP is the same.

Nothing at all B. You are making a mature responsible decision, why have another baby when you dont want one just because people might think its odd not to want more?

You may change your mind down the track but even if you dont, who cares? Its no ones business but your own.

Anna, hmmm....I worry about Madeleine not having a brother or sister at times if we decide this is it. However, for us, that wouldn't be the only reason for having another one. I'm sure others would disagree but it's not a reason to have another for us.

By the way, you are a supermum, I've always thought that!

Not at all! I actually never wanted any (hides) but then had one and was happy with one until I wanted 2! DP really only ever wanted one. I am an only child and there are lots of benefits to being an only child.

I know lots of people who only want the one and I don't think there is a problem with that at all - although you will get lots of people asking annoying and personal questions about your decision :rolleyes:

Nai, yes my brothers and sister are all so much older than me and were moved out when I was very little. I grew up ok and my DP's niece had been an only child (up until 4 years ago) but she is now 18 and she is a wonderful girl, sensible, schooled well, going to university next year etc. I look at her sometimes and think, "well Madeleine could grow up like that!!"

I am just shocked at the number of people who think I'm silly for not wanting another one that's all. And sometimes I question myself even though I'm a good Mumma.

I think it just comes down to your family dynamics - if you guys are happy with just the three of you (and no way in the world shouldn't you be!) then who else's opinion really matters??

We have friends that only have one child - and he's nearly 5 now - and they swear black and blue they are not having anymore. While we don't understand their decision as we want 3 kids - and we feel sorry for their DS because he is alone for a lot of the time, with just adults - we certainly respect it.

Not everyone has to have the standard 3 kids - if everyone had more than 1 child - where would they get the average of 2.3 kids from in their statistics? ;)

Don't worry - you might change your mind later down the track - and if you don't - then thats OK too.

:hug:

There is nothing wrong with you at all.. I wasn't sure I wanted more when I had my first..

but my BIL and SIL only have one child.. They just said it was right for them.. thier DD is fine. she is 8 and a bit now..

i know they get a few comments on why they only have one.. but they did whats right for them as a family..

maybe it's because she's still quite young, you are right, maybe i will change my mind down the track but i am so adamant i want just one.

It is totally OK. you know what is best for your family.
I am an only child and I never 'suffered' for it - I know my parents had lots of ppl asking q's all the time but they did what was right for our family.
I grew up v close with lots of family friends and my cousins so i was never 'lonely'.
you do what is best for you honey.

We are the same. I dont want another child for many reasons but one is just that we are so happy as we are. We never wanted more than one.
I think that when people say it is selfish to only have one child they are making a big assumption that children with siblings are better off than only children. I don't agree with that assumption and I think it has to be a case by case situation. All children need to get one on one time with their parents, all children need to be given a wide range of experiences, and all children need to have lots of time to socialise with other children of all ages (not just siblings). I think you can provide well for one or more children with commitment to their needs.

M is only 10mths you have plenty of time to make a decision! As for being an only child, I always wanted two but added in was my fear of an only being left on his/her own should anything happen to both Dh and I. Mainly because neither family is close and my siblings are so much younger/SIL doesnt want any kids at all. So no cousins close in age. But I know your family is close so M would be just fine should (god forbid) anything happen to you and G.

I dunno about me being a supermum, superinsane is more like it lol

DH and I talk about this a lot.

I am undecided. DH only wants one baby, preferably a little girl, and I would be happy to be a complete family of three.

But I do worry about when we pass away - who will our child have? She may have her own family by then but she won't have a sibling to lean on during that tough time. She will have to carry all of that herself.

I have such an amazing relationship with my older brother. We are the best of friends. DH has the same relationship with his brother. And I want that for my child.

Its a tough decision - but either way - you're doing what's best for your family!!

There is nothing wrong or silly for only wanting one child! After I had DS1 I was adamant that I wouldn't have any more. I was happy with life, I had my business and everything was running really well. As you can see from my ticker I eventually changed my mind LOL!

For me personally it was just watching him play outside by himself one day, I kind of felt sad that he may never have a sibling to play with. That was a turning point for me. I'm not saying everyone needs a sibling, but it's how I felt and of course I have no regrets! We're now talking about #3, who would have thought?!

It is totally your decision and do not let anyone make you feel like you should have anymore. I had my dd 12 years ago and was happy with one but then situations changed and here i am with a 5 month old and considering having more. I just think times can change and also your choice may also but if it doesn't then you and your dh are the ones to make that choice. For now be happy with your choice and decision and dont worry about what everyone else thinks...

I don't think there is anything wrong or selfish about having one child. Only you and your DH know what is best for your family.

I've only recently pictured myself with more than one child and DD is almost 18 months old. So you may change your mind or you may not too. Whatever you decide it will be right for you!

i dont think there is anything wrong with being happy! and if you are happy with the family that makes three then go for it!

the pressure though can be intimidating at times. i have found this to be the case especially at mums group. DH and i are undecided on whether to go down the baby road again, but are keeping open minds, however the barrage of insults that come from some girls in my group about 'Only children' is horrendous. i have to bite my tongue ALL THE TIME. they do not know that i am an 'Only Child', and so when i have to sit there listening to the litany of horrors that are only children (ie, selfish, spoilt, snobby, socially void) i begin to wonder if they see that in me?! i guess not, as they like to hang out with me and we all seem to get on fine. It's all talk. people can be selfish, spoilt for all sorts of reasons, but i think being an Only Child is not one of them.

i guess it is really important to be true to yourself and your family. it might be tough facing the comments, but they are overcome and in the end the truth is in the pudding!

Cassius, I hear you. I was pretty much an only child, of course I got more than the other 3 (two brothers and sister who are 10, 12 and 14 years older than me) but Mum couldn't afford 3 ice creams at the time but could with me IYKWIM. Doesn't mean they bought me a car, or a house. And if I ever borrowed money, even just $50, they would ask me to pay them back when I got paid. I agree though, so many people make judgements and Mums Group is one of those places at times! I bet you do bite your tongue! Well I would rather have one little girl than 4 kids just for the sake of giving her brothers and sisters...and me not really wanting them for any other reason but that alone. I don't want to be stressed if it's not really what I want.

I always new i wanted lots of kids... I guess its the same for you... You know you only want one... I dont see there is any difference... You make the choices in your life... You do what is right for your family... If you and DH feel 1 is enough then thats your choice... (i bet my DP wishes i was like that... hehehe)

Early days hun....like others have said, DD is only 10 months, its all still newish to you - being a parent and all. I think there are positives and negatives to both sides, but at the end of the day, when you shut your front door at night, its YOU whom has to live inside your home, not the neighbours, not your extended family, and not the shopkeeper. So do what feels comfortable.

But IMHO, saying you want one now is fine, its great your so definite, but your allowed to change your mind 1,2,3 years down the track too.......;)

I am totally the same! I don't think it's weird either. I guess for me, I totally wasn't ready for my dd. I fell pregnant on the pill and didn't find out until I was 10 weeks pregnant. I guess some people know they want lots and some people know they want one or even none. The thought of me not being able to spend the MAXIMUM amount of time with my dd, without being interupted by having another baby makes my heart hurt. But that is just how I feel. My dp jokes about having more, he desperately wants a boy, and everyone says to have them close together, but until dd is like maybe 5 or 6 I won't even let the thought cross my mind at all.

My only advice would be to go with your heart. You may not want another one right now but you may change your mind. People won't like this either. You supposed to plan everything, didn't you know?

I only wanted two kids close together because I thought anymore would be too hard (got 3 brothers,1 sister)and if they weren't close in age then it wouldn't work. Now I've had DS2 14 years later and his big sister and brother love him and it has really brought a new dimention to our family. Will I have another one 'to keep Paddy company' as everyone says? Who knows. What I do know is that having more than one child hasn't taking anything away from our family but added to it.

it is defiantely not weird to only want one child! Even though so many people will treat you like an alien when you tell them you wont be having any more. You need to do what is best for you, your husband and your child. If you are complete and hppy as a family of 3 then thats fantastic. I would have loved anohter child, but DH is definatley not interested in ever going down the baby path again so i am not going to try for another. There are so many awesome things about being a family of 3. You can give your child all your attention and love, you can afford to give your children mofre experineces in life, you will still have plenty of time for you and your husband to spend quality time with each ohter, you will be able to ave more 'me' time, i could go on forever.

It is hard at times when people are rude. I have had people tell me it is sad for DS and that i am being cruel not giving him a brother or sister. Now i be just as rude back to them telling them how dare they be so rude.

I do feel a pang of sadness sometimes when i ee him playing by himself, but like you, I dont believe that giving him playmates is a good enough reason to bring another life into the world. WhenDS is older we will welcome his friends over to our house anytime so he will not be alone ALL the time. My DH was an only child and he has no issues with it at all. I am 1 of 4 and cant imagine my life without my gorgeous sisters, but being 1 of many was stressful and i still to this day have to fight for my mums attention cause there are so many of us, so i feel good that i can give DS my attention when ever he needs it.

I think thats enough rambling from me LOL

My DD was 7.5 before I had another one. I didn't want another one until after she was 5 years. Before that I was SURE I only wanted one!! Things happened and I met someone else, but really I just was so tired and loved her so much, I thought I didn't need anymore.

Now with number 3 on the way, things have definitely changed! Because I was so set on one for a while, I do wonder what Im doing! BUT.. I was thinking about it yesterday and my girls love each other soooo much, and to me that makes my decision worth it. However, I think however many kids one wants is their decision. I know ALOT of only children, it is definitely more common these days. They are all fine, none of them suffering because they're "on their own". There's pro's and con's to everything.

Just go with the flow and be happy with your decision. But like others have said, you don't have to make a decision now anyway. We're women, we can change our minds daily if we want!!!!
xoox

Sorry I haven't had a chance to read all the other replies, but just wanted to add that I am in much the same position. I was more or less raised as an only child and I loved it, although I recognise that was largely due to my personality type. I have always only wanted one child and after my vile pregnancy and difficult birth, in many ways that opinion is reinforced.....but then occasionally I will catch myself thinking how awesome Peter is and how addictive babies are! LOL

But seriously, you are not alone. I love our family of 3. I love being able to lavish attention on my son and the idea that I might be able to provide experiences for him that I might not be able to with more kids. And while I adore having a child, it is a whole lot of work and I am NOT someone who thrives on loudness/busy-ness/lots of people. I hugely admire women who have lots of kids and think they are superwomen, but it really may not be for me- which means it would also not be the best for my kid(s).

I think you sound really happy and like you have a great situation- congratulations!

Jessica, what a lovely post. I feel exactly the same as you do. I want to have more for the right reasons.

I too don't thrive on loudness and many people. And my DD is a wonderful, happy little girl and quite well behaved but I too feel like it's so much work and I just am not sure whether I want to be stressed having more.

I also admire women who have more than one. I stop and think about how they do it and how strong they are. I guess that is why I have questioned myself. I know I'm a great mother and my DD hugs and kisses me regularly, we have a very close bond.

Thanks everyone for your replies, it has made me feel so much more at ease that I am not the only one that feels this way.

I think you just know when you have the right number.. some feel that their family is not complete with 1 or 2 kids, others plan to have a large family but when they have 1 or 2 kids, they discover thats all they need in their life. It is a total personal choice. There are plenty out there that feel the same as you.. many have only one child.. my DH is an only child. Absolutely not, are you selfish. Your family is what you make it and all that matters is if you and your DP are happy. If so, then the rest is history ;)

xx

Whatever number of children you and your DH feel is right for your family is the right number - whether that is one or ten. I don't accept the argument that children have better, happier lives when raised with a sibling. I have a sibling and we have never, ever got on - we don't talk at all now and haven't for many years. I would have loved to have been an only child growing up. My DH is one of four and he and his siblings all get on and its lovely now that those siblings have children of their own - lots of kids running around everyone and a close family. Sometimes siblings work, sometimes they don't.

You are right Lulu. Same with the siblings in our family.

queenbee - there are plenty of mums around here who only have one child and are fairly vocal about having no more. I live in an area where there are a lot of 'older' mums, so they don't experience the same judgement you speak of. I don't see anyone telling them their child will somehow be worse off because, since the child was born while they were in their late 30s, early 40s and they don't want to try again, they don't have the chance to give them a sibling. For some reason, because they are a bit older people assume it's more responsible to not have #2!!!

I say ignore everyone. We've always said we would be waiting 4 or 5 years between ours, but TBH my DP is only going for #2 because I really want another. He would happily stay with one child and has suggested it. I just don't think I'm done yet. ;)

You are right Jen to ignore what others say. Who knows if we'll change our minds but for now, it's just one for us.

i'm definately all for just one baby at the moment! and I was pretty sure of this after the birth of my ds. Also i'm the same as you queenbee and jessica in that i find motherhood a hard job and I couldn't imagine having to divide my time between 2 little ones and giving 2 little ones all of me and all of my attention.

I love ds and I am enjoying him, but sometimes i do find myself struggling and I wouldn't want to be upset or stressed all of the time with another baby just because everyone else thinks i should have more than one.

When ds was 6 months old, i was already getting the questions about when we are having another one or ppl would say "you will have to start trying for another one soon" Man that really annoys me. Actually it SH*TS me to tears! its no ones business whether you want 1 or 20 children, the choice is yours and as long as your happy with that choice, ppl will just have to learn to live with it!