Damn biological urge!

*sigh*

Do I want another baby? Do I really want to talk DH around? (proving a bit difficult atm LOL).

Talking to a friend yesterday about possibly going to the snow together for a holiday, I was thinking yep, I'm ready to get on with the kids growing up and enjoying the next stage out of baby-dom, going on family holidays etc etc. And I do worry how things will work when the kids outnumber the parents LOL. It's kinda good just dealing with one ratty kid each hehe.

But I just can't help that damn yearning for another baby :( If I hear that someone else is pregnant I get knots in my stomach with the thought of not having any more :( I can't bear the thought of getting rid of any baby clothes or cots or anything.

Help! Someone tell me what I want :( If I have a 3rd, will the yearning go away? Do you ever really feel finished with baby making? I do keep warning DH that if we don't get on with #3 soon, and have a bigger gap, I'll be wanting a 4th to keep the 3rd company LOL. Maybe I won't ever really feel finished, so do I just go with DH only wanting the 2?

argh!

I think only you can answer that question - I always go with your gut - that is what will make you the most happiest.

For me, I want another kid... and I know that I want another kid...can't wait to fall pregnant again actually.... although the thought of having both kids grown up and being around 5 and 3.5 sounds really good too - but I know in my heart that I'm not done yet.

I had to put away Miss M's clothes today - had to take out the 000 suits because she's too long for them now... and I got a bit misty eyed... she's no longer a newborn - now she's a baby... all too soon she'll be a toddler.. then a little girl... its scary how fast it goes....

Only you know if you will feel "complete" with out having another one. I wish you well!!!
xx

ETA - and I reckon you will know when you are done.. I think you get a sense of fulfillment when you are done .. and there is no yearning for more... a complete yearning that is - that takes over your body... IYKWIM? I'm hoping to get that sense when I've had #3.. lol

Yeah I know only i know the answer hehe. But how I'd love to just be told what I want sometimes!

But who's gut is more important? Mine or DH? I already had to talk him into #2, altho we did kinda know we didn't really want just one. But he would have been happy to stop at 1 I'm sure. 3 has always been the number for me.. I wanted 2 boys and a girl hehe. So he has known, but it wasn't always said in a very serious way. But I'm oh so serious now. I have pretty much promised him that if we have #3 I will feel finished (eek.. I hope that it's true) but at least I can deal with the pg and baby knowing that it's my last.. and I think that would make a difference. I've sort of gone in to both my pregnancies feeling like it's something I can do again. At least I can make something of my last if I know it's my last.

Oh man, I dunno.

Hmm. you sound exactly like me - and even the fact that I always wanted 2 boys and 1 girl.. lol

I think you should sit down with him and just lay it all out for him - tell him you don't think you are finished - maybe he doesn't REALLY realise that its THAT important to you.

Maybe he would be willing to go for a 3rd if he knows how much it means to you ya know? I'm pretty sure my DH would be happy to stay as we are - but he knows how much I need - not just want but NEED - to have a 3rd - and I've never kept my feelings quiet about wanting a 3rd - so maybe he's hearing you.. but not really HEARING you... IYKWIM?

Ok, Ok I'll tell you - go for a third ;) But wait till June then we can be belly buddies ;) lol

I so hear you on this one Liz.

We are starting the whole 'do we?' or 'dont we?' conversation regarding having another. we love our DD, but found the newborn thing so confronting (being away from family and friends took a toll emotionally i think on both of us). but now that she is past that stage and we have 'become' parents, we just love her to bits and have started to re-ignite our initial idea of having 2 kids.

i'm the same that i get a knot in my stomach when i hear of friends falling pg or having babies and i think i stare too intently at pg strangers!! LOL! i HATE putting her clothes away and the thought of packing her cot and things away FOREVER just freaks me out.

urggh it is such a dilemma! cause like you, i WANT to know that the next will be the last so that i can cherish EVERY stage as it comes. with DD i 'knew' that we would have another and in a way rushed through the pg and newborn stuff and now she is growing too fast (hear ya arimeh on the misty-eye packing!).

Good luck with what you decide (and keep us posted...i need all the hints i can get on this one too LOL!)

i dont think the urges ever really go away!!
i know after this one the urge with be stronge again but we have always said we'd only have two kids, so it will be harder to deal with this time!!
i think you need to do whats best for your family, so all, DH, kids, you...

I don't reckon the urge to reproduce will go away til we are old and menopausal. I would go for anohter bub anytime, but DH is adament that 1 is enough for us, so that is it, i have dealt with that (though it took a while) and have given away all the baby stuff. Giving the baby stuff away helped me to get used to the idea that there wont be any more babies for me, even though i had misty eyes whilst packing things up and giving them away.

For us, i knew DH only wanted 1, but a few months ago i begged him for another bub and eventually he gave in and agreed to ttc, but it doesn't feel right trying for a baby thats not truly wanted, so we stopped trying and agreed our family is complete as it is.

All you can do is sit DH down when the kids are in bed and have a heart to heart with him, let him know exactly how strong your feelings are and how strong his feelings are.

GL, i know that is is a painfuully frustrating not knowing whether to go for it or not

Speaking from my own experience only: DH and I only had a vague notion that would have three children. There were many months after having my second that I thought that that was it... no more! However eventually the urge to have another hit... and when that happened i couldn't stop thinking about it. My 2nd child was nearly 2yo at that point. Anyhow it was also the notion of having to get rid of all the baby-related paraphrenalia/clothes etc out of my life that sealed the deal. I just couldn't do it! There were a few things that kinda worked against having another: money was already very tight, no family support etc. But DH was very keen... and like I said, I was becoming obsessed!

And so it happened... we had our third. It was different being pregnant and knowing that it was very likley going to be the last time... but only a little bit... the discomforts, labour pains were not that much easier to bear. One thing though, after going through 3 kids, all our baby clothes, cloth nappies, equipment etc is worn out to the point of helping me deal with the closure of either throwing it out or giving it away. I do feel a bit more ok about moving on now. AJP is right... the feeling of wanting more doesn't totally leave you... but I am at a point now that i don't "obsess" about it anymore. Having a third child has well and truly tipped life into chaos!!! And what with my subsequent illness, and age; having anymore is just not feasible... i mean, really not feasible... and the balance has well and truly tipped over into favour of stopping at three. I am ready to move on now. But that's just me... it's really hard to tell at which point this will happen for other women.

When I left XH, I really really really wanted another child. Mine were 3.4 and 12 months at the time.

Now, just over 2 years later, I don't REALLY know that I want more. It's been such a struggle on my own. Sure I've had my parents to help out, but life has been REALLY DIFFICULT and I don't think I could manage with three.

Sure, if I had a super partner, it would definitely be something I'd consider. But it's not the be-all-and-end-all, like it was two years ago. If I found a partner even 12 months ago who didn't want more kids, I probably wouldn't have considered him. Now I would. I'm just at a different life stage.

It's not that I don't want any more, it's just that I'm okay with not having any more. I don't know if I've explained that right... but it's the best way I can describe.

It's different for everyone- do what's right for YOU and your family! Hugs.

We just had our #3 - and I couldn't feel happier.

Sounds like our age differences are about the same - my son is 5 and a half and daughter is 3 and a half. Would have been closer but we had an angel last year, such is life.

I really feel like our family is complete now IYKWIM?????? I felt a bit of a gap before, and didn't know why - we were so busy beforehand!

I had such a great preg and wonderful, natural birth - I would like another just for the whole experience again :rolleyes: but honestly feel comfortable that we are complete.

Lots of my friends did the whole - WHY - your kids our out of nappies and starting school etc, etc, I couldn't really explain it.

My DH comes from a family of 5 kids so 3 is good for him too.

Goodluck in your decision making ...

I so understand - for me that urge was so so so strong. But now it's gone. I don't have it any more (luckily after 5!) - I sometimes feel sad that that stage of my life is over - but it feels good to move forward now...

Yep, I'm feeling clucky again already....DS is barely 3mths old! I always wanted 4 kids, but DH has already vetoed more children. And I really don't 'do' pregnancy and get really stressed with the new newborn phase of babyhood....DH is pretty against it too, he was happy with one! Apparently he's getting a vasectomy....I'll believe that when I see it.

Thanks everyone. Think I'll persevere in persuading DH LOL.

I'm pretty sure I don't really want 4 or 5 kids LOL - so I think we'll be safe to say 3 is enough. Lets just hope the urge lessens. I'm just not ready yet to give up the breastfeeding and learning to walk & talk stages for helping with homework just yet! hehehe.

Bath - that's a good point about the baby stuff lasting through the 3 kids. I'd probably feel the same. Right now, all the stuff is still good, we have clothes for either another boy or girl, we have a big enough car to accomodate 3 kids, even just yesterday got a luggage box for the car LOL.. so we can definitely fit all the gear if need be! I just feel like.. why not?? DH asks how I'll cope coz I'm so worn out some days, but I just can't explain it well enough to him that yes, it's tiring looking after kids, but I love em to bits, so it's just all part of it for me. It never makes me wish we didn't have kids.. even if I do have a bad day and feel exhausted. See - can't even explain it now hehe.

Edit: lilias - yeah, DD's newborn stage wasn't easy, and I think that's been a big turnoff for DH. But it seems like she's suddenly 1 and almost walking and learning to talk and doing all those cute things.. and I'm saying to him 'see how quickly they grow out of that real baby stage? This year has gone soooo quick!'. Altho DS is now being a terrible 2yo LOL - so not sure DH will cope with that 3 times over! LOL.

Liz - I think its really hard looking back at newborn stages, cos you've gone through all the bad stuff - memory has faded a little bit, and you know you've survived - everyone is alive and well - so its like.. hmm..yup, I could DEFINITELY do that again!!!! Then you get there and its like.. ahhh.. crap... this is what it was like!!!! lol

(Although I got pretty lucky 2nd time around - don't know if I'll be tempting fate going for a 3rd cos DD is such an easy baby to look after!!)

IMO, the feeling never truly goes away - you can tuck it away in a box and put it in the darkest corner of your mind, but it is always still *there* kwim? My situation was a little bit different to yours - we didn't have this issue till we were going from 3 to 4 (we had both said all along that 4 would be a great number to have and possibly even 5) and there were times when I felt resolved with not having 4 and I think I really did feel happy with 3 for a little while (and that coincided with DD2 being fully TT and growing up out of the toddler stage completely), but then time went on and DH said that he'd like another, but I wasn't ready and then more time would pass and I would want another and he didn't so it was a lot of too-ing and fro-ing there for a while till we finally decided that this was *it* and the time was right. Have I regretted it? Not on your life. Has the urge gone now? YES LOL. I feel complete now and life is great. I do still get pangs for another one when I hear of someone having another (especially if its their #5) but fat lot of good it would do me cause DH had the snip LOL. So in some respect I don't think the urge/desire ever goes away 100% because afterall we are women and mothers and some of that is hormonally driven too kwim?

Good luck with it all though, I hope you can find peace with it soon (either way you decide to go)

Ok when I was UTD with #2 we found out she was to be a girl so both BHL and I said we were done as been preggers doent agree with me... So I was happy we were to have one of each... But the day she was born and I look down apone her face I told BHL that I am not done that she isnt my last....

Hence we now have three... After my 3rd I said I was done if people ask I said we were done, that I was happy with three and thats it for us.... But when she turned 1 I lost it was so very upset that my baby was growing up so fast and told BHL I wasnt done that I really feel the need to have another, At the time he was ok with it but now he isnt so sure the closer it gets to the time where I had said that I want to TTC ( April 09 ) the less and less happy he is about it...

So I too wonder how much do I really want this, if we go for a 4 th will in ruin the relationship I have with BHL ( I would only go ahead if he is happy with it ) would I cope with 4... But every one I have asked about having a 4 th has said once you have 3 you can cope with more... So like you I guess I hope you just know I hope that the urge does go... But I know the urge for a 4th hasnt dulled for me yet so I know that if I dont have a 4th ( or at least TTC the 4th ) I may just regret it and begruge BHL for latter on...So for us only time will tell... Maybe after we move and settle and the blooming market settles BHL will feel better for it...

BTW my mum has alway said you just know when you are done and like Bath said you dont feel sad when your little one grows you just enjoy watching them do it... ( but she had 7 so i always thought no wonder you knew you were done :rolleyes:)

Oh your post reminds me of where I was about a year ago. When we fell pg with #2 I knew that Dh only wanted two. I guess I always thought I would talk him around... Anyway shortly after DD was born he was ready for some permanent BC. He even asked the OB if he could tie my tubes after the birth? WTF anyway I refused and it was a Catholic hospital anyway :-) So he signed himself up for a vasectomy and now we are offically infertile.

That period between having my DD and when he got the vastectomy done was gut wrenching. I desperately wanted another baby but I didn't know if it was simply because I knew I couldn't or if I really did want another baby? At times I was happy with my 2 gorgeous ones but at other times I knew we were meant to be a family of five. In the end it was hopeless as DH was adament about only having 2 and pushing a 3rd would have strained our relationship to breaking point.

We are now in a very happy place with our 2 gorgeous kids. It has taken me all this time to be OK with not having a 3rd. I still get a twinge when I see newborns and pregnant people but we are focused on the next stage now and have it clearly in sight. I found it handy to set some goals that we couldn't acheive with three - overseas holidays, time to myself to do my hobbies etc and it is working! I often consider donating eggs or similar as I feel it is such a waste for me to be able to have kids and not while others struggle - I wish they would invent a way to transplant a uterus as I would happily give mine away :-)

The thought of giving things away was (and still is) a little hard although I am doing it gradually to people who really need it so it is giving me a good feeling as they go.

So in a long winded answer to your question, yes the urge to have more does go away. i also wondered if after I had #3 if I would want #4 and I think the answer would be yes I would. I found 2 kids was much easier than one and would have loved to had a huge famiy full of kids but I am very happy with where we are now - and live though friends and online friends pregnancy instead :-) - bonus no morning sickness

to be honest although i know the urges will be hard for me to deal with after this bubs is born but for us its more for finacial reasons that we wont be having more. we'd need bigger cars, house etc....
:(

I was so sure that baby #3 would be our last, and up until Matilda was 1 year old I still thought that. But that urge came back. Slowly at first, but now that my 'baby' is about to turn 2 the desire to be pregnant again is oh so strong. DH is back and forth. One minute he wants to have a fourth, the next he doesn't. Doesn't help that TTC is just not working atm. It is taking much longer this time than with any of the others. Anyway, four kids will definitely be our limit. It has to be - even if the 'urge' came back after having #4, which I know it would, my head would have to overrule my heart. Besides, we will make it an impossibility by getting DH the snip.

I have just had my 5th and I'm now wondering if maybe we should try for 6 lol. DF is going for the snip in 8 weeks so maybe the decision will be taken out of our hands. Anyway if we go for more then never mind the tarago we will need a bus lol

Liz - As you know DH and I were angonising over the same question...Well as you know my urge got the better of me and number 3 is on the way. I already feel that this is it and once number 3 comes I'll be complete feeling.

It is interesting to face the possibility of never having another bub. I have witnessed a lot of my friends draw the line in the sand and say enough is enough, however the decision seemed to need a mourning process. I guess when you decide not to have anymore apart of your life has completed, your body has done the job is was born to do and now there is nothing. Even though this bub is the last with me I think I'll go through a bit of grieving.

Goodluck with you decision..

I'm definately feeling complete after having my third. The urge has completely left me so i know my preggy days are over - so much so that i got them to clamp my tubes while they were delivering Isla. I know if i'd listened to my head and stopped at 2 then i would have always been wondering and yearning. I followed my heart and am very glad i did.
I can't say whether it's right for you or not but i would say follow your heart, you'll know.
all the best for the decision making ,although thi sthread was started a while back so you may have already decided!

Julie x

I only got that really bad urge after number 3.. It just wouldn't go away.. I used to cry at the thought of never having anymore babies..

I have to say even though I would love more babies that urge urge has gone..

3 isn't so bad :D

hehehe just wait, I'm harrasing DH, whittling down the years i am having to wait for my babies... it's gone from 8 to 5... it will be 3 soon... hehehe then maybe next year if i nag enough! Then you will just have to have another with me :D

Lol we will keep trying, Together we will wear them down!!!!!

ps. Man I am soooo addicted to BB. The more i read the more I can't wait to have babies!!!!!!!!!

Argh Sophie - re-reading this thread has made me clucky again.. even tho I'm having a terrible time with my 2yr old these days! LOL.

Sometimes reality hits me, like when I was sick on the way home from camping, the thought went through my head.. omg, i couldn't do 3 months of morning sickness again. LOL.

I think another thing that puts me off a bit is a feeling of not being able to ask for help with 3 kids. It's almost like I think people will be thinking I brought it on myself having more than 2, so i have to deal with it. I'd feel bad asking mum (who's 75) to help with 3 kids.. she only really copes with 1 at a time now! LOL.

And yeah.. I'm sure my hanging out on BB all the time doesn't help.. makes me want to be preggers again. heh.

So Soph, are we still gonna go to the snow and let the kids trash that house? hehe.

HI !

You sound just like i did not so long ago.

I had 2 boys with a 2.5 year gap. Second was an absolute nightmare baby !
5 years later said to my husband i wanted another one - eeeeeekkkkk !!
I guess i was over the trauma of baby number 2.
Along came baby number 3.
Now that baby number 3 is 19 months old we have decided to try again ( last one! )
I must be crazy but we feel like baby 3 will be like an only child and it would be nice for him to have a playmate. Dont know about our chance of any holidays in the next 10 years or so !:lol:
I thought i was over the longing and yearning - NOT!!!!
It is a big decision - cant believe i might have 4 kids.

Good luck - I have 3 boys. Ages 9, 6.5, 19 months.
(secretly hoping for GIRL - more than happy with another boy ! )

I thought I was WELL over any urge, well over. I feel complete with three....until we were looking at DS's photo albums, his birth etc. Then he started kinder this year....oh dear I found myself longing for just one more.

won't be happening though!

haha yeah we will still go to the snow.... hahah but remember it is just couples?? lol no children.. they will have to hide in our suitcases lol. ahh.. like i said, our togetherness in nagging for babies will eventually work ;)

I went through a super-clucky stage when Imran was about 1. Luckily for me DH refused to even contemplate another. Eventually the clucky passed and I'm so grateful to DH.
I love having my 2 big boys, being able to go away with only enough equipment for half an army and being semi-spontaneous. I'm really glad that I can enjoy my family without the stress of a baby.
Maybe one day I'll want another but for now I'm selfishly enjoying trips to the snow, free days(thanks to child care) and conversations about which ice-cream is the most important.