I am sure that its very common to be freaking out about approaching labour and birth, but I am terrified of it. I really want my baby boy more than anything, but scared something will happen to him or he will get hurt during labour and birth. I am scared I wont be able to cope and scared that something will go wrong.
I would love to hear from you gals who have some positive comments and encouraging words for us terrified first timers!
Puppies - :hug: I haven't had my baby yet either and it's my first however I have read some really positive things in a book called BIRTH. I'll share it with you -
Some positive thoughts to take into labour with you -
* Your pelvis is not fused and does stretch and open, expanding for the amazing process of birth.
* Your baby's skull bones are divided into five plates that cross over during labour, making their head smaller by moulding, to fit the birth canal.
* Your baby has an innate sense of crawling or burrowing, as they move down and out of the uterus and through your pelvis to be born. Gravity helps your pelvis open and aids the descent of your baby.
Also...... I keep saying to myself "I am designed to give birth to my baby and my body will help me do this" "I can do this" "this is natural" ..... positive affirmations help me with any fears i have.... you should try it. Just keep saying that.
Try not to let your fears make you too scared..... rather instead, turn those fears into positive statements such as above...... that will help.... alot of it is in your mind. Our minds are such a powerful tool and can help shape our birth experience i believe.
I look forward to hearing positive posts from others too :D
Here's a nice story for you.
I was due on the 22/05/07 and at 7am 22/05/2007 I had my 1st contraction. Was doing normal things all day until the pain got a little to strong. Went to hossy and they said I was 4cm dialated!
long story short had Miss Annabelle Marie at 12:19am 23/05/07, she was 19mins overdue :lol:
No cuts , tears or drugs.
Nice enough for you :D
Now Im scared as my 1st pg and birth went text book the next will be terrible! :lol:
Good luck with it all. You will be fine. Breath and stay focused!
When I had my first baby, I was being induced and I was so freaked out I needed pethidine *before* labour even started!!! I was barely twenty years old, and i'd had little preparation. I was terrified. I am not a good person with pain so I was not at all sure that I would cope at all.:
In the end, it was wonderful. It was hard work, and yeah, it hurt. Most labours work out well, most babies turn out fine, and there's no need to think yours won't. And if you really feel you can't manage, there is pain relief for you. Avoid reading bad labour stories, delight in the amazing job your body has done and concentrate on the wellness of your pregnancy!
i was going for a vabc and petrefied that something would happen ... something did happen : it was called Labour and birth ..
looking back heres my thoughts :
* ctx (even tho i had 3 days of prelabour) were not as bad as i thought they would be ..
* my waters breaking naturally was the best feeling in the world . it really gave me the satisfaction that i could do this on my own with no intervetnion ..
* whileist my ctx had no gap inbetween , i begged for an epidural, got a internal and i was 9cm..I found so much strength after that ..
* pushing is an overwheling urge that i let my body take over and just went with it , the pushing didnt hurt
* having a wet slimy and pruple thing on your bare chest is the most wonderful feeling in the world ..
I actually had a CS with my 1st babe as i had Tokophobia. ( a mental issue where you are simply too afriad to labour , not like your every day fears , Real disturbing . unreal fears ..it was horrible .. I was suffering from OCD at the time) and this time with #2 i had a wonderful birth , 8 hrs all up inc 30 mins of pushing ...
believe in your body , it was desigend for this .. its your gift !!
Thought I should add. the hole experience was amazing. Yes ouch! But amazing! To see what I could do as a woman a young 19yr old woman! i cry when I stub my toe yet during birth I realised the job infont of me and did it.
Think of every contraction as one less ;)
Think of the only way to be out of pain is to give birth to that little wonder making its journey into the world.
Enjoy it as much as possible and dont think about it leading up to it. I found myself a completely different person in that labour room, with a completely different mind set so the one your in now cant even conprehend how it will turn out.
Our first little one was born at home. DW niggled in labour all day, and really started to establish around 3:00, 4:00pm. The midwife checked her at 5:00pm and she was only 1cm, and we were thinking that this would go all night! So DW rested in the bath for a while, which helped the contractions ease off, before they really started going again; by 9:00pm, she was 7cm, and by 10:20pm, our first little girl was born!
It was a wonderful experience. We had lots of support from our midwives and we read heaps about it all. Educate yourself and have confidence in what your body can do.
Puppies - kudos to you for articulating what many feel.
We live in a technically advanced society with huge emotional and social deficits. Never is this quite as apparent as when we discuss/experience birth.
There is so much fear and drama when birth is discussed (often). People seem to love to tell you how "bad" it was - having seen a LOT of births - rarely is the reality so dramatic.
Your body is incredible - amazing and efficient. Your body was designed to birth your baby - but as with all journey's of the soul it can be painful. Courage, support and faith is required.
Birth goes well MOST of the time. Educate yourself to the what if's of c/section but KNOW that if you are educated, if you are supported thru labour by a woman that is known to you and trusted by you (a doula, midwife) the most likely outcome is a healthy baby and an intact mother.
I believe (this may be out there for some but humour me...;)) that in the corner of every room where a woman births there is the essence/spirits of wise woman. Birthing is the ultimate spiritual event - a true miracle in progress. We DO NOT do it alone - but we are responsible for planning this birth meticulously. In the west we spend countless dollars on a wedding - countless hours planning every detail down to the ink on the place cards - which is all well and good. We need to do that with our births. We are responsible for setting up good support for the labour and afterwards - for having the birthing environment just how we would like it. This is a huge event in a woman (and man's life) - treat it with the sacredness it deserves! Education is important. Loving, gentle and educated women to guide you thru your journey are not "just nice extras" - they are imperitive.
Believe in your body - it is the same design as all the women who have gone before you. Believe in the journey - for birth is part of your journey as a woman.
Truly know that you really can do this. Smell your baby's hair, feel the pressure in your perineum. Yell YES!
I know it's a favourite of mine - but can I say it again... Your head gives birth before your Hoo Haa. So train your mind and love your body....
ETA: I have birthed 5 babies through my vagina and two surgically.
Nothing in all of this world compares to the bliss that is experienced when you push your child out and meet her for the first time. Nothing - it is truly the most amazing experience. I had 5 really powerful vaginal births - one quite challenging one. But each I had the support of loving, educated women to help my on my journey...
What you are feeling is absolutely normal... goes through everyone's mind during pregnancy at some stage, even the men freak out a bit .
Most of my memories from labour and birth are good... yeah it hurts, but it is so empowering and exciting knowing that the baby you have grown in your womb for so long is about to be held in your arms. You are a woman and as such have been give the gift of giving birth to your little babe.
Embrace what is ultimately your destiny, take control of a time in your life that will forever be etched into your memory.... It's all so thrilling, you are in for a heck of a ride and I am sure you will be fantastic
Congratulations!!
Tanya
Print off the above post and take it with you.
Flowerchild - that was the best post I've ever read.
I would say that it's hard to get your head around how this thing is going to come out of you when you're in a normal state of mind. Birth may be natural, but it is sooo not normal. It feels surreal, almost like you're on drugs. Your body and mind are in an enhanced state. I had augmentation in labour with DD, but even then the ctx didn't feel anything like what I expected. I just had gas, no epi, no cuts, tears or grazes. You will be ok. the process will take over and you will go with it. At the end of it you'll have your beautiful baby. GL!
Puppies, you are going to be WONDERFUL!!!!
My advice to you is read lots of great stories and inform yourself as to what's going to happen in your body. Having said that, nothing will adequately prepare you for what it actually *feels* like to give birth, because it is just so awesome, and such a privilege.
You are strong, capable and powerful.
Natalie's birth was really tough, and it went for a long while. But it was the most ecstatic experience of my entire life. I'm nervous about doing it again, sure. I think it is natural to feel aprehensive before such an amazing experience. But I know I can do it, and I know there is absolutely no feeling in this world like holding that precious baby to yourself after struggling to birth her - it makes your heart burst.
Deb - I wish you were closer to be with me for my birth :hug:
Puppies - remember it is pain with a purpose. I loved my labour with my son. My first birth was a nasty induction for a stillbirth but my second child brought me an understanding of the power of the female body. Yes - I ended up with an emergency c-section BUT I laboured drug free to 7cm. And it was wonderful. I am hoping to complete the process this time.
The surges come in short waves and you can visualise them as a wave where you reach the peak and they taper off with you sliding down the other side. They start slowly and get stronger and closer together but it is manageable sensations. It is like you are being introduced to them slowly so that after each one you can go "that was ok - I can manage that" before being given the next one.
Imagine your cervix opening like a flower and your uterus contracting effectively to move your little person down and out of your soft and flexible vagina that expands to receive and deliver your child.
Your head is your most important tool in labour. Practice imagery that assists to to see a successful birthing - whatever that is for you. By being able to see it as a positive experience you decrease the stress hormones that are released when you have fear and prevent a slowing of labour.
Thank you for being brave enough to verbalise what many feel in the lead up to birth. I hope the posts from some very wise women can help you :hug:
one of the best things a friend told me when i was about to have DD was to relish just how primal the whole experience is. our bodies are just AMAZING things and the beauty that comes with knowing that our babies are helping us during the birth is something that i kept focussing on (i kept telling myself that she was helping me and that she was going through the same thing...sometimes you can *forget* you are having a baby...in the sense that when contractions get on top of each other you can lose focus... so this was a nice way to connect to bubs throughout the process).
JIC you're wondering my friend said: 'Clare, it's just so [expletive] primal, it's amazing!' i just kept remembering her words.
I know it's hard to imagine, but you will get through it. And on the other side it is just one day in your new life with your baby, a very special one of course. Before you know it, it will seem like it was in another lifetime.
With all of our technology it is still a completely primal experience as Cassius says.
Birth is a rite of passage as old as human life, and one that every mother has survived.
Michelle - I wish I could be there too - if it was doable I would come in a heartbeat. Maybe it is? :hug:
Has anyone read the book "the journey" Brandon Bays???
She talks about (very simplistically) going into the pain, fear, sorrow - but for the purposes of this the fear. This is not a book on birth but on being truly present to our emotions. I think that is really relatable to birthing.
Resist the opportunity to run from it when our mind takes us there - sometimes we go: "I am really really scared"... We walk to the edge of the water - we dip in our toes (metaphorically) and we say "nah I am not going there". What would it feel like if we dipped in our toes - then waded in and then immersed ourselves completely - I call that surrender. Just allow it to be as it is - it might be scary and nasty and ugly - but as human beings it can be tempting to always live as if by only dipping in our toes.
As a woman we have the opportunity to jump into that water. It happens around 9cms - doctors call it transition - I call it the "calling". As a woman those wise Women in the corner of the room call you - they call your body - they call your baby. As a Woman in our heads we have to make the decision to jump into the water - no toe dipping is gonna get this baby born sister! You have to jump - when your perineum burns and you want to mouth "NO"! You are challenged to push - even though it is going to hurt like nothing you have ever experienced. You can choose to mouth YES! When you say Yes! in your heart, in your head and you push into that pain (or jump into that water) the result is absolute pure joy and ecstacy. I promise you that!
So it is with life - thru the most unthinkable pains and sorrows there is always always something golden.
Birth teaches us much of what life is like (I believe) and as Women - this is a gift that we really need to receive...
It is raw energy - it is primal and it is millenia old. The room is always full when a woman births. There is always a wise Woman calling you - you just need to listen! ;)
Geez Deb, can I have you at my VBA2C???? Puh-leese???
My first birth was 11 hours. What took my by surprise is that I thought I would be resisting the temptation for drugs - but it never occurred to me to want them. I was so amazed at how my body knew what to do, how all the hormones helped me focus and birth my baby.
I learned beforehand that contractions felt like waves, and that knowledge helped me feel that I knew what was happening.
Knowing that the pain of transition means I'm almost there is a great encouragement.
So is reaching up and feeling the head. It's exciting.
As others have said, labour is productive pain, it is achieving a result, and every contraction brings you closer to your baby. And your body eases you into it.
Before my first, I tried not to overthink. I was going to birth a baby, I couldn't avoid it, so I would learn to make it a good experience. My body would deal with it when it happened. If something did go wrong (nothing did), there was no point worrying about possibilities beforehand.
After my first, do you know what I said? 'I could do that again'. It was the best feeling afterward, to have had a baby, to gently hold this amazing miracle on my chest and touch his little fingers and nose. I'm smiling just remembering. It is all worth it.
I'll add my thoughts to the list here, Puppies.
I can remember that feeling pretty well from my first baby. :hug: I had visions of myself tearing nearly in half and never being the same again, fear of the unknown, fear of the pain, etc. I was a tense and nervous wreck! Thankfully my baby didn't make me wait too long, 'cause along with the dread, I also wanted to just get it done and over with!
And, as the other ladies have said, YOU CAN DO IT! :) I did it. It hurt, for sure. But it was not an unfamiliar pain, or a frightening pain. I could feel that it was a working pain - overwhelming at times, and as Flowerchild has said, those are the times when you've got to give in and work with it - focus and let it go.
Learn as much as you can about what your body is going to be doing in labour. Make sure someone is going to be there who can really support you - your DH might not be up to the task, simply because he doesn't know how. If he'll educate himself, then great, otherwise, look at getting a doula, or having an experienced friend with you.
I personally would highly recommend using water in labour - it provides great pain relief and relaxation. Maybe you can see what is available where you plan to give birth - a birth tub would be great, but even a shower helps!
If it's any comfort to you, my first birth went quite well - I woke up in labour at 7:00 or so, got to the hospital at 9:30, and baby was born at 1:30 that afternoon. I had some pain relief at 7-8 cm (I don't think they knew how far I was then - they shouldn't have given it to me, 'cause I was in transition, and baby was born about 1 hour later.) No tearing. :)
Yes, it hurt, but you were made for it, and you can do it! I had no fear of labour anymore after that birth.
My second birth was equally good. Very much the same story, just two years later.
My third was a planned homebirth, and it was the best so far, I think. :) Spent all day in light labour, walking around town with my DH, snuggled up on the couch watching movies, relaxing in the bath.... Then when things picked up around supper time, I remained in the bath, and after about an hour and a half, began to push, and about 5-10 minutes later baby was here. Again, no tearing, and this time no drugs.
As far as fear for your baby goes - they'll be keeping a careful eye on both of you. The midwives will check your baby's heart rate periodically throughout your labour, and make sure that he's doing fine. And if things would go wrong, we live in a day and age when they can quickly and safely get that baby out surgically. You can prepare yourself for that possibility, too, but don't dwell on that - the vast majority of births do not require surigcal intervention!
All the best for a great labour and birth!
Thank you so much ladies. I am beginning to really feel much better already. I can do this! I think that your right, I need to speak positive and think positive thoughts. I guess its all part of the processes. I am so looking forward to meeting our little gift from God! I am a christian woman and I know I have lost focus on the most important thing and I need to regain focus and trust that God would never have given me the gift of conception and the gift of a easy and lovely pregnancy if he didn't think I could finish the race.
YEP I AM UP FOR THIS AND BETTER STILL I AM GOING TO DO IT WELL AND EVEN IMPRESS MYSELF WITH HOW WELL I DO... Yeah now I am getting excited, woohooo!
Thanks heaps!
Glad to hear u are feeling better after reading these posts, its amazing what some reassurance can do!
I had my first bub in April and had VB went in to labour at home the day after i was due, starting having contractions at 1.30am, it was strange and yeah they were painful, i laboured at home watching dvds and homeshopping channel LOL laying over my fit ball. i woke my DH at 5.30am and told him what was happening until then i was on my own just adjusitng to what was happening to my body and mentally preparing for what was going to happen.
We went to hospital at 10am and our DS was born at 1.42pm! We were in 2nd stage for 2 hours and it was hard at times but my body took over and knew what needed to happen. i had gas for pain relief but that was at about 12 o clock. I in the end i had an episiotomy and a had a few problems, but i am so proud of myself for getting thru it. Like u i was petrified of the birth but i read as much as i could and chose not to listen to the people who thought it would be good for me to hear how horrible their birth was! No matter which way your baby is born it is not easy but it is worth it, my birth wasnt as straightforward as i wanted but my body knew how to cope and yours will too! Good luck and just believe in yourself and your body :-)
Glad you are feeling better towards your labour.
I have had the pleasure of birthing 3 beautiful babies.
My firs bub i was induced due to medical reasons, my waters broke naturally and she arrived 4 hours after, i didnt require any stitching.
My second bub was 10 days late and he arrived in the shower at the hospital in a 40 minute labour again no stitches.
My most recent bub number 3 came on his own at the birthing unit in a 55 minute labour.
I am very blessed to have quick natural labours. my second and third all with no pain relief.
I got through with positive thinking and by realising all the hard work was for a purpose, every contraction was doing a job and bringing my babies closer.
Get lots of rest before hand .
Take care of yourself and look forward to meeting your new arrival
Thank you everyone for such wonderful posts! The passion and positive energy on this thread is amazing...I have been writing things down as I read!
Puppies, my midwife recommended I start writing down affirmations to put around the house to help my mind prepare for birth...I now have a list thanks to all the amazing wisdom on this thread!!!
yep , birth truly rocks !! i still lay in bed late at night thinking about DD's birth , im pretty chuffed that i did something i was so fearful of ...
puppies -
it is hard to know what to expect and i am guessing this is where your fear is coming from
i want to tell you i had 2 drug free birth (both no from complete choice but from unusual circumstances and fast established labours - one in an ambulance and the other accidently in my bedroom.)
you sort of take it a step at a time as labour progresses - i had relatively silent births and somewhat mediated and breathe my way through (feel free to look up both birth stories) telling myself this is what my body was designed for and i could do it,
the labour pains can hurt - i found the shower great! wish i had the chance with #1 . but when you get to pushing and you use those contractions i honestly wasnt in all that much pain. strange i know but it is a different feeling.
when that baby pushes out it is the most amazing feeling and when you hear him cry everything disappears in the room except you and bub! it is amazing,
I was paranoid something would go wrong with Brock's birth. It was mostly due to the fact that I'd be giving birth for the 1st time at 42. I worried I'd go early & bubs wouldn't survive. I worried I'd go over & the placenta would deteriorate due to my age. I worried that he wouldn't make it. I worried something would go wrong and I'd have to have an emergency C section. I worried for nothing. Yes there was pain, but the drugs took the edge off it. Yes it took a while but it was more than worth it.
Now I've had time to reflect on my birth I truly believe the worst part of it was when I was at home. Once I was at hossy I felt far safer & more in control. I didn't expect to feel that way but that's just the way it turned out.
Keep up those positive thoughts. Make sure you read up on second stage. I regret not doing more of that.
Thanks Satya,
Do you have any ideas on where I can read up about birth and in particular second stage as you suggest?
There is lots of websites about labour and the stages you go thru...I don't have any off the top of my head but if you google it they will pop up! Spend time reading them as they will mentally prepare you for what will happen but remember that it is not the same for every woman!
I had the same aprehension as you but like it has been stated by the wise women before me...your body has this unbeleivable way of knowing what to do and when to do it!!! I was amazed at how it all works!!
My mum gave me one piece of advice that really worked for me and that was to stay relaxed and don't try and fight the urges or feelings your body gives you...just go with it!!!
I spent the whole day(woke up at 7am) thinking I was having contractions but because I had a week to go I kept telling myself it wasn't....I spent all day on this site reading labour stories and trying to work out if I was having Braxton Hicks or the real deal! I sent my hubby to work at 11.30pm that night still in denial but by 2am I was having really close and long contractions so I rang the hospital and they said to stay at home a bit longer.....then I had a show and started being sick...That FREAKED me out!!
Hubby came home from work about 3am and rang the hospital for me and they said come in so I did (4am) because being sick is a sign of labour (now I know that) They examined me and were going to send me home to get some sleep but then I had a contraction and an amazing urge to push which I went with....
My waters broke and an hour and a half later (6.55am) my beautiful baby boy was here!!!
It was only a 4 hour labour...(they took it from active labour 2am) No drugs at all which made me even prouder!! My midwife was amazing and hubby of course!!!
So I realised I actually did all the pre labour work at home that day and didn't even know it!!!
Hey yea it doesn't tickle but my gosh did I learn something about my body and how amazing we women really are!!!
At the end of this long story I will finish with believe in your body and you will know what to do!! I can't wait to do it again!!!!!!
Good luck with it all xoxoxoxo
See if you can get hold of a book called Birth Skills by Juju Sundin & Sarah Murdoch - lots of great info and techniques in that one.
You HAVE to read this thread started by Blue Daisy: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...f-methods.html
I had a fantastic second labour and I give the information in this thread lots of credit for it! It is so empowering to learn how your body works in labour and how to work with it, instead of against it.