Lauralyn...my angel

We lost 'lorrie' (lauralyn) on 17/9/08 she was 40weeks +6 days, much loved and wanted little girl, she was born still...no reason, no explaination, perfectly heathly bub right up untill the day before she was going to be induced and her little heart just stopped. I just wanted to say to all the mums out there when you read this please hug your children, give them a kiss and just for a seccond look at them and realise how special they are and how truely blessed you are to have them, I have prayed hard that no-one else every has to experience this kind of loss again. My heart goes out to all those who have experienced the loss of a child.

Susan I have no words, I am so sorry for your loss of Lauralyn. Just to let you know, you are not alone. There are plenty of mothers here on BB that have sadly experienced a loss like yours, if you hang around here you will find them to be a great support.

Hi Susan,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, my heart breaks for you. I lost a little girl Jasmine on the 29/10/08 at 19 wks and that has been so painful, your situation is just so cruel. There are other women on BB who understand what you are going through, know you have support here.

Hugs
Berry

So very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Please know that she will always remain close to your heart. You are so right, no one should ever have to lose a child, it's just not right, my heart goes out to you.

Regards,
Dianne

Im so sorry to read of your angels passing :(

What a beautiful name for who im sure is a beautiful angel :pray: for you and your family.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine your pain.
We are all here for you if you need it. There are others who have unfortunately also experienced what you have.
Thinking of you.

Susan, Your loss is just devistating and my heart goes out to you and your family. Words just cannot even begin to ease your pain . Your post has bought tears to my eyes , and I actually got up and kissed my children. Lauralyn is blessed to have a mother so caring and loving to remember her.

I am so sorry to read your post it made me cry and cuddle my baby.

I wish i could fix your pain, i cant even imagine how much you must hurt be strong and remember she is watching you from above.

xoxo

Thank you, for your kind words, as lauralyn was our first and only child, we now have a deep chasm of emptness to fill. Some days are good and some are bad, as I am a nurse and know alot of medical things, I some times find it especially hard at times to come to terms with our loss. I was so carefull...even when I had kidney stones when pregnant I would not even take panadol, I know it is irrational but I didnt want anything that wasnt natural incase it caused any harm. I was so carefull....We wanted her so much...I don't know how we knew but we some how knew she was a girl and named her from 6wks. I first felt her kick at 16 wks, I know she liked watermellon, ice-cream, silverbeet and strawberries she would wriggle and stretch, she didnt like garlic and would kick and thump, she liked "my life" from westlife but didnt like the loud noises of the plaster drill at work...... We took photos every few weeks so she could see how big I got, her daddy wrote a note when she was due 11/9/08 asking where are you?. And in another photo stuck a baby on-board sign on my tummy... for weeks after she was gone I would wake at nght around the time she would act up kicking and swore for a seccond I could still feel her and that it was all a dream... I wish it was so badly, it still hurts so much and my soul is screaming for her.

Susan your words are amazing. Making me cry. I dont know how women/men get through this and I truly wish you never had to. Im praying for you

I am crying for your loss susan ... I have no idea how someone gets through this .. but some people here at BB have gone through what you are going through now and will offer you as much support as your want.

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my soul is screaming for her.

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This just tears my heart out... your loss is immessurable.

I'm so sorry hun, its not fair.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. We can plan our lives as thoroughly as we can, but it sometimes doesn't workout. Words cannot express your pain, and nobody can take this away from you, however sharing your grief can help you to try and cope with your loss. I delivered a baby boy 5 weeks ago (15weeks), and it is still painful.

I pray for your pain to ease.

I'm so sorry for your loss Susan! Your post made me cry too! I hope you have a great support network to help you through this horrible time, you sound like you have a wonderful partner! You will definitely find support here on BB!

Thankyou every one, I know it takes time but I feel very crushed, my sprit and light have been shattered and I am struggling to find that light agian, Jenny...what can I say I am so sorry, though no words can bring comfort I just wish and pray that talking to other can start us on the road to healing, and finding our light. I have prayed that no-one ever has to endure this and that god can give us strength, courage and to let us know the joys of parenthood rather than just the pain. To know the small joys of hearing our children cry for the first time, to feel their comforting wamth on our skin, to smell their hair, to feel their tiny fingers wrap around our finger, to let them feel the sunlight on their faces, to allow our parents to see and hold a much wanted granchild and to see the look on their fathers face when he holds them in his arms for the first time, these are the things many take for granted. These are the small things very sadly missed. Lorrie.... was very much wanted for many reasons... my father passed away in April of this year suddenly and the day before he passed away, he was so excited to see the ultrasound pictures of her, we told him her name (for the first time as we had kept it a secret) The thought of her got many of us through the greiving for him and my mother held on so tighly to the memory of him snuggling beside her wriggling excitedly saying that he was excited because it had been so long since there was a little one in the house....so lorrie was wanted by many more than just us and is very sadly missed.

I am so sorry for both your losses - your beautiful daughter and your father.

I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but my heart goes out to you. I am sure Lauralyn is snuggling and wiggling in your fathers arms as they look down on you from Heaven.

All my love hun

Nae x

I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you, I can't begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling.
It's just not natural to outlive your child, no mother should have to go through it.
Please take care of yourself and we are all here to support you in what ever way we can.
xxx

susanw ,so sorry about your loss it brings back memories of the loss of my own first child also in sept this year and also the tears started again after i read your post. The pain is so incredible and excruciating that you think it will surely not get better , you are a strong ,brave and courageous woman dear wonderful mum to precious lauralyn so keep hanging in there and take it one day at at time another baby would come not as a replacement for our lost precious one but as healing for our souls.Take care of yourself love God is with you

susan, just wanted to give you BIG :hug: and tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of your precious little girl. I hope you find some comfort here on BB and know that we are always here for you. Your story is so sad and my heart is breaking for you. Take care of yourself and I'm sending you all my love during this time.

I am so sorry for your loss of of your beautiful girl. I cannot begin to comprehend what you and your husband are going through at the moment, but just really wanted to send you my thoughts and prayers to you, your family and little Lauralyn.

Many families have found support here on BB and I hope that this can be the same for you too.

big hugs :hug:

"my soul is screaming for her"

you can hear it in every word you write! keep telling your story, you are not alone. Hoping your DH has found somewhere to voice his pain too.

Best wished to all of you,

Oh Susan, I am so deeply very sorry for your loss and the pain that you have had to endure. Yours words have made me cry and I ache inside for you and wish so much that I could give your little girl back. I cannot even begin to understand what you and your DH are going through right now, but just know that I am sending so much love and support for you both and your little Lauralyn. An angel taken too soon.

Hugs to you both.

Oh Susan, my heart is breaking for you and for the rest of your family. This must be such a ahrd time for everyone. I hope you can find comfort adn healing in their arms. And in the knowledge that your precious little Lauralyn is being cuddled and watched over by her grandfather who loved her so much, even before he had met her.
I don't think you are ever old enough to lose your parents. And you just should not outlive your children. To experience both losses within a few months is just so cruel.
I have not been in your shoes, so i can't begin to understand the feelings you are experiencing as you mourn these two losses. All I want to say is that I'm glad you are able to share your story here and I hope that it helps. Do not bottle up your feelings. You don't need to "get over it". Scream when you feel like screaming. Cry when you feel like crying. Don't let anyone give you a time frame to grieve in.

You and your family are in my thoughts.
Saša

So sorry to hear of your loss :hug:

What a beautiful name you called her.

Sending you lots of strength :hug:

Thanks to everyone who wrote encouraging messages, it helps to know that people are intrested, and that there are those that still care out there.I think it helps me to talk, I am strugglkng to find small joys in life, my only hope is that the future will bring my happiness, my heart and soul is bleeding, I have a heaviness constantly in my chest,her bed was still made untill a few weeks ago and my husband went in and disasembled her stuff and put it away......I still cant walk into her room, her I dare not walk down the baby isle in woolworths or step into the baby section of big w or target....and then I remember the excitement and joy I once had at looking at all the baby stuff, and I cry... I can not look a pregnant woman in the face and I cant look at a baby...which makes it hard..cause when I go back to work I will have to deal with this on a daily basis as I am a nurse. And when I do go out I live in fear as it has happened afew times already, that someone who doesnt know excitedly rushes up to me and asks youve had your baby!, god that hurts...I try not to cry but, my soul raw, exposed and fragile has been hit again and the tears just come no matter how hard I try, then I have to explain what happened, standing by myself with strangers walking around me, I am alone, hurting and vulnerable. I am angry at myself at times too,I know I shouldnt think this way but I see so many who have kids and are pregnant again, and I think WHY CANT I HAVE ONE TOO!! what do I do so wrong?, how come they get two or more and I couldnt have even one?, I wish some one could tell me so I never ever do that again....I know I have a long way to go but I am trying every day.

Oh Susan,
when are you thinking of going back to work? Yes id say it is going to b very hard, as being a nurse you have probably come from a nice close ward of girls....What do you do, go back soon......take a long time off.........change wards.......change hospitals......
All just things that you shouldnt have to even be thinking of.

I can understand you being so angry about everything, the resentment must flow from you some days.

You had 40weeks of her with you every moment of everyday, it is going to take SO much longer to learn to live without her. Because you cant get back to "normal" as your whole life has changed.

A mother without a baby to hold...no greater pain could be felt!