Just told my parents....

Well one half anyway! Told my mum on Friday that we are expecting...I got pretty much the reaction we had expected. She sounded very disappointed, like I have done another wrong by them, then started going on about how young I am (it's not like I am 16 years old, and I am in a committed relationship) and money etc etc (told her there is always ebay and garage sales, and we aren't struggling we live comfortably and the bills are paid).

I have had a few issues in the last couple of years with my parents- me moving in with my then BF, now fiance, then leaving uni, then getting engaged, and now this. It's just so frustrating, I would like them to be supportive and even if they don't agree with my decisions, at least act like they are happy for us. I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions and living with the consequences.

I didn't tell the whole truth...which is that I went off the pill, I thought it just might be easier to let her think that I was still on the pill when it happened, and tbh does it really matter if I was or wasn't :rolleyes: The point is, it has happened, we are happy, once again everyone else we have told except my parents have been happy for us.

I haven't told my dad yet, but I am expecting the same reaction, if not worse...but luckily they live 6 hours away so there's not much they can do..lol
People have told me it will be different once the baby is here, but I don't see that it will change...just for once I wish they could be positive about something, and not seeing the negatives all the time! :wall:

My DF's mum has been fantastic, I've told her before I wish she was my mum :lol: So at least we know we can always rely on her for support. I just wish my parents would be happy for us!! Argh! We are spending a couple of days with them for christmas, I am dreading the approximately 48 hours we will be spending with them...I just know it is going to feel so awkward.

Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far... it would be great if anyone has some tips for how to deal with them? (apart from not talking to them at all...that would be a good option! :lol: )

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it would be great if anyone has some tips for how to deal with them? (apart from not talking to them at all...that would be a good option!

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A very good option....worked on my parents...but its not the nicest thing to do..LOL

As you said, your an adult not a child, whilst you are only 20 you seem mature enough to do your own thing and at the end of the day its your life and body to make these decisions not your parents. I hope they see sense and support you and DF through this pregnancy and beyond *hugs*

ss_storm- Your story and the reactions in it are extreamly normal! I think most of the young parents out there would relate 100% to you story.

It should go something like this, 1st finding out, they are mad etc etc, then start to calm, then come to terms with it, then start to get excited ;)

My tip to you is, dont take offense to anything they say out of shock. This is THEIR baby who is having one and they only want whats best for you ;)
Im not sure why most parents see their children having a baby at any age over 20 as a negative thing. But its just the way it is and as long as you keep your cool and believe in what you're doing then they'll have no chioce but to follow.

Now all I have to do is take my own advice seen as we're trying for #2 haha :lol:

If you would like to chat to someone who has done it and will have to do again, soon my msn addy is yatesjasper@hotmail.com, if you have msn of course :redface:

I feel very sad for you, because if there was ever a time you need your mum the most, its now as you go through your pregnancy. Its a shame your mum hasnt come to her senses yet and realised that.

I must admit when we first told my parents we were 21, my mum was fine but my dad was 'dissapointed'. However these days you wouldnt know it, he is so proud of DD and loves her to bits. So hopefully as your pregnancy progresses they will start getting excited and supportive. Also I know how it feels when your partners parents are so happy about it and your own parents are not, I guess in a way you feel let down.

So yep I agree with mamakass, majority of young couples go through this when they announce their pregnancy, but time will make it better.

I just wanted to send you out a big :hug:

When I feel preg with my first ( was 17) all I got from my mum was "well you just ruined your life"
So I know how you feel hun, dont let them get to you, enjoy your pregnancy and if they want to be like that just dont update them on anything.

Im now 30 and pregnant with my fourth and still havnt told my mum cos I know her reaction will be negative, I can never to right by my mum :rolleyes:

Hope your pregnancy is a smooth and healthy one and Im sure your parents will come round. Mind did and they couldnt' get enough of my firstborn when i had her.

then started going on about how young I am...

Years ago this was the norm. My FS told me the best age to fall pg was between 18 & 25


Congratulations on getting pg :)

Hey honey I know where you're coming from. I fell pregnant with DS at 17 and my family were horrible at first but as time passed they got more into it. Now (DS is almost 6 months) they love being grandparents, great grandparents, etc. Just give em time and don't let em get you down.

Oh hun don't take too much notice! She is properly just in shock i was 19 when i fell pregnant with my first and my mum laughed then said most of the things your mum did :P Dam mothers know how to hurt! But i just left her for a while waited till she called me and we started talking then she got more excited then me!!! and now i'm 22 expecting my 2nd and she managed a congrats! but it took a couple of days of sinking in, and now shes already talking about moving closer! LOL!

Parents are strange little creatures! They want to be happy for you but the whole omg this is my baby having a baby sends them into a bit of shock and denile i think!

Just give your mum some time, talk about bubs when she is ready and i bet in now time shes going to be the one calling you up to talk about babies :)

Take care and i wish you a H&H pregnancy congrats!

Darl, I'm sorry your mum reacted the way she did, I really hope that once she gets over the initial shock that she will be excited as you are.

My dad was excited when I told him I was pg with Brendan, but reacted less excited this time. But he's very reserved and believes in the whole marriage before babies thing :lol: Although I was born out of wedlock! Anyhoo he will come round soon.... I know he will.

Congrats on your pregnancy! :dance:

I'm sorry that your Mum reacted like that! When I told my family, there was no "congratulations", it was more just shock and disbelief and then..."omg what about uni" :rolleyes: I think you're doing a great job and all I can say is just keep doing what you're doing, you're in a good place atm and I agree 20 is a good age to have a baby! My midwife told me that I was at a great age to have a baby and that made me feel so good as most of the comments I get are "Oh I didn't know you were married" and "How old are you?"

I think your parents will definitely come around once your bubba arrives and if not, they are missing out :hug:

Firstly, big huge congratulations on your pg! That's so exciting.

I'm sorry your parents are like that.
I really hope after they have time to let it sink in that they'll want to be involved or at least be happy for you.

I'm sorry I don't have any tips or anything to help.
I reckon when you see them and they're still doing the negativity thing, just show them how happy you really are and try not to let it get you down.
:hug: :hug:

I hope the rest of your pg goes fantastically!!

Thanks everyone :) Guess I will just have to wait and see if they get over it...lol At least they are 6 hours drive away, so it's not like we have to see them all that often.
And in a strange way, I think it will make me a better parent too, I kind of know what not to do! I understand it must be a shock for them, but having kids is sort of the next logical step, I know I would much rather be a younger grandparent if I was in their shoes (not that they are even old, but it's not like they are going to be 70 or 80 and being unable to play with them...). I guess the next 7 months will tell!

Thanks again for all your lovely words, it really does make a difference when you know that others have also experienced what you have, and that there is lots of support out there (even if it doesn't always come in parental form! Lol).

Hun, you'll probably find that no matter how old you are - you'll get the same reactions from your parents no matter what the topic is...! It's probably just their personality.

DP is now 37 and his mother still (apparently) knows whats best for him..whereas my parents are more "right, so you're moving house - what can we do to help - do you need any boxes" etc...."right, DD needs a swing - i'll make one"....

Unfortunately you can't pick and choose 'em eh??? ;)

Show your abilities to be a wonderful mother and make them eat their words....(Remind them that there are plenty of pathetic 30yr old mothers out there too - I'm a cop, I've seen it first hand! Raising kids in conditions I wouldn't let my dogs live amongst!)...

my mum was the same when i told her abt my 1st pregnancy. but after the shock she was fine with it. maybe give her a bit of time for it to sink in for her and see how it goes.

SS Storm - my mum was OK with it, but her sister decided to ask me if DS was planned - and my mother stuck up for her! An understandable question, apparently! I was 25, married and mortgaged! Sort of expected I thought, at least it was to my dad's side who were all really thrilled for me.

My parents are in their early 50s and fantastic grandparents (now we've straightened a few things out, such as I am the Mummy!). DS knows his great grandad M and great grandma H. PiL are in their mid-60s and RUBBISH grandparents (great PiL though) because they just don't do anything with us.

SS Storm -- I can somewhat relate to you..
I am 28yrs old & my mother is STILL trying to control my life.. Well she was until recently..
My most recent surprise has really made me stand up for myself & my little family, my mother has being unsupportive from the moment I told her (and she wonders why it took me 7wks to tell her! - i was 13wks at the time).. She has only just recently given up on trying to talk me into a termination!

Just think about it like I have, if she doesn't come around, it will be sad indeed, but she is the one who will miss out..
Best of luck with telling your Dad :)
And it's fantastic to read you have such wonderful support from DF's mum..

my mum wants me to have a baby and im 20..21 soon lol. but then again my sis had my nephew at 21 and niece when shed just turned 22. me and mark have been together 3 yrs...parents eh?? i hope you are ok enjoy your pg huni. im the only 1 out of my sisters who hasent got a baby. the youngest sister had her baby the 9th dec 08 and turned 20 10 days later. so i think young mums run in our fam lol.
if you want to vent vent away..understand totally
rach xxx

Hi hun,

I just turned 22 in Sept., am in a lesbian relationship, and just had a bub. LOL! My parents had the same reaction to me starting a relationship with Shel, moving in, and the getting pregnant (which, obviously, wasn't an accident!).

When I told them I was pregnant, they were angry, upset, disappointed (I hadn't told them we were trying)... It did get worse as the weeks went by, and by 20 weeks I wasn't talking to them at all. When we found out Jazz was a girl we didn't tell them. My sis told them though, and I think it finally sunk in that if they want anything to do with their grandchild they need to make an effort.

It has been VERY slow progress, as we are all tentatively building our relationship again. However, they loved Jazz from day one, actually they drove 2 hours to see us for 20 minutes in the hospital. This time last year I was 8-9 weeks pergnant, and I couldn't see how they would ever come around or change, and TBH I thought this was the end of my relationship with them. But they did.

I think the initial shock of "oh my goodness my baby is having a baby", and letting go of the fact that they aren't in charge any more, that you have a life independant of them, that you don't actually NEED to be under their wing anymore, is something that is hard.

I hope they realise sooner rather than later that your life will continue with or without them.

xoxoxoxo

hugs hun! I know what that is like. My mum is soooo supportive and happy with all her grandbabies, I was 19 with my first, my sister was 20 with hers, now shes 23 with her 2nd and single, just like I was 23 with my third and his dad and I aren't together. But these things didn't bother her at all! She was just so excited to be grandma once again lol (think it helps that she was 19 with her first, me, too!)
However both my EP parents were far from happy, very disapointed, looking at all the bad things blah blah. It's a realy pain isn't it :(
Best bit I can tell you from past experience, they change when bubs comes ;) Suddenly become doting grandparents hehe Ashtons other grandparents were so excited they stuck 51 photos of him all over their fridge haha

HEY dont stress!!!

my fiance and I were 19 when we started trying and my mum knew and she sort of was in denial we got pregnant after 14 months but lost it and guess who was sitting there crying with me n DF MY MUM!!! soooo they will come around, and now im preg again after 9 months of trying this time and im not telling her til the 2nd trimester this time! im 21 and in my 4th and last year of uni and my fiance is an army officer and we are 21 and she will STILL find someway of making us feel bad, trust me!

ME 21 DF 21

BFP 2/1/09 our natural miracle!!!

parents will always b parents
DP & i had only known each other for a short time before we decided to have a baby together. everyone thinks its an accident, but trust me it wasnt! tellin his parents was the easiest thing but it was hard to tell mine, we jst kept puttin it off. in the end it turned out nt TOO bad.
mums a bit disappointed that i decided to fall pg as all the time/money on education is wasted. she doesnt want me to b sahm & keep tellin me to go look for a job in my field. it took her a few days initially to come ard but now she loves her grandson to bits!
tbh its nt the early pg that scares the parents, the future is what scares them (whether u will b together long-term). but then again nothing is for definite in this world

I was 16 when i found out i was preg and my mum TOLD me i wasn't having it. I had already made up my mind before i told her and i didnt want to be influenced into anything, she was upset with me for a week and then she took me shopping for baby stuff. The day alyssa was born she couldnt have been happier and she already had 5 grandchildren.
Your mum and dad will come around, they may not do it quickly but as soon as they see your baby they will fall in love and they too will be thankful you had him/her

Don't panic, my mum quietly freaked out when I told her I was pregnant with my first... just because she didn't think my relationship was going to last and she's one of those people who kind of clings to her kids because it makes her feel needed to have them around, and then when they do things like move out or whatever she gets upset because it means they don't need her so much anymore... it isn't just younger parents either, one of my friends was 27 when she found out she was having a baby and her parents hit the roof, didn't speak to her for months and just generally thought she was 'ruining her life' because she was 'too young' to be a mum...
My mum was also mortified that I was making her a grandmother before she turned 50, but as the pregnancy progressed and she could see that my DH and I were blissfully happy and coping very well together, she calmed down and got so excited you would have thought it was her baby on the way!!

I'm sure your parents will relax, they are probably just concerned because they are so far away and can't be at your side in a moment's notice if you need them, and it always makes people feel old to see their kids do things like leave school, get married, and of course have babies... kind of reminds them they're one step closer to the grave, really!!

Good luck with them, just try and casually explain that they shouldn't be worried about you because they did their job right, they've raised a sensible woman who is capable of making her own decisions and handling any curveballs life throws at you, and that you want them to be involved (but not TOO involved, obviously). Some parents feel left out of this kind of stuff, especially if they don't live nearby, and they might feel a bit miffed that they might 'miss out' on this amazing experience.
I'm sure they will get more and more excited for you as they get a bit more time to let things sink in, though, so please try not to worry too much, or get angry at them.

LOL I made my mum a grandmother at 40 :lol:


How are you going? I hope you are getting the support you need hun :hug:

My 17 year old sister is 24 weeks pregnant. She has been with her bf for 3 years and they have been living together for 2 years. When sis told mum, mum was disgusted and so disappointed and would not acknowledge the pregnancy. Mum felt awful for feeling this way, but as time goes on she has gotten a lot better. She now is constan tly buying baby things for sis and is starting to look forward to bub arriving.

Im sure your parents will warm to the idea as time goes on. Once bub is here they will fall head over heels in love

i hope things are getting easier huni.
love rach xxxxx

Thanks everyone for your answers, feel a bit more reassured now!
It has been a while since we told them, my mum I think is now ok with it, although I don't really discuss much about it with her. She did give us "What to Expect when you're expecting" for Christmas, although oddly it was only from her, not from her and dad... but it was still very lovely of her. We also had a bit of a chat about it (morning sickness etc) while we were up there over christmas.

My dad I still don't know...I really haven't talked to him much at all, basically just said "hi & bye" while we were up there, and spoke to him on the phone once since we've been back home, which was just the typical "what have you been up to, what's the weather like" conversation.

Haven't discussed what is going to happen when the baby is born, but I'm sure mum at least would come down for a little while. Things for the moment seem stable, so hopefully will remain that way. But it's a good lesson for us for when our kids are old enough to start having children, so I guess I can thank them for that!

dads dont like to think of their baby girl all grown up!!!
hope he comes round soon...soo glad your mums starting too,
love rach xxxx

They'll come round Storm, once bubs is born even your dad will be down, im sure of it.

My dad was upset when I got pg with DS and I was in my 30s LOL He thought we shouldn't be having any more kids. Now he adores him.
Reading this from a mother's POV (My oldest is 17) there isn't just the whole my baby is having a baby thing its the realisation that you are moving into the next phase of your life and thats scary. I know I hate the thought that my pg and baby days are over and if DD suddenly announced she was pg I would have to deal with the fact that I was moving into grandma territory and I would be really depressed. So sometimes its not about you its about how they feel about themselves IYKWIM?

I told my father over the phone (despite the fact we lived in the same suburb) and asked for them both to come to dinner in a local Asian restaurant. I planned it so Mum wouldn't make a scene. She went quiet and walked out for about 15 minutes. Didn't really talk to me, but after about a week, she was over the moon. I was the same age she was when she was pregnant with my brother.

When I was pg with my first at 17, my parents were all kinds of wonderful and supportive. I couldnt ask for better. Even now, pg with #6, Dad would give me the shirt off his back, and Mum is coming down in July so I don't have to have baby alone - no matter how it plays out. It was so wonderful to hear.

However, with my first baby, my XMIL hated me. She made no attempt to hide it either. As far as she was concerned I was a gold digger - for what I still cant work out. Not like he was a millionaire. :rolleyes:

Anyway, when XH called them up and told them, she was obviously not pleased at all that I was having *her* grandchild. She used to call me every morning after XH went to work and just start abusing me over the phone. I'd hang up, wait, pick it up to call XH and she was still on the other end screaming. Hang up again, go make a cup of tea, pick up the phone - she'd still be there. No clue what she said to me or about me during any of this, and quite frankly these days I know for a fact she couldnt have been more wrong. It wasnt that I "didn't deserve her son". He didn't deserve me.

My MIL now was iffy when I got pg with DD2. She didn't think DH and I would last, and actually asked DH if it was possible that someone was trying to trap him again. *sigh* He still hasnt told her about #6. He knows that it will get him lectured and he couldn't be bothered listening to it. He's 47 for crying out loud. I think he is old enough to make these kinds of decisions.

No wonder DH spent 15 years hanging around with my family and wanting to be a part of it.

Hey Storm!!

Not sure if you were aware from my posts in Belly Buddies, but I am about to turn 23. DD1 was born just after my 20th birthday, DD2 was born when I was 21.

My mum was 20 when she had my sister, and 23 when I was born. She knew that if they had said anything about being too young, I would have said something about her being young when she had her kids, and many daughters end up having kids around the same age as their mums did. She is 46 and has 3, almost 4 grandchildren, whom she loves to bits. My kids have 5 of their great grandparents still living. When DD1 was born she had 6, but my grandma passed almost halfway through my pg with DD2

They will come around hun, I think what Mrs Mac said is quite true, often they just need to realise that they are moving into the next stage of their lives, and get past the stereotypes that come with it.

Mum is good now, she even gave us $200 earlier this week to go towards a pram or cot for bubs, which I thought was really nice of her! And she was also talking about going shopping herself for some baby clothes and finding me some nappy buckets! So she is being really great though, I think she has finally accepted that yes they will be having a grandchild so they better get used to the idea! Don't know how my dad is, still not really talking to him so it's a bit awkward there....

It's all pretty good at the moment though, I don't know if I could go through telling them again though knowing their reaction! Lol

Hi hun.
I haven't read through all the posts, I will come back when I have time, but I completely understand.
I fell pg with DD1 at 17. They were way more than just disappointed. They threatened a trip to Sydney for a termination & all sorts of things.
Then I fell pg with DD2 when I was 20. They were disappointed then. I was pretty upset coz I was older, I thought I was doing ok with DD1 & I thought they agreed. Plus I'd waited 3 years too. I was actually proud of that.
DS was the first congrats I got. I was 23 when I fell pg with him. & married by then too. All 3 have the same father & even though they weren't happy (weren't happy right up til DD1 was born) they do love the kids.
They are the best grandparents I could ask for. My kids are very lucky that all their grandparents are so good :)
Good luck hunny, you'll get there.

:rolleyes:

My mother reacted like someone had died. She said it was like I was wasting my youth and missing out on so many valuable experiences. She had me at the same age I had DD (22) and I think she was upset because she felt she missed out IYKWIM? She even asked why I wasn't smart enough to get a termination...:doh:

I was so happy about my pregnancy and was rather annoyerd that she was being so dramatic about it. It's not like I was begging her to raise my DD so...hmmm...

I feel your pain! I'm 21 and me and my partner are TTC but im scared to tell my parents! I know my mum is just waiting for the "Im pregnant" call and she would be thrilled i think but for some reason i feel i cant tell her im trying as i dont want the "you're too young...you've got your whole life ahead of you" speech. Id much rather have them think it was an accident which is really sad!! But congrats on the pregnancy, im sure once they see that little bundle of joy all doubts will be forgotten!

so glad your mum is now ok with everything... it just takes time....

even though both MIL , FIL and my parents have been great about us having all our kids ( well FIL has now pass over and MIL not so happy about DD2 ) I am paking it about telling her about us TTC #4 ( not that we are going to tell her )as I know she thought we shouldnt have had our 3rd, but it her loss not mine... It will be the same if and when we fall UTD with our 4 th I dont think I will tell MIL about it will leave that to BHL, who she will tell him how stupid we are blar blar blar, in the end its your life as long as you are happy with what you are doing then thats all that matters in the end, you are about to start your own family who will become your number one and your parents will have to take 2nd place from now on sometimes this is hard for them to get used to.....

Thanks Tali, you're right I think it just takes some time for them to process it. My dad surprised me on the weekend when I was on the phone to him, he asked how the baby was doing. Such a simple question, but he's never mentioned anything about it, or anything to do with it before, so I think he is slowly getting used to it as well. I still feel so awkward with him though, maybe it's one of those things that is going to take a long time to mend...
For everyone else that's replied (sorry I can't remember you all, and I'm too lazy to go back and look! Lol) thanks for your thoughts too, and for those that are going through the same thing, I never would have believed it would get better, but it does, eventually! Although I was thinking about it the other day and I dont know if I could go back and tell them again! Number #2 will be interesting..but that is a long long long way off...better concentrate on #1 for now!!