Babies Close Together

Why is it that people have to comment about the close age gap between Matthew and baby #2 (just under 15 months)?

It all started when I had my routine BT`s done, the pathologists had to make a comment "You think your pregnant , it was obviously unplanned and an accident"

Then last week while on IV fluids recovering from Gastro every Nurse had to make comments, they went along the lines of:

"Was it unplanned?", "Your keen", "Your going to be busy"

I know I`m not the first person to have babies close together and I`m not going to be the last, just why does everyone have to comment like I`ve done the wrong thing and it was all unplanned, far from the truth #2 was planned before I was pregnant with Matthew.

Just wondering you ladies who have had babies close together did you also receive such silly remarks from people on the close age gap and how did you reply to these comments?

I get quite a few silly comments from silly people but I usually tell them that whatever the age gap it comes with its own set of issues and that DH and I are really excited that our babies will be so close in age.
The right age gap for one family is too far apart or too close together for another family.

Hi Dee,

I am waiting for this to happen to me when I go for my second. If they dont comment about when u are having kids it is why u are having them so close together or so far apart.

People just cant help themselves.

Just ignore them babe and do not question what you want for your life and your family.

xxooo

We're currently TTC and already my own mother had made a few comments to me.I know I'm going to get them from my doc and the general public too!Can't wait to tell them to mind their own business!Corey and I are totally excited about having our kids so close together.

I dont' think it matters what the gap is, everyone will put in their 2 cents worth. We have a 7.5 year gap and EVERYONE says "was that planned"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE.. apart from the fact it's no one's business, wouldn't it be quite obvious that we didn't set out to have a 7.5 year gap to the day. I would never ask that question, you never know what people's circumstances are. It so happens, it's different dads, but I often don't bother saying. I should really say, "Yes we planned it to be that particular age gap, didn't want it any less or larger!" Might try that!

Oh I hear ya! My boys are 22 mths apart too and when I announced I was PG some would say "OMG already!".

I'm kind of getting the same again but I tell then that Mason will be nearly 5 and Angus will be 3 so it's not that big of a deal.

Just shrug it off I say. So many talk of the comments they get because of a big age gap. You can't win no matter what you do!

You girls are so right re it doesn`t matter what the age gap is we`ll still be doing the wrong thing.

In the end I was either telling the Nurses "that we want them close together" Where they looked at me with 10 heads LOL or I made the comment that "We want to get it all over and done with" I found they were lost at words with that one LOL

What I really felt like saying to them is "It`s none of your business"

I'm over it too - you just start to ignore the comments after a while.

My 'due soon' bub was planned, there'll be a 17 month age gap. I am annoyed by the 'Two under Two' comments, but not as much as the 'You're brave' comments!!! :fuming: Does that mean I get a medal???

Most of my family asked 'was it planned?' like he/she is an accident.

My Grandmother said "well, I'm happy if you're happy" (as well as the 'was it planned?' thing...)

One woman from my current mother's group said to my face she thinks it's too soon and she wouldn't do it as she'd hate to have 'all my pregnancies blurr together' (WTF????).

Another mother's group harpie was overheard to say 'That's the one (to her husband, who replied 'well, they've been hard at it')', like I had no right to be pregnant or to have intercourse again.... (there's more to that story though...she also thought it was 'too early'....). Needless to say, I am thinking of going to another mum's and Bub's when I have the next one LOL.

Like everyone else has said - you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't..... well, I'll be damned! LOL.

Edited to add: I also think that it is very unprofessional of the person at the Path lab and the nurses to say the things they did. I am appalled!

Oh yes, I have been copping this big time! I will have 18 months between my two, and I first copped it from my mother (eye rolls accompanied by "you'll have your hands full!), then the sonographer when I had my 12 wk u/s ("you must be keen!"), not to mention all the general comments of "don't you guys have a tv?" etc. Some people even felt that they should warn me of a possible m/c because my body probably wasn't ready for another pg! Well, thank you very much!

I know I should rise above it, because DH and I always planned to have our children close together, and we are very fortunate that things worked out as we wanted. I just feel like when my second baby arrives, I dare not complain during any rough patches because of all the "I told you so" type responses I'm sure to get.

I agree that all different age gaps will have different benefits and issues, and we have just chosen this particular set!

Dee, you can't win either way. My boys are 13.5 months appart and everyone always has a comment, like he (2nd) must of been an accident, he was!! but much wanted and why would you say something like that infront of the child. With this pregnancy there will be 5yrs 10mths between my little girl and the baby and all im getting is "you'll have them all at school and have a baby at home, I couldn't think of anything worse". Well I think it will be fantastic and planned it that way. Don't worry what people say, they have an opinion about everything and it's usually not what you want to hear. Good luck and take care.

I think it is a personal choice and no one has the right to say whether your decision is right or wrong.

Personnaly DH and I would prefer a 2.5-3 year age gap, but that is just what WE want and I would never question anyone who wants their children being closer/further apart.

But it's with everything though, someone always knows best :rolleyes:

Hi,
If its not that comment, I'm sure they would find something else to say!! I always get comments on my bubs - "Look at his hair" "He is so big" Bla, Bla, Bla. You just get sick of hearing the same thing over and over. Some comments seem to be more annoying when you are Preg. I only have one bub at the moment, 8 month old, and cant wait to have another!! I think it is lovely to have them close in age. My sister is 1 yr and 1 month older than me, and we were always glued together, and we are still close to this day.
I am sure you will cope just fine.
All the very best to you.

i have a 8 year old a 6 year old and i have a 7 month old baby and guess what i just found out that i am 5 weeks pregnant i am so scared everyone says i can do it i have a supportive husband who is over the moon and everyone is happy but me i want to have another baby but i just had one i cant even get clucky because i already have a little baby i have pnd and i take zoloft for that and now that im pregnant my doctor told me i had to stop the zoloft easy for him he is not the one that will go into a downhill spiral if there is anyone in my situation please let me know
thanks jane

[quote="forsetistaffords"]I can only imagine what it must be like for you - I'm going to have a 20-21mth gap and even I'm getting all those "2 under 2" comments - so I can imagine what people think of a smaller gap.

Its just pathetic, because if you weren't pg soon, then they would all be asking you when you were having another one! :fuming:

I have just been replying with "no more busy than anyone else with 2 under 2 - its actually not that rare you know" when asked if I'm sure I know how busy I'll be.[/quote

i have a 8 month old and im 5 weeks pregnant im already scared imagine what they will say to me

Hi Jane, welcome to BB. I'm sorry to hear about your PND :hug: . I'm sure that there are alternative ADs to Zoloft if your current Dr can't help you find one amybe you could talk to a more sympathetic Dr.
We have a forum for depression and anxiety here. I'm sure that if you need any advice or support you will be able to find it.

I'm with you girls - DH and I are already thinking , all things being equal, this one going well, bub being healthy, me not getting PND, etc etc etc, that we wouldn't mind being pg again by chirstmas - that would mean a 15 month gap. I am an only child and so would hate to inflict that on my bub, and DH is one of 4 (all close together) so we are both keen on keeping em close in age. Hell, all going well, we might try for "three under three" LOL!!!!

im going to have 3 under 3, there's 20 months between #1 and #2, and there'll be 16 months between #2 and #3. and people get really judgemental when they hear that im only 21!! i always wanted my children close together, and so did dh, and everyone else can go get f#@ked!!! i get there "you're keen" and must be an unplanned one as well, but we were trying for 6m, since declan was 6w old. i concieved when he was 7m. and im not fussed that he'll barely be walking, he's a happy bubby, loves playing with his big brother, and i dont think i'll have any prob, i helped mum bring up my 5 brothers and sisters, there's 10 years between me and the youngest.

20-21 months apart ... that's a good gap I would think.

Thinking about the age gap between me and my brother (6 years), it would have been better growing up to have been closer in age, we may have been closer as brother and sister then, like we are now (old enough to appreciate each other and get on really well now) (Though the age gap couldn't be helped ... we're both adopted).

Geez ... there was a guy I went to school with and he was the oldest of ... 10 I THINK they stopped at ... they may have had 11. But there was like one in every year of school. NOW that's close!

I think we'll probably go for a 2-3 year age gap at the moment ... just see where nature takes us I guess

Don't you just LOVE the way people comment when they often have absolutely no idea what they are sprooking about!

I have learnt to smile pathetically and say "mmm is that how you see it?"

We have a little over 5 years between our first children - by choice due to study/work and that I found mothering very challenging the first time around. Five years later when Finn was born I relished the role - I fell in love with mothering. I found the five year gap easy back then but now it is more challlenging as my 3 (soon to be 4) younger children are at a different stage than my now 10 year old daughter. Lucy and Eva are 16 months apart and I got the lot - 'you're mad', 'you're going to be busy' etc etc. People didn't comment as much when I was pregnant with Lucy - Finn was just over 2 when she was born. I can with all honesty say that the smaller gap was the easiest. I pray this baby that I am pregnant with now will stick and I will give birth in September. For a while I will have 4 under 6. It isn't really an issue for me. I love them all - it's hard work at times but the upside is they all play together happily and there are always 'friends' to play with.

Whatever gap there is there are challenges. We all need to do what feels right for our very personal situations. People who comment often just don't think.

love Deb

imagine the comments my gran must have got - she had 16 babies over a period of 18 years!!! :shock: but then it was more 'normal' back then.

i have had 5 kids #1 i lost to sids, gap between #2 #3 2.5 years, #3 #4 13.5 months,#4 #5 14.5 months.

so i had 4 children under 5, with 3 under 2.9years.

I pregnant again, with #6, after an 8 year gap, i will be trying strait away for #7, so they can be as close as the rest of them.

chrissy :flower:

Hi
My youngest 4 kids are 5,4,3 and 2 years old. They occupy each other and are very close. They enjoy the same things and although they obviously fight, they are learning to share with each other and generally get along better with kids their own age. I love watching them help each other and cant wait to see them at school together!

Hi all!

My beautiful daughters are 10 1/2 months apart, turning 8 & 9 this year! They are the best of friends and have been a joy to be around. I always got really negative comments, particularly because I was a very young mum, (nearly 16 when DD1 was born, nearly 17 when DD2 born), and I did it all by myself as their father (it shocks people to know that they have the same father :rolleyes: ) left me when I was 2 months pregnant with our second.

I just did my own thing and ignored the stupid comments, got my senior certificate, finished uni, now I'm expecting number 3 with my wonderful husband, and am getting comments like, "geez, that's a big gap, isn't it?" :rolleyes: I just keep my mouth shut, and think - well it's us who are raising them, not you! I honestly couldn't be happier with the way things have worked out, and wouldn't change a thing.

Sharleen

I know exactly how you feel Sharleen!! When I was pg with my 5th my dr asked me who the father of this one was!!!!!!!!!! Ive been married to the same guy for 11 yrs, we are very happy and he is the father of all my children. But you know, even if they all had different Dads I dont think people have a right to voice an opinion!

I'm expecting my 3rd (our 4th) and am currently 6.5 months pregnant and our youngest was 9 months old yesterday. DSS and DS are 12 months apart (DSS is 4, DS is 3) so we will soon have 4 aged 4 and under. Being 20 I get a LOT of rude comments about this things like 'when will you stop' 'havent you got enough' and even as blunt and incredibly rude as 'havent you been told to keep your legs shut'

Why they think they have the right I'll never know. If health would permit we'd be having another one after this bub but that might not be an option. When people pass rude comments I always make sure to tell them that we would love another child. It generally stops them commenting because they're too shocked to reply.

I wish people would keep there opinions to themselves tho, they have no right to be so rude!

Ooooerrr... this reminds me of a lady my Aunty was telling me about... she had 6kids under 5!! Her name was Mrs Gunn! LOL

My comments were that back then no-one even cared, but now-a-day ppl are shocked when you have 2 under 2!

Anyway... :)