Im a complete and utter failure.

Ive hit rock bottom I think.

Im a complete failure. My whole life is falling apart and I know its my fault but I cant stop it. Im so lonely its ridiculous and I hate myself. I am so sick of dealing with all of life's bullcrap on my own. I knew what I was getting into when I married Dh, heck Ive been raised military my entire life so I am conditioned to deal with having no family around and being jerked around by the Army. I didnt count on having no friends though and no matter what I do I just cant seem to make any decent ones wherever we end up being posted. Just once I would LOVE to be able to call my sister or my inlaws and tell them to come get my very naughty, frustrating 2yo before I tie him to the clothesline. So I can nap or be able to spend atleast a few hours not yelling or cleaning or crying. Dh just doesnt understand because they are oh so good little angels when he is home of a night and weekend but I get them when their at their devilsh worst. Ive already yelled twice today and its not even lunchtime yet. Ive had to put my 2yo to bed with a very stinky pooey nappy because he flatly refused to let me change him and I just dont have the energy to sit on 14kg of wriggling toddler while copping kicks to the stomach. I have had to do EVERYTHING major in my life with no support, every pregnancy, baby, miscarriage, surgeries, sick kids, the list goes on and on.

Im sick of my mother and her guilt tripping whinging crap too. Its a never ending cycle of cutting off contact with her because I cant stand it anymore and then after weeks of not talking I feel guilty and give her another chance just to have her be "me, me, me" and criticise everything I say or do, or give me guilt trips. Ive been doing ok the past few weeks I havent spoken to her emotionally but I made a courtesy call to her 2 days ago and now she's back to harrassing and bullying me and I feel like **** :wall:

I feel like I should never have had the boys some days and yearn for my old life that was uncomplicated and minimal responsibility. How disgusting is that!? They dont deserve me thinking like that about them :(

:hug: I wish I could say something..

If it is any consolation I have yelled more then twice today :(

Twice? You're doing well! I seem to be constantly yelling around here (mostly at the cats). Are there any parent groups or anything near where you are? Is there a community womans health centre you can talk to they may be able to put you in touch with some people near you?

I hear you hon and I don't think you're abnormal or a bad mummy at all, alot of what you have said is familiar to me. We're all results of modern life, lack of community and support. If you can get out the house, even with some BB members for a cuppa, anything, it will help. Its hard to even think about getting anywhere when you feel like this, but see if you can get out or invite someone over, makes a world of difference having someone there with you who can empathise. The only person who can help is you unfortunately :( Make sure you talk to someone in person at least, not your direct family, so there is no bias or baggage...

Oh Anna :hug: this is tough sweetie I an empathise DH used to travel lots and we used to move every 6-12 months for his new contracts. I am here if you want a chat would offer to take the boys but can't get to Townsville :lol: I will PM you my mobile

PS: You are doing a great job and twice yelling not so bad hun

Anna- I sent you a PM.

Dont think like that! You a wonderful mummy!!! We all get like that, its normal and you're allowed to get down.
Makig good strong friendships will really help and will make the world of difference. My PM may be able to help you, I hope it does :hugs: take care :D

AnnaT - J is acting exactly the same as Jett. Today he smooshed fruit all into my jeans, and because I am just so tired, I basically just let him get away with it. They really push boundaries don't theny?

You probably have already, but have you though about joining a playgroup?

If you were close, I would have you over here in a flash.

Ive tried playgroups and such but unfortunately I had a run in with some women here when we first moved in and Townsville, although considered a big city for something regional, is like a country town. These women have 'tenticles' in ever pie so Ive been loathe to keep trying groups when I just end up finding out that their spreading lies about me basically to cut me off. It really sucks but I just dont have the energy to fight it anymore. Plus Im mega suspicious now I just find it hard to trust strangers anymore :(

Come back to perth matey :comfort:

maybe when your boy refuses to let you change his nappy you could put him in the shower

not only to avoid him getting a sore bum but also to avoid you having to clean up poo if it goes everywhere while he's in bed

I wish I could Tanya :( Im hoping against hope that when they ship us out in July we get to go to Sydney or Brisbane if not Perth but we wont have any clue until April at the earliest.

I think I need a holiday.

:hug: :hug: :hug:
You're doing a fantastic job. You're a wonderful mum!
They push you so much. It's so frustrating. :wall:
I'm sorry I'm not that great with words, I just wanted to come give you some :hug:

xx

Anna I think you do a remarkable job with being so isolated and with two young kids. I totally take my hat off to you, because it is difficult with two young ones, let alone being pregnant as well!!!!

I so wish you were closer to me, I don't have a lot of friends either - mostly because people let me down too much, or are far too obsessed about their own lives - and really don't give two hoots about anyone else :rolleyes:

I'm sorry that your mother isn't very supportive - I would share mine if I could !!!

And yelling twice today before midday - thats AMAZING.. some days I yell at DS 10 seconds after he gets out of bed.. its a toddler thing - to push our buttons.

And whoever said tying them to the clothesline was a bad thing? ;)

:hug:

I'm sorry, Anna. I can empathise about the toddler thing. They are frustrating little people.
:hug: I hope things look up for you soon, mate.

:hug: Anna. We all have days like that hun. It's a shame that you don't have family and friends nearby, that can make a huge difference. But you do have all of us hun. :hug:

You are welcome at my place any time hun. It may not always be DHA clean but we all need some sanity. I will PM you my phone number. We all have those days.

I wish I lived closer to you. I understand what you mean about the place being too small of a town, Cairns is exactly the same. You have a falling out with one person, and you seem to lose all your friends.
Whatever chance you get to get away, or lie down, take it.
Are you still looking into coming to Cairns with your friend for a weekend?

Anna, I can totally understand... well to a certain degree. I had 2 close friends, we were in ante natal classes together & stayed friends meeting up every week, it was lovely. When DD turned 1 I moved to Townsville withh DD to be close to my parents when DH & I seperated. When I came back 7 months later they totally "dropped" me, but didnt tell me. I invited myself around & found out they had all been going away together, out to dinner etc & never invited me. I ended up giving up on trying & it still gets me down sometimes now, but I've accepted there's nothing I can do & I'm not going to try & force the friendships, I'm better than that.

In regards to yelling etc, I'm probably alot worse than you so dont beat yourself up hun, kids drive us nuts sometimes, thats what they do. They know you love them :)

I cant help with the army life, I've never experienced one. I imagine it does get very lonely & stressful. I've seen a group on here for "Townsville mums" have you tried them? I dont know what else to suggest sorry.

Remember, you are a great mum, you have done so much & been through so much alone, you're kiddies are very lucky to have you!!!

I totally think you need some kind of a break, even if only an hour or two, I dont know how but you need it hun.

Take care :hug:

She's a no go Jodi but Im still thinking of doing it anyway, I need a bloody break. I'll go on my own if I have too!

:hug: Thankfully I'm not at the toddler stage yet. And I only have one baby/child to deal with but I have my why did I become a mum moments... Please don;t beat yourself up. You are a mum and we all get to that point, we get to it much easier when our DH's and families and friends are not supportive.
Are there any church run playgroups that you could join? I would like to think that you would find them very welcoming. I don't really have any other suggestions. Like the others have said I'd be there in a flash if I was local.
Hope you get a break soon.
Take care.

You are not a bad mum you're just exhausted and that is ok too. Sending you a huge :hug:.

Your not a failure, you sound like you are doing your best in your given situation.

If you can find another playgroup or parents group that would be great but if it is going to be too stressful then don't push it (at least not just yet, you don't need more stress)

Have you tried just hanging out at the play ground with the kids and get chatting to other parents their?? Might be able to make a conection.
I know when I moved away from my family and changed my friendship circle (add child and childfree friends dont want to know me) I would have been alone had it not been for my daughters school and being introduced to the parents group.


I hope you get some relief very soon.
:hug:

I sort of know what you are going through Anna. Minus the toddler thing. I suffer from PND and am completely isolated from my parents and friends (I am about 800 km west of townsville). I do have some light in the tunnel though - I am returning to Townsville in (or around) March. Unfortunately my friends have pretty much moved or are moving away from Townsvlle befpre I return. so I will be looking for new friends.....hint hint hint!!!
I know about the military life. my dad was in the army for 25 years so I know how hard it can be to make new friends.
Feel free to contact me if you would like.....I am not a wierdo! or a backstabber! I am really quite nice even if I do say so myself....

Aw thanks guys, all your replies have really boosted me up! I cant thank you all enough!

Im feeling a bit better this morning. Im just going to do what I have to to keep going, Dh starts holidays next weekend for a month so we can do family things/Ds2's 1st birthday, Im going to take myself away for a night or two for some pampering and then my sister is coming for a visit end of Jan. By the time she leaves itll be time to start waiting for baby to arrive so I shouldnt have time to feel down.

Rebecca - your on! When you get here pm me and we'll meet up for coffee and the kids can play!

Anna, if you want to come over or meet for a coffee anytime just let me know! I will PM you my number!! You are doing it tough, I can't imagine what you must be feeling with two littlies and another on the way. But please, anytime you need a chat or to get out the house let me know.

Anna - pleased you are feeling better :hug: You are not a bad mum. You are a tired, pregnant, overworked mum who is allowed (and expected) to have a bad day. I am finding it a challenge with the little person as I get more tired with this pregnancy so I can only imagine how it is with 2. Wish we were closer to give you some practical help :hug: