Just interested to hear what are the positives and negatives are of having two kids? We have a lovely DD and swore we wouldn't go again. But she is growing...and part of us thinks maybe a second one would be nice. It is getting easier with her now but this first year has been mighty hard with the sleeping thing and we never were interested in having more.
We are not 100% sure though. I can't believe in only one month, my opinion has changed about having more!!!
I dont think there are enough hours in the day to list the positives of having another. And the negatives....well, TBH i cant really think of any.
One thing i will say is, when you hear two of your little ones playing, laughing, giggling, and you peak around the corner and see one is tickling the other, or brushing the others hair, or helping one put the others shoes on....then you kinda know.......
There will be a 6 year age gap between ours, mostly because after DS was born we just were not sure if we wanted another one.
Then we got busy with other things and now we have a gap that I feel a bit sad about. As Mbear said, even though we dont have the giggling, secrets etc I am aware that Ds has missed out on that. Actually I feel awful about it. I hope that if we go on to have a 3rd (which I think we will - no point at this age and what we have done last time to put it off again till we are 'sure') that it will be within a few years of this one thats due soon.
But thats me, Im sure it different for everyone, but saying that, even those I know who had another by mistake, didnt end up regretting it.
Pros: (mostly when out of the baby stage though)
They have a mate to play with
Learn to share earlier
Gives them a distraction when you need to do something (like go to the toilet!)
#2 seems to walk and talk earlier to keep up with #1
There's never a boring moment.
More love to give!
Cons:
If they are close like mine are (22mth gap) it's hard at the ages of 4 and 2. Both have tanties and like to push bounderies.
Again, if they are close, hard to look after a newborn and a toddler that needs your full attention.
There's the jealousy factor because both want 100% attention, 100% of the time.
Fighting over toys/food/drink/mummy/daddy etc.
Although i would not change any of it for the world. Maybe that's why i'm doing it again!(but with a 28mth gap this time.)
I`m sure! :lol: ...and probably not many quiet ones either ;):
Yeah your right about being no quiet ones either! lol Except when they are both napping which happens about every 2 months if that!
Not that #2 has arrived yet but DD loves to kiss & hug the baby (through the belly) and plays doctors with my belly, listening to the heartbeat, taking my blood pressure etc with her little doctor kit. She comes to my OB appointments and is so excited - it's incredibly cute!
I'll be totally honest here, sometimes I fantasise about having just one. My 3 are all very close together and at the stage they are all at currently, they dirve me bonkers and I often wistfully think of how calm and peaceful life would be like if I was just caring for just one.
BUT, despite all that, I wouldn't change a thing. The moments of affection, the moments of giggles, seeing them all in a pile cuddling together and laughing and playing.....makes all the chaos worthwhile.
I was going through the same thought process as you when my DD1 was about 12 months old. In our eyes DD1 was so perfect we wondered how another baby could fit into our lives. I then fell pregnant with number 2 and sadly lost this baby. The miscarriage confirmed that we wanted more children and DD definately needed a playmate.
Straight after the DandC I fell pregnant with DD2..We were so happy and we knew that we had made the right decision to extend our family. At this point DD1 was 16 months old and she would be 25 months when Loren was due.
Then Loren came into the world and she was a completely different bub. Sara could not stand the sight of her and then my 2yo angel turned into a monster. So I had a newborn who would not sleep or let me put her down and a 2yo who was very naughty.
Looking back I really did not enjoy the first few months of Loren's life, but now only a few months later all has changed. Sara is 3yo (although she is challenging) and more independant and Loren will be 1 next week and she is just too cute for words.
Our lives are really busy, my house is no where near as clean as it was with only one child, DH and I don't get much time together at all, money is tight(who cares) but we all have a great time together. I lurve it when my girls giggle and cuddle eachother.
I Love it so much that we have number 3 on the way...so we'll have 3 under 4!!!!
Your cluckiness will come and go and eventually you'll have a desire that just won't go away...or maybe you'll just feel comfy and complete with your DD. Whichever way only you and DH can decide...or maybe the universe will decide for you.
WOW what a rant
We have 1 child and wont be having any more. We went through a lot of difficult and stressful times when DS was a baby and never wish to go there again. We have had a few moments since DS first birthday where we have been feeling clucky and thought we'd have another one, but then reality bites and we realise we love things just the way they are, and we really couldn't cope all that well with another.
Pros of an only:
More money
More time and atention for one
More "me" time
More time for youa nd your partner
Easier to find someone to babysit one child then 2 or more
We plan on travelling overseas a fair bit when DS is a bit older, couldn't afford to do this with more than one
Child never has to share a bedroom
Doesn't have to share toys at home
No sibling rivalry
Easy peasy to go out for dinner etc
Dont need a poeple mover
I could go on forever LOL
PRos of more than one
They can keep each other busy and entertained
They learn alot about love and sharing and caring
They create wonderful memories
It would be a magic feeling to see them playing nicely together
Keep each other company on holidays
They can gang up on mum and dad
Im sure there are heaps more
Thats my 2 cents worth...
When our DS was 11 months old we decided it was 'time" and I fell pregnant immediately. At the time I was scared to death how I'd cope and even after DD was born I was still scared how I'd cope. It's now 12 months down the track and witnessing the delight my two see in each other makes me realise we did the right thing having 2 and having them close together.
Last night in the bath (they always bath together) DS discovered the pure joy of wrapping his arms around his sister to keep her still and blowing big fat wet rasberries on her back. They were both squealing with laughter, it was great just to be there to watch such innocent childhood happiness.
In my humble opinion, one child is a blessing, two more than doubles that blessing.
krisp - that little story of your bubs in the bath made me well up, so beautiful!
Definite cons
- stretching your time and attention between two so that you frequently are drowning in guilt that one of your babies is going without whatever
- more sleeplessness for you and DH
- longer impact on your life when you really can't do a lot of the things you used to do (eg going out for dinner with an 18 month is NOT fun!)
- lots more money
- lots more mess
Pros
- Watching your two beautiful daughters playing and laughing with each other.
- Sitting on a chair with both your babies wrapping their little arms around you and snuggling in
- Realising that despite all your fears that you just wouldn't be "enough" for another child, your heart swells with an almost painful amount of love for your family.
thanks everyone for your replies. i can't believe how quickly we've changed our mind, must have been a week and our view was different. i am so scared though and hoping i can handle two! why on earth do i doubt myself?
You doubt yourself because you are a woman. We love to second guess ourselves!
aww... good for you. You'll love it :)
It's funny, reading people's pros & cons.. some of the 'definite' cons I disagree with, and some of the pros of having one, I could have flipped around to be a pro for having 2. Like never having to share a bedroom - they GET to share a bedroom! hehehe.
It's so different for everyone and their situation, but I guess you rarely hear of people regretting having more kids, so it can't be all that bad :)
Oh, I also wanted to add.. no matter which way you go, the kids will miss out on something. Single children get one on one time, but at the cost of no sibling time, and those with sibling time have less one on one time with mum/dad. At least tho with siblings the mum & dad can work on the one on one time.. so you can at least work on achieving more of both, where a single child won't have sibling time at all. Depends what's more important to your family dynamic I guess.
yes true, i just hope i can handle it!! i am a good mum to my DD! scared she will turn into a brat really!
I think they can be brats regardless LOL. I'm dealing with a very willful 2 year old at the moment.. but to be honest, I think having a little sister is teaching him that the world doesn't revolve around him, so while his behaviour may be in response to that, I think it's a good thing for him to learn :) Who knows what he would have been like if it was just him and he had everything to himself. possibly worse? hehe.
Lol had to have a laugh after reading your previous post last week. Babies are just so addictive arent they!? I think it would be great for you to have another, your DD would have someone to grow up with. Double the work & mess, but think of the rewards.
I know MadsMum........I am shocked at how quickly we changed our minds. Is that even normal?
QB - I think once you had written the thread - put it out there for real - that could have made you think twice.... we always seem to see things clearer when its put in front of us in writing!!!
And FWIW - I think having two is great!! ;)
Let me know if you want to catch up sometime - and you can see how crazy it is with 2 under 2.. lol
We have a 7.5 year gap between our first two. I said I wouldn't go back, mainly because that's just how I felt at the time. HOWEVER, DD2 is now 3, DD1 is 10, and definitely the biggest blessing has been seeing them develop an unconditional love for another person. I know this generally happens with parents (sometimes not though) and I know for sure they unconditionally love me, but they are soul sisters.
that doesn't mean they don't fight, and I definitely dont' rely on them being close always, I know enough to know that is not the reason to have more than one kid, but I can see they will always love each other. There's a connection, a bond and a caring that I have never seen before and it makes my heart melt. It is definitely worth it becuase of that alone. I also think it's so important that they have learnt this type of compassion, empathy, love. I get teary so often just seeing the way they protect and care about each other. It really is amazing.
But like I said there's loads of fights, even with that age gap, and many testing times. I am not sure why Im having a third (as in I am feeling SCARED about having three to look after) but it's all outweighed by the pure love I can see my kids share.