There's no hope is there?

My third attempt to fall pregnant with donor sperm through a clinic... I got a faint BFP on a first response test on Mon 15/12 , when AF was 3 days late... I started bleeding on Wed 17/12 - possible TMI but bright red, with small clots, like a period with bad cramping. Two days later it seemed to be over except for minor spotting.

I'm clinging to that short time period as a chance that maybe it wasn't a miscarriage, it was just a hormonal bleed or a subchorionoc hematoma (I over-research)... but while I am faintly nauseous, which only started yesterday, when the bleeding seemed to mostly stop, my BBs are no longer tender like they were.

I'm clutching at straws aren't I? I've already un-told the people I told about the BFP, and it's in my signature as a m/c but I can't stop hoping I'm wrong...

Hi :) Sorry to hear about the bleeding :hug: It's hard to say one way or the other, but I know how it feels when TTC to hope< I used to hope even once AF has come that it wasn't really AF and to clutch at straws... Maybe do another test...? it should get darker. Or is it possible to get a blood test?

P.S. STOP GOOGLING!

I think it's too early to tell and I'm :pray: that it wasn't a m/c. I would try and get a BT :hug:
I had bleeding in early pregnancy and so do a lot of other ppl so I hope you are one of the lucky ones.

Leash - you're so right about the googling - I should stop but I can't! There're just too many straws out there to clutch at.
P.S. Jazz is more gorgeous every new photo I see of her!

SaraJane, thank you for your positivity :)

Hmm I think the earliest I'd be able to get BT results would be Tues... *maybe* Mon... I thought of doing another HPT but the one I have left I think is more sensitive than the one I just used so if the line was darker it wouldn't necessarily tell me anything. If there was no line - well. That would tell me something I'm not sure I want to know for sure.
It's also hard because my mum's being all helicoptery and hovery and I would get immediate interrogation about results of a test, whatever they were. Not possible to do one without her knowing I don't think, unless I did it in the shower.

Well I just bit the bullet and did another HPT - more sensitive than the other was and this time there's only the tiniest faintest glimmer of a maybe-I'm-imagining-it line so I'm thinking it's time to let go of the false hope.
I'm also bleeding and cramping again today so I'd say it's definitely all over. Was fun to hope though.

sending big :hug: for you... so sorry hun

:hug: Shades I'm so sorry, I know how horrible it is unfortunately.

really feeling for you, Shades. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Hi Shades,

So sorry hun. I know what it's like to so desperately want and hope for a pregnancy. Good luck in your next go in Feb.

Big hugs hun :hug:
Beata.

PS I'm also a big googler. It's impossible to stop, hey ?

Shades :hug:

I am so sorry hun.

Thank you everyone... It's a relief to be taken seriously, so many people seem to discount such an early miscarriage, thinking I can't possibly be THAT upset - it barely began.

Hi Shades,

Just wanted to offer hugs to you. I hadn't been around much to read about your good news. So sorry you are going through this.

I'm so sorry Shades. :hug: That little bit of life, no matter how little or early, had so much hope and love built into it that it is normal to grieve. A loss is a loss, no matter at what stage of pregnancy hun. Unfortunately too many of us on here know how it feels, and can empathise with you. :(

I am so sorry Shades what a horrible thing to go through so close to christmas as well. Hug: sending much love to you x x x

Nae x x

So sorry for your loss. You can be upset, because it did begin.... and it has slipped away. It is real and very sad, and it does hurt. I have been there too, so I know your pain. Thinking of you. :hug:

:comfort: Shades I am sorry hun. I think when it comes to knowing if it was a miscarriage or not instinct can play a big part in it. If your gut feeling is that it was an early miscarriage then chances are it may have been. Don't be afraid to grieve either way as grieving can help you move forward when your ready too.

My fingers are crossed for you for Feb.

Shades - I'm sorry for what has happened - it doesn't matter how far the pregnancy had or had not progressed - those of us who dream of our babies do so before we even conceive them. You have a right to mourn and let go of the pain, otherwise it stays with us and in us. Good luck in February - falling third go is a wonderful sign though - there is a bit of a thought out there that sometimes the untried womb gets such a shock first time through it doesn't know what to do...

May the Year of the Golden Ox be kind to you.
BFN
Karen van

Shades:grouphug:

that must suck. and of course ur upset by it, u had a bubbs. ignore ppl who discount it.:wall:

Yeah I had heard that - something ridiculous like two thirds of first pregnancies end before the woman even knows... It's weird to think my body has a learning curve!!

BM - thanks :)