20mth Old Refusing to Sleep - HELP!!

Well my DD is now 20months old and although she maybe tired of a night time she still refuses to sleep! It usually takes 1-2hrs on average to get her down. Last night it took 2hrs - finally having success at 9.00pm after driving for a bit in the car. I was in tears. I'm at my witts end...I need help!

I'm a single mum working part time (monday-wednesday). DD goes to childcare half days and spends the other half day with her grandparents. By the time I finish work, pick her up and get home its close to 6pm. I get in the door, get her some dinner and while she's eating that try and sort something out for myself to eat. I interact with her and we play for a bit together each night so we get our one on one time.

She pulls on her ears when she's tired and I can always tell when she's ready to sleep (usually from 7.30pm) but that's when the issues start.

I've done the whole controlled crying thing - didn't work...she just doesn't stop screaming. If I leave her in her room she pulls all her clothes out of her draws and makes a total mess.

I've tried winding her down an hour before bed. Bath, quiet time, books etc but it just doesnt work.

She has a bottle before bed and that gets her close to sleep so I try rubbing her head or back...but she just won't give in.

I at the end of my wick...I need help! I can't negotiate with her becuase she is between words and sentances at the moment. Please can someone give me any ideas??

heya hun,

is it possible but the time 7:30pm comes she is over tired?

Does she nap during the day?



is she still in a cot or in her bed?

I was thinking she's overtired by then too. I think it would be worth trying to put her to bed by 7:30 and see if that helps, I know that will probably mean you will miss out on the time with her, but if she's happy and sleeps well then you can have some quality time on the days you don't work :)
HTH

I have tried to get her down as early as 7.00pm but it still makes no difference...it's still a struggle that lasts over an hour.

She's in her own mini bed becuase she can climb out of her cot even when it's at it's lowest.

She naps during the day usually for 1-2hrs. Awake by 3pm. But depending on where she is (childcare or grandparents) depends on what time she goes down so it's not consistant

Have you tried lying down with her pretending to go to sleep too?
:hug: hang in there, youre doing a great job!

Yep I try that - as well as sitting next to her patting her etc......she'd rather play with my face and point out my nose etc when I lay with her and she will find something to play with when i'm just next to her

have you tried giving her her bottle in bed?

I think you mentioned she had it b4 bed..

I've tried both ways with the bottle. Seem to get a bit more of a reaction when DD is already in bed so I've been sticking with that for a while now. Sometimes I'll try and give her a second bottle (she won't always take it) which has got her to sleep before but not many times!

I just don't know what to do anymore! Feel like i've tried everything!

Hi Sleepless in Tas,
I know what it's like to have dramas putting the bub down :(
My 19 mo has times like that, but not quite that severe.
What I do is give him a bottle in his cot (which is what you're doing) and put some music on that is soothing (Enya and Clannad are favourites). He sleeps with his favourite teddy and I tuck him and say goodnight to teddy aswell. We have the music on in his room before he is put to bed.
I hope that helps! Good luck muffin.
xx

Doesn't sound like much fun for you at the moment... My sister had similar problems with her eldest daughter at a similar age. She finally found that if she went through the usual routine of dinner, play, bath, story/bottle and then put her into bed with a pile of books to read by herself that she would keep herself entertained until she fell asleep of her own accord.

The hardest part was introducing the technique. The first couple of nights her DD was up and down and she had to keep putting her back in bed with her books and explaining that it was quiet time now, she didn't have to go to sleep but she did need to stay in her bed. After the first couple of nights her DD learned that she wasn't to get out of bed, so started calling out. My sis would come to see what she wanted and explain that it was quiet time. After about a week her DD was used to it and would look at her books until she fell sleep of her own accord. She's almost 5 now and still does this every night.

I think what made it work for my sister was consistency. Once there was the same routine every night her DD knew what to expect... anyway hope this helps...

Good luck!

Well I haven't tried music yet so I will have a look for some songs and give that a go!

Miss Excited - I have tried the book approach but it ended up in DD getting bored and removing all the clothes from her draws and then crying everytime I put her back in bed. But as you say it's about consistancy so maybe I need to empty her draws and keep trying.

Im at the point where come the avo I look at the clock and already start getting nervous about what I'm in for in the avo.

O dear - you sound like me 18 months ago. I have a nearly 3 yr old that is STILL terrible to get to sleep, and it all started about the same time. I have a thread in the parenting de-brief section about the whole story.

I hate the clock-watching and the impending sense of doom that comes with it...

So this is my advice to you, and just mho but they only thing that has worked.

Bedtime routine, dinner, bath, bed stick to it religiously. Aim for 7.30 in bed (if that works for you, a different time might be more suitable, but I wouldn't have it any later).
Story in bed. Say your goodnights and leave the room.

When she comes out put her back in, I say "its bedtime darling" for the first 3 times, then I say nothing. Just lead her back into bed. Be prepared to do this 800 times. I think my record is 48 or something. Keep doing this, don't engage her in conversation, but don't be a robot either.

It gets wearing, but I really think this is the best way to go. Now DD will still come out, but she will run back in and eventually go to sleep. It can take awhile, but stay strong, remain in control in front of her ( go sob your head off in the backyard like I do) and she should get it eventually.

I had other issues going on that contributed to the problem, mainly Dp being very inconsistent and stuffing up all my good work.

HTH xoxoxoxo

Lulu2 - Thankyou for your advice! I'm so glad there was someone else in this horrible situation as bad as I was! I will def. give it a go!

Tonight we went to my dad's for dinner and I tried to get her down there but there was too much going on so that didn't happen. It didn't stress me out because I had my family there to help me. So we left at 8.30 and I went the long way home to see if the car would at least relax her - which it did. So we got in the door and I took her straight up to bed and gave her her bottle in bed. She didn't go to sleep but I didn't expect that she would. I went downstairs to make another half bottle and I could hear her get out of her bed. Anyway she must've heard me coming because all I could see when I was going back upstairs was her little head running back into her bedroom. I took my time and by the time I got in there she was pretending to be asleep! Very cute and a possible step in the right direction? So I gave her her 2nd bottle, kissed her goodnight and left the room. By this stage it was 9.30pm so it was no surprise that she fell asleep. But it was great to have a night without tears - from either of us!

Will keep you posted on how I go with the methods suggested so far!

xoxo

i just popped in to here as i saw the title of the thread , just wanting to let you know i have 26mth old old who only just nodded off to sleep , after starting to put him to bed at 7.30 !!

and let me say , tonight was an early night ... yes he naps in the day ... and takes him about an hour to get him down for that one !!

hope you get some progress soon .. i have given up ..

Oh Charmalea I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing! Its horrible and so stressful! Starting at 7.30 and finishing after 10 - I'd be jumping out the window by now!

I've got a visitor arriving from up north tonight so that will knock any sort of routine out the window again! Taia love to see him every time he comes to visit so there will be no chance of an early night!

This sounds like my GS. He goes to bed about 7-7.30 but never goes to sleep. Will empty all the draws onto the floor, then the toybox and then anything else that he can find. He even learnt to open the bedroom door to get out. He is just over two now.
In the end they put a gate on his door so when he opens the door he cannot get out of his room. He still plays/reads and then puts himself back to bed when he is ready.
And yes, when he hears you coming runs back to bed as if he never left. :rolleyes:

The only thing I can suggest is trying to lessen the time she is asleep in the afternoon.
Keep up the great work you are doing as I know its not easy being on your own. :)

Well after a horrible friday night (couldnt get DD down till 10pm - then she was up from 2-4am before waking again at 6.30am!) I shipped DD off to my mum saturday night so I could get a break! As expected she was an angel there and easily went to sleep by 8pm. Totally unfair!
Last night it was a 9.30pm finish. Tried doing what my mum does and put DD in my bed with me. Gave her a bottle and 30mins later still no success. So I put her back in her own bed, told her it's bedtime and shut the door for 5mins while she screamed it out. I then returned and sat with her for 30mins till she fell asleep.

Wondering if a quiet DVD going in her room would help? I still need to find some bedtime music for her as well so I can give that a go.

....wondering what tonight will bring...

Well last night was the latest ever - couldn't get her down till 10.40pm! AAAGGGGHHHH!

Going to a parenting session at childcare tomorrow night and one of the topics is sleeping! I'm hoping it will help!

I talked to her carers at childcare and they seem to think she's just going through the terrible 2's!

Tried music but it had no effect on her at all!

i totally understand i have a 25 mth old and he is being a stubborn so and so it can take us 2 hrs to finally get him to sleep. he naps 1-2 hrs. it just does ya head in doesnt it?

ull find something that works, just takes time

Just a thought.
Would she be happy if you put a gate on her door so she couldn't get out but could still see out. This way she would still be in her room safe and you can have some time for just you. If you get a gate (Target) the one they use, you need to step on it to open and it swings both ways.
Oh the fun of 2 year olds. We had our GKs Saturday and the 2 year old is now old enough to reach most of the light switches so you know what game he played!!!! :rolleyes:
Hope you find some help tomorrow night
Have been thinking of you :)

BeautifulMadness - Yes it does your head in all right! Just so sick of it! There has got to be an easier way!

Rivlas - I could put a babygate on her door but she can't see much from her bedroom door (other than a bit of the hallway and an brick wall!) so I'm not sure how helpfull that will be!

The other night I tried to put her down on her couch, downstairs with me. Again took a while but there were no tears and she didn't get up (however this failed last night!).

Roll on tomorrow night! There has to be an answer for me out there somewhere!

Natty,
He cannot see much from his bedroom, I think its just having the door closed. My girls hated having the door closed when they were small, I hate having my door closed now.
Have you tried a porta cot in your room?

I haven't tried a porta cot. I feel it still wouldn't help - it's her attitude to sleeping more than being able to keep her in the one spot.

I'm probably going to try the couch downstairs thing again tonight as she stayed quiet on that more than in her bedroom or in my bed. Maybe that will be the way to go....guess time will only tell!

I hope you find something that works for the both of you soon Natty!

Just some random thoughts:
Some toddlers pull on their ears when they're teething/have earache. Any chance this could be bothering her?
Could your bub be overtired? I know some people have found success actually putting their bub's to bed a bit earlier, or having a set routine, like food, bath (to relax them) and bed, so she knows what's coming.

Hang in there. :hug:

Hi Natty - have you tried cutting out the day nap?

If DS has a day nap he is a shocker to get to sleep - like 2 hours or something.. but if he doesn't have a day nap he goes to bed at 6.30 and sleeps for 11 hours..and takes about 4 minutes to get to sleep....

Just a thought....

Sometimes she doesn't have a day nap but she is soooo cranky becuase she still really needs it. If I then go anywhere in the car in the avo she will instantly fall asleep - which then mucks up the night sleep! So it can work but I think still at her age she needs a small day nap...maybe I need to wake her after an hour and see how that goes.

I tried a herbal relaxant mix last night and ONCE she got to sleep she slept really well all night which was great! So will give that a go again tonight!

Well I've found a new method that helps a bit! I will give her a bottle and put her to bed about 8-8.30pm with her fav. dvd The Jungle Book. She will GENERALLY stay in bed the whole time watching it and when it finishes I'll ask her if she wants another bottle (mostly the answer is yes!) then I'll tuck her in, give her a kiss and tell her it's bedtime.

Now although it's around 10pm when she goes to sleep she still has 'quiet time' while laying in bed and I also get a rest - so I figure that's ok.

I did try last night putting the dvd on earlier but she was not interested in it. So will gradually bring the time forward each week by 10mins or so. Also now it's getting darker a little earlier which I think helps too!

Natty, may I ask what the herbal relaxant mixture is? My little guy will go down without a fuss, it's just keeping him asleep I have problems with.

I hope your new routine works for you, I know better than most how FRUSTRATING it can be.

Ashlee - The mix is Valarian, Californian Poppy & Licorice. I'm going to pop some in her bottle tonight before the dvd and see if she goes down during the movie!

All I can say is I am a lot more relaxed since not stressing about getting her to sleep by X time!

Natty - good to hear you have something that works for you! :)