Our committment ceremony... does this sound a bit budget?

Basically, we don't want to spend a small fortune on our committment ceremony (Sept. 19, the anniversary of the first time we physically met).

Simple outdoor/garden ceremony, very small, low-key and casual, and afterwards we didn't really want a huge recetpion thing so were thinking about having dinner at a nice restaurant, and whoever wanted to come could come. Kids welcome etc, like I said, really laid back, Shel and I would love to come together and celebrate our committment to one another, nothing OTT.

Would it be a bit budget to say no presents (we don't want presents) but maybe everyone could perhaps maybe buy their own dinner? :hide: Is that too much to ask? I know its customary/traditional etc but then we're not really customary/traditional :lol: It wouldn't be an overly expensive restaurant, just somewhere nice to go out afterwards.

We just feel for us it would be waaaaaaaaay too over the top to have a recpetion at a hall with music and booze etc as we're not that kind of people (would be hard pressed FILLING a hall PMSL).

We also would do the champas / wine for toasting at the dinner, but not beer/spirits as we don't drink so I don't see why we should pay for everyone else to get ****ed and be idiots.

LOL am I way out of line.

Oh, our family are also pretty low-key and casual, but I was just wondering if you got an invite to a committment ceremony like this, would you go? What would be your thoughts.

hell no! you're fine to do it

you are celebrating your commitment to each other with a public display. anything after that is your call!

I think that's a fantastic idea and I would come for sure!
All the very best.

If I received an invitation to a friends' commitment ceremony, yes I would attend. It doesn't matter whether it's a commitment ceremony or a wedding. A wedding is exactly that, a commitment ceremony, but usually with the flash dress, flowers etc.

Remember who's day it is. It's yours and Shel's. No-one else's. If you think you're doing it on the cheap, then changed your plans a little. If you're happy with your plans, then keep them.
IMO, I don't think what you're doing looks cheap. You want it to be a casual, intimate affair. So asking your guests to buy their own dinner fits in well with that theme.

Most weddings you go to only offer beer, wine & softdrink anyway. As yours is only a small, casual dinner, than to not offer alcohol is fine. Having a champagne toast will certainly bring special meaning to it.

We went to a commitment ceremony, and the boys asked that rather than gifts they asked us to pay for our dinner $50 per head and we got to choose our meals from the set menu... it was worded really nicely - so didn't offend or anything... will see if I can find it at home if you like

I think it's fine. Although I wouldn't write it that way on the invitation. Get your family to spread the word that you don't want presents. Some people will buy something anyway - even if they are told not to.

Instead, I would send the invitation with words along the line of...

The ceremony will be followed by a relaxed dinner at XYZ. Drinks provided.

That way people will realise they have to pay for their own meal and they won't assosiate it with the no gift thing. They will be two seperate things.

I think it sounds lovely!!

If I got invited to a friends/family members ceremony I would go - there'd be no question about it. I think if you came up with some clever wording then it owuld be fine, so long as people know in advance then they would be fine with it. Now if you did it the way a couple I know did it, where there was no warning the guests had to pay for their own very exxie dinner and the first they knew about it was when someone came around asking them for the money, then that would be rude ROFL.

I think that's perfectly fine. We went to a family members wedding a few years ago where they did this. No presents, and we paid for our dinner which was around $30pp plus drinks. I don't think anyone had a problem with it. You just need to find a way to word it on the invitations so that there is no confusion.

I would also word it cleverly in the invite - some people don't get subtlety and might think that dinner is paid for but drinks are not. The people you want to have there will not be offended by this and those that are have missed the point and are probably not deserving to be there :)
Really, if they're being asked to be there for you and you don't want their gifts, it has GOT to be cheaper to pay their own dinner than buy a gift, doesn't it??

THanks everyone, I feel much better now. I've just heard of some weddings (and seen on Discovery home and health) some weddings which cost upwards of $20000... :o WTF? For a WEDDING? It just blows my mind that people would spend that much on material things, when its not about the accessories on the table or an expensive dress or the 'perfect' venue...

Anyway, I guess for us its different because we can't legally marry so even just having the opportunity to come together in front of our family and friends and showing them how much we love each other is enough, not expensive things (our rings won't cost more than $1000 together).

Maya, that was our theory, better off for everyone that they just pay for their dinner (that way they can choose what they want, not a set menu which I personally HATE lol) than spend money and buy us something that chances are we probably don't need anyway as we pretty much set ourselves up already.

Trillian, PMSL, ah no, we'll definately spell it out... tactfully of course, but probably not be subtle!

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THanks everyone, I feel much better now. I've just heard of some weddings (and seen on Discovery home and health) some weddings which cost upwards of $20000... :o WTF? For a WEDDING?

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I know what you mean however i had budgeted a low key wedding with less than 45 guests and still couldn't bring it in under $8000. It's easy to see ho the "frills" add up to ridiculous numbers. Most large European families will spend in the 50-60k range. :o

Anyway - WRT the presents thing, I wouldn't be writing no presents buy your meal instead etc, because it comes across as though you are expecting a gift. Some people take that as a bit rude LOL! Tactfully as possible, but really ho cares because if people are offended then they dont deserve to be there.

Ooooh how exciting, we were originally planning the wedding for september 19th. but that went to hell.

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$20000... WTF? For a WEDDING? It just blows my mind that people would spend that much on material things, when its not about the accessories on the table or an expensive dress or the 'perfect' venue...

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Errr... :redface: *hangs head in shame*

LOL I didn't mean any offence!!! I know when you put the tag of 'wedding' on anything the price doubles! Thats why ours is a 'committment ceremony' ;) :lol:

No Leasha we did that for our wedding the restruant had a great specail for us too :)

I can find the wording we used on our invite if you like too :)

Ooooooooo TL that would be great!

Oh, Amy, don't be embarrassed!
I, too, loathe the idea of a big day (that costs a lot of money, but that's kind of secondary to the idea of the big day with frills, IYKWIM), loads of people, etc and couldn't think of anything worse for DP and I (we are of the same mind on it)...yet we LOVE to attend these weddings, he he!
I think the point is that it's horses for courses and Leasha's horse doesn't like the frilled up course, would I be correct?
I dont' know if it makes sense that I love a wedding with all the trimmings...just not for my own wedding, because it doesn't reflect me very well at all :) That and we'd much rather use that money for a farm!

I think it's totally fine

We did have a "no frills" wedding - in our own way. I loathed the idea of having to pick chair bows or anything of the sort. And we did have a small wedding - only 30 guests. But we did it in the Greek Islands - so that was the big cost! No offence taken - I was being cheeky :p

You should hang your head in shame - Greece?? I'm JEALOUS!
See, I don't think it's the cost thing in this thread - just what the money is usually spent on with weddings that cost heaps :) I, too, think that kind of money is best spent on a bloody good holiday and an occasion that lasts for longer than a few hours!
I've been looking into an offshore wedding, too - but for far less than 30 heads, mind you...still want that farm!
Back to OT, really, a committment ceremony is not about a 'big day' - it's about sharing a moment and celebrating it in a non-traditional way...so break with the tradition of paying for everyone, by all means ;)

Good point Maya - our wedding cost wasn't just for one day - the celebrations went on for about 3 weeks!!!

Amy, if I could afford to go to Canada and do it we would. We'd still have the same low-key, casusl wedding. I did mean that I cant understand people spending so much on things like chandeliers and table clothes etc, just seems so frivilous!

Maya is right, we'd rather ride bareback on a brumby, not side-saddle on throughbred. ;)

Leash i think its perfectly fine! i agree, some crafty wording so that people know not to buy a present, and be prepared to pay for their dinner. i dont think anyone would have a problem with that at all.

its your day, you chose how you want to celebrate!!!!!!!!

congratulations again :)

I think it is a great idea- I have a friend who is looking to get married this year and she doesnt want to spend lots of money- and they would prefer not to have gifts, so I have suggested the same thing to her.
I always try and spend as much on a gift as a nice night out would cost DH and I, so it wouldnt bother me at all to pay for my meal/drinks instead of purchasing a gift.

Leasha,

Just rang DH to get the wording I used I have a few other ideas we had too if you want them to keep the costs down. Also mine was put togther in 6 weeks beacuse we were moving to QLD.


Dear ..........


We would like you to share in our specail day with us on

Date
Venue
Etc

Your prence is the only present we need however if you would like to give us the gift of your presnece at dinner please join us at the xxxxx with the gift of the cost of your meal.

I arranged with the restranunt a specail deal of about 40 a head with 3 choices and everyone RSVP'd with thier menu choice so the venue could have all the meals ready and it also made paying the bill easy for everyone. We attached the menu to the invite with a RSVP card for Cermoney and Dinner and then dinner options hope this helps

Thank you so much :hug: :hug:

Good to know we aren't the only ones 'cutting costs'. ;)

My philosophy with these sorts of things is 'Your day, your way'. I don't mean to sound rude in saying that but I think if anyone expects to go to a commitment ceremony/wedding wanting it to be about them (as in the guest and being provided with food and wine) then they have the entirely wrong attitude.

At the end of the day you both want to be able to look back on your special day and tell Jazz how great it was and how much it meant to you. I say do what means the most to you but also lets you enjoy your day (I ended up serving drinks at one stage during my wedding....last thing I had wanted to do :lol:).

Best of luck and lets us know how you fair with your invites etc.

.. and if you need a cheap make up artist to make you look even more beautiful on the day leash... I'm available ;)

(ie - cheap meaning FREE.. I don't charge for friends ;))

Hi Leash, congrats on the ceremony!
I just did a bit of research and did a google search on wedding invite no gifts. It came up with a few links that may be helpful. Also try a search on wedding invitations. This may come up with heaps of wording ideas.

If your ceremony is going to be 'low key' then I wouldn't stress too much with ettiquete and proper wording. Just say it like it is.

I love wedding and party planning so I will keep searching and hopefully find stuff for you!

PS- Just a quick story. On the day of our wedding my DD (then 3) just had her hair braided beautifully. I was getting photos taken and the limo had just pulled up when she came in with red lippy all over her face, her hair cut and nail polish all over her dress! Lucky your little girl is too young to get into any mischeif - hopfully.

gosh no not at all.. Friends of ours.. His mum got remarried.. and thats exactly what they did..

very very low key service and then dinner at the pub afterwards lol.. it suited them and was very casual.. they said no presents pay for your own dinner and drinks :D

Everyone had a great time

Sounds like a great day to me! I know we would happily pay for our meal and be super happy if we got to chose what we could have! Recently DP and I went to a wedding and the bride and groom had spent heaps and on the way home we felt so bad for them because the food was terrible - I know we didn't go for that but I know it wasn't cheap for them.
Goodluck its your day do it which ever way makes you both happy!

Congratulations on your commitment ceremony!!
Your plans sound like a combination of my wedding and my friend's wedding, I don't think there is anything at all wrong with wanting to do things your way, the way it suits you and the way your loved ones will know made you two happy on your special day.
My husband and I invited only our immediate families to our wedding, as we were so flat broke we had to hock a few bits and pieces from around the house just to afford our wedding rings!! We had a courthouse ceremony in front of our families and then went to dinner at a restaurant afterwards, it was hilarious explaining to the staff when we made the booking that, 'No, we don't want the function room, just a table for ten... yes, I did say 'wedding reception', it's going to be a very small one'.
And at my friend's wedding, she and her husband requested very politely on the invites that, because they had lived together for three years and had two kids together, there really wasn't much in the way of gifts that would be handy to them now, but if their friends and family could send them a money order/cheque with their RSVP for the $30 cost of the meal at the reception, that and their attendance on the day would be more than enough 'gift' for them. It went swimmingly, everyone enjoyed themselves (even me when my husband got hold of the open bar and ended up with his tie wrapped around his head Karate-Kid style), and a lovely time was had by all - and I think a lot of the not-so-well-off among us appreciated the fact that we only had to spend $30pp on dinner rather than trying to scrape together $100+ for a fancy gift.

There are some cute poems getting around on wedding invites these days about how the couple already has everything to make their house a home, so a small 'donation' to their 'honeymoon/house deposit/baby savings fund' would be more helpful to them, so maybe have a Google and see if you can find anything relevant to your situation??
Otherwise, just do what my friends did and say that your attendance and paying for your own meal/drinks is more than enough of a 'present' to you and your beloved. There's nothing impolite about wording it like that and people will probably be grateful that they are pretty much getting a cheaper deal than having to buy gifts (or, at least, they know they can choose something other than 'chicken or fish'!!).

I went to a very similar ceremony a couple of years ago ... they too mentioned 'no gift required as our being there to help celebrate & share their special day was our gift to them' ... and on the invitation was how much $$ per head which helped as a Guest so much as then i knew how much to expect to pay at the end of the night ... and it worked out cheaper than i would have normally have spent on a gift :dance:

On their invite after the per head mentioned cost was what was included eg, beer, white & red wine, soft drinks, entree & main meal & dessert (which was the cake) ... Which made the per head sound such great value as you knew what you were getting ;)

Our commitment ceremony was part of the FEAST festival in Adelaide. It was a group event with 17 couples taking part, funded by FEAST. There was a wedding cake competition (which we came 2nd - but to a store bought cake lol), the decorations were giant paper flowers that the feast committee had made, and the reception was a big picnic event that all guests bought something to share. It was just a great relaxed day.

I just couldn't see us being all stiff and proper - if we were like that we would have each married a bloke instead of each other LMAO!

I think you have it sussed Leash :)

Just wanted to mention this though, after your comment on set menus...How many people are you expecting to attend the dinner? Did you have any ideas on the type of restaurant? I ask this because many restaurants will supply only a limited or set menu to large parties of people. Just make sure you check this out before committing to a particular restaurant :)

I think it's fine too- wouldn't bother me at all.

I just had to write as you mentioned not liking the set menu idea but I think you need to negotiate a fixed range of dinner choices at the same price per person so everyone pays the same. It would be horrible to have the hassle of working out the bill at such a special dinner.

Then make sure guests have to get their own drinks at the bar so they are paid for up front- no nasty surprises on the bill at the end!

I don't think what you want is out of line. I wouldn't be paying for alcohol for everyone at my wedding either as I am not a big drinker myself.

Some of our wedding presents still havent been used 4 years on. I think something along the lines of 'As we have been living in our home for a while, we have most items we need. We would appreciate each guest paying for their own meal at the reception as their gift to us.

Try to keep the menu options lower priced as some people will struggle with prices when there is a family, and find out if kids meals are cheaper.

That's the exact sort of wedding that *I* want. Just people you actually want there and not all the blow in's that you feel oblidged to invite. DF thinks if I have a small low key wedding I'll regret it as he thinks every girl wants the 30K wedding. Pffttt! No way in hell!
I think what you're doing sounds lovely, and at the end of the day, it's for you guys and not everyone else.