1 child families

Hi ladies,
Just wanted some opinions and/or stories on this topic.

I am 22 weeks pg with my 1st child, and a lot of people have something to say about my wish to only have one child.

I do understand that my opinion may change once I have my child, but a lot of people laugh or even call me selfish when I say its my "first and last" baby.

I would like to know what other mums think on this topic, if you have had more than 1 child, what made you have another ( some of my friends said a companion for the 1st, or they were just so cute they wanted another, LOL) or if you have had one child and plan to keep it that way, why you chose this path.
Not trying to start any arguments, just very interested!! :)

tell them to bugger off.

I had more 'cos I didn't feel like I'd finished with one. Thats all. No other reason!

I'm unsure weather ill have anymore. Atm 1 is enough for me but i cant predict what the future will bring. I agree with lulu, just tell them to bugger off, its your life!

I think most people decide on how many to have based on their own childhood experiences. I was an only child and hated it so i was desperate to have more than one. A lady i spoke to at my dh's previous work was the last of 3 and she so hated all the fighting and bullying that happened to her that she was dead set on only having one, so i guess it all depends on your own experiences and how you feel. it's no one elses business really and you certainly shouldn't be judged on which decision you come to.
When i listen to my boys giggling togther and catching them cuddling i know i made the right decision for me as that is exactly what i missed. (they do fight a bit too though so you can't always win!)
emotive subject for most and only you can know whats right for you.

enjoy your bub

Julie x

I always knew I wanted 3 or 4 kids. I never wanted 1 or 2.
A friend of mine is an only child, and she believes that's the best way to be, so her ds will be an only child.
Each to their own. You just do what you want to do. You're the parent.

My brother and I are *both* only children :D... We're 17 years apart. And I reckon we both love it that way. I'm only planning on having one at this stage, I treasure the bond I have with my mum and I credit it to three factors, being an only child, her being a single mum and her being young when she had me.
I see families with more than one child and it looks to me like they're less close - but that's purely from the outside looking in - I don't mean to imply that is really the case.

Definitely not the case Shades. I'm just as close to Emily as I am with Nina. DH and I believe we have plenty of love to give around to our kids.

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Definitely not the case Shades. I'm just as close to Emily as I am with Nina. DH and I believe we have plenty of love to give around to our kids.

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Then I am thrilled to be proved wrong :lol:

I come from a family of five children, so I grew up surrounded by siblings. We weren't particularly close although my sister and I now are very good friends whereas we hated each other growing up.

Our DD is our only child and it'll probably stay that way. We talk about having another (see signature), DH admits to worrying that Maddy will be too spoiled if she's an only child. That said, I believe that children are who you allow and encourage them to be. It's as possible to have a very giving, unselfish and loving only child as it is to bring up a family of three children who are all spoiled brats. *L*

Our decision for Maddy to be an only child is also a financial and medical issue too. I was incredibly sick when I was pregnant with Maddy - I could barely function and I didn't have a child to keep an eye on when I was sick. I'm not so sure I could do it again, although seeing my friends with their new babies does occasionally tempt me. There's also the fact that if we ever want to own our own home it'll have to wait until our children are in school and no longer in daycare.

I don't think Maddy misses out on anything. We're surrounded by family and friends including cousins and friend's children. She goes to daycare full-time and is incredibly social. She's doted on and adapts well to change. I don't feel the need to have another child simply to prevent her from being 'lonely'. Occasionally I feel the lure to have another child but I don't have a longing to have another one if that makes sense.

Thanks for the responses ladies.

My partner and I are both middle children of 3 child families, my older brother is disabled so I spent most of my childhood babysitting, which I hated at the time but of course now am grateful for all the time I got to spend with my siblings, as my partner still has issues with his siblings.

Beckibee, I also don't think I will have any more because of medical and finanical issues. I suffered with terrible morning sickness and bad mood swings, although I understand many women go thru a lot more than this, I don't know how I would cope being pg again with a toddler/small child to chase around!

Also I don't think financially we will be in a position to bring up more than one child with everything we want to provide.

Saying that, I also believe that children are the product of their parents and upbringing, and don't think only children are all 'spoilt'. :)

I am 90% sure I only want one child.

Hubby says MAYBE more but becuase of his age and other factors we might just keep it at 1 because if I have another I would prefer a good age gap...5 years minimum.

We'll see but yes I get comments about only wanting 1 like "oh but you have to have 2 so the first one has something to play with"

Sorry but that's not a good enough reason for me. If I am content with 1, what's wrong with that?

Thanks for the responses ladies.

My partner and I are both middle children of 3 child families, my older brother is disabled so I spent most of my childhood babysitting, which I hated at the time but of course now am grateful for all the time I got to spend with my siblings, as my partner still has issues with his siblings.

Beckibee, I also don't think I will have any more because of medical and finanical issues. I suffered with terrible morning sickness and bad mood swings, although I understand many women go thru a lot more than this, I don't know how I would cope being pg again with a toddler/small child to chase around!

Also I don't think financially we will be in a position to bring up more than one child with everything we want to provide.

Saying that, I also believe that children are the product of their parents and upbringing, and don't think only children are all 'spoilt'. :)

I just wanted to say that I only wanted one after I had DD1, Im not entirely sure why though. Anyway, I do believe that our children choose to come here, and thus I am pregnant with number 3!! I would like more but don't think Im willing to go through pregnancy again..
And I can say now from having an only child for 7.5 years, to having two, that the best part for me is seeing the love between them. And even though they may not always be like that, it is extremely fulfilling to see how empathetic and loving they CAN be towards each other (don't get me wrong, there is fighting too...) but it shows a side I hadnt' seen in DD1, the protective loving sister. DD2 is the same with her big sister and it makes me so happy to see them together.
We are financially struggling like nothing else, and physically I hate being pregnant this time, alot worse than the other times. But I wouldn't change it.
xoxoxo

Hi, my DD is 1 year old. I only ever wanted one. We started to talk about another one about a month ago now. Something changed, DD became a bit easier to look after (she has never been good in the sleep deparment) and we changed our minds.

But now I am having thoughts on close together or far apart and read forums on both sides. Pros and cons of both I guess.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with you if you just want one. I did originally and may still only have one, who knows? I will see how I feel later in the year.

It is ok, I know how you feel. I had many judge my decision to only have one. But I only want another one because of the right reasons. Don't want to be stressed and depressed IYKWIM just for the sake of giving DD a brother or sister. This past year has been so difficult at times with the sleep thing. Not sure if I could go through it again. Maybe.

For some reason I have always wanted two. Not sure why. I have a sister so there are two of us but we are not especially close as we have very few things in common so the desire for the second child can't be for companionship. Having the two boys is a wonderful thing for me, even though DH is starting to try and persuade me that number 3 would be good (and a girl LOL). I agree with Mumma2girls that watching the two together is so heartwarming, though with Adam only 4 months old we haven't got the fights yet.

If you and DH are happy with one, then stand firm with your decision and tell everyone that has any inappropriate comments to mind their own damn business as it doesn't affect them at all. Maybe ask them how they would feel if you asked them personal questions and gave advice when it wasn't wanted or needed. Hopefully that will shut them up.

CourtRach, completely off topic, you and DH are same age as us!

Try not to listen to people who think they know it all, they are small minded and ignorant.

I have 1 child and am not likely to ever have another. When DS was born i couldn't wait to have anohter one. Then he got sick and had an op and as a result had severe reflux for 18 months, not fun. During DS op at 3 weeks old, DH and I looked at each other and said no more kids ever, its too hard and emotional. I have had many times where I would LOVE another 1 or 2, but in reality I have no interest in getting up during the night, changing millions of nappies and coping with tantys.

We have had endless negative comments, I was even told by a so called friend that i was cruel and how could i do that to my son. WTF! Needless to say I haven't spoken to her since. After a while of hearing these comments you grow a thick skin and learn not to listen.

I love having one. DS is starting childcare next month for 3 days a week while i go to Uni. If I had more than one child I wouldn't be able to afford childcare and would have to stay home longer. For me I need a balance between being a mother and being a person. The thought of staying at home with another bub panics me. I feel like Ive hd that whole baby experience and I dont feel the need to do it again.

There are so many positives to only children, more time for them, no sibling rivalry, own bedroom, i could go on and on.

Maybe down the track you will decide on another bub, but thats your business and no one elses. Try changing the subject as soon as someone gets negative about your choice.

feel free to pm me any time

I am preggers with my first and because of my age - 36 - I say to people that it'll most likely be the last. I've had a few funny looks but I couldnt care less. Thing is I'd like two, but I just cant see it being that easy at my age. I'm also at a delicate point in my career and I'm not sure how long I want to take off. But I am sooo close to my sister and brother and those relationships are the most important ones I have. That tempts me to give a sibling to the bub inside - but then, not all sibs are close and in fact none of my friends are as close with theirs as I am with mine. So, I guess I dont know.

I agree with the girls at the top of this thread - tell everyone to buggar off! None of their buisness!

Hi TM -

We are only planning to have one for a variety of reasons, one of them being our ages. I will be 41 when I deliver.

Also, I have had a heartbreaking road getting here with 5 miscarriages over 2 years because of blood clotting issues (found out after my last loss) and am high risk. I don't think I have the strength to go through this again.

But really, DH and I only ever wanted one child, and not just b/c we met later in life in our early 30s.

When we announced our news to my FIL just before Xmas, he told DH that he hoped it was the first of many. My DH was like - are you crazy? Jules is going to be 41 when we have this baby. That's it for us. And FIL was going on and saying our baby needs siblings, yadda yadda.

Well, I HATED my brother growing up and still feel the same way, so I think that argument is not necessarily a good one - at least in my case. Also my FIL cannot stand any of his siblings so I don't know what he is going on about!

TM - I feel very strongly about our decision, but people are people and they like to share their opinions and many seem to think they know better than you what's appropriate in YOUR life. What matters most is what DH and I feel is right for our own family! Same goes for you. I wish people would keep those unsolicited opinions to themselves.

If you are fine with just one, that is your choice. You also have the right to change you mind someday if that's what is right for your family!

I can see why you'd want to have one.... even if I couldn't, who cares? It's your decision. I don't think you're selfish - you're making a choice.

My original choice was to have no children at all. My DH and I were married for years when I suddenly convinced him that we would be missing out on something if we didn't have any children. We weren't even trying, but if we ended up with one - great!! (Clock was ticking, you see).

I love DS more than I could even imagine and my attitude to children has changed dramatically. I am no where near as blaze. We are having a second so that DS has a brother or sister and so that we can have one more child to love as much as we DS - that's it. No more children after this. That is why I changed my mind - it's dramatic. NO CHILDREN to two. I guess I got addicted after the first.

That is my decision and as legitimate as your decision. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it - they'll all be dead and gone and you'll be happy that you stuck to your guns.

Before I had DD I really didn't think about "how many" because I was 38 and thought I'd be lucky to have one!

As soon as I had her, I wanted another one though. I've always been someone who's been scared of death but when I had DD I just felt this great sense of peace - that it didn't really matter if I died now because I'd done my job. Bit hard to explain.

As she got a bit older I guess I want another one for very selfish reasons - not to give her a brother or sister - but to give me another child. I guess I worry that if something ever happened to DD, I wouldn't cope at all.

I don't really have an opinion on age gaps, sibling dynamics etc. etc. I just want another one FOR ME.

If I'd started earlier, I could see me having about four. I just think they're fascinating.

We're still undecided as to whether we'll have another and whilst I was pregnant and the first few months of DS' life it was a definite no... for no particular reason other than we were happy with him and didn't feel the need to have another.

We've gotten the same comments you have and I've learnt to brush them off and not worry about them... so now I say yes, he's our only child and we're happy for it to stay that way for now, but who knows what will happen down the track, this seems squash their comments.

I have many reasons why I'm happy to stick to just the one, and not so many for wanting another. At the moment we have the next 5 years of our life planned pretty well and a new baby doesn't really fit into them, however if it were to happen i certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Some may call me selfish but that doesn't bother me.

Anyway, that's just my ramblings on the subject, I say do what YOU want to do, it's your life and ultimately affects you and not those silly people with those silly comments!

I am just so similar to lestypuss it's slightly scary! We were also in the "no" camp for many years. One day I woke up and said to DH, I think I want kids (my clock came back with a vengeance after being AWOL for many years!).... knock me down with a feather, he turned around and said "yes, me too". So, after one miscarriage, we have our first.

I find it the most bizarre experience that i can still really understand where people are coming from when they don't want one, but for me it just changed and it was totally emotional. At this stage I really want a second, maybe because our first has lulled us into a false sense of security :rofl: as he's a most gorgeous cruisey little fella. But if having a second isn't meant to be, then so be it.

But what i find amazing is the freedom that people have to comment on YOUR decisions. If you took a job somewhere or bought a house somewhere... they wouldn't judge your decision. But for some reason whether you decide to have 0, 1, 2 or more kids is something that people feel free to make very personal (and often hurtful) comments and judgements about. I think having a child is such a huge thing that it has to be right for you and your partner... no-one else. I think I'd be so tempted to turn around and tell them they should change jobs or move house... if they look surprised, then call them on the fact they're trying to tell you how to live your life!!!!

Ok, off my soapbox now :redface:

Hi,

Well DH and I are planning on having 4kids and many people think I'm crazy for wanting that, on an emotional level I don't get why anyone would only want 1 child or only 2 but thats only because i so want a big family.

I think its like how u know when u want to have kids if you have to give logic reasons you could but YOU JUST KNOW I think it's the same with how many kids you want to have...you just want that because you want that iykwim

Don't worry what others say like you said you may change you mind...I might to but maybe not also. I think anyone who wants anything other than 2 or 3 kids these days is questioned as to why

Wow 3 or 4!! Good on you!! We are financially gonna be struggling with just one, let alone more, especially if next yr we want to try saving for our 1st home! Im just very lucky to have a lot of friends whose kids have just outgrown nursery items and haven't spent a cent (and the rate my mother is buying nappies 'cause they're on sale', I won't need to spend anything for a yr!) :)

We are also likely to be a one child household! My bubba is due at the same time as yours, have you found your belly thread yet? I'll come back and update this post with the link here.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-2009-6-a.html

HTH! (and welcome to BB)

Aw im expecting a girl too!! But my cousin often reminds me that his folks thought he was a girl but ended up being a boy with a small penis LOL. So lets hope if we have a boy that they don't mind pink clothes! (And nappies and blankets and baby names). Unsure how to find my thread, I only have the net on my mobile phone so its pretty confusing and slow!

Our DD will more than likely be an only child unless a mircle occurs! I had a very hard end of my pregnancy and an awlful labour and delivery. The result is a damaged uterus that may not carry more children. Prior to all that though DH and I did want a "biggish" family. However we can see now that it isn't for us, Asides from the pregnancy issues, my bipolar didn't cope as well as I thought it would with pregnancy and postnatal so we are happy with the gorgeous little one we have!!
I don't feel she will miss out on anything. She has plenty of chances to socialise even now. Although I have a sibling I have never been close to him and even now as adults we are lucky to talk once a month if that.
Anyway my 2 cents. I see no problem in having one child if that is what is right for you and your family. :)

Drat, I had replied to this!

DS may be an only one. Or may not. We really don't mind either way any more, not right now. When people ask when the next one is coming I ask them why I'd want another: DS is soooo perfect another child is bound to be a disappointment, why do that to a child?

TBH, there are other reasons for not having another one now - the 2-bed home is too small for 2 adults, let alone 2 adults and a toddler so another would be madness. We can't afford for me to be a SAHM and we can't afford 2 in childcare. I'm re-training at Uni for the next 18m. I need more help (ie someone who will visit me, comfortably in a car, rather than expecting me to drag a newborn on a train journey and walk over a mile to visit them... cheers, MiL or just someone who doesn't mind popping to the shops and grabbing me some milk if I'm out and the baby hasn't slept and I'm a walking zombie - again, PiL wouldn't do that).

If we don't have another child soon, DS will grow up an only. We may have another one late, ie when DS is in his late teens. That way we can focus on his interests now (ie no 10-year-old wanting to explore Minoan Crete but we can't because the baby is too young to fly etc) and when he is focussing on things other than passing interests and holidays start again! But for all intents and purposes, DS will be an only because the relationship is different when children aren't children together.

Also, I come from a big family and DH from a small one. I don't mind what size I have, so long as we stay in touch with all my family! I never wanted children very close together (3y or under) because I feel I cannot adequately meet the needs of both those children at the same time. And I hated my sister so much when living with her, 2y2m apart in ages. Wouldn't do that to my children.

Hi there. We have one son and we are happy with just that. Honestly you can't win with some people no matter what option you choose so you have to do what feels right for you. I have great memories of my childhood and I have bad ones too. Some kids really suffer because of their siblings and some are really close. You can't guarantee either way. Only children tend to get more one on one time with their parents which can be really beneficial for their development. But of course that is up to their parents to provide as well as playtime with other kids.
As for being spoilt people are often mistaken as to what spoilt is. Kids don't get spoilt from having their parents attention and love. They get spoilt from not being taught boundaries and compassion. It really has little to do with whether you have siblings or not. In fact I think sometimes it can be easier for only children as they don't always have to compete and feel threatened about things being taken away. I have real eating issues because it was always 'eat now of forever hold your peace' when you have two older brothers. LOL

Anyway not sure if the rant made sense but that is my point of view. Hope it helps

Yeah - noone's business but yours! How you feel is how you feel- and how you feel may also change- and that doesn't give people the right to say 'I told you so'....

DH and I both come from families of 4 siblings- are have close relationships with our brothers and sisters. I have always loved the busy-ness and action around our dinner tables at Christmas, Birthdays etc, and thought I would have at least 3 kids. However, after I went through labour (in the early sleepless days) I could not believe how our parents had done it 4 times!!! I thought they were absolute crazy martyrs!! I couldn't conceive of having more at that stage.
However, then about 4 months on- I developed that 'pregnancy amnesia' that everyone tells you about. When DS1 reached 6 months I was well and truly thinking about when we would start TTC again- lol.
Now I am back to wanting at least 3 again- but you know what? My answer when anyone asks me "how many kids do you want?" or "how many kids will you have?" is always the same...."I don't know". Because really, who really knows? I could be hit by a car next week and become a paralysed from the neck down in which case I'll only have 1. I know that sounds a little morbid but its reality. I am always weary of trying to 'construct' our future too much and getting set on a particular number or thing to make you happy or complete. Truthfully, we would feel complete and happy with 1 child, and we would feel complete and happy with 7. What will happen over the next 10 years is unknown to us but written in the stars!!!
You are free to only desire 1 child- and people have no right to judge you. You are also free to change your mind later on and want 5.
I recommend telling people that you are not a fortune teller and cannot predict the future. Just enjoy your precious bub to be, and all will be revealed to you with time.

I currently have one child. In a way I want another child because my little princess isn't natrually mine and as much as I love her as much or more than I would love a natural child I would still love to have a child of my own (If it ever happens, far from an option at this stage but who knows what the future holds) and my little princess would love a sibling.


Who cares what other peoples opinions are???? It's your life and if you only want one child then go for it give that child the best you can. As I said (and a lot of other people have said) who knows what the future will hold for you and your family. Go with your heart.

Sjl