Louisa Dawn - our Boxing Day home birthed babe (LONG LONG LONG!!!)
Before I describe the birth, I thought I would give some background on why I chose a homebirth. It is not something I knew a lot about before pregnancy, but now I highly recommend it!
Louisa Dawn was conceived on our honeymoon, Florence we think, and from those very early days, I had a sense she needed to be born at home. I had never considered home birth before this, but it seemed to be the perfect place to welcome our new addition. It was the home DH and I started together, and the place I felt safest and most secure.
Home birth was a relatively new phenomenon to my family. With my father a GP and my sister a nurse, the general consensus is that hospitals are normal places to birth babies. I must admit I also felt the same until I fell pregnant, and I owe a lot to my wonderful sister in law, who opened my eyes to the idea of birth as a safe, normal and totally intimate experience...something that should be done in an environment where mother and baby feel safe...and if that's at home, then that's where the baby should be born. With this in mind, I opened my mind to the possibility of home birth and began to research fanatically about the whole experience.
I was lucky to secure an amazing midwife for my pregnancy, whose thirty five years experience soon expelled any doubts some of my other relatives may have had. Her philosophy perfectly matched my own throughout the pregnancy...if all goes to plan and there are no complications, hospital should be considered a back-up, but not our first choice.
My pregnancy was probably as text-book as you can get. I almost felt guilty for not experiencing pelvic instability, heart burn or the other myriad of symptoms women get. I felt the best I had ever felt...almost better. I continued to walk and dance, and live life normally. I truly believe this helped my labour experience greatly.
Louisa's due date was the 6th of January, but I felt sure she would come before that. Christmas is an especially busy period for my family. Apart from the usual celebrations, mine and my sisters birthdays fall between Christmas and New years. When I started having Braxton hicks contractions at around 24 weeks, it became a joke in my family to hold out until the new year. I also had an inkling things were going to start sooner when my cervix began ripening at about 36 weeks. I knew a post-term baby would put paid to my planned home birth, so I encouraged the ripening with lots of sex and walking and generally opening my soul to the possibility of birthing the baby. My midwife suggested I create a little alter for the baby, where DH and I could light a candle each night and welcome the idea of labour and birth. I found this a very special time for us, and I believe helped immensely with my mind frame about birth.
Christmas Day 2008
DH and I decided to abandon our usual trip to Albury and stay in Melbourne. We had a lovely lunch at my sister in laws house, and generally enjoyed the day. I do remember having some strong Braxton Hicks contractions during the day, but that wasn't anything new. That night while relaxing (watching the Sopranos) I felt and heard a pop. I froze for an instant, knowing that could only be one thing. I rushed to the shower and sure enough, my waters had broken. I remember laughing almost hysterically at that point. I was in absolute shock. DH was so surprised. He kept looking at me and asking "are you sure??" Once it had sunk in this baby was coming, we hugged and laughed together and prepared ourselves for the contractions.
We rang the midwife straight away, and the first thing she asked was if I had felt the baby move since my waters had broken. No I hadn't. She advised me to lie down and drink some cold water and call her back in an hour. During that hour, I felt my anxiety creep up. The baby was definitely not moving. Nothing. DH tried to reassure me, but I felt a sense of dread coming over me. Things had been going too well. I was too lucky in my pregnancy. It took a lot of strength to read over my birth affirmations and not panic.
When the midwife arrived, she instantly apologised for not having her Doppler. She had been out with friends for Christmas and had come as soon as she could. A trip to her house and back was an hour round trip. At this point I think she saw the concern in my eyes, so she suggested we go to hospital and use their Doppler, since it was only up the road.
I tried to stay calm in the car, but kept having anxiety about the safety of my baby. I was urging it to kick, roll, move...anything.
We arrived at the hospital, and were met by some lovely staff. They showed us to an ante-room and my midwife instantly put the Doppler on. I held my breath. Boom, boom, boom boom....Thank god!
Just to be on the safe side, they recommended I go on the CTG machine to check the babys reaction to my increasing contractions. This process took almost two and a half hours, because the baby was determined not to move. Because I was essentially a patient of the hospital (I had a back-up booking there), a doctor was sent to see me who advised she would book me in for an induction if labour didn't start spontaneously within 36 hours. I just calmly nodded and accepted her decision, but I knew things would get going on their own.
Once we were back at home, I admitted how utterly exhausted I was (it was about midnight). By now contractions were very manageable (like period pain) and coming sporadically. I remember feeling them step up like a flight of stairs, and I counted the breaths. One, two, three, four, five....peak...six seven, eight, nine, ten as they then sloped off the other side. I knew these were contractions, but I was clearly not in labour yet. I decided to put myself to bed and ignore them until the morning.
At about 4am, my midwife called. "I can't stop thinking about you. What's happening??". I explained I was just ignoring the contractions and sleeping instead. She said that sounded perfect and to go for a long walk in the morning when I was up and had breakfasted.
Boxing Day
By 6am, I couldn't sleep through the contractions. They were taking about six or seven breaths now, and the peak made me moan a little bit. I texted my sister (one of my support people) to tell her to come over when she was awake, and she messaged straight back and said she'd be right over.
At 6:30am we set off on a walk through the streets of Carlton. That morning walk was one of the loveliest experiences of my life. It was so calm and quiet in my neighbourhood, and my sister and I saw only a handful of people. I was getting contractions regularly, but walking really helped, and I enjoyed the "slippery slope" that marked their end.
We noted the quiet festivity in the air, and the sleepiness that comes with Boxing Day and this fuelled the surreal sensation that the baby was coming. Together we revelled in the last moments we would share before she would be born. We picked up some breakfast (chocolate croissants and custard filled bon bonaires) and headed home.
Once we were home, I noted the contractions were 8 minutes apart and then almost 5 minutes. Every second one seemed to take my breath away, but they still weren't strong enough to tell anyone, so we just hung out and watched telly and chatted. When my midwife came over at 12pm, she was surprised I wasn't in labour yet. She said she had a feeling though once things got going it would be a fast labour.
She suggested I try expressing colostrum from each breast for 1 minute at five minute intervals, and then for DH and I to have some special time together - just the two of us. She said loving each other and feeling excited about the baby might be enough to bring on labour. In the meantime she was going to track down an acupuncturist who would come out on a public holiday.
The expressing was both tedious and a bit frustrating. Why wasn't this baby coming? After an hour, my sister went home and said she would let herself back in after a couple of hours.
At 1:30pm DH and I went back to bed to spend some skin on skin time (DTD was out of the question because of ruptured membranes). It sounds strange, but what followed was one of the most sensual experiences of my life. I knew oxytocin (the love hormone) is really important in labour, so we just let the love flow between us and embraced the moment and each other. We both drifted off to sleep, and after about an hour I woke up to really strong contractions. These were probably the most challenging of the labour, because I was unsure if I was still in pre-labour, or if this was in fact active labour. DH was wonderful and tried to feed me quiche for energy, but I could feel myself slipping out of regular consciousness. I embraced the change, and noted I was probably in labour now.
By now the contractions were coming every 5 minutes so we contacted the midwife who asked if she should come in half an hour or an hour. We said half an hour, but I thought we were a long way off yet. Some time in this period, I picked up a tigers eye crystal (strange because I am NOT into all that stuff) and held it in my hand, I also asked for a sheet to be wrapped around me. It was funny because during a contraction I would throw off the sheet, but straight after I felt the need to be wrapped up snugly.
I remember asking for heat for my back, and at some point my sister arrived (3:50pm) and placed a hot water bottle on my back. She rubbed it back and forth, and honestly it felt like ecstasy - the relief was amazing.
At some point, DH suggested I go for a walk down the hallway. By now I was moaning through the contractions. They were getting more challenging but not unbearable, so I knelt down behind the sofa. At this point my midwife arrived (4:30pm). I remember hearing her say "That sounds more convincing". She came down the hallway and in that five minute interval I had about three contractions. "What do you mean the contractions are five minutes apart, these are coming right on top of one another". With that she and DH started preparing the room for the birth. I remember staring down the hallway at one point and noted the open door onto the street. We live on a busy road, and I kept imagining people walking past and seeing this naked woman moaning over the back of her couch...
My midwife then asked if she could examine me and listen to the baby's heart rate. I remember lying on the couch while she did the examination. "5 cms dilated" was all I really remember. We were all so surprised! The realisation that I was actually doing it was amazing. I asked if my second support person had been called (my sister in law) because it seemed as if we were really in active labour and I didn't want her to miss it.
My midwife then suggested I jump in the shower while they set up the birth pool. I remember her saying I would probably find the shower amazing...but once in it I started hankering for that hot water bottle on my back. The next thing I knew I was bleeding, and then I remember throwing the tigers eye crystal. Later on my sister said she was shocked when I did that because no one realised I was holding onto it! My midwife reflected later that that was my transition.
Then I felt the urge to bear down. I had heard it is instinctive, but I could never have imagined how strong the urge to push actually is. I yelled out "the baby's coming", and there was a flurry of activity. My midwife asked me to feel inside to see if I could feel the baby's head. It was a fingers length away. Apparently then midwife said "scrap the pool idea, its time for plan B" and started setting up the lounge room.
By this time it was after 5pm. I don't remember getting out of the shower, but I remember kneeling over the front of the couch and my midwife was behind me. Once we were set up, I remember feeling the sense of re-emerging from a deep sleep. It was like clouds parted and I was conscious again. My sister actually noted the change and said "welcome back" knowing we were now in second stage. The feeling of bearing down was complete bowel pressure at this stage, and I loved the long gaps between the contractions. DH was sitting on the couch, holding my hand, while my sister was still rubbing the hot water bottle on my back. After a few contractions the midwife asked my sister to stop because she wanted me to concentrate fully on the contractions.
At some stage here the second midwife arrived (5:15pm). I remember feeling her calm energy enter the space, even though I didn?t actually know she was on her way, or hear her come in. She organised some ice cubes for me to crunch on and my sister held cold washers on my face. Ahhhh. It was absolute bliss. I kept moaning with pleasure every time she pressed a washer into my face, saying "that feels amazing". Sometime here my second support person arrived and started to press and relax my feet and thighs. I remember thinking "yes, relax, relax, relax" as she touched me. My midwife commented at one point "do you feel like you're getting enough attention Anna?" and everyone laughed. I truly did feel loved!
Soon after this the urge to bear down started to feel more like an urge to push, with my stomach heaving with each contraction - a sensation similar to the reflex of vomiting but forcing the power downwards. I noticed my vocalisations even sounded like someone vomiting, and I really gripped DH's arm strongly. My midwife encouraged me to kiss and cuddle DH between each contraction, and as well as feeling wonderful, I noticed this really helped bring on stronger and stronger contractions.
My midwife then suggested I kneel upright instead of leaning on the couch. She came to my left side and placed my arm around her neck and got DH to do the same on my right side. After one contraction she said i was too strong for her and asked my SIL to replace her. The first few contractions like this were quite challenging and I gripped my support people strongly. The midwife then suggested I take all the energy and send it downwards instead. This directive really helped, and I managed to focus on pushing down instead. During this stage I could feel the baby's head descending, but it seemed to pop back upwards in between contractions. It was quite frustrating. To re-assure me, my midwife suggested I feel inside myself and see where the head was. It was only a single knuckle deep. Even so, I remember feeling disappointed she wasn't further along. At this stage I clearly remember something I learnt in one of the birth courses I did about keeping the baby down in between contractions - basically to try and hold the baby down so it doesn't pop back up. I could even see the diagram the instructor had drawn on the board. This really helped me progress with the next couple of contractions, and before I knew it I felt the well-described ring of fire. Ouch. I even started saying "ow, ow, ow, ow". My midwife encouraged me by saying "baby, baby, baby" instead. My support people really helped me focus my breathing. My sister especially joined in with the "Hoo, hoo haa" pants I was instructed to do. "Hoo, hoo, haa..."
Somewhere here I started getting scared about tearing. I remember the midwife went to get some massage oil and started massaging and stretching my perineum. Ouch...it felt too tight to be able to stretch any more. I started wishing I had been more diligent with perennial massage in my pregnancy.
My midwife sensed the change in me and came and whispered in my ear. "Don't be afraid". My SIL also started whispering encouragements to me "I know its intense, but its only for a little while...".
With new determination I turned to DH and said "Are you ready, I'm ready?"..."I'm ready" he replied and we kissed and cuddled some more.
Now I started to really push. I remember opening myself to the sensation - welcoming the contraction and changing my vocalisations to "yes, yes, yes". This part was really hard work and really hurt. The idea of splitting in half did occur to me. My midwife was very encouraging, and said "Push until I tell you to stop. Perfect...perfect...perfect" she purred to me. Those words were absolute bliss as I pushed and pushed and felt the stretching become so unbearable I screamed. Here she said "Pant" and I barely heard her, but my sister chimed in with some amazing pants. "Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh" - her voice urging me to do the same.
In this moment I had an image of my midwife's face and hearing "Oh that's done it, we'll have to go to hospital". I was terrified in this moment and imagined a tear in both directions. I'm lucky this part of my labour was caught on film, because it seems as if it was a subconscious fear materialising in my mind. My midwife never said that, and I didn't tear. The fear was so great though, it projected this fantasy moment into my mind...
Then I remember hearing "take the baby" and DH seemed to be passing something to me. I reached down and lifted this slimy, crying creature from my body. "Its a baby, its my baby!" I cried out and gathered her up to my chest. It was 6:17pm.
Suddenly the atmosphere changed. The midwives ushered me on to the couch and wrapped the baby in a warm blanket. They shut the curtains and lowered their voices. It was an amazingly intimate moment, as DH and I stared into the face of our baby and watched her blink her eyes open for the first time.
After a little while the midwife asked what we'd had. So we peaked between her legs and saw she was a girl. So without hesitation I named her Louisa Dawn. Born at dusk and named for the new day, my warrior princess Louisa Dawn.
I then remember the midwife pressing on my stomach and telling me to give a little push when I wanted. With only two pushes the placenta was delivered, fully intact.
Next the midwives ushered everyone out of the room so DH and I could have some quiet time with our daughter. She was very interested in my breasts, so I let her attach and suckle for a while. It was an incredible feeling, that now we were three.
After about twenty minutes or so the midwives came back into the room to help DH cut the cord. It was a special moment, but made me a little bit sad. I loved every moment of my pregnancy and the special time we had together. Cutting the cord was both a symbolic and yet very real moment of separation.
After this she was weighed and checked over while I had a shower. Then we were put to bed - a new family - for our first cuddles and kisses with our little angel.
Her stats were:
Weight: 3.5 kilos (7 pounds, 11 ounces)
Length: 51cm
Apgar: 9 and 10
Louisa Dawn, my lou lou. You were made and birthed with incredible love. May your life be bathed in the joy you bring to your father and me.
Thanks for reading.
