Have you had two kids close together and then an decent gap for the next?

Like the title says.. I'm umming and ahhing about when to ttc the next one. Its been a bit ... difficult... to deal with DS and DD being the age difference that they are, mostly because DS is quite a difficult toddler and isn't that independent - still likes to be carried around shops etc...

So our original plan was to ttc in June - have all kids close together cos we only want 3 and I didn't want a huge age gap. My brother and sister are both 7 years and 4.5 years older than me, and it sucked growing up cos I was left out of everything.

But since it is difficult... if we try again, DS would have only just turned 3.. and DD would be around 19 months.... not sure if I could do it - especially if he still wants to be carried around at 3!!

So i've been contemplating leaving it for a few years... and having another when DD is 3.. so DS would be 4.5 and nearly at school....

But I dunno... I'm getting old..er........ and though I fell pregnant really easy with these two... might not the next time around..

Dunno.. dunno. DUNNO... someone just tell me what to do!!!! ;)

Family planning is challenging Mel :hug:

My DD13 was nearly 6 when DS8 was born. Then he was 2 when DD6 was born and she was 15 months when DD4 was born. And DD4 was 3.5 when Imogen was born...!

I must say the gap is lovely - mainly due to her dramatic entrance Imogen is a princess in our home. All the kids just dote on her - she says peep and it's all hands on deck! :o

Having the 3 close together was fine for me too. I really really enjoyed it - but I don't get too stressed about much - and I have been fortunate to be healthy after each birth (we won't talk about after Immmy! :shhh:).

I have no extended family support - but a great network of friends. However, it was hard work physically - I would do it all again in a heartbeat! :hug:

wouldn't it be nice if someone could answer for us?

ultimately, you have to work out what is going to work in your circs - you want three kids, know that DS is high maintenance - do you think age will change that? or do you think, to some degree, he's always going to be higher maintenance (thinking of my bro's boy here! he's almost seven and still higher maintenance than his four year old sister). do you think it will be easier for him (and you) to cope with the addition of another baby at an older or younger age. from what i have gathered from family, they ones with kids all together, unless there is a HUGE gap (like 6 or more years) cope better. the younger kids are younger together, and play better without that gap. the only ones that have been really happy with bigger gap are the ones that had two, had a few years gap (four or five) and then had another two close together...

Mel I obviously have no experience in this but it's funny you've posted this today as I was having this chat this morning.
My GF has just had her 3rd 6 weeks ago which gives her a 3yo, 21mth old(?) and a 6 week old.

The eldest is quite demanding and high maintenance and she was here this morning having a coffee while the elder 2 were at daycare (she has gotten to the point where she is sending them one day a week as they are both so full on) and she actually said to me that whilst she loves all 3 of her kids and wouldn't change them for the world she wishes she had waited a little longer as she is having big probs even with BF'ing Cody as there is always one throwing a tanty or demanding something when she is trying to feed and the middle child has also worked out that Mummy can't get up and deal with her behaviour whilst BF'ing and uses that time to cause whatever mischief she can :)

I think that close age gaps are great - but really hard work for mum......

I loved the closeness of my first three, even though my second is a drama queen. It's a hard call to make though cause I love the big gap I have now between 3 and 4, but that's just worked out perfect for our family though. Do you think a compromise would work and do it halfway when DD is around 2? Don't forget that A will be at kinder then too......

Will he be at kinder at 3.5? I have no idea about the schooling - having not researched it!!!

And another couple of things to consider - I really do think he will be a drama queen for the whole of his life - just his nature I think. Plus I do want to try BFing the next one.. and it was hard expressing for DD when DS was around...but i don't want them to exclude the last born either!!! arghhh... so difficult... plus if I don't get my VBA2C - and have to have another c-section, how would I look after 3 young kids.. arghhh.. doing my head in (much like my whingy, screaming 2 year old right this second!!)

ROFL at sounding like him. My DD's started preschool at 3yo for 1 day, so I assume in QLD they can start that early too. I think you should go with your gut - if you think you would regret not having them close then you should stick to your original plan. Or if it won't faze you, then play it by ear and see how you go, you might get to your original timeline and not feel ready for it anyway kwim?

We decided that 2 babies would be enough for us....but now that I am loving this pregnancy, I think we will go again!!

But Im pretty sure I will have about 3 years difference rather than two. Would love to hear more opinions :)

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Like the title says..

So i've been contemplating leaving it for a few years... and having another when DD is 3.. so DS would be 4.5 and nearly at school....

But I dunno... I'm getting old..er........ and though I fell pregnant really easy with these two... might not the next time around..

Dunno.. dunno. DUNNO... someone just tell me what to do!!!! ;)

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Sounds perfect to me ;)

When Zander was born, Riley was 5.5yrs, Giselle was 3.5yrs - Riley is wonderful and such a BIG help and just adores his little brother but not annoyingly so.

We had two angels between Giselle and Zander so were aiming for 2 yrs age gap again but something different was planned for us - and it is great. Not being a downer, but worth thinking of that too.

I conceived easily like you with all my pregs - and when Zander was conceived I was 36.5 (ssshhhhhhhhhhhh :redface:)

Growing up with my sisters there was an 18month age gap between my older sister and I and then another 5 years age difference between my little sister and I.

It was a lovely age gap. The 7yr age gap never stopped the eldest and youngest from doing things together and getting along. In fact they used to gang up on me alot (and yes I still suffer middle child syndromme because of it :ROFL:)

There was alot of fighting but I think that is normal between 3 kids esp 3 girls!!

Good luck planning your gorgeous family!

Mel, only you will know what will work best for your family. I'm a believer in the gap ;) LOL, but hey, that's just what I think will be best for us. I am scared about having bad m/s again, I'm scared of having BFing difficulties again, etc etc, so I would rather wait until DS is a little older, like closer to 3. I know it will still be hard work, but I don't think I could handle it right now, he's still so dependent on me. And there is 3 years between my little bro and I, and we get along great :D I don't think a smaller gap would have made a difference.

FWIW, we have friends whose first two are 15 months apart, and the third was born four years after the second (TTC issues, though not age related). She (mum) can see the pros and cons. It was alot easier having the older kids, be well, older. They were more independent etc, able to get their own food and drinks. She does worry that the little one will be left out, but so far so good, and they are all at school now. I think at the time they were TTCing she was worried about the bigger gap, but once pg and then with a nb, she was happy about it LOL, as it did make things alot easier for her.

Just a thought, if it were me, I would definitely want my oldest TTd before the third came along - three in nappies does not appeal to me! Good luck Mel, maybe just take it as it comes, and see how you feel mid-year.

My first two were 16 months apart and the 3rd came along just over 3 years later... I had a whingy first bub and even though the second one ( DD ) was a dream but I just couldn't deal with another so close again, I would have just lost my mind even though my DH at the time was just an amazing help. He got up to the babies every night and changed them and brought them to me to feed and then put them back to bed *sighs, why did we divorce PML*....

In saying that, I had mine really young and got pg pretty much straight away. 10 yrs later, trying to get pg with Bella resulted in a loss at 4 months pg and then 4 more m.c's and took nearly 2 yrs to get a sticky pg.

Big decision to make huh...

My 2 boys are 17 months apart and so far I'm loving the age difference, and would love a third as soon as possible! However I know once ds2 starts to move around things will get more of a handful. We took 19 months to fall pg the first time and the second time was a total surprise so I guess for us we'll just see what happens. We 'plan' on waiting till ds2 is 12 months before we actively ttc again, but if it happened before then it wouldn't be the worst thing! When I tell people I want more they think I'm mad! Good luck with your decision!

Mel - DH & I have been talking about this exact thing!
I think we are going to wait, so there is about 3 years between DD2 and #3 :)
I think there are pros and cons to either choice!

Wow SS - then our kids will all be nearly the same age!! lol

I think I'm more inclined to do the 3 year gap.. but we've got a couple of things happening with us this year, so will see how it goes - if I don't kill DS in the meantime!! :p

Maybe we should put mr A and miss D together so they can annoy each other - I mean ENTERTAIN each other! :lol:

Wooooo I like that idea.. as toddlers.. not so much as teenagers ;)

lol

Dont freak me out!!!! I so wasn't ready for that thought... :redface:

lol.. my mind is always in the gutter... I'm just preparing for the teenage years early!!

Our boys are 17months and 3 weeks apart - we originally wanted bub#3 with a similar gap but due to my work issues we are now aiming for a 2.5 year gap between Ollie and next bub. That means Flynn will be 4 which seems REALLY old to me. But in reality we will still have 3 in four years (all going well) and so in real terms that is still fairly close.

So I totally understand where you are coming from with the anxiety about this - having 2 together is really hard work and 3 sounds even harder, but really, you cope with what you have to ;). What is the age of your bubs now - maybe it just seems harder cause your little one is soooo little? I know that we were still on-track for another 17-18 month gap I would be comfortable with that concept now, becuase although they are close in age Olie is so much easier to handle now than a little bub.

Rory - yeah that could be true as well..... I think I want to go back there because DD is such a great bub - no trouble (well except her formula issues!!) at all.

I might get another trouble maker though as the 3rd... so thats scary too!!!!!

I was talking to DH about it last night - and he said just to NOT think about it, see what happens in the months leading up to June (we've got a LOT of changes coming) so to see if we will be in a financial position to actually have more children - cos we both might be unemployed!!!

I have a 29mth age gap b/w #1 and #2
19 mth b/w #2 and #3
and will have 20mths b/w #3 and #4.......

I lurvvvvve the 29mth age gap.......my oldest is 5 and my second is just bout to turn 3. They are the best of friends. They entertain, help, and understand how to play with DD#3 (whom is 16 months). If i didnt have my oldest around i think i would go nuts.....im feeling really anxious about the year ahead, as she is going to school (GULP !) and my little helper wont be around as much.....:rolleyes:

But, as the others have said, its all about your family, what works well for you.....and whilst some people say to me 'oh its great to have them close together, all in nappies, all being TT together, get the baby kingdom days over quickly' i simply have found for me, the 29mth age gap worked sooooo much better and still is LOL. I enjoyed the pregnancy more too (#2 pregnancy).........i wasnt so busy, tired and run-down......

Good luck....agree with your DH....just see what happens.....

I have 15 months between #1 and #2, which I love although the first 12 months was a bit full on :o

With #2 and #3, #2 will be 6 weeks under 3 years of age, it wasn`t planned this way, just took longer to conceive then it did with the other two, at times I think the age gap will be too big but then I`ll have two big brothers wanting to help with the baby, not sure if I`m going to have a few jealous moments with #2 as he`s such a Mummy`s boy, we`ll see how we go.

For our next bub I`d like a closer age gap again, maybe not the 15 months but closer then 3 years, we`ll see how I go.

I have 12 months between my two and if I were having a third I would be wanting a three year gap minimum. No way would I even consider having another baby quickly. Having said that, I had difficult pregnancies, sickly newborns and now a limpet masquerading as my second-born.

FWIW, I conceived VERY easily at 36 and 37.

My eldest DD was 4 when I had #2 and he was 22 months when I had #3. #3 was 6 when I had #4 and #4 was 21 months old when I had #5. So I have done both lol. I must admit I'm finding it harder to cope with the close age gap this time (maybe because #4 is a drama queen lol) but I like it both ways.

Having the bigger age gap meant that the older child was able to understand that mummy couldn't do some things and they were able to help out. Having them closer together you get it over and done with. Pros and cons for both but only you will know what suits.

Good luck with the decision