When did you first leave bub with someone else, why, and for how long?

By someone else I mean someone other than bubs other parent...

SIL is bugging me to let her babysit Jazz, and she thinks I'll even leave her there overnight. Apart from a gazillion other issues i have with my SIL which I'll leave for another thread, I've never been away from Jazz for more than 2 hours and she was with Shel anyway so it doesn't really count.

When did you first leave bub in the care of someone else, why, and for how long?
Oh, and were you bfing?

How did you cope? Were youcomfortable with the idea, and with the person caring for your bub? Or does everyone feel like me (I don't trust my SIL as far as I can throw her to look after Jazz like we ask, that is, not letting her cry herself to sleep, DON'T give her chocolate, formula etc...). Did you know that they would look after your bub how you ask, or did you have doubts?

Man its doing my head in. Shel thinks it'd be nice to have time to ourselves, but I seriously can't even face the thought of leaving her. My heart is racing just thinking about it!

Is this normal? I don't feel comfy with it... should I just say thanks but no thanks, or is this just the feeling you get when you leave your bub with someone else for the first time? Am I just being too clingy to Jazz?

If you don't feel comfortable with the person then don't leave your bub with them, thats my philosophy.

DH and I AP and so far DS has only been left with his Nana and Grandma and thats it. We trust them to follow our ways of parenting. On one occasion I was going to leave him with a close friend who also APs but when I went round the day before to check she offered DS chocolate while I went to the loo, WTF! He was 4 months old.

You have be completely comfortable with the person. If you are not you will just spend the time you are away from Jazz worrying.

Honey - if you don't feel comfortable doing it - there's your answer.

You don't HAVE to leave her - its not a prerequisite for being a parent ;)

I only leave mine with daycare cos I go to work. Ain't no way in hell I'd leave my baby with my IL's (DS is alright - he's too full on for them so they don't ask!! haha)

:hug:

Just say no. It's ok to stand up for yourself and say that you don't want to do something ya know ;)

From my experience i think it is a big step to leave your little baby with anyone else and something you will have to really think about in order to choose someone you trust to leave Jazz with.

I never thought i could do it but i did. We live out of town so when we came to adelaide for our 6 week checks my parents were nice enough to stay in the same hotel as us. I was breastfeeding 2 hourly but each nightmy husband and i would rush off for an hour for tea and leave our daughter with my parents. They did a great job and i trusted them 100% but i still found myself running back to them as soon as we had gobbled down our last mouthful.

When Bella was about 4 months old mum came to visit and i used that as a chance to spend a day at work just catching up on things so that when i went back it wasnt such a drama. Mum brought Bella in for feeds and i was totally relaxed knowing she was in good care.

My MIL is lovely but not overly maternal so i still stress when i leave bella with her and bella is 8 months old. I know she loves her i just worry that she will do things differently to the way i do.

Having said all that it still all depends on the day. I tried leaving bella with my mum when she was 5 months old and i was going to tea but bella was tired and wouldnt settle before i left and i got the guilts and came home halfway through eating my tea.

I guess basically my point is you will get a gut feeling about who to leave Jazz with and if Jazz is upto it on that day. It is hard at first, but i think if you trust the person it ends up being something you will look forward to so you can have a rest. Let us know how you go.

:) thanks.

I keep getting told (friggen ILs) that I'm smother-mother and clingy and she's gonna be a sooky baby if I don't start letting go (also if I don't stop bfing so I don't know why I listen to these quackheads) so I guess I just wondered if thats right, if everyone felt like no one could look after bub 'just right' IYKWIM.

I'll say no. I'm sooooooo not ready LOL I'll just pull out the bfing excuse!

When Jazz was 5 weeks old we left her with our closest friends for a few hours while we went to an engagement party. I rang them a couple of times to make sure everything was ok. They were great with her. We trust them so much. The wife is quite over protective so we know that she never takes her eyes off Jazz. Though now that Jazz is older she knows that her 8 year old daughter can play with Jazz more and her daughter is really mature for her age so we don't have a problem with the 2 of them being left alone in a room for a few minutes.

Mason was around Jazz's age when I left him with my mum for a few hours. I just expressed a few bottles and he was set. It broke my heart...but we had to start somewhere!

Even now when he goes to day care it STILL breaks my heart. And soon enough he will be going to Kinder...school... omg! I'll stop now :lol:

JUst wait until you are ready. You will know when that is. And trust your gut with who to leave her with. :)

I agree with the others if you dont feel comfortable dont do it.

Sophie had her 1st sleepover at SIL's at 10.5months as we had a Christmas party to attend, we trusted her to follow our way of parenting. Sophie ended up getting her 1st tooth while she was there.

Just say thanks but no thanks.

I didn't leave my DD with someone (her godmother, not a relative, especially not my MIL!!!) when she was about 7 mths old. I started doing so regularly, twice a week, soon after that. But it was only for four hours at a time that I was away from her and I was working. She was bf, although she did take other foods by this stage. I would bf her immediately before leaving and then as soon as I returned. Not once did my GF need to give her a bottle of EBM that I would leave. She would offer her yoghurt (DD's fave then and probably still!) as an afternoon snack and some fruit (from memory), which I would leave.

I was held up in traffic once and DD was desperate for bbs once I got there - but she never starved!

I don't think I was 'ready' to leave her then, but I work for myself and had an opportunity with a new client that I didn't want to turn down. It lasted for a few months, and by then, I was much more ready to leave her. I started leaving her for longer from about 13-14 mths, but never more than 9am-3pm.

I still haven't left her overnight, she still bfs and I would miss her horribly. Not to mention how much she'd miss me! I am feeling almost ready to do this now (come on DD, time to self wean!!!).

Hope that helps! Tell them to back off. It's only natural to want to keep your bub with you and why shouldn't you? Wait until YOU feel you need a break or want to get something done, not when your family want to steal her!

PS BTW my DD is nearly three now and started preschool at 2. She is the most confident, social and happy kid, so my 'need' to keep her with me as much as possible and continued bfing certainly hasn't made her clingy. She still loves me best ;), but she's very happy to do her own thing.

Hi Leasha,

I'm going to be absolutley honest here. The first couple of weeks of my ds's life, I did not cope very well at all. I couldn't get away from him quick enough. (I had some PND going on there for a while). Subsequently, poor baby got left with my dh, my mum or my MIL at least once a week for a about 3 to 4 hours. I expressed a bottle or two to leave him.

And he is still a sooky clingy baby ;)

These days I'm different- I feel like you do now. I hate leaving him with anyone, especially my MIL. i don't even like to leave him with dh :rolleyes:

Everyone is different. Do it when you are comfortable, because if Jazz can sense your comfortable with it, she will be too.

I'm leaving Arabella for the first time tomorrow with my mum... I am a little nervous...
I have a meeting to go to at work and I usually take her with me, but she is starting to get a little loud LOL...
I am only going to be away for about 2hrs, but I will be missing her every second..

My DD13 will look after her if I need to duck down to the shops and I'm all cool with that, but feel a little apprehensive about mum watching her. Don't get me wrong, my mum is super with her...

Like the other's have already said, don't do it if you don't feel right about it. Sure there are going to be nerve's the first time you leave her anywhere, but if it don't feel right, forget it..

BTW, I haven't even let my DF look after her alone yet... he's not too good with the kiddies..

Leash, often the clingiest babies are the ones that get left a lot cause they are insecure so Jazz will probably be more secure than others cause she is confident in your being there.
I don't think you should have to leave her with anyone at her age and certainly not to please someone else at the expense of your own mental health.
Stick to your guns hun, they are babies for such a short time.

there's no way i would ever leave ds with someone i didn't trust...ever...even when he's 18 years old!
the first time i left ds for a considerable amount of time was after i had stopped bfing (14 months) and i left him with my dad who i trust more than anything for 7 hours.
when i give birth, he will be staying overnight at my dad's. this is the first overnight trip he'll be doing.
leash- don't ever cave to pressure to do anything with your baby that you're not comfortable with. i don't really understand your sil's motives either tbh, i mean why is she so keen to get her hands on your dd when you're clearly uncomfortable with it? she needs to back right off if you ask me.

I left DD at both 4 and 6 weeks old at my mothers house from around 6pm-12 as we had the weddings of 2 close friends to attend and truthfully I didnt want to take bubs with me. I left EBM with mum and DD was perfectly fine. I did ring at least once during the night to check on her but I trust my parents implicitly as I do my IL's (in fact they are too overprotective :) ) so for me it wasnt an issue. :)

Since then both my children are semi regularly babysat, mainly by my parents. Usually once every 2-3 weeks whether it only be for a few hours ona Sat afternoon so I can get some errands done or whether it be for a sleep-over because we have something else to do or attend.

They would have both started having sleep-overs at a fairly young age too, say from around the 4-6 month mark. Doesnt mean I am a horrible mother or love my children any less for letting them out of my sight, I think it does EVERYONE some good to have a bit of time away. And in no way at all are my children insecure, in fact they are quite confident young things who love visiting their grandparents. My SIL also has looked after our children a bit and she too is fantastic.

Upon saying all that it is no good sending your child somewhere if you dont trust the carer.

Oh and guess where my kids are going tonight! (Nana's!!:lol:)

Leash - its such a personal thing, I think do it when YOU are ready... not when everyone else dictates :rolleyes:

If you're uncertain enough to doubt it, then there's your answer as far as I'm concerned... if you're not ready, or you don't see the need... then don't do it yet ;)

The first time I left Luke was when he was 7 months old... he stayed with my mum when ExDH & I went to a wedding.
We were both in the bridal party so a little hard to have him with us (for photos, speeches etc).

My mum brought him to the photo shoot in between the service & reception for me to breastfeed him (it was a good look in a bridesmaid outfit that really wasn't designed for breastfeeding :ROFL:) - I sat in a bridal car basically with the dress over my head... ahhh funny memories :D

Mum fed him EBM for the night so I could have a few glasses of champers without feeling guilty ;) and we picked him up from her house the next morning. I think we were on her doorstep before 7am :lol:

I don't think I left him again overnight for a long time (and that particular time was because we needed too, not just because IYKWIM?)... but not long after that ExDH & I fell apart & I left... so I was a single parent for a while anyway.
When I was living with my brother & his partner I left him (he was about 18months old) for a few hours at a time to waitress a few nights a week... that was only for 3-4hrs, and we all lived in the same house, so I was putting him to bed before I left - they only had to give him EBM if he woke before I got home.

Its such a delicate thing... and I COMPLETELY agree with mrsmac - I don't think having her with you all the time will make her a clingy baby, but sometimes the reverse situation... if they get left a lot.

Both of my neices are clingy with their mum... and they've been left A LOT with lots of different people, from a very early age... so who can say really?!

Do what you're comfortable with hun - she's your baby, you're her mum. and YOU know her best ;)

the only time I have left jack was with my mum for 1/2 hr as he had spewed all over his carseat and I couldn't put him back in it so I left him with mum while I went and got another

tell you SIL to stick it she's your daughter do whats best for you and her...and if it means getting to the age jack is now go for it

DS was 7 weeks old i left her for a week as we had a motorcycling race on which i had booked into 12 months ago and all paid for.
left her with my parents.
was worried but confident mum would eb ok she is a big baby person i love her so much

i then smashed my collar bone, so she ended up being with my parents for 4 weeks untill i was able to stand without falling over (blood pressure issues from medications) and actually change her nappy one handed lol

since then she spends alot of time with them and loves it now. it was a great bonding experience for her adn them

you are the only person who can judge that - and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for saying NO! it annoys me no end that people tell you that your child NEEDS to be allowed to sleep over when they're still so small - they NEED to have consistency in their life - if not with mum, then with someone who behaves the same as mum - not someone that will disrespect you and your wishes!

my SIL was a SAHM who didn't let her kids have "overnight" trips with anyone until they were well over a year old - actually, the eldest didn't have a night where ANYONE other than mum or dad settled them until her baby brother was being born (so she was 20months old) - she didn't see a need. she would occassionally leave R for a few hours, or one of us (mum, sil's mum, or me) would take R out for lunch or to the shops for a few hours, but until the night M was born, she'd had no one else look after her - and even that night, i stayed at their house rather than her come to me

R is now the most outgoing 8 year old - she is always asking to have sleepovers - but is picky about where - she stays with people she can trust to treat her like her parents do - and it's REALLY obvious! she mostly stays with us or my folks, never with SIL's parents if any of her other cousins are there... it's rather obvious who she does and doesn't want to be with

Jazz will grow in a well adjusted little girl without being forcefully sent to stay with people she isn't comfy with - and she WILL pick up on your discomfort... tell SIL to take a hike - you don't HAVE to do anything you're not ready for, and when you ARE ready, any time away from Jazz will be on YOUR terms with people you can trust

First time DD stayed with someone else was my mum when she was about 4 months old? It was just before we got married and we met with the celebrant. We were only gone for 30-45 minutes, and she cried the whole time!

When she was 6.5 months old I returned to work. DD stayed with my MIL. I would ask MIL to not feed her certain foods, I would even pack food for her to eat, and MIL would ignore me. I didn't find out for awhile, then one day FIL had a little bit too much to drink and DD was shying away from him and he casually said "Well you came to poppy today when you were eating "xyz" :o I hated leaving DD with my IL's when they were being so disrespectful, but I really had no choice as I had to return to work due to DH's employer not paying regularly and not being able to get DD into daycare at the time.

My FIL even recorded DD throwing "a tantrum" were the words my MIL used, when she went out for 10 minutes one day. The tantrum, was my daughter in tears because MIL had left and she wasn't use to FIL being around.

If you aren't sure or aren't confident of them giving the same care you would or following your instructions, then don't do it Leasha. Tell Shell you'll be far from enjoying yourself and some time together, when you are thinking about Jazz and what they are or are not doing..

Nic

Boy now I'm gonna look like a bad mum....

I'm happy to leave both my kids with family & close friends anytime LOL I have done so since day one.

DD had her first sleep over when she was about 2 weeks old at BIL's house while we removed mould from the house we were renting so didnt want her breathing it in. She has slept there numerous times, aswell as at my sisters house & her best friends house (only twice there though)

DS slept at PIL place when he was about 5 or 6 weeks old as MIL offered to give me a "night off". It was harder leaving DS than it was leaving DD for some reason? They live upstairs so it wasn't that hard for me knowing he'd be so close.

I will ONLY leave my children with people I trust 100%. I have friends who I wont let babysit because I dont think they'll watch them as well as needed. I guess I'm just lucky to have alot of people around me that are so trustworthy & able to care for children properly. 99% of the time if my children aren't with me they are with the IL's, whether it be PIL or BIL & his family.

DD isn't clingy. She does "favour" me over everyone else but shes happy to go to other people.

I think its completely personal choice & if you dont trust someone then follow your instincts & DONT leave Jazz with them, dont let people pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with hun.

I left DS with my Mum at about 6mths for a few hours, he was used to her and really comfortable with her by that point. I plan to leave him with her overnight for the first time in March (so at 2 1/2) when DH & I go away for the night for our anniversary.

Leash, I still haven't left Oskar with anyone other than Andy and I think that was for less than your 2 hours with Shel..lol. In a month I have to leave Oskar with someone so we can do a refresher hypnobirthing course... then there's the birth of this one and I'm nervous already as I don't want to leave him anywhere but with me...lol.

I don't quite remember how old DS1 was when I first left him with anyone other then DP or myself. He would have had to been over 2. It was only for a couple of hours anyways while DP and I went to dinner for a special occasion. We left him with my twin sister, who I trust with my life, but I still worried the whole time. The only time DS1 has been away from me overnight in the whole 5yrs of his life was when I was having DS2 aswell.
I just wasn't ready or anything with him and I can't see this time with DS2 being any different.

Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with regardless of what people say. You're a great mother. :hug:

I have no family in Oz and I have only just moved to Brisbane.

I left Xavier with a friend for a couple of hours while I went for some waxing done with his big sister. I am breastfeeding and he wont take a bottle so couldnt be away for long.

I have only known my friend since Xavier was 4wks old and he would have been 8wks old when I left him.

People may judge me for this but its the only way I get to do something without the kids and I do trust my friend she has a little girl who is 1 and her sister is also a nurse and lives with them.

It was another story with my daughter I didnt leave her until she was 1yrs old and that was with friends of a couple of years so that me and DH could have a meal out.

If I could leave them overnight with Grandma I would but as he wont take a bottle not a chance but if I was in the UK where Grandma is and he would take a bottle I would have already left him for an evening at least!

Everyone is different and you only do what you feel happy with if you dont then do not give in to the pressure. You would not enjoy the time anyway worrying about bub

Jo

I agree with what people are saying here and that being that only let your bub stay with someone else if you are comfortable with who you are leaving with. I don't think I'd be happy leaving bub with my MIL because she is just a bit wacko. But I think I would have no problems trusting my mother and a few close friends.

I love my nephew to bits and I don't see him that much - my brother and SIL came down at christmas and nephew is now 8 months old - my partner and I offered to look after him if they want to go do something and a couple of times we did for a few hours etc - but I wouldn't have been offended if she didn't want me to. So long as she knew that I was happy to help if she wanted it and it was fine.

They then went to NZ for two weeks and they came back on Sunday and they have left bub with her mother and she is coming back to AUS with him in 10 days or so. So at the moment they are bub-free! They both seemed good about it which is great. I don't know if I would be able to leave a bub of mine (when I eventually have one!) for that long - but again, it is a personal decision.

I wasnt going to reply to this thread till i read the bit you wrote about your ILs telling you that you are smothering her and you will have a clingy baby if you dont let go abit....RUBBISH!!! what utter crap....sorry, thats just my opinion but you cant over-love her!! infact i belive its the opposite, i have seen examples of that being the case with a friend of mines kids (her first-she did basically what your ILs are saying as its what her ILs said to do and the child is clingy, insecure and moody. the second-did what she felt was right and the child is so confident, bubbly, outgoing etc. she belives its due to the differences in the way she parented them!!)....sorry- have to calm down...lol.:redface: Dont listen to them, you are a great mum and it doesnt matter what anyone else says, dont leave her with ANYONE unless you trust them 100% to do things how you ask! and dont feel bad about saying no.
i went out for a few hours while dd was asleep and DHs mum was up from sydney. but at the mo i wouldt leave her with anyone else.;)

Yep, I have to agree with the other posters who've said that what you're doing WON'T make Jazz clingy.

I very rarely left DD with anyone before she was 12 months old and still wouldn't
dream of letting her sleep somewhere else overnight because I am just not comfortable with that. Might be different if mum lived here but she's the only person I would trust.

And I don't regard DD as a clingy baby - everyone tells me how lucky I am to have such a happy baby. I don't say anything but I WANT to say, "there's no luck about it mate, it's all my own work."

Leash, if you don't feel comfortable, don't do it! Trust your instincts. You have to be fully comfy about the idea and don't feel bad about taking forever to get to that point!

Only a few weeks ago, we left DS for the first time (he was around 7.5 months) with my mum and dad. It was our "trial" for the first time. We were gone for about 1.5 hours and grabbed some dinner. I gave him his usual evening BF before we left and nanna gave him his comp feed a bit later on. When we got back she said he cried before going to sleep :( I felt so sad but I knew that he always does this for us so he would have done it for nanna too.

We've left him again a couple weeks ago with mum and dad again while we went out for a longer proper dinner for a friends birthday and went further away from home too! That was a little easier than the first time. DS cried again but when we picked him up, he was fast asleep with a smile on his face.

I trust my parents to look after him as I would look after him. Haven't tried the in-laws yet, but we'll get there eventually I suppose.

But, yeah, it all boils down whether you feel ready or not. And if you're not ready, you're not ready. Don't let anyone else pressure you.

i was feeding my bub every two hours at five months old, and i could not leave her with anyone, i felt such a strong need to be near her constantly, i actually think it's the hormones in my body that made me feel this way, and the biology/physiology of milk production/feeling close to your bub.

biologically, babies need to be near their mums to survive, so i think this is fine.

Plus the "babysitter" is someone you clearly have good reason NOT to trust with five cents, let alone your precious bub.

Guard her with your life. You brought her into this world, if you don't put your foot down (to those silly inlaws who are bullying you), the only person that will suffer is your dear little Jazz.

trust your gut instinct
you are feeding her, i hve no idea how often, but that is a very close bond
listen to that bond, no matter what anyone else says
in years to come, you won't be breastfeeding, it won't be an issue, but it is now.

Do YOU want time away from her?
it sounds like everyone else is pushing this on you, not you wanting it yourself.

i left my baby for first time with strangers (childcare workers) at 16 months old.

we were still breastfeeding.

i stayed in the Child care centre for as long as it took for me to feed her and settle her into the environment, ensure the staff knew her needs and how to do up the nappies.

i hated leaving her there, we have no-one to leave her with, so i felt i had no choice.

Listen to your own gut instinct and do not be bullied by people who do not know your child like you do, they don't love her the way you do. You are her advocate in this crazy world of silly SIL who would give a 5 month old chocolate (expressly against your wishes).

(my two year old has never tasted chocolate and she is fine!).
we are still breastfeeding at two as well, times like this, i'm glad for lack of relatives if that's what they come out with!!!).

oh wow Leash no she is too little in my opinion.

I have left Ashton with my mum for the WHOLE of 10 minutes while I ducked to the shop and he was asleep. Would I leave him longer? NO WAY!

I also left him in Child Care for a few hours this week while I did my tafe course, having said that the child care is in the building where I was doing my course (through Centrecare) and my other 2 boys go there reguarly. So if he needed a feed or even whimpered they called me immediately and I was 2 minutes away.

Would I leave my baby for an extended period, with someone else who I have issues with, not within a minute or 2 away... NOPE.

Both my boys were pretty young when I first left them, but it wasn't for long, say 30min to an hour. Si's first time I think he might have been 2-3 weeks old, and mum was over, I fed bub and then dh and I nicked out for coffee.

Some lessons from that - you have to want to do it, and bub should be left with someone you trust!
If you don't want to do it, and you don't trust the person - it's a no-brainer Leash. :hug:

I left DD with my MIL who was here from Scotland staying with us when Paisley was born. She was about 6 weeks old and I only left for an hour or so. I was breast feeding but was also comp feeding so she took bottles OK. I expressed some milk and left that for her. I was very distracted the whole time but DH really wanted me to allow his Mum to have her. I am blessed to have a fantastic MIL and I know she is very competent so DD was in excellent hands, still I fretted. It's only natural I think.