When DId You Fall In Love With Your Baby?

I'm just interested in other people's experiences on this.

I don't think I really expected to have that rush of love when DD was first born ... and I didn't . In the hospital, I was fascinated with her, but I don't think I felt love just yet.

Now, I'm someone who worries about most things but I didn't worry about it because I had read that it could take a while.

I think my 'moment' was when DD was a few weeks old and I was in the shower and I just physically missed her and wanted to see her little face. And then a little bit later, I was in a cab going to a physio appointment and I just had her smile in my head which made me smile and I wanted to open the cab windows and shout to the world, "I'M A MUM!"

And was it the same or different for all your babies?

When I breast fed him for the first time, he was born 7.25am but I didn't get to feed him until that night as he had to go straight to the special care nursery 10 mins after birth.

When they placed him on my chest when he was born. I felt this strong, overwhelming sense of love that I didn't expect to feel. It blew me away. I just lay there staring at him and smelling him and then the middie says "You can kiss him you know." And so I did. :)

The moment i laid eyes on my ds. I couldn't stop staring at him and still 6months on i could stare at him all day

I loved them from day one but 'fell in love' with both my girls around 5-6 weeks, as I got to know them not just because they were my babies iykwim and it just gets stronger everyday

Pretty much straight away for me... although that could just have been the drugs talking!! I don't know, it was really strange, the midwife put this greasy, grey, wrinkled lump of baby on my chest and it just kind of went 'BOOM' in my head... then I had a really bad bleed (3.5 litres in under 10 mins) and was unconscious, I truly believe the only thing that made me want to fight my way back rather than just go to sleep and drift off was hearing DD's first cry, I wanted to hold her again.
The first couple of days in hospital were more a surreal feeling than anything else, I was woozy from the drugs and blood loss, starving because I can't bring myself to eat hospital food (DH and parents were on call to bring me cheeseburgers and fries, it was all I could keep down) and I was completely bewildered by my little bundle of joy... I couldn't stand to be away from her for more than two seconds but I'm not sure if that was 'love' or just maternal instinct.
The feelings were there right from the start, but I think the first 'real' moment I knew I loved her was about a week or two later when I finally realised that her 'real' mummy wasnt coming to pick her up, that she was actually mine and that DH and I had actually created her.
It was a beautiful feeling.

i love my bilby to bits
but
she didn't smile until 8 months old
(i blamed myself for this, in my PND state of mind)
at two, she is still very uncuddly, and will only rarely let me hug her for one second at a time
(i still blame myself for this too, PND is still with me, i'm sure it's irrational).

i waited so long to have her
it took me five years to conceive
the emerg c-section was so revolting, she nearly died
i was so happy we both survived, couldn't wait to love her

it feels to me like she is resistant to letting me love her
you can't MAKE someone love you, i know that.
but it breaks my heart that bilby can't seem to accept my love, cos i do love her more than i can say
sometimes i feel the only way she will let me near her, is when she wants a breastfeed, she will never be that close to me, just for a hug.

:hug: Gigi, Riv didn't smile for ages either, you still have to work blimmin hard to wrangle a smile from him! And I've *heard* that girls can be uncuddly at times as a general rule, as opposed to little boys. I don't have the words right now Gigi, but I bet she loves you heaps, but shows it differently to how you expect to see it. The fact that she might push you away at a park, shows that she's confident to step out on her own, knowing that you're there looking out for her, for example.


I fell in love with Riv slowly. I had a baby in my tummy, and suddenly I had a baby in my arms, and I had trouble connecting the two. He was so precious, but like Fiona, I was more fascinated at first.

Si, on the other hand, was easy, because I knew what the little person in my tummy was going to turn out to be, I knew what little babies were like, I knew his sex (and therefore name) this time around, and I was used to talking to a bub, so I didn't feel silly talking to my belly. :)

But that's how the boys are like even now - Riv warms up to you slowly, and Si's got a grin for you the moment you talk to him.

^ I'm actually the opposite... with DD, DH and I were in a good (a tight, but good) place during the pregnancy and we were really, really excited.. I would sit around talking to my belly all day long, sing to her, rub my belly and couldn't wait to meet her... and the bond was there right away when she was born. It took me a little while to figure out that, 'Hey, I *made* that. That's *mine*. Wow' kind of thing, but we are very, very close and the bond is amazing.
This time around, however, well, she was conceived during the week that DH's mum was murdered and the entire ordeal and everything that has followed (legal issues, having custody of a surly 16-year-old orphan - DH's brother, moving house, and DH's father, who did it, being in hospital and then jail, as well as the stress and grief of it all) has not been very good for me. Also, being pregnant with DD was a total walk in the park - I got very sore and tired, of course, but I wasn't working and had no other kids to look after so I could sleep whenever I wanted, not bother cooking if I didn't feel like eating, had no demands on me whatsoever etc...
This time around I'm tired, sick, miserable, stressed, overworked (not by a paying job, just the day-to-day grind of looking after a lively toddler and making sure everyone else in the house is organised and fed)... I just don't feel as positive about this little one as I did about DD, and it worries me that I will find it difficult to bond with her through no fault of her own, but purely because she had to misfortune to come to us during such a difficult time in our lives. I'm getting a little bit better now that I'm starting to feel her kicking regularly, I was on the couch this afternoon with my feet up and watching my belly jump out with her kicks, and I smiled and got a bit gooey over it... I hope it's uphill from here, because I cherish the bond I have with DD every minute of the day and I want to love and be loved by this little baby just as much as with DD.

I never fell in love with DS.

I do love him, but I never fell in love with him. It was a concious decision to love him, made when I felt nothing whatsoever for him. The love has grown, but it needs nurturing every day to do so.

But then, I didn't fall in love with DH either - not until our wedding day. So I see nothing wrong with not having a hormone rush! I did worry about it a bit when DS was a few months old, but there were other issues there.

If I have another child, I fully expect not to fall in love now. And know that it will not harm our relationship at all; after all, DH, DS and I have great relations!

I loved him before he was even born but that in-love feeling took a day or two. When he first came out I was pretty out of it from exhaustion and a little bit stunned he was finally here. We also didn't know what sex we were having so it took a bit for it to register that the baby was finally here and that I had a little boy. I remember we were still in the hospital and he was sleeping in his bassinet (I was unable to get out of bed unassisted for a few days) and I had this overwhelming need to cuddle with him. I can't remember even how I got him into the bed with me but I remember looking at him sleeping on me and I just fell in love with him. I couldn't believe that he was actually mine and I was going to get to take him home. I was falling asleep and the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to put him back in the bassinet so I could get some sleep but I didn't want to let him go, so she surrounded him with pillows so he wouldn't fall out of bed and I fell asleep with him.

With my first it was around 10 weeks.. I just felt this overwhelming feeling and I realized it was love :) With my other 3 it was at birth. As soon as they were lifted up I just felt that same rush

It took me a few weeks to fall in love with DS1, I had a very long labour and a terrible recovery afterwards so it made it hard to bond with him. I loved him, but didn't feel "in love" with him yet. Once I started getting some energy back it all started to sink in and I fell in love with my little man :).

With DS2 it was instant, I already had that maternal instinct. When he was placed on my chest I was instantly in love with him :D.

:

---

I never fell in love with DS.

I do love him, but I never fell in love with him. It was a concious decision to love him, made when I felt nothing whatsoever for him. The love has grown, but it needs nurturing every day to do so.

But then, I didn't fall in love with DH either - not until our wedding day. So I see nothing wrong with not having a hormone rush! I did worry about it a bit when DS was a few months old, but there were other issues there.

If I have another child, I fully expect not to fall in love now. And know that it will not harm our relationship at all; after all, DH, DS and I have great relations!

---

Thats sooo sad. I don't know how you married someone you hadn't fallen in love with yet.


I fell in love with all my kids once I had a belly to rub.

Gigi, Evan wasn't a cuddle boy either. He still isn't really. Mr independent.
I never had PND. Its just his personality. Don't blame yourself.

the same way i love DH is the same way i love DS .. weird i know , but with DD its more like she is my kindered spirit, my missing piece ..

its beacuse DH and DS are males and DD is female ..

It doesnt come from who i am , its from how i was brought up , which tainted who i am and now have alot of trouble expressing my love ...if wasnt afraid to admit loving my boys makes me feel helpless , then i would be being true to my self .. kwim

there are times where i look at DH and dont feel much (ie hormone rush) but yet i have dreams about him where i lose him and i wake up in terrors over not having the man i love in my life .. same with DS .. he is 2 and testing evey button i have .. there are days where its quite hostile in my house and i end up disgruntled with him .. yet when i sleep i dream of him and how much he means to me it reassaures me i love him with all my heart and soul ...

to me those dreams tell me its ok to love on the out side, but i still hide it ..

so i didnt fall in love straight away , and i do think the PND/ANX/OCD i was suffering and the fact he was gone for 2 hrs after birth and BF was hard , had alot to do with it ..

he was never a cling on either so that had a lot to do with it .. no snuggly bub .. just mr independant, and still is

With DD i birthed her naturally and BF her straight away , she is everytihng i love in a woman .. she is petite , pretty - sweet features , long eyelashes etc ... and im glad i have her as a blank cnavas , so we can learn together , I fell in love with her right away , this time i didnt have PND/OCD/ANX and i think i had alot to do with it ... it helps she is a needy baby and needs to be settled and will only bet settled by me .. which helps too as i feel loved in return ... ( i think thats my biggest point there - i didnt feel loved by DS as he was independant - I feel loved by DD as she is the cuddly baby i need to feel like a mumma)

:

---

Thats sooo sad. I don't know how you married someone you hadn't fallen in love with yet.


I fell in love with all my kids once I had a belly to rub.

Gigi, Evan wasn't a cuddle boy either. He still isn't really. Mr independent.
I never had PND. Its just his personality. Don't blame yourself.

---

I second that. Nina was, and still isn't, a cuddly girl. She has always been a very independent person. Very unlike Emily. Emily is a very affectionate person and she'd be happy to have cuddles 24/7!

And like FJ, as soon as I was pg I fell in love with my babies. And once they were born, the love intensified.

With my first I can't remember, I was very down and it made it hard, but I do remember talking to someone about how much I loved him and I cried.
Chase was when I grabbed him when he was coming out and held him close. It was amazing, his birth helped with that I think.
Ashton was when I was about 6 months pregnant. Prior to that a lot had gone on with his father abandoning us and was very stressful time. Then at 6 months I thought wow I have the most beautiful person inside me which was made with love and then I started to enjoy it, feeling the kicks etc. When he came out it was already total and utter love.

Having a baby really makes you realise how much you can love another person. It is amazing.

:

---

Having a baby really makes you realise how much you can love another person. It is amazing.

---

I know hey, I sit for ages just staring at my kids.

ooh lovely thread!

I think for me it was when he was put on my chest right after birth - it was just amazing. I had thought I shouldn't expect too much for that moment, but it was everything I had dreamt of, and more.

For DH, a few days later, DS "smiled" (ok so maybe it was wind) but it was just as he was looking up at DH. I got a text that night (I was still in hossie).. it had made DH's day.. year.. his everything.

But paradoxically I still can't believe he's mine sometimes, but I just love him to bits.

^ Hahaha I remember the first time DD smiled properly, that big cheeky grin that's become her trademark... she was around six weeks old and I was an absolute zombie because the weeks since she'd be born I'd had nooo sleep, we woke up crying for a feed at 5:30 one morning and my mum was already out of bed, so instead of taking her back to bed with her bottle for a feed I sat at the table while mum was making herself breakfast. I was so tired, I was complaining to mum about how exhausted I was what a meanie-bum DD was being for keeping me in such a state, then mum started laughing and told me 'Look at your daughter'. I looked down and she was gazing up at me blissfully with the most ridiculous, gummy grin on her face... I just melted. That moment made all the hardships worth it.

great topic BTW.

As sad as it may sound, i still have not fallen in love with my son (6yo). I'm waiting for it to happen. Yes, i care for him and would never want anything bad to happen to him and want the best for him (like all of us mums), i just don't have that smitten love for him. When he was delivered by c/s and given to me, i thought of him as being my nephew or something but not mine. I just put it down to may be i was not ready to have a child (even though he was planned). He was a very very troublesome bub and still is troublesome. I had very bad PND with him. He causes me and DH to have arguments at times, always wants attention, talks too much etc..

I could not say this for my DD though. I love her to bits and bits and more bits. I love her. I found what motherhood is meant to be when i had her. When i was told i would be having a girl, held her for the first time, i was in love.

I am hoping to fall in love with my son too...

wow TD :( That must be rough. I hope you never tell your son that.

I fell in love with her as soon as she was born. I wasn't able to hold her until I was back in my room after spending half an hour in recovery from the c/s. I was so eager to see her and when DH brought her into me I bf her straight away. I didn't want to ever let her go... (I actually didn't feel that 'bonded' with her while I was pg at all and didn't think it would happen so quickly for me.).

My heart feels like it's being squeezed when I think about her, hug her and look at her. Her little chatter is the sweetest sound in the world. I would rather be with her than anyone else.

Never mind the bollocks RH - I know what you mean. I fell in love with my husband when I saw him waiting for me at the altar, it was amazing. The love I felt for him until then I hadn't experienced before. It was a calm, enduring, safe feeling and one I knew would last forever no matter what happened, and even though we aren't together anymore (I fell OUT of love with him), that enduring love and respect will always be there. We will grow old together but probably not in the same house - he has a rocking chair reserved for me on his porch :lol:

TD - its hard when a bubs isn't instantly loveable. I did fall in love with my boy when he was born, but he was an extremely hard baby to settle, calm, hold, kiss - everything and I know I felt rather 'removed' from him for a very, very long time. :hug:

MM - I'm pretty sure Turk is intelligent enough not to say 'hey kid, I I'm not really in love with you". It's these sort of thoughtless posts that give this place a bad vibe.

TD :hug: I think it takes a lot of courage to be that honest not only with youself but with a group of people.

MM I agree with Lulu maybe a little more tact next time

I really feel for you ladies that have felt some form of distance to your child. It must be a horrible feeling.
I hope I never have to feel that way.

Hugs to you...

DD and my relationship has been like a tumultuous love affair, LOL! I did fall in love with her at first sight, but perhaps it was infatuation - when the rubber hit the road I resented her dependence on me and grieved my old life. (But I always felt bad about those thoughts and apologised to her. And I still do, when I get impatient & dissatisfied with motherhood, and with her.)
And she wasn't a cuddly kid either. Some babies snuggle in close to you - well, she was never like that. When you held her she'd lean away. The only close cuddles I had with her were when she was asleep or feeding. In these times, my heart would just about melt out of my chest.
BUT, the love I have for her has massive peaks as well. And over time, the valleys have become far less frequent. Now that we are communicating a little more I feel like our relationship is far more stable :) (LOL, this is sounding so weird! But the analogy seems to work well.)

well i haven't even had my boy but i fell in love with him when i saw him at my scan at 21 weeks and when the ultrasound technition said theres no need to confirm he's definately a boy my heart just skipped a beat i really am in love with my baby:bellyrubs:

TD I know exactly how you felt. It took me 2 years to realise I was in love with DD1. I felt a cold distance to her. It really was when she was 2 and we were going through Triple P that I realised how fiercely protective of her and in love with her I was. She is hard work, but I realised that I wouldn't change her for anything. But for those 2 years, I felt guilty and dirty, like I was a horrible mother for not being instantly in love with my child.

With DD2, it was instant. In the womb, I felt that love. I think it was around the same exact time I realised I loved DD1. Same time I rubbed my belly and felt it.

It was difficult. At first I resented DS as I never loved his father (DS was concieved the first time we slept together) and had moved away from my family because I felt I had to, for DS' sake. It wasnt until I moved back to my hometown that I started to feel for him and now I can honestly say I love my little man so much it scares me (as I will be starting a custody battle soon). I never realised how much I love him until his father threatened to take him away.

I took me a while to fall in love with ds. He was (is?) what they call a 'difficult' baby and, more to the point, I knew nothing about mothering.

It happened gradually I think.. around the 4 month mark where I wasn't so stressed and could sit back and appreciate him more. These days, as trying as he can be, he is the love of my life and my soul mate.

Just on a side note- I love my dh very very much. But am I in love with him, in a grand, sweeping passionate kind of way? No, not at the moment. But all relationships are cyclic and as a result, that may change.

With both DS and DD is was as soon as they were put into my arms.
Its funny when you go to have your second child. You dont believe that you can love another human being the way you love your first child. How could you love anyone as much as that. I didnt believe it and was worried that i would not want DD once she was born. But once she was put into my arms, all that love came through and every day i just love her more and more. Its such an amazing feeling.

With Noah is was when I had my 12 week scan and knew he was going to stick, the love I feel for him is very strong, I would give my life for him in an instant.

Xavier on the other hand, I am still waiting for it to hit. I care for him and have tender moments here and there but nothing like what I feel for Noah. I think it is because I am feeling overwhelmed having a toddler, baby and house to look after. I think once I have some sort of routine the love will fall into place :pray:

First - thanks everyone for your honesty in your answers!

When DS was first born I felt nothing for him. For the first week or so particularly I was really just going through the motions. I did the things mothers do and said the things they're expected to say but...
We had a rough time the first couple of months, I'm not sure when it happened but at some point I realised that I loved him; that I was in love with him. So I'm not sure exactly when it happened...but it did for me

I think at first, i was more in awe, fascinated with Toby. On the 2nd day in hospital, i was staring at his name on the crib and thought "Wow...You're really here!" Toby had been named since i was 10 weeks pregnant (i just KNEW he was a boy!) That was when i fell in love with him...Staring at his name made the realisation sink in!

I told a friend this the same day when she visited us and i made her cry!

I continue to fall in love with him every day :heartbeat:

ETA: I just wanna say that this is a wonderful thread. I thought there was something wrong with me because i didn't feel that instant "WHAM!" of love when he was placed on my chest. I mean, i did love him, but didn't have that "falling in love" moment instantly that some ladies speak of. So it's reassuring to see that im not the only one.

It took a few weeks for me to feel "love" for DS. Up until then, I think I was just overwhelmed/ shocked/ sleep-deprived. Birth was uglier than I expected, and I hadn't expected DS to be so "alien"-like!! I felt so distant. But I think the most helpful advice I was given while pregnant was not to be anxious if I didn't fall in love instantly - that it could take time. I can't even remember who told me that, but it was so wise & really helpful when the time came!

Great to see we can all be so honest without worrying about the outcome. Keep it up guys its comforting to see this has stages and each individual takes their time

at about 6 or 7 months , it took me a while to get over my birth and relise this was it no going back and she was mine . and to feel confidant in my self to say i can do this .

I think for me, my love for DD grows as she does. I remember thinking this must be the best stage, and I still think it now! Same as many others I didn't have an instant clicking moment- horrible labour, ending in a C-section and she was placed wrapped on my chest. My mother-lion instinct kicked in when my milk started to come in - I had such a protective feeling for her - I just wanted to cooccoon her and beware anyone who threatened us (a particular night nurse!!). But I can't say that that was exactly love. Her taking so long to sleep properly (up to 8 months) meant that I don't think I loved her fully, I was too exhausted. I'm finding now that my love for her really hits me though, and I think it's more about knowing her as an individual and seeing her personality, rather than her just being a thing that's mine. Now that she's 18 months and talks and tells me about her day and puts two words together that mean something, I love her and her little personality.