Tell me it will all be OK

Since the miscarriage I've been kinda avoiding belly belly. It's just too much to think about, and I'm trying not to be obsessed with TTC. However today it's just all a bit crap.

Combining to make it all crap are:
- lack of weight loss due to PCOS. I've been seeing a trainer for 6 months now. Setting aside the 3 months or so for being pregnant, the miscarriage and getting body back to normal I haven't lost one single gram. My eating has been excellent, I'm much much fitter than I have ever been, but not a single bloody gram. Hovering around 84 kgs is really ****ing me off.
- other people having babies. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy for them. However we spent a weekend away with friends who have a beautiful 2 year old. She has turned from being a baby into this little person over night. Then it got me thinking that if everything had been on track I would be 18 weeks pregnant right now. My sister is law is having a baby, due a week after my due date.

So yeah, here I am. I know there are plenty of others in my position, but I just can't help feel a little sorry for myself.

Anyone got any words of wisdom or success stories?

Fiona

Hi Fiona,
First of all I want to say that I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage :hug:. I think, It is the most painful experience a woman can go through. Let me just say, that also obsessing about having another baby is very normal, and natural, as we so long to be pregnant again. I found that when I was pregnant with Joshua it felt so beautiful and I was so happy, that after I lost him, it was so painful not to be pregnant all of a sudden. This feeling does ease, though, after some time.
In terms of the frasturation with the weight loss, don't be too hard on yourself hun. Although I can't say I know how that feels, my best friend has PCOS, and she has put on loads of weight since she was diagnosed a few years ago. She has however, made a real effort not to eat the wrong foods, drink soft drinks etc, and over some time ( I won't lie to you, it took a few months ) she was able to shed some of the unwanted kilos and she now knows that she's on the right track to go ahead with her fertility treatment.
Fiona, please be kind to yourself, as you (emotionally) and your body(physically) have been through so much, you need time to heal, both physically and more important, emotionally. I wish you all the very best for your future, and that one day you'll be able to hold that beautiful and healthy baby in your arms.
Beata xox

yep know how you feel, i used to want to punch everything adn everyone who told me it was goign to be okay adn i can have another one. arghhhhhhhhhhhh.
it's oaky to feel sorry for yourself cry and whinge- vent away

i will tell you one thing- when you have your baby in your arms- it will be the sweetest thing all the struggles and pain will ease and only women who have gone thru what we have been thru can have tht feeling.

sending you baby dust and weight loss vibes
xoxo

Oh Fiona, it's so hard isn't it? I remember I had good days and bloody awful days, and there was often no rhyme or reason to which would be good and which wouldn't...and often no notice with the uncontrolable tears.

At the time it really does feel like you'll never be happy again. But you can be. It will all be OK, it just takes time. Don't feel hard on yourself for feeling upset.

Good luck getting pregnant again. x

P.S. I found BellyBelly helpful when I miscarried, but awful when I got pregnant again as there are so many tickers of people who have lost their babies. I found it really quite hard getting through those early weeks with the second pregnancy. I say feel free to use the site as you want, and don't feel guilty for not visiting.

Everything you are feeling is normal I have the same kind of days and I too think to myself wow I would be this far along right now you have every right to be upset you lost something very dear to you!!! I hope your TTC road is short one good luck ... :hug:

Hey,

You could have been writing about the thoughts in my head.

I'm really sorry for your loss. It is a terrible thing to be going through.

I had my m/c in October and would have been 20 weeks this week. Finding out the sex of my baby. But instead, I have 9 (yes 9) friends who are pregnant at the moment and I get to see them all doing the things I should be doing.

It is hard not to feel a bit sorry for yourself (ourselves) but as long as you don't let it consume you - which again is hard.

I give myself a day where I can be as miserable and grumpy as I like and then snap out of it the next day. It is hard but I think allowing myself to feel those feelings regularly helps.

Hope you're ok hun, you're certainly not alone here.
Big hugs
S X

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P.S. I found BellyBelly helpful when I miscarried, but awful when I got pregnant again as there are so many tickers of people who have lost their babies. I found it really quite hard getting through those early weeks with the second pregnancy. I say feel free to use the site as you want, and don't feel guilty for not visiting.

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Im glad that im not the only one...it too me forever to read peoples tickers...one of the reasons i dont mention my angel in my ticker...it shall always be in my heart...

Fiona: hugs and support! the pain does lesson but never goes :(

Hi Fiona,
Sorry to hear that you are having a crap time atm, I went through a miscarriage last year and one the year before. I never thought that I would regain my sanity after number two and to top it all off, my sister in law threw us a surprise engagement party only three weeks after the miscarriage and thought that it would be nice for the family to have something to celebrate?????

I have gained weight after both the miscarriages that I have found hard to shift, but you sound so motivated and really determined, you are half way there. Keep your motivation up!!:D You are inspiring me!!

It will be ok. It has taken a little while and some time out - (we went to cairns and port douglas for two weeks- this helped)and I am starting to feel normal again. I joined weight watchers and the weight is slowly but surely starting to shift and I feel a little more in control of everything. This month is the first time we used a home ovulation test and I feel like I can start trying again without the grief getting in the way.

So go ahead feel sorry for yourself today and be nice to yourself and get up again tomorrow with that motivation I hear in your post!!

Keep your eye on the prize!!!!

Jenn38

Hi Fiona,
Sorry to hear that you are having a crap time atm, I went through a miscarriage last year and one the year before. I never thought that I would regain my sanity after number two and to top it all off, my sister in law threw us a surprise engagement party only three weeks after the miscarriage and thought that it would be nice for the family to have something to celebrate?????

I have gained weight after both the miscarriages that I have found hard to shift, but you sound so motivated and really determined, you are half way there. Keep your motivation up!!:D You are inspiring me!!

It will be ok. It has taken a little while and some time out - (we went to cairns and port douglas for two weeks- this helped)and I am starting to feel normal again. I joined weight watchers and the weight is slowly but surely starting to shift and I feel a little more in control of everything. This month is the first time we used a home ovulation test and I feel like I can start trying again without the grief getting in the way.

So go ahead feel sorry for yourself today and be nice to yourself and get up again tomorrow with that motivation I hear in your post!!

Keep your eye on the prize!!!!

Jenn38

FionaW - I hear ya! I have PCOS too and know how it feels to not lose a gram! im doing my first cycle of clomid at the moment. Are you seeing a FS or a gyn? even though I hate all the waiting, just knowing that Im doing something about my problems makes me feel more in control of my situation!

Lots of hugs

Fiona,
Thank god I am not the only one on the wait loss frustration wagon!! I miscarried Mar08 & Oct08 and both times gained a few kilos so now I have about 5-6 extra hanging around and for what heartache...if I had got a baby in return I could deal with 50 extra kilos. I have been on Celebrity Slim for nearly 2 weeks now and am struggling to be strong. I need chocolate and lollies on my down days, yep I am having lots of down days at the moment. I noticed someone mentioned don't let TTC consume your life but how is that possible?? Is anyone else finding TTC is putting a strain on their relationship? My hubby is putting up with my downers and the lack of affection, unless its tume to try!
My hubby is great but he can't even begin to understand what we go through.
My week is this week to TTC so am spending tomorrow relaxing :)
RenieJ
P.s. i will let you know what diet I find works!!!

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yep know how you feel, i used to want to punch everything adn everyone who told me it was goign to be okay adn i can have another one.

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I feel like a 4 year old when people say that to me. You get a "I don't want another one, I wanted THAT one!" feeling, where you just want to throw a tanty ^^;

RenieJ, yeah I know what you mean about the relationship thing while TTC. My partner confronted me last night because he felt that I only wanted to DTD with him during O time :redface: So I'm making more of an effort to enjoy "us" time together now. Sometimes we forget that our OH's have a few things to deal with as well through this journey, I think, their own concerns and making sure they are there for us as well.

Hi Ladies

This is my first time posting here. I have just had the worst experience of my life. My husband and I found out right before the holidays that we were expecting #2. We had been trying for 5 months. We were thrilled. Around 6 weeks I had a routine blood test. They called the next day and said my HCG levels were low. I came in for an U/S and the heartbeat was slow around 68BPM. They gave us a 50/50 chance of having a MC. The nurse told me to expect to have one by the end of the week. 2 days later I had bleeding with cramps and called and they said sorry there is nothing we can do you are having a MC.
The asked me to come in the following Monday to meet with my Dr. The weekend was horrible all the waiting around. On Monday I finally saw my Dr and she asked if I was still bleeding....which I wasn't and hadn't been all weekend. She said there was no reason to believe I was having a MC. And sent me for an U/S at which I was amazed to learn the baby was doing great and had a terrific heartbeat.

I had 1 other U/S a couple weeks later that again confirmed thing were doing well.
My DR had me come back in 2 weeks for another U/S and she wanted me to feel relaxed about the whole thing. I was now 10 weeks. This was my first visit where I felt excited to be there....

Well that was this past Monday...... and the U/S showed that the baby no longer had a heartbeat and had died shortly after my last U/S.
I had a D&C on Tuesday.

I am so anxious to TTC again. I don't want to wait for AF. I have read and talked with many people over the last couple of days and many of which say it is OK to try after 2 weeks. I just feel so empty

Hi, I am new to this site and new to Brisbane. My history as my doctor describes it is "disasterous". His words, not mine. I have had 8 miscarriages including 2 ectopics (one resulting in the loss of a tube) and in August last year I lost twins, one at 20 weeks and the second one at 22 weeks. They were IVF twins so hard earned. I was living in London at the time and my partner was still in Australia as he was waiting for his visa to come through. As a result I went through the entire pregnancy alone with no friends or family. It was an extremely difficult time in my life but at the same time I was so excited to have got so far in the pregnancy and to be able to feel my babies kicking in my tummy. Fortunately my partner made it to the births which I was so grateful for.

I have just found out today that my first IVF cycle since the twins was unsuccessful. I am feeling so terribly alone at the moment. We are originally from Sydney but we moved to Brisbane when we were having the twins as I have some family about 2 hours away. So now we are in Brisbane with no friends or family. I am not working as we have decided that I should focus my energy on trying for a baby, Oh forgot to mention I also turned 40 in December. Yet another nail in the fertility coffin!! So after 10 years of trying I still dont have my babies to hold and keep me going through this difficult journey. Friends tell me it will happen but how do they know. All of my friends have children and none of them have ever had a miscarriage.

Fiona I know how you feel with the baby weight. Imagine carrying 2 babies to 6 months then having everyone ask you afterwards when the baby is due. I dont fit into anything anymore and it certainly doesnt help with the depression. I also had a fantastic career prior to the twins and now I can't go back to work as if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again then I have been told by docs that I cant work. So, I am in limbo for something that may never eventuate. Something I always said I would never do, but at my age what choice to I have.

It has been nice to find a website where I have some kindred souls. If anyone lives in Brisbane and would like to meet for coffee then please feel free to respond to my post. My heart goes out to all of you have had to experience the loss of a baby.

I look forward to hearing from someone.....

vwa01 - I just tried to personal message you but you don't have that function switched on your profile.

Just wanted to say I'm in Brisbane and able to meet up for coffee anytime.

Send me a personal message!!
Sue x

Hi Sue,

I don't know how to change my profile have tried but not sure if I have done the right thing. I have send you a friendship request and included my skype address if that helps

Good luck with your cycle. I am thinking of you xo

Hey!
I got your friendship request.

How to receive personal messages is to:

Go to User Profile
Then Settings and Options - click on Edit Options
Then tick the box that says Enable Private Messaging!!

Sue x

Tried but for some reason I don't have the tick a box option on that page. Maybe because I am new?? will try again tomorrow

Ok, sounds good.

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

I'll save your skype address.

S X

Sue - you cant get private messages until you have over 50 posts

Ahhhh, thanks wlb!!

That explains it!!

S X

yes i was about to say the same thing about priv messages- perhaps both vwa and cadence should your own thread as fee has created this one for her own venting etc. we have all been in the same boat, but you can get more personalized responses if you start a thread of your own

baby dust to all