worst mum...smacked my daughter...it is not right

I am the worst Mum in the world right now.

This afternoon, I was drinking out of a glass on the floor and DD walked up and looked at me and wanted a sip but it was lemonade so I didn't give her a sip, I just said no to her and then she hit the glass really hard and it spilled all over me, the floor and her.

I was so annoyed with her actions that I smacked her on the leg out of anger. She screamed like you wouldn't believe. You have no idea how bad I felt after that moment. She then hugged me about 5 minutes later, looked at me with those big blue eyes and the bottom lip went out.

I really wish I could turn back time, I didn't smack her hard but I feel so awful. I never smack her. I am asking myself why I did it.

Tonight I am just so upset about it.

Don't feel bad hun, I am sure there are heaps of us on BB who have done the same thing (I know I have)

Smacking is not right, I don't want her growing up with aggression, I set a really bad example this afternoon. It really shocked me she hit the glass too, she has never done that.

:hug: Olivia has just started hitting out as well. i am not sure why she does it.. She will hit me or something i am holding..

I have tapped her on the fingers to.. She bit me really hard and I said to her don't bite Mummy and she did it again so I tapped her fngers and put her on the floor and she screamed and screamed.. I felt horrible..

I know how you feel! I have done this to DS too :( It's easy to beat yourself up over it - you love your DD & hate that you have hurt her. But, at least you have realised that it's not the kind of parent you want to be! It's easy to strike out in anger (and often that's what smacking is - rather than a deliberate, rational attempt to discipline). It's so good that we can learn from our mistakes - and that our kids are so forgiving :hug:

Yup I think its just a natural reaction really!!!! Out of shock!!! I know I hit DS when he bit me for the first time - OMG.. I was so shocked it was the first thing that came to me to do!!!

So don't beat yourself up about it. You've done it, you know how crappy it makes you feel - so chances are - you won't go back there again.

:hug:

Have a glass of wine to go with that lemonade darl.

awww hun dont be too hard on yourself, youre only human afterall :hug:

I did the same thing a few weeks ago :redface: - DD1 hit DD2 really hard on the head when I was BFing, and I just lost it with DD1 - I was so shocked she would be so violent with her sister! It was awful.

I give my daughter a firm, not enough to hurt tap on the bum after telling her several times to sit down in the bath, mainly because of the danger factor associated with standing in the bath though. She's 11 months old but does understand what no and sit mean.
I do think sometimes a smack is necessary, please don't judge. Each parent, child and situation is different. I don't want to start a smack v no smack debate. I respect your conviction and decision not to smack and for that reason I understand why you must be feeling bad about this. As for me and my daughter, I will let the situation dictate how I discipline, but would like to use smacking only as a last resort after other things haven't worked.

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I do think sometimes a smack is necessary

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Agreed! Don't beat yourself up babe, you didnt beat the living bejeebus out of her. As mel said you realised what you've done, your not happy about it, so chances are you wont do it again. I myself have smacked dd before but it was the same as Danni where I'd told her something numerous times and she didnt listen.

When you're stressed or unprepared, you act out of habit. Sometimes you just respond by thinking. You're a human being!

I'm pretty strict on the no smacking rule and I'm in principle totally against physical punishment, but even I've lashed out almost instinctively a couple of times. One time dd5 was just reefing the toilet paper off the roll, all over the floor and I flew over to her and just whacked her hand out of the way to get her to stop it. I felt terrible, and she was hysterical... but it was one mistake, in a loving home, and she got over it more quickly than I did ;)

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and she got over it more quickly than I did

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I think that's because we don't actually smack them hard enough to 'hurt' them. And I think the tears are more out of fright than anything kwim? Im pretty sure we'd know tears if we actually hurt them. Dp smacks ava with 2 fingers and she howls. It is not hard enough to hurt her, it's more a tap than anything.

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I think that's because we don't actually smack them hard enough to 'hurt' them. And I think the tears are more out of fright than anything kwim?

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True! We've got this game called "penny a smack" where we smack dd5's bottom in play, quite hard sometimes too, and she thinks it's hysterically funny! I've often said to her, if we did that to you and we were cross, you'd be crying!!

:hug: don't beat yourself up over it. As has already been said, they get over quicker than we do! I don't think giving a smack is the worst thing in the world to be honest. I tried to smack DD because she kept running onto the road. She laughed at me and I haven't done it since :redface:

I agree, it's not about causing pain, it's about the surprise.

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I give my daughter a firm, not enough to hurt tap on the bum after telling her several times to sit down in the bath, mainly because of the danger factor associated with standing in the bath though. She's 11 months old but does understand what no and sit mean.

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IMO this is exactly the sort of situation where a smack is appropriate; as a last resort when there's a safety issue. They do recover, don't worry!

DP now laughs when he remembers how his dad would kick him in the bum when he was naughty (he would do something cheeky, realize then try to run and get a big BUMP lol), but he remembers with great sadness how his mother used to lay into him. That's the difference; a smack can be discipline, it can be when we act emotionally without thinking and while the latter isn't ideal, they WILL get over it. The problem is when there's ongoing physical abuse going on (like my DP having a shoe thrown at his burnt leg causing the dead skin to fall off). A single smack out of anger doesn't fit into that category.

I hope this makes sense, I'm a tad sleep deprived at the moment XD

I agree with what has been said above. Sometimes a smack is something that can be benificial. In your case it probably wasn't but hey, we are all human and make mistakes! Chances are you wont be hitting her again out of anger, and she wont hit your drink! She's probably forgotten ALLLLL about it :)
I slapped Jaidan across the face once when he kicked me in the shins. It was totally a reaction, I didn't think about it then slap I just did it automatically. I was so distraught that I had done that I cried for days when I thought about the look on his face :( I still get a little upset but hey I haven't done it again!
We all make mistakes ;)

Its understandable that you are upset by it. I would be too. But the thing is to me that says you are a good mother! And just because you've smacked once, doesn't mean you'll do it again. If its not something you agree with thats ok :) I'm not one for smacking either, but I do understand what can lead to it. I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was younger, I went to smack her and realised (luckily) and stopped and even though I didn't smack her I still cried because I realised I was about to do what had been done to me, purely because it was ingrained in me to react that way. And I realised I didn't want her growing up that same way and feeling that way herself as a parent. So I sat down and worked out some ideas on what I could do in a situation like that to alleviate my own stress and to stop myself from smacking. Choosing not to smack is easy, but its those times where you lose control and smack out of frustration that are the hardest to fight (if you were smacked as a kid). So I'm telling you now, don't feel bad but if you want to change it you can :) I have and my daughter has never ever needed a smack and she's perfectly fine (neither has my son and he's certainly opposite to her personality wise) :) You are definitely a GOOD mother! :hug:

I have done this before too and I have been ashamed of my behaviour because I like to stay in control of myself. The thing that I have found is that toddlers are soooo forgiving and forget so easily. I think that is one of the truly beautiful things about toddlers is they way that they love their mummies (and daddies) unconditionally, even though ALL of us make mistakes. They don't see our mistakes or remember them, they think we are wonderful and will still trust us implicitly. I think this realisation is often very humbling. Kids forgive and forget very quickly, when they are small, sometimes as parents we need to find a way to forgive ourselves. :hug:

Queenbee, you sound like a great mum who cares a lot about your daughter. I think the love that you show her constantly will mean that she won't feel any differently about you and will love you unconditionally. Mistakes happen, that's what being a parent is all about. It's not just about the kids learning, but the parents learning too. Every parent has been in a similar, if not the same, position you are. We have all done things we are not proud of, but that's why it is so great to have kids who love us unconditionally :).

:hug: We all make mistakes, that's how we learn sometimes.

If it will help you feel better, perhaps you could make sure you have a plan for next time you get super frustrated? Cos I can guarantee that as your daughter gets older, there will be more occasions where she acts out of frustration or testing where the boundaries lie. Whether we smack or not, I'm sure we all agree that discipline shouldn't come from an angry place (in my opinion, for some kids words spoken in anger can be just as, if not more crushing than smacking). I've got (and am still working on) all sorts of tricks to regain calm - turning on the radio to distract myself, deep breaths, counting to 20, shutting myself in the loo for a minute, throwing a soft toy at the wall.

:hug: I hope you forgive yourself, and can feel better about the situation by learning and growing from it.

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Smacking is not right, I don't want her growing up with aggression... It really shocked me she hit the glass too, she has never done that.

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Trust me, whether you smack or not, kids will use aggression and violence as a way of venting their frustrations when they are too young or inarticulate to express their feelings in a verbal way. Kids hitting, lashing out, biting, gouging, pinching etc has so little to do with the form of discipline their parents use, and almost everything to do with feeling a certain way and being unable to communicate it.
Don't beat yourself up over it - we all have our little lapses in parenting perfection!! They do get over it though, the tears and tantrums resulting from a smack on the bum/leg are more due to hurt pride than anything physical. They forgive, they forget - no reason for you to dwell on it if they're not!

oh that is SO true Donna!

From the textbook GothMum! :) Kids do hit out especially around this age because their communication resources aren't all there yet and it's frustrating. It's not right and acceptable either but it's bound to happen, I'd be surprised to find a kid who didn't.

On your part, I agree with so many others, don't feel too bad, they forget so quickly. Sometimes (I know with me) when its in reaction to a dangerous situation I just react before i think.

In our household we very rarely smack, and if we do it's a reaction to something dangerous and never enough to really hurt them, just shock them iykwim. Even so my 5 year old DS still lashes out when he's angry, and I cop it. It's hard to remember it's because he can't vent his frustration in a better way and to be patient and teach him the right way. I get a little lost with this stuff as he's a very clever little guy, it's so easy to forget that he's still only 5. The best way to deal with behaviour like this (and your DD may be a little to young yet, could be worth a try though) is to give them 'time out', remove them and give them time to calm down themselves. I send DS to his room, when he was little (around 2) I'd make him sit on his little foam couch for a couple of minutes.

sorry if I've ranted for some reason i can't read the first page of your post so I apologise if i've gone off on a tangent. GL

dont feel bad .

the times i have hit DS is when i am super frustrated .. and when safety is concerend .. i have only ever smacked DS when its major . i refrain my slef when im just moody and stress from hitting him . if hes just over tired and being pesty then i stop myself and walk away . other wise if he is misbehaving on pourpose , like pulling everything out of my wardrobe 3 times and not staying in time out ..

there are times when retorting is a relfex . like biting you automatically want to hit or bit back .

its ok and i agree that too much smacking violoence will harm a child, if brought up in an already pooe environment .

not a happy loving family like yours x