Being told off for cosleeping

Hi I haven't done many posts here yet but wanted to share this..

Today I rang a helpline (not the ABA line) to get some advice about whether cold and flu tablets are ok to take whilst breastfeeding and while I was there I asked about whether certain cold medications should be avoided whilst cosleeping as well. I know it is important not to take medication that makes you drowsy whilst cosleeping.

The lady on the phone told me I should not be sleeping with my baby at all as babies have died from people rolling on top of them- that under no circumstances should I have him in my bed full stop.

I am feeling sad now as I have tried to read as much information as I could about cosleeping and my understanding was that it is not cosleeping itself that is risky but it is more about whether the parent is drug or alcohol affected, smokes, uses adult bedding, sleeping on a couch etc that is the problem.

I don't really believe what this lady said but she still made me feel like I am a crap negligent mother basically I felt like she was saying "do you want your baby to die?"

We have tried to be so careful with cosleeping I don't have any blankets etc on the bed, we have put the mattress on the floor, we don't smoke or use drugs, I don't drink and I don't let my partner in the bed even if she has had one drink.

I have tried to put him to sleep in the cot but he hates it and he wiggles around everywhere trying to find us.

Plus I just like sleeping next to him and I really think he likes it too, being close to me and able to feed when he likes, the cuddles just seem to reassure him so much.

I just wanted to get some support from other cosleepers that what I am doing is ok.

BTW I decided not to take any medication apart from panadol as I don't want to take any risks with him.

There is always going to be someone who disagrees with something you do, unfortunatly you found a mean one.

My DD sleeps in her cot right up against my bedside most nights but on the odd occasion she just wants to be near her Mum and it is lovely.

If you are happy and baby is happy and you are following all precausions, which it sounds like you are then there is nothing wrong with it.

Alot of people that I know IRL do not agree with my parenting, eg: gentle parenting, full time expressing, cloth nappies, babywearing etc and I do not get much praise, I get more 'advise' and questions of 'why would you do that'. However at the end of the day I have an extremely happy little girl and that is all that matters, and it funny that people always comment as to how happy my DD is but in turn shrug off my way of parenting...

So anways what I am trying to say is, your doing a great job don't let anyone tell you otherwise :D

Deanne.

ETA: Oh and :welcome: to BB.

:hug: Aww hun Your doing a great job! Dont you just love snuggling next to them at night!

Good luck hun! And well done on Co sleeping :hug: xx

Please don't doubt your co-sleeping..there is nothing wrong with it, especially as you are following all the safety guidelines, he probably safer there next to you than anywhere else!

I part-time co-sleep with my baby (cant do it all the time cos he kicks, scratches me and pulls my hair all night, lol, he is a VERY restless sleeper). Anyway, I have a DD who is in year 9 at high school, next week she is bringing home one of those "teaching" baby dolls that cry through the night etc. the teacher told her it has to go on the floor next to the bed at night (she has to make a little bed for it) and she is not allowed to sleep with it. My daughter told her "my mum sleeps with my baby brother in her bed" and her teacher turned around and said "well, she shouldn't!!".
I have printed off some literature for her to take to school and give to her teacher!! How dare they teach my daughter that!!

Sometimes you justave to throw away the advice you are given. Especially when you have gone to a lot of trouble to educate yourself on your decisions. You don't know she got her information. It could have been based on training 20 years ago or on newspaper articles. Sorry she made you feel bad but just take a deep breath and let it go. Big hugs.

i co-sleep every night with my ds, have done so since birth.
he loves it, i love it, we've never had a problem.
i would've hung up on that woman.

:o I'd be writing to the helpline, including some info (do ABA have some?) on safe co-sleeping, and informing them that some of their volunteers are giving out the wrong information on co-sleeping and need to be educated on safe co-sleeping practices, instead of anti co-sleeping practices. Go all activist on their butts Mumiloo! (oh and welcome to BB! Have you found your Baby Buddies group yet?)

And yeaaaaah way to go Marlene! That was so rude of that teacher. I hope your daughter knows better than to put faith in statements obviously made in ignorance.

Co sleeping has been the only way with my last 2 babies. My first was pretty easy & I was terrified of co-sleeping, so I never tried it.
DD2 came along with colic & would scream til 3am - The only way I survived that was co-sleeping.
When DS came along it was too easy. I didn't see the point in getting up since I wasn't making bottles, so I didn't. I've always put him in his bed til his first feed, then in my bed.
Just follow the guidelines & you'll be fine :)
Your baby won't die. Everyone has an oppinion on everything you do. No matter how you go about it.
Just relax & enjoy.

mumiloo - oh welcome to the world where people assume you are stupid for doing things differently and tell you off without having any evidence to back you up. Take pride and security in the research you have been done and trust your instincts. You know what is best for your family. I know there was some beautiful research presented at the hotmilk conference on cosleeping - maybe someone who was there could give you more info.

I have coslept with both my kids and they are both very much alive and unsquashed. I am the same as you though and don't take even over the counter drugs as I do believe it can result in an artifical and deeper sleep then you would normal have.

All the best

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:o I'd be writing to the helpline, including some info (do ABA have some?) on safe co-sleeping, and informing them that some of their volunteers are giving out the wrong information on co-sleeping and need to be educated on safe co-sleeping practices, instead of anti co-sleeping practices. Go all activist on their butts Mumiloo! (oh and welcome to BB! Have you found your Baby Buddies group yet?)

And yeaaaaah way to go Marlene! That was so rude of that teacher. I hope your daughter knows better than to put faith in statements obviously made in ignorance.

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I agree with Nelle, Id be writing to them to correct the misinformation this person is handing out and the unnecessary stress being caused to them.

As new mums we seem to be very susceptable (sp) to advice from people in "authority" and we are pretty quick to question ourselves even when we have done the research.

She obviously hasn't cause if she had then she would know that a lot of deaths occur in the cot in a seperate room - hence the term cot death. In fact in NZ they ran an education campaign to encourage parents to have bub sleep in the same room at least for the first 6 months and was found to reduce sids by 50%.

Keep doing what you are doing, I think you are doing a great job

aww gee hunni what a rude person!
Co sleeping is infact very safe if you do it right! Sounds to me like you have looked into it thoroughly. People like that are misinformed so just ignore them :)
BTW I co sleep with Ashton and wouldn't have it any other way!

Mummiloo I am not a co-sleeper but know that the woman on the helpline was WRONG! I was at a private hospital with my first son (so you would think the nurses there would be ultra careful and scared of getting sued!) and the midwives TOLD me to sleep with my son in bed with me when he wouldn't settle. Co-sleeping can be world'sbest-practice if it is done properly, as you seem to be doing.

Unfortunately this will probably just be the start of the opposition you will recieve to co-sleeping but you are doing what you KNOW is best for your child. And also unfortunately it sounds like that woman got you at a really bad time if you have a new bub and a cold at the same time. If ever you need support just come in to BB and you will be showered with it. Hugs to you....

How rude. We co-sleep as well, get told often that we'lll kill her :rolleyes: some people just dont get it. Jazz is 6 months and still breastfed, and some people dont get that either! You not bad mums, you're doing whats best for you guys! And anyone who has coslept will know how it is almost impossible to roll onto your baby, so inore that peice od 'advice'

,,mmnnmnm m jm b n gc c4xe5 ccfb
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PMSL and that was from Jazz :lol: i think it says co-sleepong is great :rofl:

I'm really shocked to hear someone on the ABA helpline said this because there's a section in their book they give u when u subscribe about breastfeeding and cosleeping safely! I'd definitely be letting the ABA know that you were treated in this manner by one of their counsellors, sounds like this person needs some additional training!

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I'm really shocked to hear someone on the ABA helpline said this because there's a section in their book they give u when u subscribe about breastfeeding and cosleeping safely! I'd definitely be letting the ABA know that you were treated in this manner by one of their counsellors, sounds like this person needs some additional training!

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Have a little look at the opening post again ;) it wasn't the ABA helpline that gave this advice. The ABA won't give advice on sleeping arrangements, they are there for breastfeeding support.

I personally don't agree with co-sleeping, but will sometimes bring DD into our bed for a short time to help her get to sleep.
Having said that, I don't think that people should be telling you how to parent your child. If co-sleeping works for you then keep doing it.
I'm learning that as a parent there will always be someone who thinks they know better, but my mum always tells me that a mothers intuition is almost always right. For this reason I'm lucky that my mum wont "tell me" how to do things unless I ask.

But how dare a stranger judge you and your parenting style. Keep doing it if it is working for you.

I read something (probably on here) saying that cosleeping is only a fairly modern thing and that it used to be common practice to cosleep.

MrsC - OP said it was not the ABA helpline. Im guessing it was nurseoncall or mchn 24 hour line

What an AWFUL thing to tell someone that they're going to kill their child!!!
There are a lot of negative misconceptions about co-sleeping unfortunately, but with the right precautions I'm sure it's safe and definitely the right choice for you if you & your baby are happy that way. Instead of attacking mothers for their choices, helplines/authorities/media should be presenting unbiased information and advice on safe co-sleeping practices.
Sounds like you've been extremely careful and diligent in ensuring you are doing the best by your baby, so hope this hasn't knocked your confidence too much!

whoops! sorry, thanks for pointing that out! very important word 'not' hey! sorry OP!

[QUOTE=Roryrory;1654634]Mummiloo I am not a co-sleeper but know that the woman on the helpline was WRONG! I was at a private hospital with my first son (so you would think the nurses there would be ultra careful and scared of getting sued!) and the midwives TOLD me to sleep with my son in bed with me when he wouldn't settle. QUOTE]

I was in a public hospital when I had DD and I was told the same thing!

If it's right you for and bub then go for it! xx

Thank you so much for your support guys! You made me feel so much better!

Nelle that was a great idea- I did write a letter to them and I put links to safe co-sleeping pamphlets produced by the QLD and NZ health departments as well as a reference to a journal article!

My own mother told me that co-sleeping would kill DS, in so many words. Also that demand feeding would kill me. I consigned both pieces of advice to the bin, where they belong.

Pre-DS, I had no idea about co-sleeping, even whether it was safe or not. Now I know better - but if I hadn't educated myself, I wouldn't. Some people don't educate themselves - not out of a love of ignorance, but because it doesn't seem important to their lives at the moment.

Like everyone else said, your doing a great job, there will always be some one who tells you your doing it all wrong, but aslong as your happy, your partner is happy and your baby is happy, who cares what anyone else thinks or says!!

It is so irritating how conflicting the information out there really is . . .

When I had my booking in appointment at the hospital for DS, they made me sign a document that said that I had been informed that the World Health Organisation recommends co-sleeping as a way to promote and support breastfeeding. I asked the mw about the dangers and she said as long as I followed the guidelines it was very safe. My GP, who I saw after DS was born, went out of his way to tell me that co-sleeping is so incredibly dangerous. I told him what the hospital said and he was shocked that they would be encouraging it. The info is just so conflicting and both opinions are very strong. Incidently, the form I had to sign is now printed and apart of my pregnancy handbook so GPs see the info as well.

I don't co-sleep with my babies, but that is not because I believe it is unsafe - I just can't sleep with them in the bed. I tried a few times and it just doesn't work for our family. I would love to have been able to do it comfortably but my DH and I were so tired after 3 nights of trying, we gave up.

So many people out there - strangers, friends and relatives alike - push their own agenda when it comes to care for a baby - it is tough but I think over time you get better at ignoring advice that you didn't ask for. I think often they don't even understand why they think their advice is valid beyond it just being the way they think things should be done. If you are happy with the things that you are doing and feel comfortable with the way you are raising your baby, then don't feel that you have to justify what you do to anyone else. You are the parent and you are making the best choice possible for your own baby.

All 5 of my babies were co-slept. This one will too. Its mighty hard here really as I need to have a cot/bassinette here - even if it isnt being used because DoCS have been known to take babys that parents are co-sleeping with. The ward nurses were all anti co-sleep nazis too. I just don't get it. Its a world wide accepted practice - except here in NSW where its reason to steal your babies!

One of the most magnificent things about it is - its like having the 'breast crawl' every night. I usually wake up when I feel baby stirring, but they find the milk themselves. So they sleep better, we sleep better, and the bond between Dad and Bub is also strengthened. Its not just the smell of mum that settles them, but the smell of dad too.

Sad we have to hide in shadows and avoid mentioning it. Guess I should go find some info sheets on it - maybe I might need it one day and it will be good to have around.

I have found the WHO recommendations for bf that support co-sleeping here: http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publication...591544_eng.pdf (on pg 65 of the literature). It also sites the study that was undertaken to establish that recommendation in case anyone is interested.

I have also included the guidelines for SIDS here: http://www.sidsandkids.org/documents...nStatement.pdf

While SIDS does state that 'Sharing a sleep surface with a baby increases the risk of SIDS and fatal sleep accidents in some circumstances' it also goes on to outline the guidelines for safe co-sleeping practices in case anyone was interested. Everyone in here already seems to know what those practices are, but I thought I would link it in for anyone who is unsure.

Inertia - It is ridiculous that DOCs can take your kids away for co-sleeping. Don't they have enough to do already without taking perfectly safe babies away from their parents? Argh! That makes me mad! I was a behaviour managment teacher and worked with kids who were starved most of the time and DOCs didn't seem to be able to anything to help those kids, but they are wasting precious time and resources removing co-sleeping babies from their parents . . .

Inertia, it makes me so angry to think that any mother should feel that they have to hide in the shadows when doing what they instinctively feel is right for their children and their instincts are backed up with research, understanding and proof!!!

Mumiloo, I am glad you found renewed sense of faith in your parenting decisions after posting here and I hope that you have seen the benefits of this since you originally posted.

It is such a pity that so many people will give advice and have such strong opinions without researching what they are talking about or without having any understanding that there can be two sides to every story. On the other hand, I have found it to be quite heartening here that a few people who do not co-sleep or do not necessarily believe in co-sleeping have posted their support for you Mumiloo and for your decision as parents. This is exactly what I love about BB and what I think we need a whole lot more of as parents, tolerance for others opinions and parenting approaches.

Inertia, with regard to info leaflets, perhaps you might be interested in some research from Mckenna who has done a great deal of research into co-sleeping. He has written a number of papers, and I found them to be really informative. I googled "McKenna sleep alone SIDS" and came up with a good article Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS,bedsharing and breast feeding, here is the abstract:

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Summary There has been much controversy over whether infants should co-sleep or bedshare with an adult caregiver and over whether such practises increase the risk of SIDS or fatal accident. However, despite opposition from medical authorities or the police, many western parents are increasingly adopting night-time infant caregiving patterns that include some co-sleeping, especially by those mothers who choose to breast feed. This review will show that the relationships between infant sleep patterns, infant sleeping arrangements and development both in the short and long term, whether having positive or negative outcomes, is anything but simple and the traditional habit of labelling one sleeping arrangement as being superior to another without an awareness of family, social and ethnic context is not only wrong but possibly harmful. We will show that there are many good reasons to insist that the definitions of different types of co-sleeping and bedsharing be recognised and distinguished. We will examine the conceptual issues related to the biological functions of mother?infant co-sleeping, bedsharing and what relationship each has to SIDS. At very least, we hope that the studies and data described in this paper, which show that co-sleeping at least in the form of roomsharing especially with an actively breast feeding mother saves lives, is a powerful reason why the simplistic, scientifically inaccurate and misleading statement ?never sleep with your baby? needs to be rescinded, wherever and whenever it is published.

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It is also worth nothing that statistics are often thrown around regarding the number of babies who die when co-sleeping. These numbers rarely take into consideration the conditions under which the co-sleeping is taking place ie risk factors such as whether the parents are under the influence of drugs etc as you have been careful to avoid mumiloo. The numbers are also very rarely compared to the numbers of babies who die when sleeping alone in cots. If these numbers were compared side by side it would help to paint a much clearer picture about the 'dangers' of co-sleeping.

So many 'should be dead' babies right here on BB ;) He he!!