3 year old who doesn't do anything she is told !

hi all,

ok my nearly 3 year old is driving me crazy....some days are fine and other days i feel like i am constantly saying no don't do that, get down, come here etc etc she seems to just do silly things a lot eg this morning she went into the bathroom to do a wee and she came out with her shorts dripping wet because she had put them down the toilet, despite getting into trouble only last night for putting her feet down the toilet ! when i tell/ask her to do something she answers NO !! and its always in such a rude tone, she is sent to her room and gets yelled at (ehich i hate to do) but it doesnt seem to make any difference as she does something silly again a few minutes later, is it just a stage ? is it attention seeking ? and any tips for how to deal with her when she is naughty would be great ! we try and explain she shouldn't be rude and why she shouldn't touch the hot toaster for example and she seems to understand and then 5 seconds later touches it.

we also have a 11 month old boy which makes me wonder if it is attention seeking as he has been a very difficult baby but we haven't had any problems at all with her being jealous up until now, i really try and catch her when she does something good but on days like today thats very hard to do, any advice is appreciated

Melinda

It is a stage. Basically it is at this age that they are trying to differentiate themselves as an individual separate from you (they do this again when they hit teenage years - can you tell?!?). So that is why they test boundaries and dont listen or say no to everything you ask. The best thing to do is just understand that this will happen and it will pass. It is a good time to reassess your house rules and what is appropriate and what isn't. Throw away any rules that aren't logical or necessary (make your house as toddler safe as possible to reduce to amount of rules you need to enforce) and stick to the ones that are important (especially safety rules) making sure you give a clear reason for your decision (eg. one word - safety, dangerous, fragile etc.). Follow up with clear guidelines if they insist on breaking an important rule but make sure consequences are logical. For example if they are tipping water over the floor (a favourite one n our house) - "stop because it is slippery and dangerous. If you do it once more I will take the cup. OK I am taking the cup. *cuddles or comfort during the inevitable tantrum*. Mummy loves you but you can't tip water on the floor - it is dangerous". Lots of deep breaths. LOL. You will both get through it.

A great book for understanding the development is Robin Grilles Heart to heart parenting. Very useful!

Krysalyss, thanks for your response and advice, as i read your post i realised a lot of our problems come from a little chair and table set she has and she drags the chairs around everywhere enabling her to get into all sorts of mischief so taking those away might decrease the reasons we need to tell her to stop doing things !

thanks

Melinda

We have the same issues in our house except instead of it being table and chairs it is toys with wheels..Jacob runs from one end of the house to other with them and it drives me nuts.. He is pretty good with the toilet but is continually tipping out the soap or spraying deodorants.. and even if we put them up high somehow he gets them..

It is so frustrating but I know it will pass.. Does your DD still have a day sleep? I know the very rare day Jacob does sleep he is heaps and heaps better.. He realy needs that sleep but simply refuses to..

Hi aussienic, no day sleep here anymore unfortunately, she is 3 this week and wow talk about pushing the boundaries ALL the time, we have had another bad day with her and we are having her birthday party tomorrow, i have threatened if she is naughty again i will ring everyone and cancel her party ! but she seems to go from one naughty thing to the next, we have started to say no you cant do things you like (as everything is i'll do it myself at the moment) and she hates it when she isn't allowed to do said thing herself so that might help bring back some control to us, here's hoping anyway !

thanks
Melinda

Its just a hard age I think.. you can't reason with them and they don't get what they are doing wrong.. they look big enough to understand fully but they just don't get it..

My 3 yr old is getting heaps better.. around his 3rd birthday it was just horrendous but now almost 6 months later thikngs are getting good again.. Not every day.. today was a pretty good day except for the massive tantrum in the shop.. he needed to pee but instead of saying I need to pee he felt the need to scream the place down *sigh* Thankfuly I can now pick up thse signs so we just headed to the toilets and asked him if he needed to go when we got there

just a quick update, we have removed the chairs for a while so she cant stand up at the sink endlessly running water or getting into mischief and that has helped a lot with the tension as we aren't having to constantly say dont do that get down etc, such a simply little thing.

aussienic when i read your post saying things are better now your DS is 3.5 years i thought oh my goodness i cant take 6 more months of this bad behaviour all day every day....... so i hope the things we are using will help !

Melinda

Are you sure your child is not mine..lol!!

My 3 year old is exactly the same. She is making me so frustrated atm. Everything is 'no' and 'i'll do it myself' etc. Will deliberately wee her pants in front of me, if I ask her to go the toilet to try and do a wee, all the while with a sly little smirk on her face....aaarrggghhh!!!

Throws things at me & DH and brothers if we say 'no' to something. Will scream at the top of her lungs if I don't let her eat what she wants to eat.

We're going mad....any ideas/suggestions????

Please :pray:

Oh dear. I think I just fainted. My 2 year old is doing all this. Does this mean I have another few years of it?

I think I'm going to run away from home... ;)

Jma: good to hear we aren't the only ones with a 3 year old who can be a little difficult....we started to not let DD do things she enjoys....with the whole i'll do it myself thing we have said when she is naughty she can't do things herself that she likes to do (ie pressing the button to put the garage door down, watering the garden with her watering can etc) and the seems to be having some effect, yelling or sending her to her room made absolutely no difference at all

im not sure what to suggest about the eating thing, we have a rule that if she doesn't eat what i have cooked (and i know she likes it) in a certain time (she will keep getting up and down from the table) that i just throw her food out and she goes without, now at least she makes an effort to eat some

Arimeh: lol good luck with your 2 year old !

Melinda

Hugs to everyone with monster kids. My DS is like a walking tornado. He doesnt listen does things he know he shouldnt, yells, punches, hurts people , throws things, chats back, cries when he is spoken too to try and get out of things etc. Really pushes the boundaries. I have no advice i'm at my wits end with him. were all just lost for ideas on how to fix him. Every day i'm faced with this deamon of "what the hell did i do to make him like this" My MIL blames us and says 'your 1st you always let them get away with things, i did it with brad (DP)" She makes out like we allowed him to run amok and now were paying. It started when he was 2 and has progressivley gotten worse no matter what we try. I have vut out all nasty food additives and watch what he eats and no change. GP thinks he could have ADD but they wont test for it cos he is too young. I even had a peadiatration give me a referal for a MENTAL ASSESSMENT UNIT at the local Hosspital. :o

So i fully understand what you all are going through. All i can offer is hugs. If someone knows of a magic solution please let me know.

Reading this scares me to death!!!!! LOL. My almost 2year old is the same. I am constantly saying no and she does things over and over again. I was just reading about the table and chairs, Olivia loves to drag hers to where ever and climb up to get stuff. Think they might have to have a holiday outside.

Dont you love it when you say...dont do that and they just look at you and do it anyway!!!

hi all,

so today's update of bad behaviour is this......my baby was asleep this afternoon and i tried to get DD 3 years to have a lay down with me in the hope she would have a nap, after i while she got up and went out to the lounge room, i could hear her doing something and was calling out to her and eventually she came back and fell asleep in the bed, the baby woke up and i cautiously went out looking for whatever she had been up to (i knew there was going to be something) and there in the tropical fish tank were marshmellows and chocolate lollies left over from her party on the weekend ! the marshmellows were floating and dissolving and the other lollies were on the bottom after i scooped them out i went into the bathroom trying to work out if the fish were going to be ok and there at the bottom of the toilet was the rest of the packet of chocolate lollies ! seriously i don't understand how it would even occur to her in the first place to do those things, when she woke up (after only 30 mins) i asked her why she did it and she said i didnt like them (the lollies) ggggggrrrrrrrr

Melinda

lol... sounds like her and my DS are twins... lol

Arimeh: lol twins huh ? i think most of the time we got the evil one !

we lost one fish after the marshmellow incident, hopefully the others are ok, poor DH cleaned the water out twice and it is still cloudy, the poor fish are probably all on sugar highs !


Melinda

Oh man- I was just coming in here to ask these very same questions. My DD isnt 3 untill June, but at the moment she is probably enough to test the patience of a saint. Her fav at the moment is paying out on her brother, she hits, kicks, pushes, pulles and NOTHING we say or do stops her, I am soooooooooo sick of saying keep your hands to yourself. It seems everything you ask her not to/ or to do, she does the opposite.
It is heartening to know it is just a phase, fingers crossed I dont pull all my hair out between now and then.

good luck Ali ! it certainly is a challenging age where they are trying to assert their independance, i can't tell you how many times a day we hear i want to do it myself .......

on the violent behaviour....DD is a little rough with her brother (nearly one) but not too bad but she madly chases the poor cats around and annoys them, despite being told a million times to leave them alone, please let this phase pass quick !


Melinda

This thread has made me feel SO much better. DD1 is 3 in 2 wks time and in the last month has turned into a lil monster. Her fav thing is to use the kitchen drawers to climb onto the kitchen bench and then walk/jump along it etc. Everything is an argument bedtime, meal times etc etc. At least i know i'm not alone and it will pass.

Hoody

I am so glad I have read this thread. My DS will be 3 in May and he has me at my wits end atm, I feel like a really bad mother cause he is so full on and into everything he is driving me nuts! Thankyou so much for sharing girls cause I feel 100% better!

Hoody: wow climbing up the drawers to get to the bench, how frustrating because there isnt much you can do to stop that i guess and she probably gets a good reaction from you when she does it which would make it so much more fun !

mrsmac: i feel like a bad mother too sometimes because some days i just feel like i spend my whole day yelling as DD goes from one naughty thing to another !

already this morning she has put her toothbrush down the toilet (while her father was in the room shaving, he turned around and she had her hand down there !)
and then got paper towel and was scrapping vegemite out of the jar with it !

i despair sometimes

Melinda