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A question for all you lovely BB ladies (and blokes) - did you give bub mum's last name, or dad's or both, and why?
I'll start.... I changed my name when I got married because I wanted us all to have the same name. and I liked his better. also I felt it was like a fresh start for me having a new name... I felt I'd left a lot of baggage behind with the old one. The Bear and I agreed that we wanted to have the same family name so there were no arguments.
I changed my name when we got married as I felt it was important for me to do as I entered the next chapter of my life, also for sake of kids when we had them.
I have friends who are not married who the kids have the dads surname.
A friend who is married with hyphernated name and kids just have the dads surname.
great question....
I took BHL's name so the the kids also have his name, for me my last name didnt have any real meaning to me seeing as there are millons of us out there ( smith ) mind you BHL's last name isnt much better :rolleyes: I liked us all having the same name, makes it so much easier for school...
My maiden name is Danish and all my life I've copped mispronunciation, had to spell it out loud three and four times to people before they get it, had it misspelled on important documents, and was made fun of at school simply because it wasn't 'Smith' or 'Taylor' or 'Jones'.
I couldn't wait to throw it away and change my name to DH's (which is much, much simpler!), so when we found out we were expecting, I pretty much demanded that we get married because I wanted everybody in our house to have the same name. I understand that a lot of people keep their maiden names for various reasons and there's nothing wrong with that, but I guess I was raised pretty traditionally - mum and dad get married *before* kids arrive, everybody under the one roof has the same name, and there is no confusion about which child belongs to what parent, or which person belongs (okay, not 'belongs', ykwim) to which person.
My mum did at one point suggest that DD could be given my family's surname (which offended DH so much I still don't think he's forgiven her, especially seeing as I have a little brother so there's a very good chance the family name will continue through him), but I never even entertained the thought. DH, DD and I are our own family and it's just tradition for the woman to take the man's name and give the kids the same name. So that's what we did.
Maybe if I'd been raised or lived somewhere different, it wouldn't have been such an issue for me, but around here, an unmarried couple just isn't taken seriously, and if you throw kids into the mix then you become downright tacky (which is stupid, none of my friends are married and a lot of them have kids, but I admit I did feel a bit of that 'what will people think?!'), so that was another motivation for me to get married and take DH's name when we found out we were having a baby. Having all of us with the same name not only saves a lot of confusion, but kind of sticks it to people who expect that a pair of early-20-somethings are just 'shacking up' and by the time I'm 30 I'll have four kids to three different dads (not that I see a problem with that, relationships don't work out sometimes, but around here people can be very judgmental).
I didn't change my name when we married as it is important to me. DH has the most common name going and hates it and didn't expect me to change my name - not to mention he has no links to his fathers side of the family. The baby will have my surname which gives it a chance to continue on for another generation as it would otherwise have died out. We're happy with our decision but have been questioned about it alot. People don't understand and just expected we would use DH's name for the baby.
Thanks for the responses guys! Gothmum I hear you on the spelling factor, I *thought* I wouldn't have to spell the Bear's last name (I always had to spell my maiden name), but alas people seem to need that!
I think what got me thinking about this was some friends of ours who are married but bubs both have mum's last name. And mum and her two sisters all have different last names - ie one has her mum's, one has her dad's and the other has both! Also I was looking around my mum's group and wondering what the baby's last names were... and I'm still too shy to ask! :redface:
DH and I are married, but I kept my maiden name. I changed my name the first time I got married to my exH's name - and then went through hell to try and change it back with all the "procedural rules" up here. So I kept my name.
The kids have DH's surname though. Sometimes I think about changing my name to be the same as my kids, because you always get "those" looks, when they think I'm unmarried, to which I quickly say "we're married and I kept my name" blah blah blah :rolleyes:
Just bothers me because I'm judged so quickly and they don't even know the reason why I don't have his name (and also my name just sounds SOOOOOOO bad with his last name, and I like mine - its different - and I can spell it quickly... and I like that.... LOL)
Anyhoo - *cough cough* - yes... kids have hubby's name.
child number 1 has my last name (was with father but chose to give my last name for a few reasons. Ex had no say)
child number 2 has DF's last name
child number 3 will have DF's last name
when we marry i will hyphernate my surname and if/when DF adopts child number one and can have #1's name changed to his ill more then likely drop my maiden name and just have DF's name. If child number one doesnt get to change surname then ill keep mine hyphernated.
I am very interested in this thread as am still undecided what to do. I am not big on hyphenating names.
Would love my child to have DP's last name but I dont want to have a different last name to my child. I grew up with a different last name to my mum as she got divorced from my dad and I didnt like it.
Does anyone know if it is difficult to change a childs last name if DP and I did eventually one day get married.
Seeming this baby is already overdue I am running out of time to work this out!
I took DH's name...and our kids have his name too....we are a family so why not have the same name!
Just to put a different spin on this thread. Family friends of my parents got married and the Husband took the Wifes surname because it was important to her to carry on her family name (no sons to carry it on).
The girls have DF's surname easy to say and I will also become a Smith one day.
I've had to go through the the whole change of name crap to get my passport as my surname now is different to the name on my birth certificate (parents split when I was young) I didn't want to have the hassle of changing their surnames when we get married.
I took my husbands surname both times, and so my eldest 2 still currently have their 'bio-donors' surname. This will be changed very soon. They will be changed to my DHs surname as this is what they both want. They want us to be a complete family and feel that the different surnames makes others think of them as "half-siblings" to their younger siblings, and they simply do not feel it. To all 5 of them, they are brothers and sisters. There is no distinction.
We will all had DHs surname come March (kids have demanded I use their B2S bonus to get them changed, lol).
I took DHs name as I wanted it. Its cooler than my maiden name anyway. I have a very typical surname and he has a nice Irish one. Although everyone spells it like the president.
DH has a friend from school however who at his marriage shocked everyone by taking his new wifes surname rather than the other way around. So instead of a 'maiden' name, he has a 'bachelor' name, lol.
Both DS & DD have my surname. XP & I agreed on this - we were still together at that point - as I am the only person on my (& my Dad's) side of the family who can have children so I am the only one who can carry on the family name (which is important to me) and XP was adopted so his surname wasnt his genetical name.
Mind you in hindsight, maybe my subconscious knew what would happen.
My girls have my exH surname and i do to still
I wont be changing back to my maiden name either , i want to have the same last name as my girls.
Great thread topic, I am very interested in the responses here too.
I am married but have not managed to get around to changing my name properly as yet... although I plan to and DD has her Dad's name. At the moment I am in a bit of limbo with both my maiden name and married name in use.
I felt very strongly about having the same name as my child so while awaiting the arrival of DD we had alot of big discussions about this very name issue. I said that I wanted my child to have the same name and me as I had been waiting for 6 years for the marriage to actually take place DH (DF at the time) had to make a very compelling argument to me about why his name would be used.
We talked about DH taking my name as our 'new family name' but after thinking about it he thought that it didn't feel right for him. In a patri-lineal society it does seem easier to follow the norm! We talked about DD using my name until DH and I got married, a bit like you suggested Alibaby, but when I thought about this I decided it was unfair to saddle a child with the annoyance of having to prove a change of name every time they had to fill in an official form as they went through life - much like your experience 2girlz. Nobody wants to have to deal with certifying documents any more than they have too!
In the end we got married wile pg and gave DD my husbands name. I didn't feel particularly attached to my surname (always identified more with my mother's side of the family than my dad's so always felt like I grew up with the wrong surname anyway ;)) and did like the idea of starting a new family unit with DH with a new name.
In relation to the hyphen, I am not really a fan, like to keep the name as simple as possible Re: spelling etc.
I changed my name and kiddlets have the same name.
I just changed due to tradition didn't care much about names at all.
chancers are if we were not married when we had babies i would have changed my name anyway so were were all the same or had a shot gun wedding.
I kinda think (this is just me) that i had the honour of carring baby so DH can have the honour of the name.
This is an interesting thread!!!:D I took on DH's surname, even though it is ten times harder than my maiden name...... It is dutch, so a three word surname!!!!! But I grew up with my parents not married and went to a Catholic school and the kids all knew that we had a different surname to my mums and we were teased mercilessly for it...... But that's just my experience, thus taking on DH's difficult surname!!!!:lol:
We all have DH's name. I couldn't wait to change my last name just because I wanted to tell everyone I was married LOL - so shallow.
My cousin's husband recently took her last name, rather than the other way around. It's not that odd. I just like that we all have the same name, no matter whose name it is. (DH wanted to change his name to mine but NO WAY after the bad jokes he made.)
good thread!
i did feel very attached to my maiden name. i adore my dad and family and it was who i was, it was my identity!
but i changed my name to my DH's surname when we got married. not only is it traditional and i wanted the whole family to have the same name... but i saw it as making a real commitment to my darling.
he didn't mind what i did so long as i was happy. but after being engaged for a long time, i was already sick of explaining to people my different name as they always assumed we were married. i've gotten used to it now though and am glad to have done it.
both of our surnames are not particularly common and always mispelt/pronounced so that did't concern me at all.
DS1 & DD have my Ex's surname hyphenated with mine & DH's surname (my married name).
Noah and DS2 have mine & DH's surname... Bumpty will have our surname also.
our bub will have DP's surname. it does bother me a little that the baby & i will have different surnames - i didn't realise so many other people thought the same thing, it's actually quite reassuring! not so much that we aren't married, just that i feel like i lose a tiny connection to my child. is that weird?!
DD has DP's surname, and sowill DD2 when she arrives.
i will have their surname one day, but thats not a priority for us atm, i wouldnt just 'change' it, ill wait tillwe get married (god knows when that will be!)
i dont think theres a right or wrong thing to do in this situation... as long as both parents are happy with the arrangement, thats all that should matter.
Both our boys have my DP's surname. I never once even considered giving them my last name. I don't really like my surname either.
We're not married. One day we'll get married and I'll have the same surname as my boys. It's no biggie for me/us.
xx
I have kept my maiden name. My children have my husbands name. I figure that I got my name from my dad, so I am happy for them to get their name from their dad.
My last name may actually 'die out' with my generation (I have a half brother with my last name, but he is in late 30's with no sign of partner or kids; the rest of my generation are women). So, this was definately a deciding factor.
Also, my name ends in 'son' as does DH last name, so my first name does not flow nicely with his last name.
But my last name starts with the same letter as my DH last name. And my DD and I have the same initials which is kind of nice.
Another benefit for me of keeping my last name is the fact that my DH and I both work in the welfare field in a small town, so it is definately useful to us not to have the same last names as any common clients that we may have will not know that we are a couple.
That's really sweet!:
I kinda think (this is just me) that i had the honour of carring baby so DH can have the honour of the name.
When I was growing up my mum used her surname and only used my dad's when it related to us... partly it was because they were both doctors, and it would have been a bit odd to have two Dr Xs in the house. But it kind of left me with the feeling that she was only one of us when it suited her. Of course, the name thing was only part of that picture, and probably not a very important one but it still made me want to have the same last name as my child/(ren).
Keep it coming folks, this is really interesting!
hehe i just remembered today that i used to know a woman who married a guy with the same last name. no need to change there...
My partner and i are not married ... he knows if we were to marry that i will be keeping my surname as it's too important to me to change it :D
Our DD has his surname (even though it's a boring one, LOL ... but at least it's easy to spell) ;)
Not meaning to offend anyone just my opinion & personal experience .... I'm not a fan of hyphenated surnames as when i worked in a medical clinic the staff clearly stated how much hyphenated surnames drove them nuts ... as often they would be mixed up under the wrong surname in the filing cabinet ... and it was too hard to remember one clients surname let alone two surnames attached to the christian name :rolleyes:
My nephew had a hyphenated surname but it proved too hard in it fitting on paperwork, etc ... that my sister & BIL changed it to his (BIL) surname.