Nudity/skin-to-skin with toddlers?

I'm just wondering how others approach skin-to-skin with toddlers.

I was talking to a friend this week, asking her if she and her DP are nude around the kids and if they have skin-to-skin still with their boy (the eldest, will be 3 in a month or two) and she said she still had naked cuddles with him all the time and so does her DP.

DP and I are relatively similar. I sleep naked or nearly naked and DP just wears boxers to bed so DD usually gets in with 2 nearly nude people in the mornings (we like a little snuggle before we get up), and we often shower or bath together (only occasionally all 3 of us because the bath isn't that big!). I have done baby-massage since DD was born and i still now pull her top up and stroke her back to calm her down if she's stressed. If she feels out of sorts she'll come ad say "tickle my back mama" herself. I don't remember my parents being this way with me, but then it could be that it stopped before i had a memory of it, because even though i have memories of being under 2, i don't remember EVERYTHING that happened/was normal before then. I can remember cuddlin up with my sister in bed wheni was 5 or 6 (we shared a bed) and that was lovely.

So what do others do?

ATM DD keeps taking her trousers and pants off (usually to use the potty but she just likes being naked too!) and we are a family of bum-smackers (everyone smacks everyone else!). She lay on my lap this morning (we're up early letting DP have a lie-in) and said "do me bum-rubs mumma" and as i was doing so i thought i just can't imagine not having this physical closeness with her. Does it naturally end? I was gutted when i weaned DD because apart from having really wanted to BF, i missed the 4-hourly skin-to-skin with her so so much. I don't know how i'd cope if she rejected our cosy cuddles and bum rubs and massage-time. I know when she's 13 she won't want me this close to her, but i DO remember still getting into bed with my mum for a cuddle when i was 15 and my boyfriend had dumped me.

How much skin-to-skin/close cuddle do we all have with our toddlers and bigger kids? How long does it last (one for the more experienced mums :))? How do you cope when it ends?

Bx

Hi Hoobley, we're bum smackers too!!! I just got DH a good one before!!

DH sleeps naked and I sleep in a singlet and undies. Both the kids come in for snuggles too in the morning so see nakedness. DD (7) still gets around the house with just her undies but likes to cover up her girlie bits, and we have also told her she needs to get dried ind dressed in her room now after a shower.

DS (3) just loves to do nudie runs around the house. What more can I say.

Now that DD is getting older, DH covers his bits up now when he gets out of the shower or out of bed only cause she is getting that bit older and she just laughs if she sees my boobs!!

I think nudity anskin to skin contact just run their course. As long as everyone is comfortable then I dont see a problem

Interesting you ask this...

last week DH was having showers with DD1 and wasn't worried about it... but for the last 3 days, DD1 (who is nearly 5) will not let DH see her naked or want to be in the same room as him if he is in undies. She said to DH tonight when he went to use the toilet with the door open "Daddy!!! I don't want to see you naked anymore!" he said "than don't look" and we all laughed....

We want to be close to her and not worry, but at the same time I know its part of development for them to resist it. We've sort of planned to just keep living the way we live. If one of the girls feels uncomfortable we may call out so they know and can avoid it if they want too, but other than that, we are going to try to continue living the way we want with them.

An interesting question Ill pop back and see what others say. We also sleep in the nude and when DD who is 2 climbs into bed in the morning for cuddles we dont jump up and get pjs on lol. When DF gets up he puts boxers on but I often get her breakfast and put the wiggles on before I have a shower so she 'see's' more of me naked than DF. She is one who loves to do a nudie run after the shower.

I never thought of it as 'baby massage' as such but I often rub her bare back, shoulders and tummy and how can you not smack and tickle those gorgoues little butts. I think it will be sad if her relaxed attitude to nudity changes.

I remember seeing my parents naked occasionally especially with 6 people and 1 bathroom, mum or my sister would be in the shower and I would do my teeth or vice versa so it wasn't a huge issue. I think I was about 10-11 when I saw my fathers bare butt last (well apart from the plumbers crack which is often on display lol) Even now if Im getting changed mum or my sister will just follow me and chat to me while I do it. Mum still rubs my back every now and then if I can con her to he he.
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I think its sad that physical touch isn't encouraged more because it can make a huge impact. As a nurse I can see the difference holding someone or touching them as a human not a patient can make. And as a human being often if I am sad or depressed I want to be touched, held etc.

Sorry for the ramble I just think touch is really important and not done often enough

I personally don't feel comfortable nude, skin to skin with DD2, but we often all have showers together to save on water, or time, what ever the case.
DD1 being 6 turning 7 isn't in with me very often & not with DH all that often, but still see's us getting dressed, going to the loo etc.

A friend of mine was over & I had the girls in the shower. She needed to go to the loo, so I put a towel between the shower & loo & told her to go.
The girls weren't fazed. Jaz just asked her to open the shampoo for her, lol. Same as she would if one of us was standing at the mirror.

DH, DS & I have a shower just the 3 of us every Wednesday & Friday when both the girls are at school. DS is still pretty young though.

Its kind of the way our parents were, so kind of the way we are. I want the girls to be comfortable in their own skin, but Jaz getting nekkid to play on the swings in the back yard at 6 was pushing it, so I'm trying to get them to understand that its not always ok.

My DD is only 14months so I can only offer what my upbringing was like but I was thinking about this only a few hours ago when playing with C after her bath. I tickle her bum cheeks near where her girlie bits are when she is lying waiting for her nappy, and she always laughs. I thought " I wonder how long I will get away with this?" And who really can resist the bum patting of those gorgeous cheeks on a child?

I remember being told at around 7 or 8yrs that I wasnt allowed to go around all day in just my undies when it was hot, especially outside in the yard. I still went into my brothers bed for plays in the mornings although we always wore pjs.
I think I was around 10when I first thought it embarrassing to do the nudie run from the bathroom to bedroom and only because the visitors were unexpectedly in the passage. It was around then that I wore my robe to and fro. Mum and dad occassionally did the run still but less and less.
I must have been 11 when I was told not to do the repeated long handstands on the back lawn, wearing a dress, with the neighbours house overlooking our yard.

We have no problem with nudity and cuddles. DD1(3 1/2) still shares showers with either DH or myself and I have no intention of ending that soon. When I was little, my parents did the same. We used to joke about the production line, there were 4 of us kids and mum would hand us in to dad one at a time for a wash. After DD1 has her bath or shower, she has a nudy run to her room and I chase her. It always ends in cuddles and giggles.

I also think that I setting an example for my girls, in that I'm confident in my body even though it doesn't look quite the way it used to. Something I believe is important for young girls.

hmmmm

well i walk around naked, shower with the boys, constantly have my boobs hanging out haha they don't have a constant male around to see nude and I am pretty sure that their dad doesn't walk around nude, he was brought up very prudish.
I remember seeing my mum naked even when I was almost in my teens.

we always walk around in the nuddy here. so far im the only woman so ATM my DS1 find my body interesting. biting my boobs is a new one, and he cant understand why i have no penis when everyone else in the house does. lol.

my opinion is that its only a body and nothing to be ashamed of. its only sexual if you think of it that way.

I'm glad to see so many people here are open minded.
i have a GF who never goes around naked and wouldn't think of ever being naked around her kids. I find it strange.

We sleep nude and are nude in front of DD, but she's only 1. I was brought up in a home where nudity was a natural thing and often saw my parents naked, even in my early adult years before I moved out of home.
While I didn't really like seeing the nakedness when I was a teen/young adult, I do feel that it helped me to easily adjust to seeing my husband and previous partner naked as I knew what to expect IYKWIM.

If I am not planning to go out or have people over, I am usually naked. I sleep naked and am quite comfortable naked. DD1 spends a lot of time naked or in knickers when we are home, and DD2 is often only in a nappy. DH likes to strip when he gets home now that he is seeing it as a more normal thing after being exposed to me doing it for the past almost 4 years. DD1 now tells us what the differences are between boys and girls, and is quite comfortable with watching us use the toilet or shower. She is getting to the stage where she doesn't want to be watched in the loo, so we have told her that if she doesnt want to be watched then she needs to shut the door.

Our ensuite doesn't have a door. If we have people over and want to use the ensuite our bedroom door needs to be closed. Often the girls will play on my bed while I use the loo, or they will follow me in and make sure I wipe properly :lol:.

We also sleep naked but we don't have a morning visitor. If DD1 wakes before us she will go to the fridge before she comes to us, so we have to lock her door so that we know when she is up.

Never had any problems with it growing up, although we were generally only naked at bath times (and seeing other people in the bath was ok)! In bed in the summer everyone slept nude, although when we went in for cuddles in a morning we put on a nightie and mum and dad would cover up.

Until maybe about 7ish I think.

I remember my aunt being freaked out I slept naked when I was about 9-10 (I had on just a dressing gown because I was about to go to bed). Until then I hadn't thought it was odd.

But I just naturally grew out of it and I assume DS will too as his body changes and his hormones make him more private.

both of my babies are naked most of the time at home, and also when we're at friends or familys places as their children are the same. we're very open in our house, and i'm hoping that this will make the kids comfortable in their own skin. the kids still bath and shower with us, and cuddle up naked in the mornings when they jump into bed with us.

as someone else said, it's not sexual unless you think that way, to us it's just natural and comfortable and the kids are happy.

our family has always been fairly lax with the nudity thing, all the women in the family will come talk to you while you shower etc, and my good girlfriends are the same, we're very open together.

mum and i always cuddled up in bed, we still do if one of us if having a **** day and we're at the same house. i would hate to see that go with my mum, or my kids, it's very special.

DD1 (3yrs) still baths and showers with both mummy and daddy. She is often running around nekkid or just in undies. We also walk around nekkid and my boobs are more often out than not as I am BF a 4week old at the moment!

It is something that we haven't consciously done but I do want my girls to feel comfortable in their own skin and not feel weird about nudity.

I do have to say that if any one has looked at my FB pics, you can see how 'free' DS is, lol!

I have showers most night with DS. Plus he sees me get dressed. Same with DH and him. Only recently he asked what my boobs and gina were.. asked once and then he was back to not noticing any difference. Id feel a little weird having a naked cuddle with him though.

I often have a bath or shower with Claire, so she has seen me naked heaps of times though. DH on the other hand freaks out a bit if she walks into the bathroom while he is in the shower. He is getting more used to it now though.

Claire loves being naked though, she could jujst run around naked all day if I let her.... however she LOVES putting on pants and then taking them off again, just for fun. And when she was younger and I was breastfeeding, I used to be naked heaps. It has since come to my attention that the neighbours can see me when I walk around the house naked, so I dont do it as often any more.

i didn't grow up in a naked house.

But i now live in one with dh and ds. We have no problems showering/bathing/cuddling with ds while we are naked or semi naked because it is totally natural to us. The body isn't something to be ashamed of and why should we have to cover up if we are in our own home. I don't understand why my parents weren't like this, but i know i NEVER seen my parents naked, not once.

I think its good for children to see nakedness and know that it is natural, but in saying this we will also make sure ds and any future children understand the difference between normal at home nakedness and out of home not normal to be naked if you know what i mean.

Sirenz that's an important point. The good news is that from what i have read (and as an ex abuse victim i have READ AND READ on this) the more benign/loving touch and nakedness a child experiences the less in danger of abuse they are. A child who has been lovingly caressed by a parent is not starved of touch and will be less willing to let another person touch them, and when touched in a malign/wrong way they can FEEL the difference and will feel more able to tell the abuser to stop or tell another person. Added to this most abusers like to take advantage of a child's innocence about anatomy to gain an "in" to talk about genitals, so a child which has seen genitals plenty in a safe and loving environment will not be excited to talk about it, already kows all the terminology etc. and again, will instinctively know that something is different and off about it if a potential abuser tries to engage them in discussion or experimentation relating to genitals.

By showing our children what IS appropriate and safe we are substantially protecting them from what isn't.

I must admit it's great to see/think of all the littlies of the biggies on this thread getting to have the same snuggle time DD and I enjoy :D

Bx

Hoobley, I agree with you it is important to teach them what is appropriate and what isn't. ATM ds is still young so we are trying to teach him the different parts, but only when he points to his or our parts, so at the moment he thinks its hilarious when we say the body part name, do you think he will get over the funny side of it and start learning?

I remember growing up and rarely seeing my mum naked and never my dad. But that's not to say i didn't get lots of cuddles or whatever. :p

My son on the other hand showers with DH or myself most nights and doesn't at all have an issue with us being naked. We play hairdressers, cars, splashing with cups, shaving ect. We don't have naked cuddles though, and our son does come into our beds most nights but we both don't sleep naked either. Only a couple of months ago i mentioned to dh that our son maybe getting bigger now and that ill try showering with togs on with him, Our son freaked out and said you forgot to take your togs off mum, what are you doing ect. For me it was more i thought when they get to this or that age that's when being naked around your child is suppose to stop so i'm glad i came across this thread cause it is totally a natural thing!

I always thought it was good to be open with nakedness and words for genitalia in front of DS. It seems he is very comfortable being naked and preferes to be naked (or in undies cause we tell him too now he is older). But when I was pregnant and my body was changing he made a lot of comments and stared at me when he saw me naked - sitting on the toilet, getting dressed, having a shower, in bed etc. It made me feel uncomftable with his constant coments about my breasts etc and even know when I BF he often tells me to put my breast away if the baby comes off for a while and I dont cover up straight away.
I`m surprised and saddened that at 5/6yrs this is how he responded to my nudity.

I asked DH if I should be more modest and he said yes, but then he is more the sort to cover up anyway.

We're pretty free in our house. I regularly wander around at least semi naked! I often have not top on cause I'm still bfing and it's just easier! My kids are still very young, but I don't see why it will change in the future unless they want it to. DD gets herself naked these days and is usually naked at home all day. Though now it's getting colder. I will have to try to encourage her to wear something! DD often points out my 'booboo's' to people and says 'Liam drink mummy booboo's' or 'milk booboo's'. She's very fascinated with them and is always touching them and snuggling in. I love it at the moment cause she's only a baby still, but when she's older, I'm hoping she learns a bit of discretion for my own sake, LOL! We also often bathe together, or have showers together, and DH does too. And we all co sleep too, I sleep in undies and DH boxers so we are pretty much naked. I think it's a lovely way for us to bond and show love.

The girls are really only naked when going to and from showers or baths. Julia loves doing the nudie run from the bath to her room its a game and she says catch me im rudie nudie! and DH and I sleep in the nude together, but we have never had naked cuddles with girls, only clothed ones not intentionally thats just how it is really. This is an interesting thread!