Lost all hope - any advice?

Hi,

I am 39 years old turning 40 in June. Five years ago I was diagnosed with a genetic disease - while I am fine at the moment there is a congenital form of it that I could give on to my children with potentially very disabeling effects, they may even die before they are born on the other had they could have a very mild form with the only effect a cataract at an old age - there is no way to see which form they have.

At that time with my partner we decided to go for it naturally, I got pregnant right away but had an abortion at 14 weeks as the baby had the gen - it was one of the most devastating experiences of my life and broke up my marriage.

With my new partner we started IVF last year as through PGD the embryos could be selected, the gen is dominant so every second of my eggs will carry it.

My first cycle last November was downregulated but had to be cancelled as my E numbers never went over 100. We tried an antagonist cycle in January, result was three follices, three eggs, one blasto but the blasto carried the gen so couldn't get transferred.

Since then my FSH continually increase, for the Jan cycle it was at 9.7, then in Feb at 13 and in March 15.7 - we decide to still go for another antagonist cycle and all looked very promising, I had about 12 follices of which about 7 should have been the right size, E numbers were right up and were at 8900 the day before the trigger. Had EPU today and the result was three eggs, two only mature - most of the follices did not contain eggs.

I have no hope for this cycle now, chances are slim to even get a blasto.

Not eve sure if I should go on with this, thinking about trying to find a dark cave and to crawl in it.

Has anyone experience with this - is there anything I can do? I need to increase my egg number, it's a numbers game and currently I am losing it.

I am currently taking wheatgrass, DHEA (six weeks) , Blackmores conceive well, CQ10, Ironwith B complex, garlic tables, tomato juice, eggs, lots of protein, lots of vegies and fruit and press fresh fruit juices, just don't know if there is anything else I could do.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Sara

Oh Sara

Firstly big hugs to you :hug:

Don't give up on your embies yet. They are still going now so give them every chance to keep going.

I don't know what to suggest to increase your egg count - you seem to be doing all the right things.

sending you loads of good luck to your two embies and hoping that they are the ones that will make it through.

Oh darling, I cant give you any advise, all i can say is that this feeling of hopelessness is one that we all face. A good idea is to be proactive with your treatment regime. If this cycle doesn't work then research and discuss options with FS. It's not working so what do we change to get a different result.

I am leaving it to the Clinic this time (first cycle with new clinic) but if We get BFN then I am going to ask for some changes. Firstly increase dosage to increase number of follicles. We are only doing IUI but we have only every had one follicle.

Muppity, thanks for the hug it really helps, lot of :bluedust: to you

Saph - thank you as well, think it's a good idea to explore all options - about dosage - they increased my dosage from 300 Puregon in January to 350 this time - on first look it brough up many more follicles so it might be a good idea, mine unforntuately didn't contain but that might have been because of my high FSH so could work for you as you don;t have that problem. :goodluck: with your cycle.

Sara

Sara, I just wanted to give you a hug also :hug:and say I am sorry that life can be so unfair and you have to face such a struggle. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, and I am no expert in this area, so I dont actually have advice for you.
Try not to lose hope. I am sure it must be really hard to keep going and stay positive sometimes though. I pray THE egg for you is there this time :pink-babydust:

Sara69 - I'm so sorry that you are feeling so lost and hopeless at the moment. It must be very difficult to see any kind of liight at the end of the tunnel.

Have you investigated Acupunture at all? I know that the clinic in Rozelle has very close ties with a university in Sydney and they are doing a lot of work with acupuncture and fertility. The are called Rozelle Acupuncture & Chinese Medicine Centre.

I utilised acupunture during my cycle and I can't promise that it was the one thing that gave us success, but I can promise you it has helped my state of mind during the process. I know there are lots of women out there on BellyBelly who will attribute their success to acupuncture, so perhaps it is worth investigating.

I'm not sure if you have looked into this already - but I hope it can help.

Hi Girls,

Thanks so much for your support. We're down to one, seems there was something wrong with the second mature egg. Really not holding out much hope, but obviously there is always a chance, you never know.

Possums: sending the :hug: right back to you, you are an amazing women going through so much yourself yet always being so supportive.

Nixon: thanks so much for confirming the idea about acupuncture, I am seeing Jann there at the moment, I actually think that I at least got to EPU in this cycle may be down to her work.

I will talk to my FS this afternoon asking if I can come in for a FSH test when my period comes if there is no transfer. Thinking in case the FSH is 10 or less I may go straight into another cycle, if not, I hold out and will then test every month hoping that at some point it will be good enough.

Don't think I will go in another cycle with a FSH higher than 13 as it obviously is an indicator for me of egg numbers and quality. May also start looking more seriously into egg and embryo donor options.

Sending lots of :bluedust: to all of you

Sara

Hi,

Just an update, our embie is still going, at 5 cells it's a bit behind but I guess there is still some hope. I am starting to be ok with things, glad that the egg quality at least allowed the embie to get this far.

I've also emailed Dr Sachs and got a reply real quick, I am considering to change over to IVF Australia since they do the biopsy at Day 3 which might be better for me.

Sara

Sara, I just wanted to pop in and say I have everything crossed for you.

Sometimes when it looks like there is no hope a tiny spark appears when you least expect it...

Thank you Krisp for yoru support, it really helps :)

Sara

how are things now sara? thinking of you

Thanks for thinking of me - much much better than expected - my little embry has grown into a perfect little blastocyst and is currently being biopsied - results will come by late afternoon today. I am not holding out much hope for the biopsy result but ver relieved that I was able to get one blasto from only one fertilised egg.

Sara

have everything crossed for a great result this afternoon sarah xoxo

great news! i really hope the biopsy results are good and you can have a transfer :pray:

Sara - I have everything from the top of my head to the tips of my toes crossed for you :pray: I hope you can come back with lots more positive and hopeful news you deserve it my dear :)

Girls,

Thank you so much for helping me through this, I couldn't have done it without your support.

I am PUPO - I still can't believe it and am over the moon - while I still feeling pessimistic about the chance of actually getting pregnant I am really happy that we got this far, one step further than before and I have now proven that there are actually blasties which don't have the bad gen which gives me hope for the future.

Sara

OMG!!!!! sarah i am soooooo happy for you sweetie

wooohooooooo i am so so so excited for you

please keep posting and letting us know how you are going?? i will be lurking lol

Sara- wonderful news! :dance: fingers crossed for you :pray: I know there is still a long way to go, but as you say, this is a great achievement

Hi Sara,

I wish I had seen this thread earlier! Congratulations on being PUPO, your embie sounds like a little fighter and hopefully that is a great omen!

I just wanted to give you a little bit more hope - I haven't done IVF with PGD, but I am 39 and on my last IVF cycle (I was then 38) I only had 3 follies at EPU and from those 3 follies we only got the one egg. I was devastated :(

Anyway, to our amazement, our little eggie fertilised and we had an 8 cell embie transferred on day 3 which is now kicking me as I sit here :dance: So it does happen despite low numbers, it sounds awfully trite I know (and I always cringe a little when I say it :redface:) but it truly only does take the one. Hang in there, I will have have everything crossed for you!

Good luck xx

Hi Megsmum,

Yes it's amazing thanks for telling your story - hope you keep having a H&H pregnancy.

Sara

megsmum- I like that story too :)

Thanks for your support girls, it's a BFN, pretty depressed about it but was prepared as POAS yesterday.

Sara