Wait or D&C? how do you make that decision?

Well, never thought i'd find myself in here but here i am. i'm 10 weeks and found out yesterday that bubba stopped growing at 6w2d. i have some light bleeding and the odd cramp. saw my ob today who has left the decision up to me, but i'm really not sure what to do. she only does d&c's on thursdays, which means i either go in tomorrow or wait another week and see what happens.
i would rather let nature take it's course, but at the same time would like to know that it is over with and can start moving on.
i've just rang them to say i'm undecided and so will leave it to next week, but i'm still not sure i've done the right thing.
how do you know what the right thing to do is? just how do you know that?

:hugs: hun,
So sorry for your loss. I found out on a tuesday afternoon that my pregnancy had stopped. I was 11weeks, so close to that 12week mark like you! DH got back in the country on the wednesday afternoon (was Overseas when i had to tell him) and I had the D &C on thursday afternoon. I just did as the OB said, thinking back, given the choice, would i have waited a week to do the D &C im not sure but after it i wish that i had waited. I would have liked to give my body the chance to end it naturally, with the thought that this would be better for TTC the next time. The week would give your body its chance and your mind a chance to "deal" with whats going on. On the other hand a week wait could feel like a life time if you are ready to move to the next stage of grief. There is no right answer, what does your partner feel. I know my DH was happy that "that" part was over quickly. I was a complete mess about my m/c for a long time....

What ever you do will be the right for you as you can only make the decision with the information we have at the time.


Just a quick thought as i am a nurse and know how hospitals work. If you are really undecided maybe get yourself on the theartre list and then you can always get someone to cancel for you tomorrow. You dont want to change your mind overnight and then be told no tomorrow!

thanks tegam.

about an hour after i rang my ob, they rang back to say that if i change my mind overnight, then i can still go in tomorrow morning as they have room.

we've had similar stories, so thankyou for sharing. my dh is thinking more to wait the week, but is leaving it up to me.

can you tell me why it's better for ttc? i'm very confused with all the info out there. and you're feelings of wishing you'd waited?

if it's too personal, i understand, but i am just so confused at the moment. i want to let my body do it's job but i don't know that i can handle the waiting, but at the same time a d&c feels so final and i feel i'd like to hang onto bubs for as long as i can - even though i know it's gone.

such a mix of emotions!

Hi hun - so sorry for your loss. I can only share my experience and hope something in it helps you decide :)

I found out at nearly 13w bubs had became an angel around 11w - the medical advice I was given was that i could wait, but given it had occurred 2 weeks earlier, when it is possible to have a haemorrahage etc and if it hadnt happened after another week I would have to have the D & C done anyway, and for me, I found it hard enough to think overnight (yes 1 night) that I had an angel baby inside me - sorry to sound so harsh, but no other way to say it :redface:

I wanted to have it done so we could grieve and be on the road ttc again quickly.

With the ttc issue - i think cos mainly your uterus has been cleaned - whereas natural clots might continue for some time and if anything is retained could cause infection etc. But I have also had a natural m/c at 7wks and all was fine.

We waited 2 cycles and then TTC and Zander was conceived straight away.

Wishing you the best int he coming months

Jules, my heart goes out to you. I am sorry about the loss of your little one. As you can see the community of women going through what you are is large, ever growing and ever supportive :grouphug:

My own story - I found out I had a blighted ovum at 9 weeks in August last year. I booked in for the D & C the next day as for me I felt like i needed to get it over and done with. The psychological trauma never leaves but i felt as though I could get the physical trauma over with quickly.
My body recovered quickly and i got pregnant again quite soon.

What Sami said is correct, the uterus being cleaned via D & C is like having a spring clean and makes your uterus prime for implantation. My ob said there is no waiting period for ttc after miscarriage with d & c - whenever you are ready.

Good luck with your decision and your journey Jules :hug:

bridget x

Jules, I know what you are going through. In Jan this year I went for my 12 week scan only to discover the baby died at 8 weeks. I was given the option to let it pass naturally or have a D&C. I chose to have a D&C becasue I was scared of what I would see if I let it go naturally. I had it done the following week. I got my period about 6 weeks later then fell pregnant that next cycle and am now 8 weeks.

My GP told me that they used to always sent woman in for a D&C becasue of risk of infection but they have now discovered it is better to leave it as it will reabsorb at such an early stage. Even after this info I would still choose a D&C.

I think by having D&C it 'cleans' you out making fertalisation easier and gives you a regular cycle. That is my understanding, it may not be true.

The descision is totally yours, good luck with making this decision. With an early loss, you will more than likely have a suction curette rather than a sharp curette, so is less gentle. You are in surgery for about 10 mins and asleep for about 20 mins.

i'm so confused. ultimately i want to get things back on track to be able to ttc again.

i'm just not sure what the best option is.

also why am i feeling a d&c would almost be like an abortion, even though i know bubba is already gone?

I'm so sad right now.

thanks for everyones stories

I am so sorry for the loss of your angel :hug:

There are two main options after a miscarriage - natural and D&C. Both have pros and cons and both have associated risks.

There are some more graphic descriptions included. I apologise if there is any terminology that may offend. It is not my intention.

The natural option can take an unknown period of time. However, if you are already spotting then it is likely to occur sooner rather than later. A pregnancy that stopped growing before 10 weeks has less haemorrhage issues than those who miscarry after the 10 week mark. I would be reluctant to suggest a natural miscarriage without a definite plan if the pregnancy stopped growing after the baby was 10w. The body is very effective at absorbing a pregnancy and expelling any remaining products. The negatives are that you are still carrying your lost baby within you which is very distressing to some. There is also the risk of not completely miscarrying and products remaining in the uterus with the need for surgery anyway. Infection is also a possibility but not treated prophylactically.

Natural miscarriage can be very painful for some with lots of bleeding. For other women it is not so nasty with mild cramping and bleeding like a normal period. If you are soaking through pads and needing to change more than hourly for a few hours, you need to go to hospital for assessment and management. You need to be assessed at any time during the process if you are worried.

The surgical option requires the opening of the uterus and the removal of the pregnancy from within. There is the risk of rupture of the uterus, perforation of the uterus / bladder / bowel or the removal of too much endometrium resulting in scarring (Asherman's syndrome). It may require repeating if not all of the products are removed. I don't believe it is effective as a "clean out" although that belief has been around for a long time. It needs to be weighed up with the surgical risks.

It is quick, relatively painless and *ends* the physical aspects of the miscarriage quickly.

Neither option is easy. Neither is *right* or *wrong*. You need to choose the one you are most comfortable with knowing the advantages and disadvantages of both. Take care of yourself. Recovery is more than just the physical aspect :hug:

P.S. I have experienced both options and if faced with the decision again I would probably choose the natural method.

I am so sorry for the loss of your angel :hug:

There are two main options after a miscarriage - natural and D&C. Both have pros and cons and both have associated risks.

There are some more graphic descriptions included. I apologise if there is any terminology that may offend. It is not my intention.

The natural option can take an unknown period of time. However, if you are already spotting then it is likely to occur sooner rather than later. A pregnancy that stopped growing before 10 weeks has less haemorrhage issues than those who miscarry after the 10 week mark. I would be reluctant to suggest a natural miscarriage without a definite plan if the pregnancy stopped growing after the baby was 10w. The body is very effective at absorbing a pregnancy and expelling any remaining products. The negatives are that you are still carrying your lost baby within you which is very distressing to some. There is also the risk of not completely miscarrying and products remaining in the uterus with the need for surgery anyway. Infection is also a possibility but not treated prophylactically.

Natural miscarriage can be very painful for some with lots of bleeding. For other women it is not so nasty with mild cramping and bleeding like a normal period. If you are soaking through pads and needing to change more than hourly for a few hours, you need to go to hospital for assessment and management. You need to be assessed at any time during the process if you are worried.

The surgical option requires the opening of the uterus and the removal of the pregnancy from within. There is the risk of rupture of the uterus, perforation of the uterus / bladder / bowel or the removal of too much endometrium resulting in scarring (Asherman's syndrome). It may require repeating if not all of the products are removed. I don't believe it is effective as a "clean out" although that belief has been around for a long time. It needs to be weighed up with the surgical risks.

It is quick, relatively painless and *ends* the physical aspects of the miscarriage quickly.

Neither option is easy. Neither is *right* or *wrong*. You need to choose the one you are most comfortable with knowing the advantages and disadvantages of both. Take care of yourself. Recovery is more than just the physical aspect :hug:

P.S. I have experienced both options and if faced with the decision again I would probably choose the natural method.

I guess Jules if ttc straight away is important to you then maybe the d & c would be a better option, your body hasn't started to miscarry naturally, it may happen tomorrow, it may happen in 6 weeks - you just don't know. Unfortunatly you can't pick the day, that for me also played a big part, i didn't want to be at work one day and start to miscarry there.

I had the same feelings as you as far as terminations go, but you have to say to yourself I loved my baby, I wanted my baby - it just wasn't meant to be, that makes it very different from an abortion. Thats what i said to myself anyway.

8 months on, and pregnant again we are able to look back on the life that never was and make light of it all - I tell my DP that our bean was exactly like him, so lazy he didn't even bother to turn up. It makes us laugh. The pain eases but you never forget.

x

I am so so sorry for your loss - at the end of the day it is totally up to you. In my opinion I would go for the D & C.

I have had two micarriages the first one I was only 4weeks along and I let it happen naturally and it was horribly painful for me. The second time we thought we were 17 weeks pregnant and went in for a scan and were told that our baby had died between 12-14 weeks. We were not really given an option in fact we were encouraged to go home and let nature take its course - Our local hospital is **** but that is another story. We were given no information as to what to expect and I was too upset to do any research.

Anyway we decided to go to melbourne and help a friends sister to move (we are 2 hours from melbourne) we got just out of melbourne and I didnt feel right downstairs so I asked our friend if he could pull into a servo so I could go to the toilet. The following may upset some people so I am sorry for that but this is a very hard thing for me to share also. I went to the toilet and I could feel something at the opening to my Vagina, it was my baby - I was holding my baby in my hand in a service station toilet. I could see its tiny fingers and arms and legs I freaked out and dropped it in the toilet. That is the hardest part for me to tell you. I will never forgive myself for doing that but I had no option at the time. I then went back to the car and told my husband and I broke down in the service station. I told my husband that I needed to go to the supermarket to get some bigger pads and maybe a spare pair of undies just in case. We got to the supermarket and I asked my husband to get the stuff for me while I waited outside I could feel the flow was heavy and I was scared that if I walked it would leak out. All of a sudden everything just let go and there was blood everywhere right out the front of the supermarket just out of melbourne in front of everyone. we had to call the ambulance and I was taken to the hospital. I had to have a D & C.

However horrible this situation was and no matter what it will stay with me forever but I believe having the D & C was the best thing I could have done - the bleeding was all gone and I could move on also I believe it helped us get pregnant again and helped my baby stay.

I am now a proud mum to a 3.5 month old baby girl who I love so much.

honestly I believe a D & C is the way to go. I also know other people who have had multiple miscarriages and then they finally have a D & C and get pregnant and stay pregnant.

All the best on your decision and for the future. If you have any questions or need someone to speak to please feel free to message me. I am sorry for such a long post and I hope I havent upset anyone.

I am very sorry for your loss. It's such a hard thing to cope with. For me a D&C was the option I wanted each time...I just wanted things to be over with in a physical sense, as quickly as possible.

Oh Salad, we must have posted at the same time.

Words can't even begin.................................no mother should go through that.

Brave of you to share it with us as I am sure that was not easy.

x

sanchez its ok - it has haunted me for ages now i will never get the image out of my head, it was very hard to share but at the same time it may help someone in their decision making. I hope no one ever has to see that.
I am sorry for everyone who has lost babies in any circumstances.

I am very sorry for your loss. It's such a hard thing to cope with. For me a D&C was the option I wanted each time...I just wanted things to be over with in a physical sense, as quickly as possible. all the best to you

Salad - I work within the obstetric realm and it is sad for me to say but many little babies have been born into that same bathroom environment.

I am sure it haunts every mother as it does you. x

Sanchez - Yes I have heard some other stories since. Very Sad

First of all, juleswa, I am very sorry for your loss ? and for all of the losses that we all have gone through. It is very sad.

I am in a somewhat similar situation as I just had my 2nd m/c. The first was a missed m/c at 8 weeks - I had a D&C the day after we learned we lost the pregnancy (the loss was almost a week old and I didn?t know). I was OK with that approach (for all the reasons that have been given for opting for a D&C) and recovered fine - meaning quickly got back my regular cycle and even got pregnant again...but....

This time I had a m/c at 5 weeks. I bleed a lot for 3 days, passed a lot of larger clots and blood and then it completely stopped - not tapering - just stopped completely for 3 days (very different from how my AF ends - I was kind of expecting it to be similar to AF - it wasn't at all). But now 4 days later, I have more spotting. My dr is monitoring my HCG levels weekly to make sure they are falling (she said no ultra sound is necessary unless they stop declining). This time, since I've already gone through the trauma of the m/c I am not eager to have another D&C - but I'm wondering - how do I know that my body has gotten rid of what it needs to expel? Are the HCG levels definitive (my dr has said she will track them weekly until they hit zero).

What are the signs of an infection - what should I look out for?

salad, what a story and that must have been so hard for you, and hard to share it too. thankyou. i can't imagine what that would feel like. sending you a big hug.
i've decided to sit on the fence just for a week. i'm bleeding but not a lot at all, and i just couldn't bring myself to do the d&c today. i don't think i was quite ready to say goodbye yet if that makes any sense. I'm going to spend the week close to home and just take it easy and enjoy looking after my ds, which is the only thing making me smile at the moment. if bubba decides to come away during the week, then i'm ok with that (scared but emotionally ready i think - does it sounds strange to say that with some cramps and pain i'll feel emotionally and physically linked up to go through the process? sure i'll be saying something different if/when it happens). i've booked in for a d&c next thurs and think i'll also be emotionally ready to say goodbye then to if nothing has happened before that. i just felt like i needed more time with my bubba. does that sound strange?
thank you to everyone for sharing your stories, as they're all painful losses. but you've all really helped me and please continue to share you stories and advice cause it's all such a huge emotional time that is the hardest thing i've ever had to go through, but being able to read these posts has really helped.
big hugs to all.

If I were you, I'd take the D&C.
I lost my bub at 18 weeks and was induced and sent on my way about, oh, 30 minutes after giving birth.
A week later I was sent back in because I had increased bleeding and painful cramping and found out all the placenta hadn't come away (a 2 min US can show this, I don't understand why they don't do that US before letting you leave with things like these) and I needed to have a D&C as well.
It made the process so much longer, not to mention having to sit around for 4 days hooked up to an antibiotic drip because of the extra risk of infection didn't exactly help the grieving process. I felt like I got booted back a week and I had to live through the loss all over again.
If bubs wasn't so big and I didn't have to give birth to him I would have gone straight for a D &C. After everything else that you've had to go through the last thing you want is having to deal with physical pain ontop on the emotional. In my opion anyway.

I have heard from alot of people, including Dr's, Gyno's, Obs, Midwives etc (oh and I few girls in BB :)) that in most cases after a D&C you can fall pg alot faster as you have a "clean surface" to work with, iykwim. Like a nice clean cosey home for your next baby to snuggle into.
But, at the end of the day it is your call, and only you know what is best for you.
Good luck, and I'm so sorry that you've had to experience losing a little bubby :hug: I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Salad, big :hug: for you to, chick. I would have been devistated as well.

Thanks everyone not only for giving your experiences in this thread but for all the other threads aswell - it helps all kinds of people.

Jules have you thought of having a little farewell ceremony for your bubs just for yourself - maybe release a balloon or something - this helps some people.

i picked some beautiful roses from our garden today and lit a rose candle next to them, so in my mind I have named this little bubba 'my little rose' and will keep the candle lit untill she's gone from me. from now on whenever i'm in our rose garden or pick a rose, it will be in her honour.

Teagz, after I made the decision to wait I felt like I had made the wrong decision, but i still feel like I'll have a d&c next week, and actually feel like I want to have it. i think i just needed this week to myself a bit. i'm only bleeding lightly at the moment, and I know it can come on all of a sudden, so i'm just taking it easy and actually putting myself first for once (aside from my ds). feel like I need this time to nurture me and my little rose before we'll be forever parted next week one way or another.

salad, what did you do to remember your bubba?

Jules, mummy's of angel babies make the best decisions we can make at the time, giving the situation. There is never ever a wrong one, remember that! :hug:

well said teagz 88.
I think what you did to remember your baby Jules is perfect. I was given a necklace after the second miscarriage from a lady that had a lot of problems conceiving it took them 8 years. I am not religious but she gave me a St Gerard (Its the saint of ecpectant mothers) and I put it on that day and I have not taken it off since. Throughout my pregnancy I would give it a little kiss just before i went to sleep - sounds silly but sometimes we just need some little thing to get us through - I was so scared that I would lose that bubba too but I think the necklace helped me have some hope. So that is how I remember my bubs and I still feel it protects Georgia and I now.