OMG i feel like a monster - how could i

I have 2 children 1 is 22 months 1 is almost 6 months..

Sometimes i find it hard coping with both and being a SAHM.

well this morning i did something horrible - DS was playing with DD as always but he found a lighter and was playing with it near her ( he knew it was wrong because when he noticed i saw it he tried to stash it), so anyway i took that off him, and told him he is not allowed to play with these and to bring it to me if he finds one. Then iturned around and he was pulling DD around in her walker by her bib which was on her neck. Well i lost it, i yelled at him really loud.... then i could smell Poo so i took him in the room to change him it was all ok, then DD was crying and DS kept grabbing thing off the change table and throwing them i told him to stop 3 or 4 times then he did it again and i lost it again and i screamed so loud right in his face, he was so scared he covered his face and cried....

Please i dont need anyone telling me what i did was worng i know that i am devestaed that i did what i did i dont want to make him feel scared of me....

OMG i feel so bad......



I love my kids with my heart and my soul..... i would die for them, i dont know how i could be so mean... he a little baby still in reality....

sometimes we have bad days... your allowed to feel like crap( i do most days due to trying to break the cycle)
your also allowed to apologise to him and tel him you lost the plot for a moment.

meegm we all lose it sometimes it's just natural to get overloaded and lose it. Is there someone you can call who you feel won't judge you? Or you could try and call the health nurse line or even the breastfeeding line. I called the other day just to talk to someone who didn't know me and i felt they didn't judge me and they were amazing. Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing an amazing job. Take a deep breath go for a walk etc and start again.
Let me know how you go, sending positive thoughts and love your way

i have said im sorry so much he ok now but i hate the fact that the way i am soemtimes will effect him.... hes my baby boy and hes such a sweety.

I am the type of person who doesnt ask for help maybe i see it as weakness i dont know but i try deal with crap myself...

my Best Friend is coming over soon so break my daily cycle, but also thats why i write here coz its somewhere i can vent or just say whats up, my partner would be angry at me if he knew how ide yelled at my DS....

and im ashamed of myself...

Thank you

Its hard with 2 under 2 - I sympathise completely. I've lost the plot plenty of times, and always at DS - just cos he's easier to yell at I suppose (even though now he yells back at me!)

Take a deep breath, make yourself a cuppa, and when the baby is asleep - have some special boy & mummy time - tell him you are sorry you yelled at him, and do something he loves doing, cooking, drawing, puzzles - whatever.

:hug: Its hard hey..

I'm sure every mum does something like this at some time hun. You have done the best thing you can do and apologised and I'm sure given him plenty of hugs. He's probably forgot about it already...while your sitting there stressing. ;)

Don't be hard on yourself. Motherhood is HARD WORK and I defy anyone who says differently. Sometimes we all get pused to the edge. YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!

Maybe you need to dress them, put them in the pram and just go for a walk until you feel better. HuGE :hug:

:hug: hun i think most of us have been there before. your a great mum so dont forget that :hug:

Yep your right.... hes fine and im a mess.....

Thanks again ladies ... X

Meegm - I feel for you so much! I have 2 under 2 as well. Sometimes it does get too much. I have raised my voice at DD too - which I am not proud of, but the great thing about kids is how little they remember and the fact that they love their mummies unconditionally. Your DS has probably forgotten the whole thing by now. Sometimes as parents we need to just learn how to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.

:hug: This mummy gig is hard work and you are doing a great job. It also takes a lot of courage to post a thread like this and I would think you would only find support in here. Anybody that has had toddlers knows how frustrating it can be at times.

I really hope that your day gets better :hug:

ETA: Sorry - posted at the same time as the last few posts so it is a bit repetitive.

Oh hun, lol I only have ONE and I do the same thing sometimes!! And yes, it makes me feel sooo awful to see the look on her face afterwards, but the great thing about littlies is how forgiving they are...
Don't stress too much hun, we all have our bad days, it can be so hard being at home with the kids all the time. We're not perfect, nor are the kids, so just give the little one a hug and tell him you're sorry (but add that he was being naughty), he will forgive and forget in no time at all. I really don't think that little incidents like this will affect your kids long-term, my God I remember my mother screaming her head off at me and my brother CONSTANTLY when we were kids and yet we still love her and know that the good days far outweigh the bad days (and that usually, the bad days had a lot to do with us acting out and being little t*rds!). Read him a story or pop on a DVD, or do whatever fun thing you like to do together, I can almost guarantee you he'll entirely forget about it in a few minutes :)

*hugs* hope you're feeling better. I know none of us here are judging you, we all have our moments :D

Thank you so much everyone

You know i think thats what makes it all the worse the look on there face when you do it, its true heart break, and that he still comes to me for cuddles after ive done it...

Im heading back to work for 2 days a week next month i think it will be good for me to get out of here sometimes i feel like al i do is get up go in the lounge then stay there until tea time then the kitchen then back to the bedroom.... and taking 2 out at this age can be even more stressful than staying home .. Im in a rut this mum thing is still pretty new to me...

thanks again girls.. feel a bit better now...

dont worry about it. It can get too much sometimes. Ive done it to DD and shes only 6 months. Next time before it gets that far.. mayb just put him down.. walk outside and take a couple big breaths. Well for me.. i go and have a ciggi.

Thanks Hollye...

I agree with holly, Lachlan is 4 months old and i sometimes feel like that too and i only have one. Luckily at his age i can put him in the cot and go hide under the doona till i settle down, probably a bit harder for you to get away. I agree with you about the being at home rut, i really need to get out of the house to feel human as i think lachlan and i both get bored if we spend the entire day at home.

Sounds like going back to work will do you a world of good, good on you for taking proactive steps to help yourself feel better. :clap: Do you have a park or something nearby where you can take the kids and let ds run riot? Or maybe a play group? Sometimes you need something like that to get you out of the house because as you say sometimes it is easier to stay home but once you are out you may feel better for it.

Meegm: First of all if you didnt lose from time to time i would be asking whats wrong ? We are only human after all! Can i ask Why would your husband growl at you if he knew you 'yelled' or even growled at the child? Doesnt he have bad days as well?


Me : im 38 have a 8 yr old and a 9mth old and a beautiful new husband (of 8 weeks) and i have all the support under the sun BUT I LOST IT this morning ..... AND i was not liking this morning one bit esapecially being woken again by 9mth old Ali at 5 15am for play time mum! So when my other son (is home from school sick with flu) but i fair yelled at him as he wouldnt stay in bed !!!! I yelled to him Stay in bed or else you can go to school feeling like crap! So he said OK i will go to school as i feel much better .... i said your only feeling better as you have had meds to feel better... so stop being a little cheekie brat and stay in bed NOW!

And i have a feeling AF is coming so im soooo PMSing which doesnt help!

Cheers bubno.3

:hug: Oh hun I am sure every parent has acted in a way that they regret towards their kids, it is horrible when it happens but I bet ur ds has forgotten completely by now!!

You are a good mum because you can see the mistake..I think thats what makes someone a monster when they make the mistake but don't see it!! You are just a human mummy like the rest of us!! You love your kids and they love you!!

oh hun,
i only have one. but i have lost it at her for the most random things sometimes (like not going to sleep when she's obviously tired). and yes, she does seem scared of me in the moment. and yes, i feel like i'm the most horrible person for letting my temper get away with me. the guilt is overwhelming.
the good thing is, they forget. they do feel when you're angry with thme. but they also feel that you love them. apologise to him. let him know that what you did was wrong. that you got angry at his behaviour, but that you never ever stop loving him. give him lots of hugs and kisses.

2 kids this young must be so hard. i take my hat off to you if that was the first time you yelled at him. you obviously have much better restraint than in do.

Sasa
xox
we are only human though.

Bubno 3 - he just really has no idea what it is like to look after 2 kids under 2 24 hours a day.. and hes not the most tolerant person with me sometimes... we both are dealing with this parent thing differently and if ide heard him yell at DS like i did ide be in there 2 seconds flat... to stop it... it wasnt nice.. its was mean yelling Physco yelling....

lucikly i dont get my AF ive got the implanon implant and im one of the lucky ones that only bleed once every now and then... but hormones still rage in my body sometimes.. i feel that.

Thanks Jaz - what you said makes alot of sense to me... and yes i do know its wrong and im tyring hard to do this right - im so scared that simething i will do will effect the way they are and how they will deal with situations - as i know how my upbringing effected me...:(

By the way hope the birth goes well and comes SOON ... Thank you again..

Sunshine - Def not the first time but probably the worst ive lost it... it is hard but its not as hard as i thought it was gonna be if that makes sense.... they are beautiful kids...

Meegm:

Ok it was psycho yelling .... i hear you and it feels revolting actually during it and afterwards but again like everyone here has said your little 22month will have gotten over it after 5 secs its just us that dont hey!

Do your children have time in a daycare centre or playgroup? Daycare would be ideal as a)you would be able to have some your time b) both children could have a 'play' day.

I put Alistair in 3 times a week as im a nurse and i do work casually but when i dont i do use the time for 'me' time and i love it and feel so refreshed only if it is for a movie for me myself and i .

And for the record if you dont and you decide you do but you get resistance from your husband .... just remind him that he has his 'out' by leaving the house to go to work. Your 'out' at the moment is that too but with two children with you as well.

(Im not meaning to sound pushy or insulting towards your husband either ok )

Just something to think about

Cheers

Bubno3 - DS goes 1 day a week to daycare and as i said beofre ive organised to go back to work in a few weeks for 2 days a week i need it....

and please you didnt sound pushy or rude - just REAL.... and i appreciate it.

:grouphug:

I think the very fact that your posting in here, you recognise you had a 'bad' moment and you genuinley feel sorry for your actions makes you a great mum.....some parents yell at there childrens faces all day every day with no recognition from them that its prob not the best way to vent your frustrations/anger/despair.

Im the first to put my hand up and say ive done the physco yelling too.....and i feel like utter crap after it.

Sometimes i find just packing the girls in my car, heading to the nearest gloria jeans buying myself a coffee and the girls a treat gives me 45 mins of recharge i need....

Hang in there....they dont call it the hardest job in the world for nothing...........;)

Meegm: if you ever want to chat please msn on a_ins_ley@hotmail.com

Hang in there!!!! It is hard work - and can seem relentless at times. We all have our moments .... give yourself a break too. We're all learning too - not just the kids! You wouldn't expect them to do everything perfectly all the time especially without a break.

Hope you managed to get everyone to sleep and can have a quiet cuppa....

Take care.

There is one concept I am always trying to instill into DD: I might not always like her actions, but I will always love her. Just because shhe does a bad thing, doesn't mean she's a bad person. I think we need to tell this to ourselves, too. We might sometimes make bad choices. But that doesn't make us bad parents. It is how we deal with these bad choices that makes all the difference. Being a mum is not about perfection.
Sasa