A horrible day

I need to vent after one of the most horrible days of my life on Tuesday.

I finally accepted that my twins had died and in view of the length of time that had passed, with no bleeding or cramps or anything, (my body just didn't want to admit their passing either, it seems) it was obvious that I wasn't going to miscarry naturally.

I arrived at the hospital for a D&C at 9am as arranged. After waiting for 2 hours I was seen by an ob/gyn registrar and told him I wanted the babies tested for chromosomal abnormalities. He ended our consultation by telling me that I was irresponsible for getting pregnant at my age and that he hoped it wouldn't happen again. I was disgusted at his attitude and told him that his job was not to pass judgement on me but to offer me the best medical treatment available. If I was still able to get pregnant then it was my business if I did so. To his credit he did apologise for his ill considered words. He then said he would be doing the procedure later in the day. I was worried all day that he would take my uterus out or something to teach me a lesson..i know it was stupid of me but I was so sad and scared on my own there waiting for my babies to be taken from me.

About 1pm I was admitted to the day surgery unit where at least I had a private room with a tv. I was given a dose of misoprostol to soften my cervix as it was still tightly closed. i was so glad i was in a private room as about 20 mins later after some bad cramping I felt a wetness and the amniotic fluid then just gushed out of me. I was inconsolable and sobbed to think that instead of it meaning a birth was about to happen, it meant that my babies were really leaving me. No one had told me this would happen and it was a horrible shock.

I waited in that room until 4.15 then was taken to theatre, where I waited till 5 before they did the procedure. I felt so exposed under those lights and all those people who didnt know me and didnt really care. Also, all the theatre staff were male, including the nurses, and this upset me too, I wasn't comfortable at all with no females there and me in such a vulnerable position.

i finally got home about 8pm, took 2 panadeine forte and cried myself to sleep.
I'm still crying now. I feel so empty without them. The glow has gone from my face already.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest. I feel a bit better.

It seems that at the moment, I can still get pregnant, I just can't keep them. I think I have one more attempt left in me and if the next one has the same terrible outcome then I will have to accept that I will not be able to have another child. I don't think I could go through this whole heart breaking experience too many more times.

I am so thankful for my son. I look at him and cry when I think what a miracle he is and how lucky I am to have him. I don't know what sort of state I would be in if he wasn't here with me.

It's lucky women are so strong cause geezus we have to put up with a lot.:cry:

iv got no words huni...just huge hugs...
love rach xxx

so sorry :hug:

So very sorry for the loss of your twins. Sending you big :hug:. How irresponsible of the doctor to say such a thing, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Your twins will forever be close to your heart. Look after yourself.

Regards,
Dianne

Thankyou for sharing your story.
I am so very sorry for your loss.

What an awful experience.. Lots of :hug: to you..

I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to go through something as heart wrenching and soul shattering as losing not one but two babies.
I'm so incredibly sorry and i hope your doing ok now.
*Hugs!*

I can't believe that doctor turned what was already a horrible experience into a complete and utter disaster!
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful twins.
xxx

so sorry to hear it ended like that for you. sending you a big hug.

i wish you all the very best and know that we're here for you. give yourself to recover, especially emotionally.

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious twins, and also to hear of how awfully your Doctor treated you at such a distressing time.

I admire you for letting the Doctor know he was wrong to pass such a judgement and hence apologising. It doesn't make up for it in any way, but it may just make him think before he speaks to future patients.

Im very sorry your babies grew Angel Wings :hug:

What a jerk of a Dr, i hope that you do concieve again, and you go on to have a beautiful child who will be loved and cherished.

I know there are a few ladies on here who are if you dont mind me saying around your age and who have had multiple m/c and have gone on to have the successfull pregnancy they so desperately wanted.When you get your genetic results back I would look into seeing a good Dr. (ie not the tool who was so very very rude) about some medications that can help you grow your babies...

All the best and again i am sorry for your losses

SB

Thank you all for your support and concern. It is a comfort to know that there is somewhere I can come to talk about what is happening to me and everyone understands.

This second miscarriage and the horrible experience I had with the doctors and the D&C has really hit me hard, and at the moment I'm not coping too well at all. I'm constantly cold and dizzy and sick in my stomach and my head is pounding. At times I feel like I'm not even in my own body, if that makes any sense? i'm usually very strong and in control and these feelings that I'm having are very alien to me and frighten me.

Any miscarriage is a terrible thing to experience but to lose two little souls has really shattered me, more than I thought possible. In my mind I keep seeing them on the ultrasound and it breaks my heart to think what could have been. I can't help thinking they were my last chance.

They were due on my birthday. Every birthday I have now for the rest of my life will just be a reminder of their absence.

I am so sorry rottfren, it is really hard to cope with the loss. And I am sorry the doctor was so rude also. Day by day things will eventually ease...but it takes time, so be gentle with yourself and feel what you feel

:hug: I'm so sorry you had to go through this horrible experience.

report that Dr noone should have to go through an experience like that

Hugs to you

It is such a raw, heartbreaking time when you are waiting for a D&C you dont want to have, and it is very disheartning to read your registrars comments, and that there was not a woman in the room to hold your hand as you went under.

You may be having some post traumatic shock, you have been through so much over the last few weeks, I really hope you have someone who can help you with your grieving process, and perhaps you could contact a counsellor to deal with your pain, as you deserve so much care and understanding right now.

Just wanted to say hugs babe.im sorry that dr was so horrid,

next time you get a bfp be more forceful with the drs about getting those tests done so you can do somethingabout it sooner and so this hopefully doesnt happen again

Im so sorry to read of your loss and how awful the doctor was towards you, sending you lots of hope, strenghth and :hug: xox

I'm so sorry your precious babies passed away :hug:

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience. I can't believe what that dr said to you - how dare he!

I know there's no words that can provide the comfort that you need, but I can tell you that I totally relate to the sense of vulnerability you felt in the operating theater. I experienced the exact same feelings on Friday - you are so sad, feeling so empty and alone, and to top it off you have to literally expose yourself to many strangers. It is just horrible.

I hope you rest up and don't let that dr discourage you from trying again!

I am so sorry for your loss sweety, I wish there was something that I could say to make this time easier for you, but unfortunately there isnt, the only thing I can say is it does get easier with time. Let yourself grieve. I am so sorry that you had to listen to such inconsiderate words from the DR, it was just so wrong of him.
Can you get some testing done to see why you are losing, without them constantly blaming age. I find out after I had my first two m/c's that I needed to take aspirin, due to blood clotting. Maybe there is something that can help bring home your much wanted baby, without having to go thru another traumatic loss.
Please dont giveup hope honey. Lots of hugs and again I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My last m/c happened on my DS's b'day of all days, and the day I lost my twins, my dad passed away the same date, but different yrs. Take Care.. hugs again.

Ohhh and please dont let what the DR said to you make you question yourself, or even blame yourself. This was not you fault.

Such lovely caring posts, thank you all so much. Thank you too Csab, I will certainly look into whether I need aspirin. How did you find out you had a clotting problem, and how much aspirin did you take? Congratulations on your beautiful Olivia.

The doctors I have seen have not been in the least interested in finding out why these miscarriages have occurred. They just said that it happened all the time, what I could I expecte at my age? and testing wasn't done until you've had 3 miscarriages! I don't have the time or the emotional strength to suffer another miscarriage before something is done. This is appalling. How can they be so dismissive of the emotional and physical cost to women and their families of numerous losses?
I must admit that I do fluctuate between wanting desperately to try again and then sinking into despair, feeling that I'd be selfish at my age to do it and that i couldn't cope with another miscarriage, this usually happens when I'm lying in bed with my hands on my poor flat empty tummy..

Thoughout this whole awful journey I have been continually dismayed at the behaviour and attitudes of the doctors I have had the misfortune to consult. I know there are some good doctors out there but I haven't found any yet. They just don't seem to give a s**t.

It amazes me that for nearly 10 years after my son was born nothing happened, I did not fall pregnant, and now it has happened twice in 18mths. It's cruel in a way cause until it happened in 2007 I had sort of accepted that I could not fall pregnant again and would only have one child and had put it at the back of my mind. Now my dream of another could be a reality. I think this is my body's last ditch attempt to have another child before I go into menopause, it's trying so hard but just can't seem to do it. The rising and then crashing of my hopes and dreams on two occasions now has just been torturous. If its not going to happen then why torture me with hope? nature can be very cruel.

I went shopping on the weekend for the first time since the D&C and of course the place was full of pregnant women..one lady looked to be in her 40's and I felt dizzy and my hands started to shake when I saw her with her beautiful big belly..

Out of the blue the other day my son gave me a hug and told me what great mum I was, and how I should have had more children, not just him, cause I have so much love in me and only him to give it to (he didn't know I was pregnant or that I had lost the babies). It made me so sad but proud when he told me that. He has always wanted so much to be a big brother and I would love to give him the sibling he so wants. What a beautiful boy he is.

I obviously need to consult a fertility specialist but I was told by a doctor recently that due to such poor success rates, they do not take patients older than 44. Does anyone know if this is true? I just don't trust GP's to understand or have the specialist knowledge that I obviously need to increase my chances of success.

Builej, your words of comfort and support when you are going through your own such tragic and difficult experience are much appreciated. The way the medical profession deals with miscarriage leaves an awful lot to be desired, particularly with regard to mothers' emotional health. Please know I am thinking of you too and hope you are working through your grief and looking to the future to that beautiful BFP.
Wouldloveabubba, thank you too, your lovely posts make me cry and you are a special person to be able to offer such comfort to others when you are on such a difficult and painful journey of your own.

I would like to thank all the women who have posted their stories and offered their much appreciated support. All the brave and determined women on here are such an inspiration to me and I look forward to hearing stories of success in the future.

Tracie.

Tracie, I felt as tho I could not go thru another m/c also after the loss of my twins which was also my 2nd m/c, so when I found out that I was pg again I went to my GP and asked her who I could see as I didnt want to go thru another loss, I was already at breaking point. She gave me a referral to this ob/gyno in my area, so I made the appt. I did not want to lose another baby before the hospitals etc would look into why I was m/cing, as you said they wont check until you have had 3. Once I saw this OB, after hearing about my losses he had said that he would have me take injections to help the pgcy, but then changed his mind and decided to have me take aspirin (baby) instead. He believed that it would help and it did. I now have 3dd's due to the aspirin. It wasnt until I fell pgnt with my Olivia, that my local gp looked further into why I may have m/c, as before Olivia I had another 2 which I lost at 5weeks. I could not understand once again why I was m/cing so much earlier. I ended up finding out the reason I was to take aspirin thru his testing, as one of the Bt's he requested came back as ANA positive, which is a blood clotting disorder. So I count myself very lucky to have seen the first OB after the loss of my twins, as if it wasnt for him, I would not have had my DD"s, I truly believe that. I was told after I had my first 2 m/c's that my babies were starved, and that the twins were fighting each other for the nutrients and in turn killed each other.
While I know now the reason for the aspirin and my losses, it is always in my mind if only I knew that I would need aspirin so that I wouldnt have lost my bubs, yet I also know I wouldnt have had my beautiful DD's now if I did know IYKWIM. I feel terrible knowing that my body failed my angels. Yet I also know that I was also blessed to have had my angels for the time that I did, even tho so short.
Please have some tests done from your Dr, and dont wait for you to become pgnt before you do.
I thought this thread might help with some testing info that you could maybe ask your Dr to check out.

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ng+miscarriage

I hope this helps hun. Good luck, and please dont give up just yet.

Ohh and another thing I realised that I needed was the extra folic acid. One Dr had told me due to my age that I needed extra folic acid. Thankfully I was already taking Fefol as well as Elevit, so I was already covered there. I also did that when I found out I was pgnt with my DD's.

What a lovely DS you have, I really hope that you get to give him that brother or sister soon. Take Care.

I haven't been online for a while and have only just seen your reply csab. Thank you so much for telling me your story and for the info on tests for recurrent miscarriage.Your story too is a very sad one and I'm so happy that you now have your beautiful girls. To lose twins is a very hard road.

I think I need to give myself some time to get over this whole experience, just when I think I'm going ok something will set me off and I'll start crying, usually in a shopping centre or work or somewhere really public and embarrassing. I'd love to try just once more but I'm so scared that it will all happen again.

I'm just waiting now for my cycle to sort itself out after the D&C and I will get myself tested. Hopefully a reason for the losses will be identified and I can do something about it.
When you think what an amazing and intricate process pregnancy is, every child born is such a miracle.