Nobody wants to play with him -LOOONG

I have a problem which is eating me alive since yesterday arvo.

I gave DS $10 for the school Mother's Day stall on Wednesday night. Yesterday, when he came home i asked him if he bought anything for me?
DS- " I didn't know where the stall was"
Me - "O.K. Where is the money then?"
DS - "I spent it"

I went ballistic. I told him he was grounded. DH took him into our room and talked to him nicely about it. He finally confessed.

He wanted to play footy with the kids in his class during lunch. He took his Sherrin footy to school (the small Sherrin footy which kids size) but the kids were using the adult sized footy and he couldn't kick that big ball properly (he is 7 and not very athletic, solid build), so asked them if they'd play using his footy. A kid in his class grabbed it off him and kicked it into the grasslands of the school property. He couldn't get his footy because it was long grass and it was wet. So no footy atm. He then asked the kids if they'd let him play if he gave them some money. They agreed. He gave one of the kids his $10 and they allowed him to play.

I can't believe it. The day before we got his Sherrin footy, he did not sleep that night because he was so excited about owning a "real" footy and now its gone.

Some of you know that he is a gifted kid. He is 7 and in year 3, so his peers in his class are about 2 years older than him. He is often left out in the playground or in sports. The school playground is divided into sections to reduce bullying. Grades prep -2 play in one area, and grades 3-6 in another area, so he can't play with kids in the lower grades who are his own age.

I have approached the school and am waiting for a phone call. I am soooo over this. I can bite someone's head off at the school. I just want to wrap him up in cotton wool and not want to get hurt at school.

What do i do? How do i approach the school without yelling at them?

HEELLPPP

the poor little sweetheart, why do kids get so nasty?
i suppose you can't ask the school to let him have play time in with the younger kids, as that would create more of a divide between him and the kids in his class. have you thought of putting him into a montessori school? they do things at the kids level, whatever that may be, and it is based on the kids desire to learn, whilst teaching them in a 'real life' setting. maybe something you could look into?

other thn that i have no real advice, i feel it for your little man, and youself who's heart must be breaking. school life is tough, and unfortunately, sometimes you have to be tough to get through it, but it's not fair.

I don't know what to suggest but I just wanted to give you and DS :hug:

:hug:


I know of a couple of gifted children. They are still in the Grade appropriate to their age but are taught at a level appropriate to them.

Thanks for the replies ladies.

I'd love to take him to a Montessori school but there are none near us. This school has a bus service which picks him up and brings him back as both DH and i work.

I will talk to the school about allowing him to mix with his own age group during lunch and recess in their area.

They did want to keep DS down in grade 2 last year just for social reasons but still give him year 3 work and we thought that the teacher wouldn't be able to do it properly. Teachers now days have enough on their plate as it is. Plus, at the end of last year, he got an academic excellence award which had grade 1 on it. He was most upset and so was i. When i approached the school, they told me that the teacher did not know which grade he was in :wtf: Yes, he was in a composite 1/2 but you would know which child is in which grade level, so that broke our confidence in the school too, hence not allowing him to stay down but to move on into a straight year 3.

Children are sooo mean these days. We never had this back in our days:protest:

We had troubles with DD in kindy. It was horrible.
It was a great school. Small with only 12 kids & like family. I do still miss the caring community aspect of the school, but anyway.
DD was the only one in kindy. There was one boy in year 1 & 2 girls in year 2. After a few days Jazz started saying that J (boy in yr1) was being mean, but I told her to ignore him.
Then I saw the girls in year 2 & how they were. If they were alone with her they were great, but once they were together they ran off & hid on her & tried to avoid her.
Then she came home with bruises all over her legs. I asked what happened, she said she didn't know. Then a few days later she said something about J throwing rocks at her. I realised that thats where the bruises came from & I was infuriated!
12 kids & noone saw that! How hard is it to watch 12 kids!?!?!
So I went up & talked to them, & they did fix the problem with J. He & Jazz are now great mates, but the 2 older girls were still the same.
After she finished kindy I decided the school was just too small for her. She was hanging out with 10 & 11 year olds.
Now that we are here she is so happy. The principle told us this morning just how much she's improved & how hard she's trying. She's really popular & just so happy.
We moved 8 hours away to the small town my mum lives in, but her being happy has made life all round so much easier.

I know changing schools is a bit drastic. Not something thats really possible.
This school fits Jazz's personality better. I'm so glad I did it.

I'm not sure if my post helps at all. I thought I had something really helpful to say, but my mind went walk abouts again when I changed nappies, lol.
Just know there are others going through the same. It can get better. I hope the school agrees to him playing with the younger kids.
Sorry my posts wasn't as helpful as I'd hoped .

Hi Turkish Delight,

I really feel for you, I went through something similar with my DD when she was younger.

If I were you, I would immediatly go up and see the class teacher AND the principle. Don't yell, but tell them firmly that this should not be tolerated by the school and ask them what steps they are going to take to stop this from happening. Perhaps you could suggest a buddy system or something?

Be so so careful with this issue, your son might develop a huge resentment for his acadmeic gift, because social development and inclusion is so important in a young childs life.

Good luck and give your son a big big hug, its such a hard thing to go through for both the parent and the child.

Oh Serenity. You just got me all teary.

I feel so guilty about not talking to him about his problem but just went ballistic when i heard he gave his money to other kids.:doh:

Tonight, i will hug him and apologise for being so nasty yesterday.

I will make an appt with the school as it is intolerable. I am so fed up with the kids at this school but i have no other option because we both work.

I swear, sometimes i wish that he was never gifted. It is soooooo hard to deal with. I just want him to be a normal kid.

Babe, thats just so horrible for your little man....:hug::hug:

The boy who kicked his ball away was just being a brat, and that probably wont change unfortunatly. And at their age, if a child offers them money to play, they will take it....:rolleyes: little buggers..

So although the school definatly need to know, and will probably speak to the boys, theres not much you can do about them being bratty.

I know it seems so nasty, but kids, esp boys, generally do not like playing with younger kids, or what they think to be "babies". I so feel for your little man. It must be so hard socially.

Maybe they will allow him to play with the lower grades, but will that worsen his relationship with his classmates?? When he hits high school, there will be no younger kids, just the same kids he's had to socialise with for all these years.

What a catch 22....

I know my 12 and 9 yr olds find it hard to muck around outside together, as the 12y/o is so much bigger, faster etc.. so your son may really feel the age/sport barrier even more as he gets older...

Maybe he would be happy to join footy or soccer out of school, in his own aged team, and not have to play with the bigger boys??? I dont know babe, it must be so hard for you both....:hug:

This brought tears to my eyes, my daughter was a victim of bullying last year, once she got off the bus and burst into tears coz a BIG (little) girl told her she was going to give her a black eye if she got on the bus on monday, and another time she rwas phisically pushed to the ground with her hands behind her back, these kids that done this are HUGE kids, i mean they are only the same age but 6 times miahs size, anyway I ended up having to actually go to the principal and threaten to take her out of the school and send her to the private school if he didnt step up to the plate, so i suggest u go down there and really put your foot down, schools are getting too lazy with bullying policies

My DS is the most non-violent kid i have ever seen. Not one bad bone in his body. He is always fair to his playmates and it breaks my heart when other kids just aren't friendly, caring or sharing as he is. DH and i know that he needs to toughen up but he can't and won't because it is not in him. He doesn't even play fight.

He was bullied last year at school too. He come home once covered in sand, another day with tan bark in his hair. I am just soooo over it.

I will make an appt with the school principle and threaten to take him as honestly i have had it. I will DH with me because knowing me i'll start to cry.

Bullying is definitely not on and should not be taken lightly. These kids who bully will become violent adults, i believe.

Awww hun :hug: :hug:

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My DS is the most non-violent kid i have ever seen. Not one bad bone in his body. He is always fair to his playmates and it breaks my heart when other kids just aren't friendly, caring or sharing as he is.

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My DD is exactly the same, and she is constantly bullied. I think that the other more dominant children see her as an "easy target". Don't feel bad for losing the plot, I used to aswell, but after my DH and I would go and chat to her together.

We used to role play, what she could have done. We told her that people will treat you like this for the rest of her life if she allows them to. We were quite blunt. I said that no matter how many schools you change to, or when you leave school, in the work places, there are always nasty people. I believe one of the best lesson we can teach our child is not to run away, but stand up and let these people know (adults can be nasty too) that there behaviour is not going to be tolerated.

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He was bullied last year at school too. He come home once covered in sand, another day with tan bark in his hair. I am just soooo over it.

I will make an appt with the school principle and threaten to take him as honestly i have had it. I will DH with me because knowing me i'll start to cry.

Bullying is definitely not on and should not be taken lightly. These kids who bully will become violent adults, i believe.

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Oh hon, I didn't know he was actually being bullied, poor little mite...:cry:

Kids taking balls will always happen, they are kids, but if kids there are bullying him, then it must stop!!

Make your principal listen, and if he takes it too lightly, tell him you may have to go higher up than him if he cant control his students.

No child should have to put up with bullying children, it not only affects the bully long term, but the damage to your own precious boy could be quite severe long term too... :hug:

Stand firm babe, they must listen to you!!

I have not been able to make an appt with the Principal as yet but i am working on it.

DS told me that his teacher took both my son and the boys involved into another room and spoke to them about what happened was not right etc.. My DS was found to be in the wrong, but the kid who took the money was not! The teacher asked the boy as to what he did with the money and he declared that he went and bought his mum a gift from the mother's day stall :wall: I was so upset.

what i don't get is wouldn't you as a mother ask your child where he got the money for to buy you a gift??

How do i argue my case at school when my DS is found to be in the wrong.

Aaaaaaaagh. I really don't know.

I would speak to his teacher, and find out why she thinks your son is in the wrong. You need all the facts.

Then take them to the principal, and make him do something about it!!!

I just found this thread and it has me in tears...your poor little man, my heart is breaking for him...and you. :hug:

I would definitely be trying to find out WHY the teacher is saying your DS is in the wrong, that is just so unfair! Are there any older kids you know from the school who could be his 'buddy' and keep an eye out for him at school.

I guess they think that he is in the wrong because he offered them the money. He is only 7 and just turned 7 too. But the others are 8-9 yo, they should not have accepted it.

I will ask the school about a buddy system. Does it work?

He has started having an attitude at home too. I guess it all stems from school.

:hug: that is just so sad. I am still not sure how the teacher holds your son responsible for that situation and really it should be the school's responsibility on days when kids bring money for special things to make sure that it is looked after because it does cause so many problems.

If the school is a public school (or even a Catholic school) they should have an anti-bullying policy. You should ask for a copy of it and find out exactly what is says and the school's strategies for managing bullying in the playground. At least this way when you do talk to the principal you can be prepared for how the school says it manages bullying behaviour on paper and if you feel that their system is not happening, address this with the principal.

If the school is a state one or a Catholic school, there is also a good chance they would have an AVT (advisory visiting teacher) for different areas. If your son has been excelerated through a grade, really he should have an AVT or Guidance Officer who is his case manager who is meant to be addressing issues like this one where he is having difficulty fitting in socially with the other kids because he is younger than they are. They should be able to look at a playtime management strategy for him to ensure that his needs are being met socially with kids his own age. An AVT or GO should also be able to do some work with him on self-protective behaviours to help him deal with times when he may get bullied. Self protective behaviours are teaching when something doesn't feel right (and identifying when something doesn't feel right - kids often can't identify this until they are older), how to say no and then how to get help. They should also be able to do some self esteem building activities with him.

I don't know how much any of that helps, but they are the sorts of things that I would be asking the principal about. If your DS has a case manager because has been accelerated, they should also be invited to this meeting.

If you are unsatisfied with the outcomes and you are in a Catholic school or state school, you can take your concerns higher. Also if the principal is evasive about meeting with you, take your concerns to the Catholic diocese or Education Department for your state. They won't ignore your concerns if you put them in writing.

Sorry, I don't know much about independent schools and if your son is enroled in an independent school you can still ask about all the things I have said, but they don't work on systems the way that larger organisations do and each school is a bit more of law unto itself.

One warning about gifted and talented kids - you would think that they would be the teacher's favourites, but for some teachers G & T kids represent a lot of extra work trying to provide enough stimulation for them and trying to keep one step ahead of them. For this reason, teachers can take things out on G & T kids just because they are frustrated with them always needing so much more than the other kids in the class. I am not sure if that is what is going on with this teacher, but it is something to be aware of now and in the coming years.

I hope that things get sorted out soon for your DS. It is a really tough situation that he is in.

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I guess they think that he is in the wrong because he offered them the money. He is only 7 and just turned 7 too. But the others are 8-9 yo, they should not have accepted it.

I will ask the school about a buddy system. Does it work?

He has started having an attitude at home too. I guess it all stems from school.

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Oh babe, I feel your frustration....:hug:


My 11, 12 yr olds would never of taken the money, but my 8 yr old would of grabbed it and ran to the tuck shop I'm afraid... :rolleyes::rolleyes: he would of thought it was christmas, and not second guessed it....

Our school has a buddy system and its great. Also a zero tolerance on bullying. But we are lucky, our school is on 2 campuses.
Kinder -2 on one, 3-6 on another. Although your son would be at the big campsus anyway, it helps keep little kids from the really big ones!! ;)

Also ask if there a few "nice" boys that could hang with him.... usually within a few weeks they end up friends too....

He goes to an independant school. They have a psychcologist at his school and we had a meeting late last year about DS and his G&T situation. They have done nothing about a gifted policy or any other kids in his situation. I have been told though that they do favour their own children when it comes to extending curriculum for them. In this meeting, not only will i bring up this current situation but also our meeting last year and that i haven't seen any progress. I was kept on being told that my child was not the only gifted one.

I so agree about taking money school. In our days, we used to taken to the Mother's day during class time and first thing too. With DS's school he needs to go during lunch or recess. i will definitely bring this point up (thanks ;))

About the Guidance Officer, i will ask for one (thanks ;)). You would think they would nurture these kids to bring out their best, but i too think that they are a burden on the school as they need so much more attention than regular kids. i will ask the school if he is a burden and will take him out ASAP.

I was told only yesterday how lucky i was to have a gifted child and i told them that i was not lucky at all and how much work it takes to raise them. Everybody thinks its so easy, but honestly i am tired and have run into a dead end on how to handle him and his situation. I would give anything to have a normal well balanced child. My DD is also showing signs of giftedness too :rolleyes:

Pretty Butterfly - i agree with you. If DS was given money he too would run straight to the canteen to gorge out, but this kid going and buying his mother a gift really made me even more mad.

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Pretty Butterfly - i agree with you. If DS was given money he too would run straight to the canteen to gorge out, but this kid going and buying his mother a gift really made me even more mad.

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Definatly!! The mum needs a kick up the pants too, she's gotta know it wasn't her money used!!!

Ok, well one thing to consider is a school with Opportunity Classes. These are basically classes set up for gifted students in their own year and age group. The school my kids go to have them and we have students from all over the show turning up for them.

One thing we have learnt with working with our own gifted kids, having been there ourselves and with our time doing the journal for NSWAGTC - moving a gifted child up a year never works. Getting the right OC though does wonders.

The fact that the school has done nothing more in the way of helping the gifted students there says that he has basically just been thrown in at the deep end and is expected to swim - in everything. After all - he is gifted, right. :rolleyes:

Good luck. Your man does not deserve to be taken advantage of like that.

Oh hun :( Thats awful! Gee kids are mean! They are probaly jealous your little man is so special!

Hope you get it sorted! :hug::hug: Your son sounds liek a beautiful little fella! xx

Hun, I didnt even make an appointment, he was always "busy" just bust on down there and demand to see him, I went in the morning when i dropped miah off, there is no way he is busy at that time, u gotta show them u mean business,

PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR BUDGET FOR BULLY AWARENESS RUDD GIVE THE SCHOOLS MORE RESOURCES

Hi TD - my DD had some problems at her last school, started with difficulty making friends and grew into a full-blown harrassment scenario.

These are the things that we did that helped:
* Booked regular meetings with class teacher - asked her to instigate a buddy-system within the class and tweak seating arrangements
* Booked meeting with vice-principle - she held a round meeting with the class to iron out the harrassment problem & also gave a chance for other chn to voice the problems they were having with my DD (ie she was unwittingly annoying her classmates by singing to herself during work time LOL and needed to be made aware of the ways she was p*ssing them off).
* Joined Guides Australia - this was the single most important thing we did - it gave DD a community of supportive peers and nourished her socially when things were off at school. You could try a group like scouts or a church-based group depending on what is available locally
* Ultimately though, what helped the most was a move to a new school. This coincided with an interstate move but had we stayed there we would've given it serious consideration. Now DD is in a catholic school and she says the students are much kinder and more considerate generally - plus a lot of things that were social issues at the old school (what clothes, phone, games, etc you have) are not an issue here because of the strict school rules. Something to think about anyway.

Good luck, there is no simple solution - you will have to keep vigilant and keep raising it until it is resolved and then keep an eye on it anyway.

I really don't know how to handle it anymore, honestly.

I gave DS $15.40 on Monday morning(in an envelope, all labelled with name and what it was for) for an upcoming ICAS test he really wanted to compete in (spelling, computer skills, english and maths). Told him to give it to his teacher when he went to school. His teacher was not in, so gave it to the emergency teacher relieving her for the day. The emrgency teacher didn't take it off him and told him to put it in his bag and give it to his teacher tomorrow when she returned. I asked about it on Monday and told me above and reminded him to give the envelope to his teacher on Tuesday. Come Tuesday after school, i ask DS about the money and he tells me it was not in his bag :rolleyes:

I make him tell me the truth and he tells me that he did not give it to anybody, spend it or anything and that he put it in his bag. Kids on his table asked about the money and he told them how much there was and what it was for. I call the school and ask for his teacher to call me back.

She calls yesterday lunchtime and tells me that DS gave it to a fellow student for safe keeping. I was furious.

DS comes home and i confront him about it and starts crying about how that was all a lie and that he did not give it to anybody. He told me that the boy who had it, told DS that he took it out of DS's bag and hid it in the classroom for safekeeping. He got the money eventually from the hiding spot and gave it to his teacher.

I will phone the school now and speak to his teacher, there is obviously some kind of theft involved here.

MD - thanks for the advice. I regularly chat with his teacher on how he is going with work and school in general. He is in an Islamic school with strict rules when compared to public schools. I thought this would be best for him as he was not very social and would be prone to bullying. This is his second school since starting school in 2007 and i don't think i'll move him again, but i have been contemplating on taking him back to his old school though (we had an issue with the bus driver and took him out because of that)

How did you DD react to the class when she was told about her annoying traits? poor bubba.

Inertia - i don't think the VATGC are as well prepared as the NSWATGC I know the NSWAGC have holiday programs and all where as the VATGC have nothing. I haven't approached them as their website is very outdated and i don't that they would do a good job if they can't maintain their website. The school my DS goes to doesn't even have a gifted policy or any extra curricular activities/guidance for these kinds of kids, let alone an OC! I approached them about their gifted policy and they are always seem to be working on it :wall: I could not let DS stay down with his own age group as i thought that how would a teacher teach 20 kids grade 2 work whilst teach my son grade 3 work. The school couldn't even give him the right academic excellence award, they had grade 1 on the award when it should have been grade 2.:doh:

TD - Sadly you are correct there. The NSWAGCT also shelters a lot of gifted families from Vic and QLD and have the Albury/Wodonga and Tweed Heads groups set up for them. Even he Australian one is of a poor standard compared to NSW. My sister in QLD tried to get help from the QLD one with her son but they were completely uninterested because he doesnt have autism or aspergers. Its simply not fair on all the whole rest f the country that they can't get the quality assistance we get in NSW.

That said, the NSW is more than happy to give advice to anyone who contacts them for help. They have a very large collective of people - also mothers of gifted kids - who are used to how schools operate on these accounts. Might be worth contacting them for a couple of strategies.