Bring a plate etiquette

Just wondering what other peoples' thoughts are on bringing a plate etiquette.

This has come up as we have a friend who was complaining the other day that when her husband gets together with his friends that he does not bring back any of the cake he takes. Her argument is that their DD helps to make it and she should have a slice. The 2 of us that were there argued with her that if you bring a plate that there is to be no expectation to bring any food back and if she really thinks their DD should have a slice then cut a slice and leave it with her before taking it, or bake a second cake.

So, my take on it is that if you bring a plate don't expect to take food home. If there are lots of leftovers, then leave them for the host/hostess (a perk of hosting) or share them amongst everyone else there. I would prefer someone else to take home what I bought and I take home something else.

The exception is something that is either very expensive or rare that you keep control of, such as a good bottle of port, or in our case DH's homebrew meads. A lot of work goes into one bottle, so it is not being left anywhere.

Ok, so what does everyone else think or do you have a funny bring a plate story?

**BTW Mods - it would be nice to have a etiquette section;) ***

I would never expect to take it home with me, unless the host asked people to take food home when it was time to go.
I do get a bit cranky though, at bring a plate, when the host/ess puts what I've brought in to their pantry and doesnt serve it - Ive been to a few thing (non BB related I will add!) where all the food that guests have brought has dissappeared and completely different items served..very strange..

I wouldn't expect to take any of the food home either. If her DD wants a slice she should cut it up and save her a slice.

Alcohol is a different matter though. I'll quite often take a bottle of wine as a gift to the host, so if it doesn't get opened or doesn't get finished it doesn't matter. If I take something for myself to drink I will take whatever is left home.

if you take a plate then you leave it there.
If you take wine as a gift you leave it there
if it is BYO alcohol you take it with you

TBH, I've never really thought about it! Just thinking back on past experiences though, I've always split up the leftovers between the people who are still there when I start clearing, so everyone gets a bit. But if they've come over for dinner and I've made it all, I do put it all in my fridge, because we'll use it for work the next day.

I know when my aunt used to have big parties, she would encourage everyone to take their plates, including anything on them, when they left - it just got rid of the hassle of trying to find original owners!

Interesting question!

My only problem is with leaving my good platters / containers at people's houses & never getting them back :( I really must do a ring aorund to get them back LOL!

But yes I agree with PP, unless the host requests you take it home with you.

I know in the case of this cake it normally gets eaten, so there is rarely a time where he would be able to take some home. There was one time when they had all travelled to see us. The table and kitchen had to be cleared so dinner could be cooked and served. So everything, no matter what it was or who bought it, was quickly packed up and shoved in the fridge or pantry just to get it out of the way. Later the husband made a huge drama about finding the last piece of this cake, DH actually felt quite upset by it and we were quite annoyed with the husband as it was just a slice of cake! It was not done in a "BTW where did the cake go" kind of way, but in a "I must get it back!!" way. So now we feel a bit guilty as we now know he was being hassled by his wife to get it back :rolleyes:

Rayray - I do notice that some host/esses are odd. I find some will only put out the homemade food and if you bring a packet of biscuits they leave it unopened at the back of the table. So often at the end of the gathering it is still unopened.

i would be more worried about my serving plate than the food! i think its just a hassle of you leave your 'plate'.

as for the food, i wouldnt expect to take any left overs home, but if the host offered i would either just take it, or ask if anyone else wants it.

if it were me, i'd ask whoever bought it if they want the food- let them decide! at DD's first birthday, we had so much food left over (which was all supplied by me, mum and MIL) i offered it to people to take home (more so my single uncle, and my nan, as she doesnt do much cooking)

Urgh I agree with the others, I get annoyed when people ask me to take my food home... I just want my platter back...

but... on another note...

I am so anti- bring-a-plate when I am hosting something. It is always too difficult to organise and everyone doubles up (regardless of instruction) so I don't bother anymore. I just organise it.
It seems impolite to ask for a donation of cash so we always end up out of pocket... and we're the only ones that ever organise anything. $2 from each person on their crappy packet of chips or biscuits would easily contribute a lot to what the cost is but noone ever thinks! :doh:
Sorry, rant LOL!

We have just been to a function where it was bring a plate. I made some slices and just put a bit of each on the plate. When it was time to go there was only a couple of pieces left as they were tipped onto another plate and I took home a clean plate. I know the salads that were leftover the owners took them home also. I have noticed that if you make a salad and its in your bowl you will bring home the leftovers.
I have learnt over the years never to leave the bowl/plate behind as it sometimes takes forever to get it back, then find you need it the next week.

i agree, dont expect to take any home. clear left overs off your plate to take plate home. take left over drinks if its BYO. something that annoys me is when you bring a plate and there is soooo much food that what you bought hardly gets touched, then they tell you to take it home. its annoying, cause i put thought, effort and money into bringing it so i may as well have not bothered, i'd rather they keep it.

I tend to make sweet/dessert things to take to 'bring-a-plate' do's... I notice most other people make salads etc, and I fancy myself as a pretty good 'sweet' cook (all that practice I do feeding my sweet tooth lol) so I like to contribute to the dessert part of the meal...
I don't expect to bring any food home with me, if there are leftovers I just ask the host/ess to pop it into another container to keep in their fridge/share it around with everyone else to take home so I can get my plate back, that's all I worry about. It's a pain in the neck leaving plates at people's houses because inevitably it all gets jumbled up with their kitchen stuff and you never get it back, and I feel bad about leaving plates for someone else to wash up hahhaa :D

So yeah, if the host/ess says, 'Oh, there's some of this cake left, do you want to take it home with you?' I'm happy to do that, otherwise I just say, 'pop it on one of your plates and I'll take mine with me to save you the washing up'. If I want to get treats at home, I'll make up double batches of the slice/pie/cake/whatever and leave it at home for DH and DD to have the next day. I'd feel really rude about insisting on bringing any leftovers home with me, I leave it up to the host to offer.

I have some cheaper plastic platters and bowls. So if I am concerned that I wont get my plate back, then I use one of those.

I prefer people to take their platter with them, as I always stress about their stuff in my cupboard and finding a chance to return it.

if i take food i always leave the leftovers there and just take the plate home!!
my family on other hand take whats left home, my mum did it to me yesterday when she bought over a coles mudcake, handed it to me and promptly said 'i'll take whats left home thankyou very much' :o thats very typical of my family which i find quiet sad

Agree with many of the PPs - on the ettiquette (ie leave leftovers) and also the hassle of getting your plate back lol. If I were this woman I would just make two cakes... one for party and one for DD.

We have often done this because we end up wanting more of what we made the next day etc so it is just easier to make 2 batches.

The food stays unless the host asks you to take it. If you want your platter then ask the host before you leave if they have another dish that the food can be transferred into so you can take your platter/bowl etc home. This also gives the host the opportunity to tell you that you can take the left over food with you if you want.

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but... on another note...

I am so anti- bring-a-plate when I am hosting something. It is always too difficult to organise and everyone doubles up (regardless of instruction) so I don't bother anymore. I just organise it.
It seems impolite to ask for a donation of cash so we always end up out of pocket... and we're the only ones that ever organise anything. $2 from each person on their crappy packet of chips or biscuits would easily contribute a lot to what the cost is but noone ever thinks! :doh:
Sorry, rant LOL!

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There was a great discussion ages ago about BYO meat for bbq's, it was very interesting as it touched on the whole is it ever ok to ask someone to bring food. Wonder if it is still around?

I LOVE pot luck :) I find its a great way to get interesting recipes, and share them obviously. And it makes it more fun. I never expect to take things home, but I always offer to send someones food home with them. I'm always being sure to give platters back at the time too and I'll always ask for mine back as well LOL!

The only thing I find hard with our group is because we have quite a few with dietary requirements its often better for me to make the food so there is enough to go around, because even the meat eaters like vegetarian/vegan and then those with food requirements end up with nothing. And to avoid this I tend to make the vegetarians go first, kids next then adults can help themselves. I'm only a little bit of a control freak ;)

In my experience this usually results in 10 types of Potato Salad...

that is nothing compared to my SIL. she never eats when everyone else eats but demands for a plate to be left for her to take home. or if she does actually eat she will still demand for the let overs so she doesnt have to find somethign to eat the next day.
mind you she never brings anything in the first place either.
It doesnt help that my family are all big eaters so nothing is usually left at the end of the meal lol.

I never assume that I will be bringing any food home from take a plate things unless the host insists. Mind you, I usually dump anything left over in the bin anyway - most places that are bring a plate mean food has been sitting out for ages and lots of people have touched it or hovered over it, other things have been dropped on it or it just generally looks unappetising by the end of the event.

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**BTW Mods - it would be nice to have a etiquette section;) ***

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I like this idea! :D

i tend to ask the hostess what is needed - if i get a vague "i dunno" answer, i'm the first to buy something in a packet that i don't care if it gets opened or not - so much better to have them stay fresh than lots of wasted food! if i'm asked to take home something i've taken cos there are left overs, i'll usually organise with others in a similar situation to "share" stuff so we take a mixed plate each - and then feed it to DH if he hasn't been there... if we take freshly baked food, he's usuallly baked it anyway...

if i'm having something here, and people offer to bring something, i tend to ask what so that i can make sure we dont triple up on one thing, have nothing of another... it works for us pretty well

We host ever so often and I will ring up the guest wives and tell them exactly what to bring. Salad, Desert, Drinks, Savory snacks. That way you don't get 5 starches and no veggies :lol: Or for BBQ you then have to bbq, so that you don't do chicken, fish, steak and pork on one grill!!

If it's clients, I prepare the whole meal myself.

If we go to guests, and the hostess says I don't have to bring anything. I drag along some savory snacks, our own drinks and something homebaked as a gift. I will then take my drinks home (if it's alcohol, not if it's soda) but leave the savory snacks. If I'm asked to bring something like a salad I do that and don't expect to take anything home. I then also take a gift for the hostess .. a small potted plant, flowers, choclates, biscuts, homemade jams ... anything nice.

Good Lord! Who wants to bother with taking home ONE piece of cake? If this is a really issue for her then suggest that she slice the cake and arrange it on the plate nicely and then just keep one for her DD - also solves the issue of having to cut it at the party and finding a knife. Personally I never bother with taking food home - if it's still edible I usually ask the host for another plate/dish to put it in and get some gladwrap and cover it and pop it in their fridge (I usually always tend to help the host pack up the food) or if it's beyond saving I bin it and take home my plate/dish. I rarely use my good plates - I have a couple from the $2 shop that look reasonable enough to display in public LOL so I don't have to worry if it doens't come back.

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I never assume that I will be bringing any food home from take a plate things unless the host insists. Mind you, I usually dump anything left over in the bin anyway - most places that are bring a plate mean food has been sitting out for ages and lots of people have touched it or hovered over it, other things have been dropped on it or it just generally looks unappetising by the end of the event.

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Like most others sometimes taking home bits and pieces of food is more of an inconvenience. As long as I get my platter/bowl back I am happy.:)

What I do get annoyed at like someone else has mentioned is when my food is not served. This happened recently to me over Easter when I made the most delicious chocolate cake and it wasnt bought out. I was so annoyed.:rolleyes:

well i agree dont expect to take any home if you go to someones house or something , but in my family we usually go to a park or something like that so i just take whatever is on my plate when i leave or we had one for mothers day at ds kindy so when i left i took my plate and whatever was on it

I agree, you take it you don't expect to get anything back on the plate. I am not sure that i would even want it back anyway - who's touched it, has one of the kids at the party picked it up and licked it then put it back!
If you want a slice, cut it up and keep some at home.

I've got a funny story - my BIL's girlfriend went to a baby shower and they were asked to bring a plate for afternoon tea, not sure if they were asked to bring sweets or if just coincidentally everyone brought sweets... but it turned out they had forty-five million cakes and muffins and sweet treats.

The host didn't want to be left with sweets to last her til 2020, so they had a "plate swap" and they all took home bits and pieces from everyone else's plates. BIL's girlfriend came home with some pieces of cake, a few muffins, some different slices and a handful of rumballs. Nice!

^ Now that's my kind of gathering :D I love sweet treats!! :D

I'll bet your BIL was a very happy man :)

What an interesting thread!! In these situations I will take my plate/container back, but would never take home any of it unless I was asked by the host. That being said I too get secretly cross if my plate hasn't been served. Just seems like a waste of time/effort/money then.
I'd rather organise the food myself when I'm the host - too much of a control freak to leave it up to everyone else :p But would offer the leftovers back if anyone brought something, just as a courtesy.
The only story I can think of with this fuzzy baby brain is ages ago we had a little get together. One girl is a huge Coke drinker & so we had bought lots of Coke. She brought one bottle with her, fair enough. But when she left she took a bottle with her, despite having drank loads of Coke!! I understand taking home your alcohol - but Coke when you have been drinking the host's all night?? I didn't say anything, if it's that's important to her she could have it!!

I agree - an etiquette section is a good idea.

I get REALLY annoyed if my food isn't put out. My mum did this - I'd baked so much for DS's birthday but was really ill, so Mum got food out ready. She didnt put out ANYTHING that I'd made - chocolate fudge, cakes, flapjack... DH was lucky that the birthday cake he made was out. Mum was going to make a birthday cake! At least it was at my house so I could eat it, but I didn't want it, I wanted it out!

As for taking home - only if the hostess OKs it. We do this at book club, too much food. So I usually bring something back, either wine or food. I don't mind leaving a half-bottle of wine as I don't drink much these days and if someone can enjoy it, good for them. It was only a few quid, not bank-breaking wine.

I love bring a part of a meal ideas - one person brings a starter, the hosts do the main course, another person brings a pudding. Full meal, part of the price, less washing up! And a great night in with friends. Your food will be served too, and because you're catering for just 6 people (or +children, you know the numbers beforehand anyway) there's little in the way of leftovers. Problem solved!

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I love bring a part of a meal ideas - one person brings a starter, the hosts do the main course, another person brings a pudding. Full meal, part of the price, less washing up! And a great night in with friends. Your food will be served too, and because you're catering for just 6 people (or +children, you know the numbers beforehand anyway) there's little in the way of leftovers. Problem solved!

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We do this with another couple, if it's at our place we make dinner & they bring dessert and vice versa.

we had a family gathering just after xmas, and the invitation said bring-a-plate. i rsvp'd by sms, and asked what i could bring, i ended up bringing 4 loaves of bread. at the end of the day, there were 2 half loaves and a full white loaf. i told them to keep it all (i had taken 2x white, 1xwholemeal and 1xmultigrain) they gave me the white loaf as they dont eat white, but kept the rest. mind you, it was all squashed by the time i got home, thanks to all the extra toys and stuff DD came home with.

Strange that so much "a do" has to be made over a single slice of cake.. um, yeah, just make 2 I guess and keep one at home.

Whatever I take to a host's place I expect to leave there, except for my plate. If it's a large gathering I wouldn't want to take home any left over food due to contamination issues.... maybe if it was just a small gathering and I was able to make sure than no-one had touched and replaced something for example.

I also think an Etiquette section would be great.

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We do this with another couple, if it's at our place we make dinner & they bring dessert and vice versa.

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we do this at my bro's - we supply the meat for main, they cook. we take turn around supplying drinks for the boys (bottle of rum) and they supply the mixer and drinks for SIL and myself, and the kids. they supply dessert if we feel like it (usually after roast dinner, we don't want anyway!). if there are extra people there, it tends to expand so that someone else supplies drinks (mixers) and becomes a BYO situation for alcohol (cept between my bro and DH). it works for us...



i'm another not keen on taking stuff back home unless i know who's handled it and things - but if the food is going to be turfed, i'll put my hand up to take it home for the dogs - they may as well get spoiled sometimes too!

Ah well - things happen differently for me depending on which family we are having the do with.

With my family, we all bring heaps of food so there is always leftovers - and it is all left with the poor sucker who opened their house to over 40 people, mostly kids!!!

With DHs family, there is meticulous planning. Who is bringing what, what gets cooked when and how, and then when its over, you take home whatever is left of what you brought.

I get out of worrying about it by always making stuff that there is never, ever, ever leftovers. Devilled eggs, rum balls, mousse. I also buy disposable or foil platters and crap to put it on so I can leave empty handed without contributing to the washing up. :D

funny story, my cousin went to a potluck lunch at church, they said bring a plate, so she brought an empty plate... she thought to eat on. hahaha...

im still waiting for my plate that is left at a friends from say 8 yrs ago... it was part of a set, so spewing. its still up in bris, but we moved to melb now.