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Thread: Siblings and touching

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
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    453

    Default Siblings and touching

    Not sure if this is in the right section, please move if needed.

    Tonight DS2 (7yrs) was told to have a shower, he made it as far as getting undressed and ended up sitting on the couch naked. I told him to quickly go hop in the shower as DD1 (19mths) was around and she didn't need to see him naked. Somehow they both ended up in the kitchen with DD1 touching his penis. I growled at him to get in the shower and said DD1 is not to touch him. He went into the bathroom, but came straight out and stood in front of DD1 and let her touch his penis. I don't think he realised I was right there.

    Alarm bells went off and I growled at him to get in the shower, and then he was to go straight to bed as he'd already been warned about that behaviour. In hindsight perhaps I overacted? I don't know. Is this in anyway normal? Should I be concerned?

    We have the book "Everyone's got a bottom". We haven't read it for about a year. I got it out for him tonight and said he should read it again. He threw it across the room.

    How do I follow up from here? And advice or suggestions most welcome. I hope my growling hasn't done damage, but I was very shocked and went into overdrive to protect DD1 I guess.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Default Re: Siblings and touching

    Hi Peekaboo,
    These are my thoughts (I am not a professional in this field though). I don't see it as abnormal exactly (as in a symptom of something larger or more sinister), but it is definitely inappropriate. It is a bit of a worry that your son ignored your first admonishment and did the same thing again, but then he is 7. I have one of those too and know what mine is like when I say no. I don't think you overreacted at all. If he was younger, or if he had been self-exploring in privacy then that is to be expected, but to have your toddler involved is not OK. He is old enough to understand that some body parts are private. Although I think the behaviour is likely due to his age and not from anything sinister it would be worth sitting down with him when you are feeling connected (for us it is often when we are reading books before bed) and make sure that he hasn't been exposed to similar behaviour from someone else. It is probably exploratory behaviour but it is worth asking.
    Good luck!

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    Default Re: Siblings and touching

    Personally, it does seem a little like an overraction to me. My DD is 4 in June and sees DH and me naked and has done all her life - at 18 months she didn't care. She has gotten interested in DHs penis simply because it's different to her and me, but a little explanation and she's over it. Your DD touching just kind of seems like, at that age, "oh hey, that's different!"

    With your DS, I wouldn't have thought the touching was intentional the first time. Kids like to be naked so I get why he was. The second time seems more like defiance to me, a reaction to the growling, and I do wonder if he would have behaved differently if you had reacted differently.



    I guess, while you want to teach them about private areas and it's not at all appropriate to let his sister touch his penis and he does need that explained, I don't think the answer is necessarily to keep clothed at all times and never see anyone else naked, you need to work with what they're comfortable with.

    I hope this is making sense, I feel like it isn't. But my younger brother and I saw each other and my parents naked until we decided ourselves not to, and we showed that first by not letting them see us naked. I think I was 10, and my brother 8 when I started closing the bathroom door. When we were younger it was just never an issue and I feel like I grew up with an appreciation for real bodies (as opposed to those in the media) and an ability to be comfortable in my own skin, because of it.

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