So here's another thought, if we were to work on a project should we including searching/looking for ideas/facts/etc on the computer so to include his interest (computers) or would that be fanning the flame?
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So here's another thought, if we were to work on a project should we including searching/looking for ideas/facts/etc on the computer so to include his interest (computers) or would that be fanning the flame?
Not sure if I have missed it, but what is he doing on the computer? One game, lots of different games? Social stuff? I think what knowing he is doing will help with advice. From experience there is a big difference to just wanting to be on the computer and being drawn into MMORPG.
I set myself summer projects so that I wouldn't become too obsessive about computer gaming/reading over the holidays. It was my way of self-regulation (and I still need it).
Liebling's project is beach-based, so we'll be going to the beach, doing some rockpool habitat stuff, building sandcastles, making beach pictures, bringing home some rocks to paint, writing beach-based stories (eg about an adventure the rockpool crab has, or Liebling living in a sandcastle)... although we may research some stuff on the computer, the idea is to keep Liebs busy and not bored and maintain his writing skills. He will also be learning some French songs about the beach to keep his French going.
My projects (note I said this is to STOP me reading too much and being on the computer too much) are: read a novel in French, read a novel in German, try out at least 10 new recipes, learn to play guitar. I'm going off for a book-based guitar sesh in a moment, but the computer does help with you-tube lessons, for example. All these activities are based around books (foreign language, recipe and music books in my case) but it's the application that I see as important. As a plus point, my German is so poor that I'm really struggling and can only read 2-3 pages before needing a break. I hope the French novels, when they arrive, are easier for me.
So, maybe, pick a project. Research it on the computer, but physically do something - artwork, story, building something, making something, applying his learning in another area... to make it show there is a world away from technology?
There's a few different games, at this stage I've said no to MMORPG (such as wow) because I know they are super addictive. He was playing minecraft, but we said no online servers because he/we have no control over who he's playing with/what's being said to him etc, and he's not happy about that apparently the offline content was too boring. And for the fact every body was "stealing" off each other and didn't feel it was something he needs to be around.:
Some games he plays have levels some don't or it takes days to move up a level so doesn't fit what you suggested.
Look, really not sure what advice you are after, we are just trying to help.
With minecraft, you can access private servers, so you can join or setup one where you know the people and no-one else can join randomly. That may enhance his gaming experience, and in turn teach him how to game with others. (DH is setting up a minecraft server for DD1 and a friend). It can be a big, bad world out there with gaming, but they can also learn life skills, like cooperation. At some stage he will be entering that world and will need to how it works.
I totally understand where your coming from. My DS1 is obsessed with anything on the computer. I have limited to one day a week after school, roughly an hour to an hour and a half and 2 hours on Saturday afternoon and sometimes and hour Sunday afternoon. This works well for us as we have sport training two afternoons a week, and after school care one afternoon. We have allocated Wednesday as computer day so they know not to even ask about it on the other days. We have five kids so if you can't find someone to play with then your being too picky :). To be fair he does use the computer to access mathletics, etc after dinner for 20 mins. Another way we have tied in the computer is with DH teaching him some computer programming. He loves that and kind of makes him aware computers are for more than just gaming. Does he play sport or have music commitments. The fact we have commitments three afternoons a week does help I think. Keeps his mind busy. Good luck :)
I don't really understand why you're getting on the defensive? I'm certainly not.:
At 11 I don't feel my DS needs to be exposed to the nastier side of the Internet, we have discussed in great length about what is appropriate behaviour online(and offline)
I was asking for ways to deal with the "but my friends/cousins get to do xyz" and was also interested in what other people do in regards to "technology" for that age group because we seem to have a very different approach to most of the people we know.
I have taken some things on board that have been suggested and don't care for other suggestions, I really don't see the problem?
My 11yr old would be on 24/7 if we let him. He keeps telling me that he wants to be a gamer when he grows up. So I say well you better pull your socks up in Maths etc at school and then get into IT. He is addicted to Minecraft and will constantly watch YouTube videos on my tablet about MineCraft. Drives me batty.
He also considers going from the laptop to the tablet is a change of activity. If he has been on all morning then I will usually kick him off for the rest of the afternoon and he may or may not be allowed back on after tea. He has to do chores if he wants computer time after tea. He's pretty active when not sitting on his butt in front of the monitor, so it doesn't concern me greatly. I have told him though to expect glasses at a young age ;) On a school day he definitely is not allowed on until homework is done, so he tries to get his weekly homework done on a Monday.
As for bed time it is 8pm on school nights and no later than 9.30 in holidays or a Fri/Sat night.
The two other boys will ask to get on, but are generally off within an hour of getting on as they get bored. Like Beatrix said, I don't really set too many limitations, when I can't limit myself.
Anyway...thanks for the replies ladies, there have been some great suggestions!
Just wanted to add - we've noticed that a lot of other families have very different standards about what games/movies/amounts of time they are happy for their kids to be viewing/playing with. That's ok & it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with what you decide is appropriate.
It might help for to think about what are the principles/reasons behind your restrictions/rules. For example, we're motivated by our understanding of the consequences of extended screen time, both direct (ie how your brain function & attention changes, poor posture, etc) and indirect (ie if you're playing electronic games all the time, you have less time to socialise with your friends IRL, play sport, read, do your homework, etc). Your DS is getting to a developmental stage where it's more appropriate to be negotiating some of these aspects rather than having black & white rules (eg, bedtimes might be negotiable on non-school nights). But it's important to work out what you're prepared to negotiate on and what you're not. Getting clear on this will help you to communicate the non-negotiables to your DS. It's also important that your DS knows that you don't just create these arbitrary rules, and that they are open to discussion - but not when you've already told him to switch the device off. :)
My kids (including 11yo DD) don't have regular access to any type of technology, except an android based phone they share. They only ever you tube songs or play apps I've downloaded. Sometimes they'll be on there for an hour a day, sometimes they won't touch it for a week.
My lap top (and soon to be desk top for the kids) is only for homework & educational games. I might let DD2 do some dress ups, or DS plays monkey go happy, but that's as exciting as it gets. Again, sometimes they want it every day, sometimes every 2 - 3 weeks.
I give them very minimal times, because 1, there are fights, so its a no (I have many, many kids!). 2, DS gets so addicted & frusterated with games, its impossible to deal with him.
They all have DS's, & a Wii. Again, rarely use them. There is no limit to DS time, or times to use it, except after homework. But there's no internet access on the DS's...
I personally think you're being extremely fair, if not pretty easy going. A friends DD had no limits & she was getting up through the night to find her 10yo DD checking her FB (another thing not in this house yet!)
We have 2 smart phones, an ipod & the computer. Soon to be 2 computers & a tablet as well. But once the novelty wears off I think mine will get bored with it and be back to just running riot through the house. But I have back up for stuck indoors days too ;)
ETA; all 4 of my kids go to bed, lights out at 8. A bit slack over the holidays some nights, but 98% of the time its 8 & no later. I've thought about allowing DD1 8.30, but she can't handle it & is too tired & grumpy without that extra half hour. Even on weekends I rarely allow them to stay up past 8. It takes too long for DD1 to catch up... (And yes, its really only her that struggles so much)
I agree with Marydean. If the complaint is in regards to what is happening in other houses then I would suggest discussing house rules as a whole and why you have them.
I'm pretty flexible *most* of the time but I expect them to have a certain amount of screen free time per day. Now compared to some houses we are more lenient others we are more strict. We also have screen free weekends.
But I think if you can get him to drop that argument by seeing that isn't really relevant you'll find it a lot easier. And totally stick to your guns.
My son is on the iPad most dayst. He has brain games, Maths games, reading and writing. All suggested by his OT. He uses them as a way to not only improve his motor skills, but as some time alone. Rather than having set times, could he earn time by completing chores/homework etc? That's what we do.
We regularly discuss as a family why we do things the way we do them, I guess that's why I'm starting to find this so frustrating. I would have been more inclined to negotiate more flexible times in regards to the computers/games if he had been following the rules and as a reward been given more time.
This afternoon will be the first of 1.5 hrs and we shall see what happens went the time is up and how the extra 30 mins fits in with everything else that has to get done.
Thanks again everyone!