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Thread: *How do you do it?*

  1. #1

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    Default *How do you do it?*

    Hey Ladies...

    Working single mums - how do you do it...

    I find I am gettin cranky and exhausted so quickly at the moment. I know it's only early days because i've only been at work for 2 weeks. But it's tiring. The kids are mucking up a lot more at the moment, I am thinking this is because it's all a new learning and adjusting period for them...

    I'm up at 430, work by 6am get the girls after 3, home 330ish - then I am jumping straight into the afternoon/nightime routine and I am not sitting down until 630=7ish which I then collapse in my bed. I feel like I am going to burn out... The days I do afternoon shifts I won't be getting home until after 9pm and will still be up with the kids 6ish...

    I feel bad for actually wanting them to go to their dad's just so I can have a little break...

    There has been 4 nights that I have been away all night from my babies 3 of them I was in hospital and 1 night for my grad ball... I don't know how I am going to handle them going to their dads... And there is no set date on which they are going to do that, he's only just moved into a unit and hasn't got a bed for them or anything...



    I've got a huge case of the guilts. Half of me just wants a break - a couple of hours to myself so that I can clean up or sleep or just sit and stare at the wall without being disturbed by crying/screaming/fighting etc and then I feel extremely guilting for wanting that... I am at work now so I am already missing out on time with them and DD is at school now so there is more of 'our time' gone... how stupid that I am wishing more time away to have a break... ;-(

    This properly doesn't make any sense...

  2. #2

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    It's very hard and very tiring. Being a parent isn't always easy without adding single and working to the mix. Up until mid last yr when I had DD2 I was working 3-4 days a week and 3-4 nights a week (usually I worked the nights I worked the days). It was really tough on me and especially my kids who would be at daycare day, my parents at night if I couldn't get someone to come and watch them at my house till I got home. I worked all wkend, all day then night so my parents pretty much had my kids of a wkend . I hated doing it and felt guilty but the single parent pension didn't really cut it. I was also pregnant so when I did get a day off all I wanted to do was rest.... More guilt cause I wasn't as active with the kids like I should have been.
    My kids would go to their fathers one week every 4th week (we live 4hrs apart). So that week I didnt have to rush around after them but I didn't get to see them at all.
    Now I have had DD2 and her father and I are back together so I'm able to stay at home though I still do the odd night shift.

  3. #3

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    I just feel so guilty for wanting a bit of a break. :-(


    Cat xox

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    It's definitely hard. I am up at 6, DD at before school care 7.30. Work from 8.30-5. Get her at 6. Home to do dinner, home work, pack lunches etc. Then I sit down and start uni work. Bed about 11-12. Start again the next day. Especially had being pg too!

    I do however have a weekend to myself when she goes to her fathers, so that's when I catch up on everything. Also on my weekends with her we do something one day but relax the other (which includes snuggling on the lounge so I can have a nanna nap)

    As mums we just power through. Do what we have to!

  5. #5

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    Don't feel guilty for wanting a break! I need a break and I have dp so it's not a single mum thing. Everyone needs time to themselves to recharge. It's just that in your current situation you aren't getting any down time at all

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    getting up at 4.30am
    only getting home at 9pm two days per week (when the afternoon shifts are on)

    OMG

    is this even humanly possible?

    you are very motivated, work very hard, clean like a demon, seem very organised, so it's hard to think of suggestions to streamline your day, cos i bet you're already doing them.

    Many single working mums outsource stuff that they no longer have time to do. You are used to doing it all yourself i know.

    Don't feel guilty for wanting a break, you are human. Unless you have rest, you won't function at work, let alone home.

    SOme single mums have their kids 24/7. Some share custody. Some kids have regular weekend access.

    i think you seriously need an alternative to ex babysitting. Now as an extra. And maybe later, when he leaves you in the lurch (backs out of babysitting, or withdraws it as a way to punish you), as a fall back position, so you can keep your job.

    can't think of much else, given how unreliable and unresponsible your ex is. Ideally, he would have them consistently, one whole day and night per week at least. I hope he gets to that point for everyon'es sakes, but for now, you can't bank on that. ANd to hold down a job, you need babysitting that IS reliable.

    best of luck hon, you are up against it.

    i didn't put down the suggestion of you going part time at work, not sure you can do that in your Grad program. But it would take pressure off, if that were possible.

  7. #7

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    It's not the baby sitting I have trouble with. And the ex is good with the kids he has then the two afternoons I work and the Saturday I work. So has then when I am at work so when I home I have them. He will have them overnight eventually when he sets up a bit more (just moved)... It's the down me time I don't seem to get. And this is what I feel bad for wanting...




    Cat xox

  8. #8

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    Cat - completely understandable. Everyone needs down time to refresh and regroup, sounds like you are using all your no-kid time to work. Be kind to yourself - sounds like you are doing an awesome job everywhere. It can be tricky to remember you are a person who needs to be nurtured as well as a mum, worker, daughter, friend etc. xxxxxx

  9. #9

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    You are doing an amazing job. We all need a break every now and then, don't feel guilty. It's a normal feeling to want time to yourself.

    After having that time you will be more relaxed. I have a newborn and DH sends me out for a few hours on the weekend so I can unwind from the stress. How is my situation different from yours hon? Be kind to yourself

  10. #10

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    Thanks Mak and Sweetpea. xoxox. I needed the reassurance that It's okay to need that time for me...

    The girls are going to their dad's tomorrow for the day. It's the first day that he has had them alone at his new house. (He use to come here to see them & my first afternoons at work are Mon-Tues)... I'm going to spend the day cleaning and hopefully slip in a nap before I go pick them up.

    :-( - I already want them to just stay home...

  11. #11

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    ah hun.

    DS spends 2 nights per month with his dad, and for the last week or two before he goes to his dads I cant wait til he goes, im just so desperate for a break! But then a few days before he goes, I get all emotional cause i dont want him to be away from me.

    Your feelings are completely normal for a hard working single mumma xo

  12. #12

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    I'm very lucky, my Mum watches DS for me when I work. I do night shifts in ED so I start at 9. He's usually already asleep when I leave for work at 8.15pm, then I get home at around 8am and fall into bed while Mum keeps him amused. Sometimes he comes in for a cuddle but most of the time he's happy helping Mum in the garden or doing craft!

  13. #13

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    Outsourcing is a great explanation for what i did and am doing now rainsing the 3 boys:

    My first sons dad was hopeless and i couldnt rely on him for anything so yeah i worked nights and payed a lady to stay at mine overnight and then take ds to either daycare and all school whilst i slept.(all the family a&b i got back then like nearly 10 yr ago)
    and amazingly i was just ahead .... yes my ds was living at daycare alot but i had no choice!

    Now I have 2 little one under 4 and ds 12 .. i do 50 50 care so the two younger ones goes to their dads wed to wed which works so very well ... its like having a mini break except i work clean shop play and then im reading for the following week.... but they still go or are enrolled at the daycare 3-4 days there with me as i just need that sanity break for a few hours a day especially for my 4 yr old...he attends the daily kindergarted sessions from 9-3pm ..

    Sometime i do get the guilts for do the 50 50 epsecially when my ex husband new defacto is having them (as they dont believe in daycare pfftt) but i then tell myself well she is like a fulltime Nanny so im fine then lol
    I then get the guilts about daycare my end but after a weekend with all 3 kids constantly mum mum mum for 48 hrs solid (slight exageration ) i hang out for the mondays day care days .... and both little ones ejoy and ds 12 is at school....and i tell myself im a happy and less grumpy mum for outsourcing ALL the responsibilities to keep me sane and healthy !!

  14. #14

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    thanks for your reply bubno3 xox

    AFM: It certainly gets easier, you get into a routine of getting up and working and getting the children ready. The girls have coped with it amazingly well... we all have. it works because I make it work... by the weekend my house sometimes resembles that a bomb has gone through it. But I clean it up and the next week starts...

    I no longer feel guilty for the girls having a weekend over at their dads, because that is precious time with him and their brothers, and I have some santiy, I've even been out a few times ;-)

    it's funny reading back on this thread and i remember the mess I was then everything was so new, the working, DD at school, the girls were just starting to go to their Dad's 2nd weekend. but it's even better to know that it has turned out just fine

  15. #15

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    excuse the spelling mistakes thru the whole post but hey you get that

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