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Thread: Advice and links to info on shared custody?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Sunshine Coast
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    122

    Default Advice and links to info on shared custody?

    Hi!

    My husband and I seperated last year and have a little girl who's nearly 4. I have been her Primary caregiver all of her life. At the moment my ex has her Tuesday nights (Family Day Care on tues and weds) Friday night and every second saturday. I live an hour's drive from him and do most of the running around and dropping off etc. When I moved he threatened to get an injunction to stop me moving despite it being the same distance, just north instead of south, away as it had been since we seperated. He decided not to go ahead with this despite thinking he had a good chance. I spoke to a family lawyer though who thought his case wasn't strong as he has no family etc in the area that he lives in whilst I have strong connections to where I have moved to. We have started the process of mediation but I would like to try to sort out a better arrangement asap because I think it's all a bit too much for my daughter; 1 night with him, 2 with me, 1/2 with him 2/3 with me. I would like to work it out so that she has blocks of time with each of us and less to and fro between homes. He wants to have shared 50/50 care but I am really reluctant to agree to that. Firstly, because as far as I know for a child of her age it's best for her to be with her primary caregiver for a higher percentage of the time. Secondly, as she starts school next year I am worried that by allowing him to have her half the time there will be a precedent set which will make it tricky to get her enrolled in a local school and if it ends up in court it may end up that she has to go and live with her father through the week and attend school where he lives. (Allthough he has said in emails that he would like at some point to move to the area I'm in anyway- documented in emails). I am by no means trying to stop her from having plenty of contact with her Dad, I just think that 2/3 nights per week is plenty. I have a new partner and I think that a lot of his desire to have her more is based on my ex not wanting another man to have a place in my daughter's life (in fact he's said as much) and I don't think that's really about my daughter's best interests.

    Anyway, sorry to ramble on! I guess I'm just looking for some advice on the legal side of things and maybe some links to research which supports my views on the importance of time with the primary caregiver. It's all very stressful, particularly dealing with my ex who is a very difficult person and can be irrational and emotionally bullying (hence the seperation!)

    Thanks, Christy.


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
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    Chickens.
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    4,989

    Default

    Google "Jennifer McIntosh shared parenting" and that's the latest research in Australia on shared parenting.

    My advice - from someone who's been there? Don't do it. It stuffs up your children. My DS2 (5) has been having psychotherapy for the last 3 years due to attachment difficulties (amongst other things) caused by shared parenting from 12 months to 2.5 years of age.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Sunshine Coast
    Posts
    122

    Default

    Thanks Divvy. I actually jotted that down from another thread and will look it up asap. It's not that I even want to do it, but I feel like I need ammunition to back up my point of view. Thanks again, Christy.

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