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Thread: Advice: seperation crisis

  1. #1

    Default Advice: seperation crisis

    i have a family member going through a crisis.
    he met a woman and they started a relationship and she got pregnant almost immediately. she has a child from a previous relationship which i believe she raised by herself. they announced the pregnancy and all looked rosey. we were so happy that he had met someone and was starting a family, even though it was incredibly fast.
    fast forward a couple of months and they have had a fight and broken up, she not wanting to try again. he is now suspicious she may have set him up, having a school age child and not wanting to start working, biological clock ticking and wanting another baby. who knows if this is the case and its probably irrelevant, but my question is does anyone have any advice for me in this situation?
    he has a job, owns his house with little mortgage i believe. she doesn't work. lives with her parents.
    what would be the normal custody awarded to the father once the baby is born becomes a toddler?
    he would desperately love for things to go back to how they were and for them to be a family but it seems she wants to throw the towel in after one fight. what rights does he have to the child? obviously we want to be involved in his child's life. he/she is our family afterall.
    my heart is breaking for him, one minute it seems he has it all, the next complete devastation.

    any advice on custody with or without going through the courts? will it strictly be a 'one weekend every two weeks' arrangement? is it possible he will get no custody?

    thanks for listening, we are devastated.

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC


    am sure Divvy will come in to advise but my understanding is that the courts now work on the basis of shared care so that children should spend a roughly equal amount of time with both parents unless there are compelling reasons why not (eg. abuse). In years gone by, courts worked on the basis that children were best off spending the vast majority of their time with their mothers - they no longer work from that starting point.

    Given the short nature of the relationship, I don't think she'd have much claim (if any) on his assets but obviously he will need to pay Child Support.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2004


    Each case is completely individual. I would suggest that he obtain independent legal advice in relation to both children's issues and property settlement as soon as possible. He will need to attend mediation with the mother before issuing Court proceedings (if this is indeed necessary). He should see a lawyer before mediation so that he knows what his rights are in relation to the child, including name and attending the birth etc, as well as what is reasonable in terms of spending time with a newborn, toddler etc.

  4. #4


    thank you very much.... i would be very pleased to hear from divvy...

    is there anywhere where i can get info on this new shared parenting stuff....? as i mentioned she has a child from previous relationship, the father having some custody but not a huge amount..... they went through the courts etc so she would be of the old understanding of her being likely to get sole custody or thereabouts.... if there was some reading material or a website that states the new 'rules' i would love to forward this to him for his own information.....

    thanks again it is such a minefield.

  5. #5


    thanks divvy, we posted at same time...

    assets etc won't be an issue as the relationship was so short and they didn't actually live together.....

    he is trying to keep things amicable but i really think he should get legal advice as to his rights to the child.... i will suggest this again....

    thanks again

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