thread: Amicably Separated Parents: Any Still Do Stuff Together?

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member
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    Apr 2007
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC

    Amicably Separated Parents: Any Still Do Stuff Together?

    DP and I are going down the path of separation and things are really very amicable. No arguments as yet re the financial settlement and he's left me to work out custody arrangements around his roster (shift worker) which is a little tricky.

    I think both of us would be willing to still do things together eg. have dinner together, go on outings together, possibly weekends away together now and again.

    I would really like to do that because I think we would get on quite well once we're not living together plus the thing that makes me most sad about this is that the girls will miss out on "family" stuff. I know, derrr.

    So has anyone else had a really amicable separation? Did the pros outweigh the cons (potentially confusing for the kids)?

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    Melbourne, Vic

    We mostly have, at times there is bit resentment bitterness but overall we do get along.
    We were able to organise custody, finances etc all between ourselves.
    We have done dinners together, went to fireworks together at xmas, even xmas eve we all stayed at ex's so we could be together xmas morning. Some ppl think its odd but it works for us, kids love when we are all out together, it doesn't confuse them, its just how it is.
    When we are all out together, we mainly talk to the kids not so much to each other.

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Member

    Feb 2009

    Sorry to hear about your recent separation Fionas.

    When DH split with his ex they made a huge effort to do things as a family unit... birthday dinners (theirs and the girls), speaking on the phone in front of the girls, going out for dinner / having dinner at home together once a week. Even when I and the ex's new partner came onto the scene, we would ALL go out to dinner together. Ultimately, these things happened less and less, but looking back now I'm really glad there was so much effort put into putting on the 'united front'.

    I know this is all in the very early stages for you, but please know that it is possible... DH and his ex have been separated just over 8 years, we have a child and they have 2 more kids and we are all still very amicable towards each other. Every year, we all celebrate the girls birthdays together and we have Christmas breakfast together.

  4. #4
    2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Apr 2009

    My sister and her ex are most of the time and have been since their seperation approximately 5years ago. My sister remarried which didn't last long and I am actually expecting her to reunite with her DS father.

    A good friend of mine's parents still have dinner together weekly (with their 2 grown up children and grandkids) They still have Christmas Lunch together also and any big family celebrations together. I expected they stayed together until their 2 children moved out of home and now have been seperated for approximately 10years.

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Member

    May 2010
    Land of Dreams

    XDH and I get on better now then before (apart from my issues with his DF, which isn't huge). We do joint outings for kids school/daycare events, birthdays, and parties.

    We don't do holidays or anything real exciting, just what benefits the kids.

    We used to do Thursday night dinners together, but the situation changed so its very rare for dinners now.

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber
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    Mar 2008
    Waterloo, Merseyside, UK

    Re: Amicably Separated Parents: Any Still Do Stuff Together?

    Huge hugs. I'm sorry to hear this xx

  7. #7
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Mar 2010

    We(Dh and I) have an awesome relationship with my ex and his partner, it has taken many years and a few bumps to get it flowing this well, but it was well worth it. especially for our girls who think we are all one big family. They spend weekends at our house(they live away) and we stay at theirs, we go out socially without the children and he even has had our little girl from my new marriage overnight, she loves him and he adores her.

    I think starting with little visits on common ground is great and working at it no matter what is wonderful. New relationships bring some turbulence, again the working through it is worth it. I really love the girls feeling comfortable and confident with their family being able to hang out even though we are no longer together.


  8. #8
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber
    Add sushee on Facebook

    Sep 2004
    Melb - where my coolness isn't seen as wierdness

    Yep, I am friendly with both my XHs and we spend Christmases and birthdays together when we can and even have each other round if the kids are going to be there. XH1 and his wife and XH2 and DP and I skype to collectively talk about the kids (DP is still getting used to this!) but yes, we all have an amicable relationship. In fact when I recently visited Perth I stayed with XH2 with my DP's full consent.

    It has been confusing sometimes for my DS3 coz he's young and he thinks us getting along means we might get back together, and that's taken some explaining. But I'd rather explain than for him to see us at each other's throats. And this way he has times where he has both mummy and daddy and it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.

    My XH1 and I have not always had the best relationship in the early years after our break up and I think that that was detrimental to my older kids. They think it's awesome that we all get on now. It's not always comfortable for the adults, but we suck it up and are friendly and open and discuss things because it's what we know we have to do for our kids.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2008
    the world

    We tried to have it amicable but it just ended up with me being controlled my exDH again. Became really difficult when we met new people as well! In my case we had to have a nasty patch so that I could realise that I needed to move on and become my own person. We are amicable again now though