Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Bad Mum?

  1. #1

    Default Bad Mum?

    Here goes. I just need to get this out. I am a single Mum and have been since mid last year. I have a daughter who is 2 and a son who is 4. They are both beautiful children who are both loved and feel safe in two separate homes. They go to their Dad 50% of the time. There has been an opportunity with my business of moving 45 minutes away. I no longer like living where I am living, in this town, the only reason I reside here is because of my ex-partners work, in which he cannot get a transfer. I feel unhappy here and where I wish to move to is by the ocean, something that I truly resonate with. Issue is, our son starts Prep next year and he's been accepted into a good school here. The ex wants him to go to school here. I would never take our children away from the ex, we work well together and do our best for our children, regardless of our differences (actually what has happened with us is never discussed). So I don't see our children 4 days a week as it is, how on earth would a Mum not see them 5 days a week whilst our son went to Prep? I've spoken to some Mums that have their children on weekends only and they are with the Dad the rest of the time. Is it just a fear that nobody ever really talks about? Is it conditioning that the Mum should be with the children most of the time? I am deeply saddened but I have to move, I am so unhappy here. I have complete trust 100% that our children would be absolutely happy and safe and fine with their father. He is actually brilliant at being a Dad. So, am I a bad Mum for feeling this way? For feeling that I want to live by the ocean, have a good life and be happy and focus on my business as well? Do other Mums ever feel this way or are there other Mums out there that are currently doing this? I just need to know really. I've made my decision to go. Like I said, I can't stay here. Thank you for listening to be ramble.


  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Near the Snowies!
    Posts
    2,975

    Default

    I don't think it makes you a bad mum at all. I think the saying "happy mum, happy baby (kids)" still applies!
    I just don't think it is that common to talk about the situation where the kids are with dad more than mum, but it certainly doesn't make you any less of a parent. Xx

  3. #3

    Default

    I don't think it makes you a bad Mum at all. As storm said, 'happy mum = happy kids'. You need to do what makes you happy and a 45 minute drive isn't that far at all. My DH drives almost that far to and from work each day. You'll never be too far from your kids.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    travelling
    Posts
    9,557

    Default

    I couldn't do it myself, but mostly because my ex is completely useless & I don't trust him as far as I could throw him.
    I would love the opportunity to give my kids a better future with the possibility of working away on my mind. Maybe one day when they're a bit older, if my mum was willing to care for them I would.
    Good luck & I hope it works out. I think its more general that kids are with their mother, but its less common than you'd think

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    7,260

    Default

    I don't think it makes you a bad mum at all!
    I commuted more than 45 mins to school everyday for all of high school, my sister did it for HS plus half of PS. It really isn't that far at all - are you sure there is no way to keep your current arrangements? Either way, sounds to me like you are in a fabulous position to be able to pursue what makes you happy and you should do that!
    I think the thing nobody speaks of much is that kids are only PART of you and PART of your life. Doing the best for them often means doing the best for you, and in the short term, that may be contrary to our perception of social norms. Being with their dad is no different to being with you - he is a loving, attentive, responsible and connected parent too.
    Good luck! x

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    SE Melbourne
    Posts
    2,975

    Default

    I agree with everyone else.... if it's 50% custody anyway..... essentially if you have them on the weekends, and he has them during the week (with times for him to have the occassional weekend as well....)

    Most of the children I work with, are in a much better place if they have a single home during the week - that's not to say the shared care arrangements can't work - but so many times the one night here and two nights there, and one night back there, and 3 nights over here... just are too confusing for kids.... it doesn't really matter which parent it is, as long as there is a stable, familiar, consistent routine for kids.
    If you trust that he will look after them well, you will be a much better parent for making that decision - as long as you stay in their lives regularly it will work out.

    Good luck! I hope it really does work for you xx

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •