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Thread: DD sleepover with xDP

  1. #1

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    Default DD sleepover with xDP

    So I have recently left my xdp, hes a lost cause (see post about him if intrested) and moved back in with my mum. And im really happy bout it!

    He has been away for work for the last 6 weeks, barely rung to see how DD is going, and hasnt given me anymore for her in weeks. apparently hes sposed to pay about 300 a month, and now centerlink have cut my payments to encorperate (sp?)that, fair enough. He rocks up today right before her bedtime. he says hello to her and stuff, we didnt really say much to each other, and then asks if he can have her overnight next week. I said no, shes not stayting away for a night, he can have her all day but she stays with me at night. Not that he wants her over night, it would be his stupid mum in his ear, she wants her for a sleep over. I can gaurentee that when he does have her for a day he will just take her to his mums so he doesnt have to look after her. he doesnt even have a cot at his house, coz ive got it. he cracked the sad's, dished out a bit of verbal abuse and left

    Hes barely had an intrest in her since she was born, never bathed her, fed her, and hasnt looked after hes for more then half hour. he would complain if i asked him to watch her so i could had a shower, i would get "just let me go have a smoke and a cone first" or "nar you'll take ages". So no way is he having her over night. hes gonna get a huge shock when he has her for a day coz she does so much more now and gets into everything, nearly walking.

    Im not having my daughter sleep at his or his parents house (smoking inside) he smokes weed. im not having her in that environment when shes about to go to sleep....isnt that a cause of sids? he has never woken when she cries, and she would just be distressed when she wakes up in the middle of the night and im not there, and he would just get frustrated with her.

    Anyways, slight vent! but do you let ur xpartner/hubby take ur kids overnight? what kind of agreement do u have.



    Am i being a biartch?

  2. #2

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    sounds like you are right for not wanting your ex to take her overnight. he might call you a ***** but at the end of the day your daughter needs to always be safe, and I know the kind of ****er, you have to ask them to watch their own child whilst you take a shower.... And I wouldn't let him get to you. You don't want a call saying he can't handle her at 2 am or worse....

    BTW this only applies to ****er deadbeat dads who don't pay their children attention, not normal ex partner situations where they are actually a real parent not a pretend one lol

  3. #3

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    ah crap i didnt see this for ages!! sorry
    well its similar situation with my XP babe, he works away and hardly ever rings to c how jade is then suddenly he has a 2 week holiday and wants jade for half of it. after not seeing her since july! he smokes weed too and is alot harder on her than me (he does controlled crying well more like leaving her to it but you get my drift)
    but at the end of the day i know he would never hurt her and would do anything for her, he loves her to bits and he is only allowed to have DD at his mums house so she is there in case he spazzes out or something. legally well no the court would think if he smokes pot then he cant have Freya, but its really YOUR call...do YOU think Freya is safe there? if not then just dont let her its simple :P
    ill pm u my mobby number on fb and feel welcome to text me whenever we can ***** about our stoner exs lol!! xx

  4. #4

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    Go with your instincts. If you feel that your DD will be in an unsafe environment (which from the sounds of things she would be) you have every right to say no.

    Remember though, that DD's grandparents are her family just as much as her father is - if they are prepared to work within some agreed groundrules that you're comfortable with (like no smoking indoors when DD is around) then helping them to maintain a relationship with your daughter can have massive benefits. As difficult as it can be at times. It may also mean that they stop pushing so hard for your x to make demands etc.

  5. #5
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    Do you have a Parenting Order Plan?

    i've just separated from my X and am going to get one of those, so all of those things, like visits, are legally worked out and then made legal by the order.

    i don't think you're being a biatch at all, if you don't look out for the needs of your DD, who will?
    All your decisions are based on what is best for your DD.

    Is she breastfed? I've heard that judges will be more likely to go with your wish of "no overnight visits with x" if the child is breastfed.

    IF the grandparents are capable of looking after her, AND you are ok about that (i'm unclear how you feel about the grandparents), well that is another matter. If they are very keen on having regular contact with her, maybe they will seek out a Court Order for contact themselves.

    i think anyone who helps you with mediation (about Contact) and anything legal (like Parenting orders), you need to spell out the X's addictions, infrequent contact, status of child support payments. All that builds a picture.

    a child needs stability
    regular contact
    evidence of capacity to care for her e.g if he can't be bothered to buy a cot, how committed is he?
    if she's toddling around, about to walk, does he have babygates? safety locks for cupboard door handles? has he put poisonous chemicals up high? all the stuff you do to babyproof a home for a baby learning to walk, get into stuff.
    e.g if he goes from zero care to a night, how realistic is that?
    Your dd is not a toy, to be put down, when he can't cope with changing a nappy, or is more interested in getting stoned than staying alert, to attend to her needs.

    for a young child, a six week absence is a very long time. She might feel like she's going to a stranger.

    If he can't communicate with you, without getting aggro, how can he get a good changeover anyway?
    All the vital info you have - what she likes, how she likes to be held, what calms her, what helps her nappy rash, all the nuances that are much more complicated than a fave toy - if he can't talk civilly to you, how will he find all that out?

    Stand firm
    Protect your child
    Your gut tells you to do this already - listen to that and keep with it

    You are this baby's advocate and voice, just keep listening to your gut instinct, i think you know what to do, he's just making you doubt yourself.

    and for the immediate period - you have to survive financially - contact CL ASAP and tell them that X is not making payments.
    contact CS - is there anyway to have the CS directly taken out of his pay, paid to CSA and then paid to you?
    I just applied to Child Support Agency and they will take the payments directly out of x's CL payment and then pay me, so I don't have to deal direct with him about the CS. I've been told it gets tricky if your X is self employed. But if they work for an employer (or are on CL payments like my X), then it's pretty straightforward - but you do have to request that CS make the arrangements.

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