Failure

dear pz,

so sorry hun.. i had pnd with ds and it was the same. i didnt even bond w him at the start and i was just fulfilling the basic needs. i felt like a pretend mother, i didnt even feel like a mother. it took a while to bond with him and it was so so hard.
please talk to your gp or ring panda.
i wish i was closer.. xoxoxoxoxo

PZ, I'm free Tuesday morning. Let me know if I can do anything for you. Anything. You have many friends on here who will lend a hand... :hug:

Big :grouphug: from your baby buddie group

X X X

Babe, PND sneaks up on its victims sometimes without any warning. Having my DD should have been the happiest moment of my life, i had everything i ever wanted and then some. But i just couldnt stop the crying or the thoughts. What helped me through was realising it wasnt my fault, it was nobodys fault. Life sometimes just gets too much for us to cope with. It may not be PND but just everything getting on top of you. I am glad you called your XH he should be there to help with your DD afterall you are feeling this way because of what he did. Are you staying with your mum, i hope there is someone there with you looking after you.

More :hug: :hug:\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ even DD gives her love too lol

still thinking of you huni xxx

Thinking of you PZ. You are not a failure at all.... Reach out to people and let them help you xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - I wonder what the kids are up to....Better go!

Thinking of you.

Hello pz, I heard you were having a rough time. It sounds very very rough. I can't imagine how lonely and desperate you feel.

Don't worry about isla, at this age all she does is eat, poop and sleep so it's a good time for you to take the time to sit in bed and cry.

Having your first baby is the most overwhelming thing, nothing in this world can prepare you for it. You could read all the parenting books in the world, but the moment your baby is born your entire life is turned upside down and inside out.

Many many women suffer from pnd, something like 1/4 of all mums. I did with my first child. I struggled with complete insomnia and just cried constantly. The only thing I can offer you is that I found a psychologist through my gp and the mental health care plan and soon after that I felt normal again and started enjoying my new life as a mum. So don't underestimate the power of a good chat with a professional.

You are going through a relationship breakdown and the dramatic life changing event of having a new baby, added to the fact you now have a little person entirely reliant on you so you are feeling so much pressure. Anyone would feel exactly the same as you do in your situation, so you are NOT a failure, you are merely human.

You have the entire human race in common with you.



Sent from my Desire HD

just checking in to see how you are this morning PZ :hug:

:hug: hun, you are NOT a failure, you are doing what you feel is right for yourself and your daughter and that is the most important decision to make.
I hope you can get into your GP and you can get some answers and start to feel as strong and amazing as we all know you really are.
Take your time, 1 foot in front of the other and don't rush yourself, being a new mum is HARD WORK and add on any other stress and your bound to be a tearful mess, if thats what you need then CRY AWAY.
I'm not going on my trip now until maybe the w/end, if i go on Friday then i can still drop in that stuff and maybe we could have a quick coffee if your up to it, if not then thats fine too.

:hug: :hug: :hug: we're all here for you hun.

awww you are not a terrible parent.

as parents we have been through it...gosh even now i still do

How are you doing PZ? Thinking of you xxxxx

Please please let me know if you'd like for me and my crazy kids to come for a visit tomorrow, or if there's something else I can do to help :hug:

PZ - big hugs hun. I think most of us have had moments of feeling like this - it can be a hard gig especially when things are not going as you had hoped.
Please take care of yourself as much as possible. Let me know if you feel like a coffee/walk tomorrow as we are about too. Happy to talk or not, whatever you feel up to.
xxx

PZ, did you to get into see your GP? Hope today has been better xx

Have been thinking about you all day.

Hope you got to your GP, and have some support around you.

Thinking of you PZ xo

Thinking of you hun :hug:
It's often not quite the fairytale we think it's going to be, but know that you are never alone on this truly bumpy path that is motherhood. The road is well worn (have left my own marks - trust me)... Hope you know deep down just what a great job you are doing, and that there is someone close by to give you real hugs :comfort:

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PZ, did you to get into see your GP? Hope today has been better xx

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me too, hope you don't feel like you're being stalked! just thinking of you, and hoping you're feeling a bit better

PZ, I'm so sorry again that you're going through such a horrid, hard time ATM, but please reach out and get the help that you need. Big hugs hun, thinking of you :hug::hug:

I didn't. I couldn't get an appointment with my doctor until late in the week. I did talk to my mum about it all though. Felt good to get it off my cheat and know she's here for me.

Speaking of here for me. I've had so many kind and beautiful offers of company and visits from so many of you! Haven't taken anyone up on it yet :redface: Believe it or not I can get quite shy sometimes. But I'm going to try putting myself out there more. Thankyou all so much though, all of you :grouphug: There have been a few huge things happen in the last 24 hours with myself and DH...I'm still very confused and in two minds about it all...but I think that's all for another thread perhaps!

I'm not feeling like such a failure today. I *am* a good mum. My daughter is thriving on the breastmilk I fought so hard to provide her with, she's gorgeous and happy as can be. Today I played with her, cuddled and loved her. I'm not a failure, even though sometimes I feel like it.

:hug: you are awesome =]

Aww yay for having a better day.

So glad you feel the love coming at you from here.

WRT Hubby (not sure which pronoun to use, D or X or what!) it's ok to be confused. Not nice, but I think to be expected. Take your time, go slowly and work out what is best for you and your gorgeous girl.

:hug:

Sometimes he's XH, sometimes DH and sometimes just plain ****er :lol: Argh. I don't know what I'd do without y'all, honestly I don't.

You are feeding her with breastshields aren't you PZ? Cos i'm assuming, you only use a breastshield, if feeding from the breast is not happening. I've never bf with shields, but i'm assuming, it's a bit harder, you have to get used to doing it with accessories, so right there, that makes me think - you hit a challenge, you didn't give up, you found an alternate way and have and are giving that your all. Just so Isla gets her liquid gold. Not everyone would and could do that.

Isla will never remember, when she's an adult, the state of your home, how many times she got pushed around the block, but she WILL have better health chances, because of your choice to perservere with bf-ing her.

When she grows up, she will understand, how hard it must have been, for you to leave your partner and move house, with a nb baby - that is a massive thing to do.

There are the bare basics in life
- you both get fed (you have LnE organised, she has bm)
- you both get cleaned
- you need clothing to wear (and launder)
- she needs you to manage her outputs, deal with the nappies
- you both need love and human touch (cuddles)
i'm guessing you already meet all these basic needs for I and yourself, so in my book, you're doing the most important stuff.

Many things you can avoid in this time, of feeling like you're not coping
- paper plates to use for now, to save washing up
- think about shopping online for groceries, if going shopping is too much right now
- ask your X or mum to clean your wet areas (bathroom, loo, kitchen) once a week for you, for the next month (unless you can stretch to a cleaner)

(i did none of these when i had PND, i was too overwhelmed to even think of these solutions, i can only think of them now, cos it's been years since i had a nb, and i've since met and talked with many women who have had PND, and they shared what got them thru - the paper plates made me LOL - i always had paper plates in the house, never thought to use them at the time, just got more and more depressed by every kitchen counter being covered in dishes needing to be washed, cos i was too unwell at the time, to even stand up in the kitchen and do anything.)

i am so impressed that you, even when feeling down, can come up with solutions like the L and E one. Instead of living on weetbix and iced coffee for the first year, like i stupidly did.

You are stronger than you know PZ.

Gigi, feeding started off really well in hospy...then at home declined. Went from me desperately hand expressing onto a spoon (all I could get) and feeding DD like that because she refused to attach, to hand expressing into a medicine cup, to pumping and the medicine cup, pumping and bottles to the nipple shield. I'm only now feeling 'safe' enough to try some feeds without the shield, and she's actually getting half a feed without it before she needs it back. So we're getting there. I am really proud of myself for persevering. The number of times I was seconds away from going out and buying formula, being in tears because DD just wouldn't eat. My milk didn't come in until day 6...it was tough. On Friday we did an ABA photoshoot for their next addition of breastfeeding naturally, showing how to use the shield. We've come a long way. Thankyou so much for encouraging and reassuring me :)

The paper plates is a fabbo idea! Wow, that will save my sanity heaps. I can't believe I didnt consider that.

wow, you have been thru the wringer with establishing bf-ing! i remember hearing women (with stories like yours) speaking at the local ABA group, i went along while pregnant, to hear what bf-ing was like.

Not having your milk come in until the sixth day, wow, that must have messed with your head - wondering if your body would ever start producing milk, wow. I was shocked when mine came in, i didn't believe it would happen, until it actually did. Felt like a miracle to me. Felt like a miracle when she suckled. I never took for granted, that any of it would "just happen", just so grateful that it happened for us (with some work).

That is a huge, selfless gift that you have given Isla.

woot for the half breast feeds without shields, you are achieving now, that's obviously a huge achievement. It's a big skill to learn, both for your baby, and for you. I struggled to "get it" for the first four months, and we hit four months, for no obvious reason, she suddenly got it, i suddenly got it - it was fine from then on. Until she got teeth, and then i had to re-learn all the positioning stuff that i had been told, but didn't really take in, back then. aba advice everytime, kept us going, no matter what happened. I loved finding ESSENCE in my postbox every two months, i would read it cover to cover, 100% stories from bf-ing mums, all talking about many bf-ing issues that i actually went thru at some time during our bf-ing journey. And even the stories about things that DIDN"T happen to us, i liked reading them, because it prepared me, for if they DID happen. It normalised the bf-ing experience, cos i didn't get to see many bf-ing mums IRL, i was usually the only mum bf-ing wherever we were. I loved having the ABA calendar on my kitchen wall, where i could see those positive, beautiful bf-ing photos every day, it buoyed me up, reminded me of what i believed in.

You will do that too, for other women, when your shield photo is in that aba book, your photo will help other women in that position.

Thinking of you xx

Big hug :hug:

Your mum is there for you so lean on her. You are a good mum - don't lose sight of all the things you have been through to give your bubba girl the best start in life. And when you are ready take up those offers of company from your BB support crew!

Gigi- Love the paper plate idea- really that is legend!

PZ U are awsome hun. You are reallt doing hardwork at the mo, all the hardest stuff at once- new baby, new house and relationship stuff.
Im so proud of you and I think a lot of other here are too.

Take your time with hubby, no need to rush anything there.
Remeber to take time to do something for yourself everyday

And breathe so often we forget to. A few big cleansing breaths does wonders.

:hug:

So glad that yesterday was better. I can hear in your words that things have improved. Your daughter has a wonderful mummy x