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Thread: Failure

  1. #1

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    Default Failure

    I am a ****ty, terrible parent. For the last two days I've been in bed crying my eyes out Feeding DD, changing her and putting her to sleep. That is literally all I have done with her, no playing, not even smiles I suck at this and I just can't keep things together anymore.


  2. #2

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    Aaaaww PZ :hugs: sweetie. It will get better, give yourself s break you've got so much on your plate right now.

  3. #3

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    Oh hun big hugs

  4. #4

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    No you're not, so stop thinking that right now! we've all had moments like that when you just wish you could leave them on a doorstep and it truly sucks. You've got so much to deal with atm that it's no wonder you are feeling extra tense and everything seems like it is caving in on you. Just take each day at a time OK? Perhaps tonight you and Isla can have a nice bath together and a bit of a play and I'm sure you will feel like you can keep on going

  5. #5

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    Pumpkin, you know what? I bet you a million bucks there isn't a mother on this site that hasn't done the exact same thing. I know I have...

    Parenthood is a bloody tough gig. Combine being a first time new parent with what you are going through at the moment, makes it expotentially harder.

    You are not a failure. You aren't even close. And little Isla Mae isn't suffering at all. She has a mum who is making sure she is warm and snug, clean with a full belly. She knows you love her. That, I can promise you.

    Be kind to yourself and take care x

    ETA: I should point out I don't actually have a million bucks but I think my money would be pretty safe if I did x
    Last edited by nothing2lose; July 31st, 2011 at 05:08 PM.

  6. #6

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    All your DD needs to know you love her is a clean bum and a full tummy. You are doing an amazing job and I am certain she could not have a more loving mother looking after her. Have you been to see your GP to let them know how you are feeling? There could be some support they could offer (not necessarily medication) that would help you feel stronger again.

  7. #7

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    no way are you a failure

    grief screws you up - and you are grieving the life you thought you had and what should have been

    you're a new mummy, still finding her feet

    and you're doing all you NEED to do. yup, playing extra games is fantastic - but we ALL go through periods where it's just too much. you are meeting Isla's essential needs, allowing yourself to grieve so that you CAN move forward, one way or another. Isla would tell you if she needed more. she wouldn't settle, she wouldn't feed - but she is - which means you're doing all she needs you to do

    Don't be so damn hard on yourself. the only expectations you are failing are your own - i know we all believe we should be supermum's - but sometimes we have to shelve those expectations of ourselves and just accept we're mortal, we have weaknesses - and that it's ok to feel those mortal feelings and grieve.

  8. #8

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    please don't ask me the number of times that I asked OH if I could take DS back to the hospital in those first weeks and I wasn't going through what you are.

    She is too young to know any different, she knows she is loved cause you are changing her bum, you are feeding her, you are meeting her needs. She doesn't really know what play is at the moment so she can't miss something she doesn't know about.

    You are going through a really stressful time, it is ok to cry for days on end... at some point the tears will stop and by working through it you are rebuilding your strength. Take this time to process.

    I would suggest that you plan an outing in the next couple of days... even it if it's to the shops for some window shopping, that way you have to have a shower, you have to put on clean clothes and you will get some fresh air be gentle on yourself

  9. #9

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    You wanna know somethin'? I didn't even go through anything like you are going through and i spent most days like that..

    You are going through a lot and its ok to grieve it doesn't make you a bad person at all. She is still so young so sleeping, eating and pooping is all she is going to do. Don't be so hard on yourself remember its not you who made everything this way.

    MASSIVE

  10. #10

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    I feel like dying.

  11. #11

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    Does anyone have any info on mother baby units or similar.

  12. #12

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    This link gives some details Department of General Medicine : Mother & Baby Units but I strongly urge you to try contacting the hospital where you gave birth, or your GP (even on an out of hours number) as that may be faster. Is there someone you can call to sit with you for a while, or to help you with DD?

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by PumpkinZulu View Post
    Does anyone have any info on mother baby units or similar.
    You generally need to go to your GP or psychologist and be linked in from there, as there is a referral process.
    From the GP appointment where we knew I needed admission to the time of admission it was about 48 hours.

  14. #14

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    Also try calling Panda (melbourne org) who are great. Im on my iphone so I cant provide details, sorry x
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  15. #15

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  16. #16

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    PZ.. this is some info from Beyond Blue. Please ring, be kind to yourself, you are not failing asking for help, you would be doing the best thing for you and Isla.

    A large part of providing people visiting the beyondblue website with the best information possible is linking to external services. All services linked in this website are reviewed before they are posted.

    While beyondblue reviews information relating to these services it is important to note that they are not operated or controlled by beyondblue. Links are provided for convenience only and may not be current. Provision of a link should not be construed as an endorsement or approval of the third party service or website by beyondblue.

    beyondblue is not responsible for the content of third party services or websites, which are not covered by these Terms of Use. Users access those services at their own risk.

    Services

    ?Pregnancy, birth & baby helpline 1800 882 436 - free helpline available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
    ?PANDA - Post and Ante Natal Depression Association, Monday - Friday 9am to 7pm (AEST), 1300 726 306 - Australia wide helpline support, information and referral provided by staff and trained volunteers
    ?GROW Support Groups (National) - 1800 558 268
    ?Suicide Call Back Service (National) - 1300 659 467

  17. #17

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  18. #18

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    Please call someone hun .

    Regards,
    Dianne

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