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Thread: frustrating xp!!!!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Unhappy frustrating xp!!!!

    I really dont no what to do any more..any advice would be really appreciated

    My daugter is 9months old. Her father & I split when she was 3 months - it was a mutual thing - we didnt want to be together anymore but agreed that we'd always put DD first. That was until he decided he wanted to be together again & i didnt. For the past 6 months Xp will:
    - only take DD 'if he feels like it' or if he doesnt have anything better to do (his words).
    - alot of the time when he actually takes her he brings her back about half-hour later(incl the night of my bday which he knew i had planned for weeks)
    - ive asked him for help many different times but he either says no or makes plans then breaks them at the last minute.
    - He says that he doesnt have to help me or i should get over it & do everything myself because apparently thats the way i wanted it (because i dont want to be with him)

    It has actually come to the point where he has said to me that he isnt happy so he is going to do everything he can to make my life hard. Its like he isnt even thinking about DD & has the attitude of a selfish little teenage boy.
    Ive really had enough - this has been going on for so long & i dont no what to do anymore. ive been putting up with it coz i want my daughter to have a relationship with her dad but its getting to the point where i dont no if its worth bothering..


  2. #2

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    Nov 2007
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    How mature of him! I really don't have any advice chicky, just wanted to send some cyber

  3. #3

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    Oh gee! Situations like this are so hard. You're trying to do the right thing and give your daughter a relationship with her daddy, and he's just being a big turdhead!

    Have you got any kind of formal agreement in place in regards to custody, and even child support? If you do, then I would probably suggest trying to stick to it. And if there is no agreement in place, then I would recommend going through the channels to make it all official. Once it starts becoming more official it might give him the kick in the pants he needs to realise that this is not all a game.

    I have to admit that I'm not sure what happens if there is an agreement that he is not fulfilling (for example if he is meant to take her on certain nights, and he's not showing). We are always on the other side of the fence because we take my DSS's for a lot more nights than our current agreement states. Hopefully someone else might be able to help you with that though...

    In any case, I definitely see why you are upset and frustrated and I think you have every reason to be. Good luck with everything!

  4. #4

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    there is a CSA thing in place but he doesnt pay me anything at all. Ive also tried mediation through Family dispute resolution & he didnt bother to show up

  5. #5

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    Firstly contact CSA and get them to take it out of his wages/pay. That way you will get what you are supposed to and not have to deal with it.
    Also get a custody agreement written up. It is such a huge gamble if you don't because he can legally leave the house with her for a visit and not bring her back. If he is purposefully trying to hurt you he might just do it. I had a friend who didn't see her son for almost 10 months! When she finally got her son back he didn't remember who she was because he was only a few months old at the time he was taken

    I have been where you are, not because he wanted me back but because he wanted to make it hard.

    I got on with it, told him FINE, didn't ask for help and didn't show that his actions effected me. I still encouraged him to take them but when he cancelled or didn't show up, I wrote it down in my diary of visits and that was the end of it. I think it is important that you write down EVERYTHING that happens because it might be needed later at court. Make sure you include as much detail as possible including times and dates of everything from phone calls to cancelled visits to bringing her home early.

    I once had tickets to see Danny Bhoy on a Friday which I was given for my birthday. The boys father was supposed to have them until the Saturday night but he rang me and said he was on his way to drop them off just as I was getting off the bus to head to the theatre. I said "hell no you can turn around and go home" and he said he was already half way back which was an hour and a half. It was the moment where I said no more walking on me and I told him have fun I wont be home until tomorrow. Guess who won in that situation. Maybe you could do the same sometimes just say NO i wont be there you keep her until when you are supposed to.

    I really feel for you and your poor daughter. It got to the point in my situation, where the boys would cry when they had to go to daddies because they just didn't know him anymore. Chase was 3 months when we split and Jaidan was 17 months. Hopefully he wakes up soon and sees that he is doing such damage to your relationship and his with his daughter.

    Just to let you know, the boys father and I get along well now. He sees them every 2nd weekend and on holidays and has been paying his CS for a long time So there IS hope!

  6. #6

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    Feb 2007
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    Smile

    will do thanks missymoo

  7. #7

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    huge hugs huni...men are sooo imature...my real dads was like that and now i dont see him...i didt even get a card for my 21st...his loss, my stepdad is who i call dad.
    you are doing the right thing but if he carries on your dd will see what hes like.
    lots of love rach xxxxx

  8. #8

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    I haven't been through it myself with my XH, he just wanted me and the kids gone, but I have been with my sister who has been through hell and back with her XH whose sole purpose in life is to make hers miserable.

    I have to agree with everything they have said. Call CSA and tell them he is not paying. You get to backdate for a short period so don't let it lapse.

    Get court orders. Write down every missed pick up, every early drop off. Do it all by the book and get it in writing. The courts can't do much to make him spend time with his daughter, but they can make sure you get her back.

    And as horrible as this sounds, don't push. If he doesn't come, well then that is his loss and something that he has to live with when she wonders why she barely knows him. You do what you can for her, but don't let him ruin everything for her and you.

    Finally, Never say anything bad about him in her presence. Its not because you can't trust her, but because she needs to trust you to have her best interests at heart.

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