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Thread: He is the one missing out!

  1. #1

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    Default He is the one missing out!

    XH is seeing the kids less and less these days
    He was having the girls (2 and 3) one weekend night and our little man (1) the other but now he seems to find excuses why he can't...he gets home from work to late, he is to tired, he has to go on his dads boat
    He pops in when he feels like it satys for 10 mins and then leaves.
    I will not tell the girls when he is coming because inevitably he will not turn up and I have seen them upset by it to many times already.
    I think the kids are picking up on it as he quickly popped in the other day and DD2 (3) would not talk to him at all...wouldn't even look at him or acknowledge that he was even there and then last night he came over at 7.30pm DD's where up but bub was asleep...but as he left bub woke up so he wanted a cuddle I got him and XH took him but no...bub only wanted me...arms out back t me.
    We have only been separated 4.5mths and he seems to be bored with them already goodness knows what he will be like in a years time.
    It is the kids I feel for they are missing out on their dad...really it doesn't take that much effort to be a decent father.


  2. #2

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    Awwe, poor kiddies. It's so unfair when they can pick an choose.


    Love MN ;-)

  3. #3

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    your right babe he is the one missing out and he will realise too little too late.
    But in the meantime you are the one that sees the fallout of his absence, mops up the tears when he lets them down and has to listen to his crap when he blames you that the kids dont listen to him or want to see him!

    it sucks the big one!!!! Men are eggs!

    Your babies are so very lucky to have such a wonderful caring mum, and you are doing a wonderful job, be proud of yourself.

  4. #4
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    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    Hun he is the one missing out and in time when kids refuse to go visit him he will then realise.

    You are doing a great job alone xoxo

  5. #5

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    Yes your right MN it is so unfair!! They just seem to think they can wander in and out with no real responsibility.
    As much as I love my kids I could really do with a night out...but that is not going to happen in a hurry.

    You hit the nail on the head Feijoa mum...sounds like you have been there before too...it does suck!!

    Thanks feeb

    Who needs a man...I was quite chuffed with myself when I put a new flyscreen in my back sliding door...and it looks great

  6. #6

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    My XDP has recently started to attempt to be a decent Father again. The first time he seen DS in ages, he asked who he was and I could only manage to tell him that it was Mummy's friend. Glad I did too and that I don't tell him when he is seeing him because 4 times out of 5 he cancels and the times he does show, he is late. I didn't really expect anything different but I admit I did have a little cry over it. I don't want my lil guy growing up thinking his Father is a horrible person so have never said a bad word about him but he is showing DS what he is like anyways *sigh*

  7. #7

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    I know how you feel. Always excuses, excuses, excuses. I too don't mention when we'll be seeing my exDP as you're not sure if he'll turn up or make another excuse and they'll be let down and their little hearts broken. It hurts knowing that the kids are missing out but then again if he's not going to be a decent father than they don't need that less-than half arsed crap.


    You're doing a fantastic job. You're a wonderful mumma. Be proud of yourself!

  8. #8

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    Damprye

    Grrr isn't it annoying Jewel...they just don't seem to think of the effect they have on their kids. for you going through it too.

    He rang tonight to say goodnight to the girls and DD2 wouldn't talk to him and DD3 mumbled something and ran of to play
    He then went on to tell me how he went on his dads boat to the yacht club and is going out onto the canals tomorrow...it's alright for some

  9. #9

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    I am so over men right now back

  10. #10

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    Massive

    Men are very selfish when it comes to the split parenting, they seem to think their own life is frist and then their children. Bet they didnt think of that when they were busy helping creating them, Your children are seeing what alot of kids see i guess, My ds's lost interest in their dad ofr some time once they seen he wasnt really interested in them.
    So sad, the responsibilities of parenting can so easily be shifted, and without any looking back. Thats right he is the one losing out because he is missing the most beautiful, simple things your babies do everyday that probably will only occur at certain ages. the more he stays away the less likely it is your little ones will see what it is they find so comforting in him, ie. your little one wanting to come back to you.
    They can feel the love and the commitment, they are the best judge of character.. i always trust my kids instincts.
    I feel for your kids, not easy being a single mum, but put it this way, i was raised by a single parent, have been a single parent and i am so much better for it...
    I hope your kids are ok and that they give you heaps and heaps of extra

  11. #11

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    oh hun, its so hard and frustrating isnt it? My XH used to do this to my DS and soemtimes still does, his work (overtime) always comes first, then his social life, then DS. Its just so sad. I ended up doing the same as you, not telling DS that his dad was coming, just let it be a surprise if he showed up, it prevented lots of tears.

    Yay for you fixing the screen door!

  12. #12

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    just want to send you a hug and poo to him, he will be the one left wondering why when he wants to make the effort they no longer care.

  13. #13

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    men are pigs!! they think once a relationship is over then the kids drop right down to the bottom of their list, its a shame but it happens soooo much... sounds like ur kids have mad the right decision kids pick up on idiots quick! hugsss hope for ur and the kids sake he stops stuffing u all around...

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by *Sparklez* View Post
    Massive

    Men are very selfish when it comes to the split parenting, they seem to think their own life is frist and then their children.
    I know your only generally speaking. But some women are to. At least your willing to allow XP to see kids. My hubby's makes it harder and harder.

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by Onelittleprincess View Post
    I know your only generally speaking. But some women are to. At least your willing to allow XP to see kids. My hubby's makes it harder and harder.
    i agree that some woman are very selfish when it comes to all this stuff as well but its 90% men lol... and i also think that men should their kids after seperations but ONLY if they stick to it, it stuffs the mother and the kid around way too much if they are coming and going as they please... its easier on the kid if they just go away all together than coming and going i think... i have friends whos families were like that and now they WISH that they were in a single parent family cuz it would have been easier to have one parent around than to see 2 parents fight all the time and see dad come one week then not come for 6 months...

  16. #16

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    He is still stuffing the kids around.
    He had them this weekend gone...DS4 one night and the two litte girls the other.
    But the weekend before he had none and left the girls in tears with their bags packed at the door grrrrr


    Quote Originally Posted by Onelittleprincess View Post
    I know your only generally speaking. But some women are to. At least your willing to allow XP to see kids. My hubby's makes it harder and harder.
    It is sad when some women use the children as pawns and seem to think they have more rights to the children then the father does. (I have known woman like this)

  17. #17

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    poor little things, i wouldnt put my kids through that, i know kids are 'meant' to see the other parent but is it really worth it to have ur kids crying and upset? im not trying to argue lol but im sure u could give them 100 times more love to make up for the father being like that

  18. #18

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    My Dad raised us and when my mum used to come and pick us up to avoid us having the bags packed and her not coming she would have to pack our bags when she got there. My Mother saw us about 4 times a year when we were younger and even less as we got older. Now she has nothing do do with any of her 5 children by her choice. Some parents just suck at being parents

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