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Thread: How

  1. #1

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    Default How

    Hi all just wondering when you first broke up how did you find the strength to not go back, and to not worry that you will be alone forever

    I'm so worried as I'm only young that Noone else would want me with 4 kids not to mention the extra gut stretch marks and saggy boobs from having them



    I know I need to be strong but I've always hated being alone so I'm just wondering if anyone has advice on getting through the initial shock though it's no surprise

    Thanks x

  2. #2

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    I don't have any advice.
    I just want to wish you all the best and lots of strength during a difficult time.
    There is always the initial fear of being alone, but I've read so many positive stories of the right person coming along at the right time.

    For what it's worth, the right person will love you for you, the beautiful person inside and your physical attributes are a tesitment to your four beautiful children.


  3. #3

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    I haven't been there but no one has posted yet so I thought I would give what I would think

    So I guess if you get in your mind really strong the reasons you are leaving and why they won't be changing (even write it down if you think that would help in a weak spot)

    Open up to others who you trust and are supportive the exact reasons why you are leaving, if others know the truth they could help be your strength if you are having trouble not returning

    Have a plan for how you are going to make it happen, call centrelink (I think you can start getting payments before you leave the house if you are seperated) look at houses, have some furniture etc all organised and that way your know you have something to go to and a way of making a life for you and the kids.

    And I think maybe get some counselling. I think it is so so important to get to a point where you are fine with being on your own, you know you can be happy and healthy and everything else all by your self and then when you get into a new relatuionship you will know its because you want to not because you need to

    wishing you all the best

  4. #4

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    Default Re: How

    Thanks guys, I'm kicking him out as the lease here's in my name so atleast there's one less thing

  5. #5

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    a breakup is one of the toughest things to go thru, i've been there and i dont think i coped very well with it at all initially. One of the worst things you can do is isolate yourself from friends and family...which is what i did and it made my headspace much worse.

    So if you have friends and family who are nearby, see them as much as you possibly can during this time. Invite them over for dinner, meet them out at a coffee shop...having company is an absolute must.

    the best thing I did for myself was get out and meet new people which I did and I met a wonderful man, fell in love, got married and we are having our 2nd child. (my 4th but his 2nd)

    We've been together since 2004 and going strong. So dont think that no man would be interested in you because you have children... I had two when I met DH and he didnt have any qualms about that. (his family did, but thats another story)

    I wish you all the best.

  6. #6

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    Honestly? I don't care about being alone forever. My happiness doesn't depend on a bloke in my life. If you can change your headspace and not believe this to be the most horrible thing in the universe you will find it easier.

    Counting everyday blessings will help.

  7. #7

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    hey lovely...

    i've just last week also split with my XDP!
    i know exactly how you are feeling, the first few nights are the hardest.
    the thought of being alone scares the hell out of me! but you know what your not alone you have 4 gorgeous children that will always be by your side! my DS is what keeps me going and has brought me the strength not to crawl back!

    as many times as ive wanted to call XDP and try and work things out, ive had to be strong and remind myself why we broke up in the first place! IYKWIM.

    if you would like to PM me go for it!!

    Hope your ok

  8. #8

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    Heavenly I dont have any advice, just wanted to send my thoughts and big big

  9. #9

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    Default Re: How

    I was getting really crappy at him for not coming to see hiskids thinking he was staying at his matesbut they dropped him off at a train station Friday night and haven't heard from him since I rang the 2 hospitals and he wasn't there and he's not currently in police custody so now I'm thinking the worst, waiting fir police so I can do a missing persons report

  10. #10

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    It might be a good idea for him to stay away for a week or so until things settle down between you.

    Hun, you have enough drama going on right now, try not to take this the wrong way but you don't need to be whipping yourself into a frenzy worrying about a grown man. He is probably sleeping off a hangover somewhere.

    Concentrate on yourself and the kids xoxoxo

  11. #11

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    I know he might be hurt but he also might be trying to get your attention, I agree with Lulu.

  12. #12

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    Default Re: How

    Well he came home...said he was sorry realised how much he loves his family I told him were still seperated and we need time apart to work on ourselves and he can sleep in the boys room

  13. #13

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    How do you do it? One day at a time. I am currently going through a very ugly seperation. It has taken me 12 months to get to the place where I know absolutely that I'm done. The damage that it has done to my children breaks my heart. But i know that I have done the right thing. and how do I cope - one day at a time. I have consciously made the choice that I no longer want the drama and chaos that having in my life was, and actively seek positive energy from all sorts of places. I have three kids. and I do know what you mean about feeling alone.... but right now, that is where you need to be. in being alone, you will learn to love yourself, forgive yourself, and become the woman you deserve to be. You can do this... one day at a time.

  14. #14

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    Default Re: How

    Thanks lovely ladies you've given me lots to think about

  15. #15

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    I can relate to how hard it is to be on your own and how scary the thought of it is especially when it may be for the rest of your life. I've found the counselling has helped me in the past even if it is just how to get strategies on dealing with things and how to be strong

  16. #16

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    Guess what you can do it!!

    Trust me i know. I didnt think anyone would want a chick with 3 kids specially being only 25. Well I was wrong. I have found the most amazing guy and he has been fantastic for me and my girls.

    We have been together for almost 5 mths but on and off for a yr... been seperated for over two years now. and the best part is... exh who thought women would fall at his feet, well he has sadly been mistaken, no one has been interested in him til just recently where he has found a new girl (not sure what she is like though, just know she is single mum to two)

    so yes someone , the right person will want you and will treat you the way you deserve to be,

    hugs hunny.. if you ever need anyone to talk to I have been there and done that so feel free to pm me

  17. #17

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    No advice hun, just hugs and an offer of an ear to talk into

  18. #18

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    I've only just seen this... I am sorry you are feeling so conflicted. This is a difficult time.

    A marriage/relationship breakdown especially when you have children is one of the most difficult things. I believe you have to do it one day at a time. Be grateful for the roof over your head, chubby little fingers, friends, the trees, everything that there is to be grateful for. Try & wade into the pool that seems really dark and deep with courage & resignation that this is for you to grow & learn. That's why we are here - to grow. You are being given the gift of that right now. Even though it all seems so tough.

    I personally like being on my own. I don't need a man & frankly right now don't want one. I think it's a really important thing for all women (& men ) to learn to be okay alone. To have a healthy relationship with anyone - especially a sexual partnership (marriage/live in/ whatever!) you need to be a whole person. If you have some bits missing you cannot fill them up with another person. You need to get to the stage where you are hunky all alone. That you smile, laugh, holiday, mow, paint whatever alone. There is immense satisfaction in sighing at the end of the day & knowing you completed that day in a whole way.

    A man (or woman), a partner is to enhance our life not to stop the lonliness. I can honestly say I have never been more lonely than when I was married.

    You can do this sweetheart. A foot in front of the other. Somedays you will fall in a heap on the kitchen floor and cry - other days you will shout to the sky... But you will do it.

    Remember you are right where you are meant to be right now. You are doing just what you're meant to be. Make the most of it. Get counselling, read lots of books, do courses. You will emerge a better, different version of you. That's all part of your journey... Good luck!

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