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Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. #1
    rhyb Guest

    Unhappy I don't know what to do

    Im sitting in the dark clutching Aiden while he sleeps and sobbing my eyes out because his dad just walked out again. Im crying not just because Ill miss him, but because Im terrified of what will happen next.
    We seperated not long after Aidens birth as we felt our whole relationship was based on Aiden and we shouldnt feel trapped in a relationship. A couple months later we thought we would try again but slowly. For the last couple weeks he has been staying here sponging off me as he has no job and no money. I have been supporting him and then he demanded I quit my job and just live off my centrelink. That would be impossible for me so I refused and that started a fight. He packed his bags, threw mine and Aidens things out of his car onto the front lawn and left. He didnt even kiss Aiden goodbye.
    I have no idea what to do. I have work in 5 hours but I havent slept. Im scared to leave Aiden with family or friends in case he takes him. I cant call in sick or Ill lose my job (I called in sick on Sunday because he threatened to take Aiden). I have no idea what to do. I know I need to get it together for Aidens sake but I feel like everythings falling apart. I know its forever away but all I can think about is having to explain to Aiden where daddy went. I know its stupid to think it as well but I cant help thinking no one will want someone with a kid. I feel so alone not just as a parent, but as a woman. I have no one I can call at this hour, no one to cry to, to scream with. I just wanna bury myself under my doona and never leave the safety of my bed.
    I know Im being melodramatic and part of me hopes if I get this all out then when the sun comes up, Ill feel ok, Ill feel like I can cope. Lets hope I do.
    I just dont know what to do....

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2007


    Oh no , what a terrible time for you. How are you feeling this morning? Can you leave Aiden with a family member today with strict instructions not to let his dad near him?

    I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom, it is such a terrible thing to go through.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Feb 2007


    Oh you poor thing I agree with trish, do you have any family members you can trust? If worst comes to worst though, I would just call in sick. You are a Mum, they should expect days that you can't come in because litlle ones come first. Can you then spend the day looking for child care? I so feel for you, but you are a great Mum and a strong woman. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve a whole lot more. Good luck, i hope today and the future works out for you.

    I just noticed you are in Cairns....if you were a bit closer in T'ville I would babysit for you!

  4. #4


    I have no real advice but agree with the others about leaving Aiden with someone you can trust won't let his Dad take him.

    Whatever you decide to do, there are people here who will support you. You're doing a brilliant job juggling everything.

    I would also babysit for you if I lived even remotely near you!

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld


    I hope things look brighter now that the sun is up. I agree with other posters - just call in sick and then try to find someone to watch him for you.

    Then I would go to legal aid and work out some consent orders for him to have access to Aiden.

    Good luck!!

    BTW - you are not alone in this. We are here to support you in the best way we can. If you need someone to call in the middle of the night - you can always call me!!! I'm always up for a chat

  6. #6
    Enchanted Guest


    HUGE coming your way gorgeous.

    You are not being melodramatic at all. It must be such a tough emotional time for you and you have 2 people to think about not just yourself.

    I hope you are feeling a little better this morning... please let us know how you are.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    in the eye of a toddler tornado


    Big hugs
    What a horrible situation. You aren't being melodramatic at all, the things you are thinking are perfectly normal fears in your situation, however unfounded they may be. TBH it sounds like you would be better off without this guy. He doesn't seem to be contributing a lot to your life. Hope that now the sun is up everything is looking a bit rosier. You will cope, and we're all here for you. Take care.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic


    Oh hun, sometimes we have to give them that one last chance but at least you know now yo u did all you could.
    Please let your family know, don't you dare be embarrassed - you have no control over his (pathetic and childish) reaction to not getting his own way. Did he throw the carseat out too? I hope he did cos that will minimise the chances of him trying to take bubs from CC.

    Things are falling apart - but its only the crappy bits! You are left without his high falutin dreams of living off C'link , and the knowledge that you would not go anywhere as a family with him involved. Thats not the role of the head of the house is it?

    Futurewise - yeah its a way off to worry about some things, but its nice to remember that it won't be all bad. Having a child can be a good thing when it comes to a new relationship - it makes you think just a little harder about someone, and if having a kid is a problem for them thats good too, cos you can clear them out of the way quickly (put them in the [email protected] pile).
    Look I seriously doubt if ANYONE has ever had a problem finding a good relationship with a child in tow. There are several 'many marrieds' amongst the BB community, myself included - stand up and be counted girls, let our friend Rhyb know it doesn't matter!

    For Aiden - hopefully daddy will still be in his life and regularly. Once the dust settles, once you have some confidence back and once *he sees that its best you are apart and Aiden is the most important thing - you won't have any explaining to do.

    Now I hope you can get to work and not lose your job BUT you are totally entitled to lose the plot a little and crawl under your doona for awhile. You have a new path now but its one lots of us have taken before and yanno its not so bad and there are flowers along the way xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Hold on

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Jan 2008


    Ryhb you poor thing just remember as the girls have said you are not alone.
    Like Lulu said there are plenty of us that have had a child in tow and found another relationship, so dont worry about being alone in that respect. I hope you are feeling a bit better now the day has progressed and hopefully after some rest you will be able to calmly think things over and maybe even realise it might be for the better, especially as you have given him another chance and it didn't work. So have comfort in the fact you tried your best for Aiden and yes it didnt work but in time things maybe better for everyone after the initial dust settles.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Somewhere Over The Rainbow


    Hun - it sounds like you need a day off - even if you do manage to geti n to work I doubt you will be focused. They would find it very hard to fire you under such circumstances - they have a duty of care toward you and they do have to put your best interests into perspection.

    I know how hard it is to get through situations like this - my little girl was 3 when her father and I broke up. You have to understand that your little one is a part of you, you are amazing, and any future man that comes along with most likely be in awe of the amazing package he is getting. Do not be worried about finding someone else - most of us find someone so much more wonderful than the father of our children!

    Sending you lots of strength hun - can you take the rest of hte week of as stress leave? You need to get yourself sorted - you can't do that at work.

    Big hugs babe - welcome to the first day of the rest of your life

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Limestone Coast, SA


    oh honey, huge hugs

    First thing do i reckon, is stop stressing about work. The most important thing right now is youa nd Aiden, and if you are worried about Aiden's Dad taking him then stay hom with Aiden today.

    Secondly, dont think about years down the track, just think about today and tomorrow. If you think too far ahead you will just overwhelm yourself.

    You and Aiden will be okay as long as you have each other, you are a loving mum, and thats all that Aiden needs right now.

    I hope you are feeling better today since the sun came up. Do you have somone you can talk things thorugh with just to get things off your chest and make things seem clearer?

    Just keep telling yourself, it will all work out in the finish, it always does.

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