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Thread: im a horrible mum

  1. #1

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    Unhappy im a horrible mum

    This is probably going to sound really selfish and stupid but here go's yesterday i had a really bad day, you no the days where everything seems to go wrong DD dad came around for the first time in a few weeks and his mum n sister and its just been really tense (Xp mum refered to me to DD "dont worry your food source is just there" so angry). Well my DD started saying da da da and now its turned into dad dad dad ... i should be so excited shes started saying her first words and i am but im stupidly upset.. pretty silly i know and so selfish.. that she said dad before mum especially wen she doesnt see him hardly cuz hes 'busy with tafe'.
    i feel like such a horrible mum..


  2. #2

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    Sorry to crash, as Im not a single mummy
    But da da da is a typical 1st word, the child has no idea what it means, dad dad dad, the same thing
    Mum comes from, Mother. Dad doesn't come from father Does that make sense? The child is just encouraged to turn it into a 'meaning'

    Dont feel horrible, Im with my DD father and my heart still breas if she sometimes wants him and not me

  3. #3

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    Hun, it's phonetically easier for children to say dad, I'd guess that about 90% of first words are dad daddadadad.

    I know a few children (including my nephew) that don't have a father in their lives AT ALL and their first words are still dad.

    So stop it! Nothing to do with him, if he wasn't even in the country bubs would have looked at you, your sister or the wall and said it

    xoxoxo

  4. #4

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    Da is one of the easiest noises for bub to make, so while it seems like she is referring to him, really it's just a noise hun....

  5. #5

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    Oh

    Yep, if it makes you feel better, Jazz has been saying 'da da da'. She doesn't have one, its just a noise, which happens when babies start playing with sounds, whether you encourage it or not.


  6. #6

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    Thanks so much Dedicated_mummy,Lulu, Sarah_H,~Leasha its amazing how hearing what you have all said makes me feel better.. i just feel horrible that im upset about it! i kno that most babys say it first usually. I guess the issue really is im scared shes goin to want him more than she will want me and that i wont be enough silly really isnt it.. i never realised these emotions would come up being a parent lol

  7. #7
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    As others have said, it's no coincidence that most languages have a word for parent (whether it's mum or dad) that is a simple sound and very similar (ie, mama, papa, dada, baba etc, respectively French, English and Chinese, would you believe?!) because these sounds are easy for babies to make and then we, as parents, REALLY want them to be beginning to talk, so we attach the meaning to the sound. So don't feel bad, it's totally understandable that you would be upset if you thought she preferred her dad to you, but it's just the language progression, you're a great mum!

  8. #8

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    dont feel selfish, I think we all get a bit peed off that they way Dad before Mum, but the only reason for that is because dad is easier to pronounce. Give yourself a hug, wont be long and she will be yelling out Mum

  9. #9
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    i don't blame you for feeling that way.

    You spend most of your time making sure everything is ok for your bub.
    Then you have to be in the company of your ex and his family, who put you down (in your presence too) and demoralise you.
    So even when you're not with them, you know you will see them on a regular basis, due to the shared access, so what a huge amount of stress to you to be continually under.

    WIth all of that weighing on you, and being a sole mum, no matter if your RATIONAL mind knows that da da is the first word a child says, it STILL must cut you, to hear it.

    i am not at all surprised hearing her say "da da" hurt you. makes perfect sense to me.

    hugs to you.

  10. #10

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    dad is easier to say than mum. You will probably find she isn't saying "dad" in the meaning, but a sound I also know of babies who say 'da da da' to their mums lol

  11. #11

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    not wanting to crash as I am also not a single mummy either ... but I work f/t and my husband takes care of our little one.... her first word was (what sounded like) "mum" and once we got over the shock - we were waiting on dad as we expected it to be the first word like everyone has said - we assumed it was because I was the one she was not with for 8 to 10 hours of her waking hours, you know - like most dads aren't with their kids for that amount of time as they work f/t and the child says dad first .... these are just our thoughts, but dad came very very soon after

    and as everyone else has said dad usually is the first word. Don't feel bad for how you feel, it is what it is and you are allowed to feel it. Just know that it was a first word which is wonderful and that you are a great mum.

  12. #12

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    and DD then went on to say bob and pop before mum came up - darn it!

    Now there are days I tell all the kids I'm changing my name.....but no matter what she will always want you first and bestest xoxoxo

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