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Thread: It's official

  1. #1

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    Default It's official

    I've been off-again-on-again with my former partner for a looong time, right now he's out of state and this pattern has been continuing. The trouble is, he would call me and we'd talk and I would get this dellusional idea that things might turn out okay, then I'd come to my senses and realize that they just can't. I cannot forgive him for everything he has done (domestic violence, sexual assault) and I told him so. I'm not speaking to him, for as long as I possibly can, and am certainly not going to talk to him about this again.

    It took me this long to have the confidence to finally let go. I mean we're living in different states, it was kind of obvious, but now it's official, I guess. I'm not as upset as I thought i'd be, it hurts when I speak to him but I feel pretty much okay when I don't so I guess that's the solution. I know in my heart that i'm doing the right thing. Apart from how abusive he is, his whole life is a constant shambles and mine was too while I was with him. I was miserable.

    So yeah, that's all lol. At least now I can see my life going somewhere. I'm living with my parents right now and they help me with DD which I am eternally greatful for (my mother was a single parent with me and even before her and my dad divorced, he was never around, so she understands). I may not get to buy a house and fill it with more lovely children as soon as I'd planned, but I can stay in this (rented) house when my parents move out (they're building at the moment) hopefully, start studying (I want to do something women-oriented, like midwifery or feminism, preferably both!), working, and building my life again. I haven't been single since I was 16 years old, so i'm a bit taken aback. But thank god, hey. It's such fantastic luck that he's not living in Perth anymore. Last time we broke up be put his fist through the window.

    I'm going to write a list of all his bad qualities, more for me than anyone else



    -He's violent
    -He's abusive
    -He hates women
    -His mother is the personification of evil (no wonder he hates women)
    -He has chest pains and refuses to see a Dr so there's every chance he could drop dead at any time
    -He doesn't care about me
    -He is selfish
    -Whenever he gets angry, he attacks me in any way he likes
    -He never keeps his promises
    -He makes the most idiotic decisions, particularly financially
    -He has no life skills whatsoever
    -Even when he isn't being abusive, he's manipulative
    -Even though he's never tried to hurt DD, he's pushed me around while I was holding her and once, put her down on the gravel driveway and she started crying (I don't know if she hurt herself or was just upset but either way, it was a completely screwed up thing to do)
    -He always puts his parents needs ahead of our DDs and mine
    -He hates my parents even though they've done everything they can for us, including give us money for a place to stay after his mother kicked us out
    -We have no common interests whatsoever. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love Tool or Donnie Darko, damnit!!

    /end rant.

  2. #2

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    Default

    Whew! Looks like you escaped!!

    Hope you feel stronger soon xoxoxoxoxo

  3. #3

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    Congratulations on making that final break. The emotional one is the hardest.

    You are a very strong woman and are going to show DD that you (and her) deserve a damn sight better than her daddy. I don't know how old you are but you can still have the dream of a house full of kids when you find someone who knows that you and DD are the centre of his universe.

    Sounds like your life is now moving in the right direction so good luck and keep going!!

  4. #4

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    Good luck with everything, i hope you stay strong and believe in yourself. Things will get better and you have a lovely little girl to bring up in a happy home. I wish you all the luck as i know it is difficult to let go of a dream even though you can see it would have never worked.

  5. #5

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    Hey BabySocks, I just wanted to come in to give you a big .

    From everything you've written, it sounds like you're absolutely doing the right thing by not being with him & moving on with your life. It's still really hard I know. But it now opens up the opportunity for much better things to happen to you. I spent most of my twenties, and the first few of my 30's years hanging out with some, well, not the right blokes for me. No where near as bad as your ex sounds (with 1 exception, I call him my psycho ex, a nasty piece of work), but still, a lot of wasted years. Anyway, I was going to give up, but then DF appeared, and when you find the right person, it really really makes everything worthwhile, even if it takes a few years to find them. And your DD will definitely benefit from having a mum who thinks that she deserves someone who respects & loves her as a partner, not just a thing. You can still have lots of fun along the way, but you never have to be anyone's doormat.

  6. #6

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    Thanks everyone! We spoke today very briefly, he was so distressed from not being able to speak to me lately that he gambled away 500 dollars and its MY fault! LMFAO. I can't help but laugh, now that it's not my problem anymore. I'm still hoping he'll send me and DDs things back but i'm not expecting it. :-\

  7. #7

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    Yeah, watch him get pathetic(er) now.....

    go GIRL!

  8. #8

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    Good on you, hun - Letting go when you know 'this is it this time' is a really hard thing to do!

    You've made the best possible decision for yourself & for your little girl - your strength should be admired... and you should never ever underestimate what strength you have within yourself

    Things can only get better... and the $500 gambling session should just be another confirmation for you that you did the perfect thing by getting off that train, and getting onto another one going in the completely opposite direction

    Lots of luck to you (you won't need it though, you'll be fine )

    xxx

  9. #9

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    Baby socks,
    I haven't spoken to you before but wanted to say well done! I know how hard it can be to break away from someone like that.
    You have done the best thing possible for yourself and DD.You should be so proud of your self.
    Good luck with the future.

  10. #10

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    Well done to you babysocks! You sound like you have made some tough decisions but the right ones for you and your baby. He sounds like a really nasty piece of work and you are better off without him in your life. Thank goodness he has moved far away from you so that you can get on with your life without him.

    However given what you have written, I am struggling to see how this could possibly be a bad thing.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Baby_Socks View Post
    -He has chest pains and refuses to see a Dr so there's every chance he could drop dead at any time
    .
    Anyway once again I wanted to say - good for you!

  11. #11

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    Thanks, everyone! And Nai, LOL!

    Update: we're talking on the phone sometimes, things are ok. I'm still hassling to send me and DDs things over but it's always a case of "I can't afford it!" (yet when I was speaking to him, he'd just bought McDonalds wtf?) I'm tempted to just send over a money order in the hopes that he'll use it to return our things. SIGH. He said he'd send it Saturday, so we'll just wait for saturday I guess.

  12. #12

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    Can he send it COD? No cost to him??

  13. #13

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    What's COD?

  14. #14
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    Cash on Delivery... so you just pay them for the transport when it gets to your end.

    You're so strong for doing this. I hope it gets easier by the day

  15. #15

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    Good on you for getting out Babysox!!! You are incredibly strong to leave, well done.

  16. #16

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    BabySocks - I must say that I admire your great strength and I am glad that you can sit back now and watch as your life gets better as his seems to get worse. I hope when he told you that he gambled away $500 that you laughed at him!!!I sure would have!

  17. #17

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    hows everything now huni?? xxx

  18. #18

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    He's been gone awhile now and Neenie is living somewhere else...yay!

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