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Thread: Lonely

  1. #1

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    Default Lonely

    Being alone, looking after my beautiful daughters every need, day in, day out....it's so lonely I've been doing this all by myself for a little over two weeks now. I don't really feel up to talking about how things are going with DH, some days are better than others, but everything is still very confusing and painful and sad.

    What has affected me the most though is just how lonely I am. I've managed to block out and squash down the terrible pain in my heart, for DD's sake, but I still haven't gotten the hang of the suffocating loneliness. Eating alone, commenting on a tv show and realising nobody is there to reply to you, all those stupid little things that I now realise were the bread and butter of my life. Ofcorse DD is now the light of my life, even at my lowest points I know I am doing it all for her...it's still so hard though. I miss the weight of a second person on the mattress, I miss two sets of dishes in the sink. I don't know who I am by myself anymore. And I don't want to have to know, to be honest. I grieve the life I thought we had so, so fiercely that sometimes I can hardly breathe.



    Sometimes I have thoughts of just leaving DD with DH or mum for a night and just going out and dancing. And drinking. Lots. Not because I'm young, that's all BS, but because I. Just. Want. To. Forget. About. Everything. Yes, I know that is a totally awful way to think, and I'm not going to act on it because I'm aware I have a small and precious child who needs me. But I can't stop feeling that way...I want to look and feel pretty, screw it, look SEXY and have other people think I am too. Maybe I'd dance with some cute guys. **** it, I just don't know.

    There's no point to this post. I'm tired, so tired of everything. If I didn't have DD to wake up for every morning. I dunno.

  2. #2

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    *massive hugs beautiful*

  3. #3

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  4. #4

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    I just wanted to send you some massive hugs. Having a new bub is hard, but you are obviously going through something that is making it even harder.
    You probably do need to take some time out for you alone though, can you leave your previous DD with your mum and pamper yourself for an hour or two. A new hair do, can make you feel fabulous!

    Hugs to you and your DD.

  5. #5
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    i hear you, it IS lonely, it IS hard. Totally understandable that you have daydreams of escaping reality. You actually are very young, so will still be young and sexy and beautiful, once your DDs are older.

    Moving house and resettling anywhere takes time. Whole new dimension when you add all the breakup, renegotiating a new r'ship with your x, as ongoing co-parents, - plus caring for your newborn.

    Are you enjoying the L n E meals? i hope you're eating, to take care of yourself, even if your mood has affected your appetite. So hard to eat when you're stressed/feeling down (entirely understandable).

    big hugs to you.

  6. #6

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    Oh hunny i just burst into tears reading this. I can just feel the heartache and lonelyness (sp?) that you are feeling.

    While i didn't have any children. I know what you mean about wanting to go out and feel sexy. Back in 2008 me and DP went through a really rough patch, he was trying to be controlling we fought constantly, he started ignoring me so to make myself feel better me and a friend went out every thursday, friday and saturday night. I got absolutely smashed to the point where id have to be carried out of clubs, i danced and flirted with other boys while i didnt do anything it was nice to get that attention. Looking back i was so incredibly lonely, it was an awful feeling... i am so sorry you are feeling like this

  7. #7

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    I think being with being SAHM, for me the hardest bit was the loneliness. I didn't expect it to happen and when it did, it was horrible. DH worked long hours (leaving 6 in the morning, often returning at 10 or 11 at night), mum was overseas for six months and my friends...well I'm still wondering where they went. It was the sameness of every day. I started to go for a walk. Get some air, smile at people. Talked to my dogs a lot.

    My circumstances are different to yours. Sometimes that loneliness still sets in, even now. I regret not joining a mother's group. Just to have someone to talk to. I found on the days where I did see someone made for easier nights. Been thinking of you lots hun

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    Sent from my iPad

  9. #9

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    Oh hunni, just sending you some massive hugs and I wish I could make this all go away and make your life happy again. Thinking of you and your beautiful princess

  10. #10
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    Hugs hun, could you get your mum to come and stay for a bit or a friend?

  11. #11

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    Who says you can't feel sexy or go out just because you're a mum? Did I miss that memo? I must have. And I must be a god awful mother for going out a few months after DD was born to let my hair down, when she was in the safe care of her father. Horrid. What next's next... neglect? Abuse? Quick call DoCS.

    It is NORMAL to feel like this. And there is nothing wrong with wanting a night out. So start planning one. I'm not telling you to go out and get wasted... you probably wouldn't even need a drop of alcohol to have a good time... I daresay the high of being your own person for an evening would be enough (even if it takes you half the night to get over the fact you feel like someone chopped your arm off because she's not with you). And I'll tell you now... what you are going through IS normal. And don't say pfft to age. Age does play a part of it IMO. Not because you're an immature git, who wants to go out to party. But because you're used to having your freedom. I was the same. And it's HARD when you know pretty much no one your age going through what you're going through. Priorities change, instead of dramas about what you're going to wear, becomes OMG can I find something without spew or poo on it?! It ALL changes. And yes sometimes you look back and think, gawd I took my life for granted. And other times you'll sit there and you'll smell that little head, and you'll kiss it and you'll think... what the hell did I do with my life before this!?! AND... (thank goodness I'm typing and don't need to take a breath!) you have just seperated from the love of your life, and you are struggling with the emotions of that. And y'know what this isn't what you had planned damnit. You weren't supposed to be doing this on your own. You had written the story... and this wasn't the freakin' ending dammit. YOU and HIM were going to do this together. And you look around and see he's missing and go WTF?! SO YES it's ok to be lonely.

    YOU will get through this. Your loneliness will fade, and you will find a new normal that is with or without DH. But in the meantime mum does NOT = NO FUN. If you want to let your hair down that does not mean you are careless, neglectful or not as much a mother as the next person. I do not buy into that I will sacrifice myself in order to prove how much I love my children crap. How does that work for you when your kids are 18 and you have no idea who the hell you are. Then you become one of those MIL's that people ***** about on forums who are interfering because they have no life besides their children. Or worse you have a midlife crisis at 30 and go nuts partying every night. I know what I'd rather. The occasional (non wild) night off, whether it's at home, or out... I let my hair down. And I enjoy it. I surround myself with my friends, I talk about other things besides birth, babies, school, children etc etc. And I don't lose touch with who I am. What my needs are...

    Do not fall into the mummy has no life trap. And pick up that thing called a phone and reach out to those who want to be there for you, and they don't have to have babies to keep you company. And if they bring up the separation and you don't want to talk about it be straight... get the elephant out of the room and then enjoy some awesome company.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is... the first few months of being a mummy can be lonely... and on it's own so can separation... and you've done both in the space of a month... So be kind to yourself. And be selfish. It will keep you sane. xxx

  12. #12

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    Oh I forgot some of these xx

  13. #13

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    It is very, very lonely. Especially at first and especially with DD so young. She will grow though and start babbling, even now she listens to you very intently. It was so hard at first, the thing I missed most was not having that person to share things about DD with; when she first smiled or rolled over or someone to just discuss parenting junk with, ideas and such. It got better as she grew older and became more a "person", I know babies are people but you know, I dunno, just as her interactions grew I guess.

    It is also very exhausting being a single parent, doing everything alone and there is nothing wrong with needing/wanting a break! That's normal, very normal; for all parents actually. Even now there are plenty of times I just feel like a moment to forget my Mummy pants and breathe.


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    Massive hugs babe. Lots of love xxxx

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    Sending so much love

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