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Thread: Losing Hope *bit long*

  1. #1

    Unhappy Losing Hope *bit long*

    Just hoping some other single mamas have some wise words. This week I feel like I've hit "rock bottom" in my ability to cope as a single parent. I've been alone since I was pregnant and have worked really hard to keep a positive attitude to my life. I've gone out with friends, even dated, asked for help, gone for some therapy, mothers groups, playgroups...everything to get me to this point of having a happy, active, well adjusted toddler.

    BUT..over Xmas, then my birthday two days later and the NYE something kinda crumbled inside. I got no phone calls, texts or invites for any of the three events. It was just a big wall of silence. Most of DS activities and play groups were also shut down so a break in routine made me really notice the loneliness. The looking for like minded friends mammoth effort over all of 2010 seems wasted. Dating was bust. Old friends now well and truly fallen away from my life.

    Still, I was going okay financially if lonely and so started to plan an OS trip to keep something exciting in my life. And now the finances are ruined because the homestay students I was hosting this month complained to their college that I was not a good homestay mum. That's how I make my money by taking in students normally. I've had a run from this English college of unsuitable homestay matches - last three have moved for reasons like "Didn't like her cooking", "Baby cries", "too far on the bus". Now I'm getting somewhat paranoid and thinking I'm some sort of horrible person in a horrible house. No one wants to be my friend, lover, employer or even stay in my house.

    I have spent almost two years trying to be positive - not to feel rejected by the BabyDaddy, my friends, my family, my old job forcing me to quit when bub was young..all of this I took on the chin. But to be in a new year and have some 16 year old girl tell me I'm awful seems to have broken my spirit. I was so upset I quit the homestay with that college - also because of their actions with the last three matches I was losing money with the sudden moves.

    How do I manage to keep it together financially? Socially? It just seems hopeless. I refuse to consider public housing. I really don't want to work full time and miss out on seeing my son during the week. He;s also not a great sleeper so not sure I'd be any good working full time. Working part time loses all of my benefits without moving forward and still would have to use much more child care. Socially I'm not sure what else I can do - I'm very active, but seems I've not found anyone I click with for friend or for dating.


  2. #2

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    I'm not single but I did want to say that I've found the holiday period really hard for me socially, as MG and other activities are on hold and no one has responded to my invites for coffee, etc. I've been feeling a bit low in self-esteem as a result and even wondering whether I should just put my DS into care and go back to work. I hope things look more positive when activities start back again.

    Hun, it sounds like you're doing so well - ride the wave and I hope it gets better soon.

  3. #3

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    I felt the same over the festive season. no invites or calls or even Christmas with family.


  4. #4

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    we were the same, I'm not a single parent but I definitely feel like one a lot..maybe wait it out until everything starts back up again and then reassess? FWIW I would be your friend if I lived anywhere near you!! Are there any BB girls in your area you could organise a meet up with?

  5. #5

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    I have been a single parent and yes the xmas and new year period are hard. I had no family support (even though they lived close by) and was often in the house by myself with DD1. I couldn't even summon up the courage to attend MG. You will be fine. This is just a minor setback and you will be fine when the activities all start up again. How old is your DS?? You don't have to start work until they are 6 but if you are having trouble with money then try doing some Avon or something like that. If you have a hobby that you could extend into a little home business that you could then make a few more $$$. Sorry if I'm not being helpful but you are not the only one who has been there. There is light at the end of the tunnel. BTW I used a dating website and found my DF

  6. #6
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    i admire how hard you have tried to make things better.

    i gave xmas presents to the three people closest to me, because i wanted to and i love giving presents. it backfired. they felt embarrassed cos they had no present for me, and even though that wasn't my intent (to exchange presents), i left thinking "i shouldn't have done this, it just made them feel awkward". I was trying to show bilby, that it is better to give than receive, and the three people, they do mean alot to me. I realise i have a small amount of friends, and for each of these three, i am sure they have a large group of friends, and i am only one of those friends - so i really didn't expect anything from them. They have lots of family and friends they are expected to give gifts to. But i did feel like an idiot afterwards. I had felt so happy buying their presents and wrapping them up.

    i didn't receive any NYE invites either, but i'm glad about that. due to finances, i would have been embarrassed anyway, so it saved me having to explain why i coudln't go. and i have nothing suitable to wear for a night out anyway. I stayed at my auntie's house on NYE, cos i was too scared to stay in my own home on NYE (unsafe neighbourhood). I watched a movie by myself.

    My birthday was a non event too. It made me think, maybe i should organise something for my birthday next year, be the instigator. but my friends have small children, so i guess it would have to be a playdate in the park.

    Those three events are spread out over three months for me, so it's not all at once, like it was for you.

    xmas / new year is such a time of expectation, such a lead up - hard to live up to that.

    i hope 2011 is better for you.

    i commiserate with you, but i have not put in the amount of effort you have, so really admire how brave you are.

  7. #7

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    Im sorry you are feeling unloved, it is easy to feel like that when you are a single mum I know. You are just hving a rough patch it will improve soon as your mothers groups and everything start up again for the year.

    If you get a part time job you wont lose your benefits from CL, you usually end up better off, but yeah you would need more childcare which could use up a lot of your pay, so you would hve to speak to CL and find out how much CL you would recieve and way up whether it is worth you finding work.

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