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Thread: Moving advice for friend

  1. #1

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    Default Moving advice for friend

    This may be a bit long, have to include a bit of history.

    A friend of mine has 2 children. Her DD turns 10 soon. She has a younger DS too, but its her DD's father giving them a hard time (again). Her DS's father is non existant.

    She & her kids live here near me. The father 10 minutes away. Its been like this since the DD was 14 months old (when we met them).

    Back in 2006, there was a legal parental agreement set up, after mediation etc. It was agreed that he would have DD every second weekend from Sat morning til Sun after noon once she turned 5. Every second Saturday without night stays til then.
    He was also to ring DD every Wednesday night between 5.30 & 6pm.

    None of this has happened. He has taken her for the night or weekend, probably once in every 6 months instead. Because now she's older, she rings him.

    He's also supposed to see her every fathers day & christmas. Has only bothered one christmas that I've seen when she was almost 2, before the agreement.

    All these things were the mothers doing. He threatened legal action, so she arranged the mediation. He'd never made an effort to see her til then, so the mother asked for all those things to happen. So he HAD to see her regularly, instead of here & there, every few weeks or months.

    She started school, he attended her year 2 & year 3 presentation nights. Nothing else.

    When she was 2 (in the 3 fortnights he too her regularly) he took her out on a boat drinking with mates, brought her home sunburnt, & dropped her off with me after her mother rang to ask she be dropped off at her nan's (on the way to their place).
    I lived in the house upstairs from their flat at the time. They'd seen her mother & I talk on occasion, but never considered that we may not know each other that well. They don't know she trusted us, or the type of people we were (FWIW the DD was calling MY DH dad...regular male figure, just copying DD1)

    The same situation just a few months ago. He took her, asked his dad to drop her home. Mum had said on pickup that she'd be at her mum's, not home, to take her there. They dropped her home alone. The poor bugger rang me in tears not knowing where her mum was!

    Forgot her birthday last year...


    Anyway, thats most of the history.

    Today, my friend has decided to move. From near Coffs Harbour, down to Shepparton in Vic with her brother.



    There are alot of reasons.
    *Her brother suffered a major injury a few years ago & is going through surgeries & court cases still. His 7 year relationship has also fallen apart, so he's needing a bit of support.
    *She is having trouble affording to live here. If she has to move from her house now, she'll be lucky to get a 2brm flat for the same price.
    *She's lived here all her life & want a change, for herself & her kids.
    *Her brother is unable to work, so would be a full time father figure who DOES stuff with the kids. Takes them fishing, surfing, just for drives wherever he goes.
    *Her mum & sister are her only family here & they both work full time. They aren't very supportive, through choice as well as circumstances.


    The father has decided he won't allow them to move & will take her to court over it to try to stop them. Either they stay or he'll try to get custody of their DD.
    Then he said if she wins, he'll write dd out of his life forever & have nothing to do with her again. This is after she said she will fly DD back & forth for holidays & any special occasions he wants her for (so he'd actually spend more time with her than he does now )

    So she's panicking a bit. She's got an appointment with legal aid on Thursday to see what her options are.

    I just wanted some advice for her.

    Does the family law court consider all these outside things? Or do they just look at the relationships between the child & parents. The DD is more comfortable around us than she ever has been around her own father.

    Any words of wisdom would be great...

  2. #2

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    gosh what a situation firstly i think that due to the fact they already have a parental agreement put in place is it sealed by the court or just a mutual agreement between them?

    also even if it is just between them he has lack of interest in maintaining the order so it will work against him, he has shown lack of responsibility and also lack of interest in his daughters life.
    if it is taken to court be prepared to be called upon as you have seen the suffering and neglect at this hands and its very wrong that he is more interested in upsetting this little girls mum then paying attention to his daughters needs.
    she also has very valid reasons as to why she wants to move. she will also be given vredit for making such a gesture of flying her down and back just to see him. But the problem is how can she be sure he will actually be there to pick her up and etc... very worrying to say the least

    i think his better off letting her move on then letting his daughter suffer, if he wants to write her off thats his loss 100%, his daughter shouldnt have to make the effort.
    such a sad situation.. reminds me of mine but this is alot more harder..

    i also think that his just threatening her and probably wouldnt even take her to court seems as he cant even be bothered dropping his daughter off at home let alone turning up to court for an amount of time thats unknown, he sounds like he would eventually show his true side and probably end up a no show after the 1st session...

  3. #3

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    Pretty sure the agreement is court certified. He's also pretty here & there with his child support, but he works for his parents & his employer/mother is in charge of paying for him
    He took an interest in her schooling last year. To suggest she attend the Seventh Day Adventist school at his expense. In other words, his parents (SDA) had talked to him & rather than pay CS he would pay the school fees... quite a few hundred dollars less a year...
    I think he's full of threats too, but she's worried with his parents pressure that he'll push it. He hasn't been able to maintain a long term rental. Only long term job has been with his parents. His DD is actually afraid to be herself around him.

    I have signed an affidavit (sp) in the past & have told her I'm more than willing to do it again.

    Thanks heaps

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